Hi everyone! I've been following this forum for a while, but have only posted once before. I love reading everyone's questions/comments. They have been super helpful!
My beautiful baby boy was born on January 31st. I never knew how I could instantly fall in love with someone... but even so I am feeling super overwhelmed.
I am a first time mom and love love love being productive. Its been hard for me to wrap my brain around feeding this little guy every 2-3 hours. I feel like as soon as I finish, I have just enough time to burp and change him...and maybe get a bite to eat and I am back at it again. I know that this is normal and it's just the way it goes until he gets older, but I feel like I might be spiraling into a bit of a depression.
I had a very difficult beginning of my pregnancy in terms of depression and anxiety. I have been prone to anxiety since I was little, but I had never felt worse than when I first became pregnant. I ended up going on Prozac, which took a solid 3 months to kick in, after trying to wean off med when I was trying to conceive. I panicked about the pregnancy and thought if I feel this depressed, I might not want the baby afterall (even though it was a very planned baby). In reality, I really just needed to be back on medicine, and I was bored stiff of staying home and not working. When I became pregnant I felt a little trapped and as if I couldn't apply for a new job because the baby would be around the corner in a matter of months.
Anyway, for the sake of my own mental health, I ended up finding a very part time position. With my new job and the Prozac I couldn't have been happier from about 20 weeks onward, and truly enjoyed the rest of the pregnancy and became ECSTATIC about the baby.
Now that he is here, I can feel that the Prozac is still working, but I am so afraid I'll spiral downward again while on maternity leave, mostly because all I do is feed this little guy. I am terrified of going back to that dark place. I know having a baby is a huge responsibility, and I am up for the challenge, but I have been seriously contemplating supplementing a feeding or 2 each day with formula so my husband or someone else could feed the baby. This is making me feel extremely guilty on one hand, however, on the other hand I want to be in a mentally healthy spot for myself and my child. I'm just wondering your opinions on supplementing with formula. Whenever I do research about it, I usually see people supplement because they're heading back to work and/or because of a lack of milk supply. I will be heading back to work, but not for some time. The fact that I want to supplement just so I can take a break and feel a bit of a "weight" lifted of my shoulders makes me feel like a terrible mom. I'd just like a little time to do something that provides me with a sense of normalcy. Plus, I am in physical therapy right now as I injured my right leg during labor. I have femoral nerve damage, which means I am re-learning to use my leg as I can't bear a normal amount of weight on it. I actually couldn't even walk for the first couple of days after labor. That alone has been quite the experience and has made me all that much more overwhelmed (and sad).
I'm just feeling so alone with this breastfeeding thing. It's all on me. My husband does a great job watching baby, burping him, and changing him....but his nutrition is all on me. Not only is this reving up my anxiety, but making me mourn those little moments I had for myself. Thoughts anyone? The guilt is killing me.
Re: Overwhelmed with Breastfeeding /Supplementing with Formula
We are now able to 100% breastfeed off the breasts. The best thing I tried was learning how to do the side lying position at night/put baby in pack n' play in room. When she is hungry, just plop her into my bed, breastfeed her lying down and I can close my eyes and get rest while she eats! Best position ever!
I'm thinking about starting to pump soon so I can leave house to do some yoga when hubby gets home from work. Need to leave the house after being 6 weeks house bound and need to work out to lose this fat! Might be much needed alone time/relaxation time too!
Me: 30, DH: 32
My hx: uterus/hormones normal Dx: low AMH 0.5 = poor ovarian reserve
hubby hx: low sperm count, poor motility, started on clomid, retest in May showed no improvement, will be on clomid another 3 months, another retest scheduled for August
Started IVF #1: ~BFP Mentioned~
I have had bits of depression myself but have been feeling better once I found little bits of time for some things that i would normally do prebaby. Even washing dishes is a huge accomplishment.
Keep your chin up and know you are doing a great job!! And you always have the support of this board if you need it.