Visitors after Delivery??

kTedesco0912 · February 2015

So this is baby #3 for us and I am sort of unsure of what route I should take with visitors this time. Looking for some advice, opinions, your plans for yourself when the day comes, ect.

With our first EVERYONE (20 people or so) waited in the waiting room and came in basically right after I delivered...honestly I'm pretty sure I wasn't even dressed, just had a sheet over me.

So terrible!!!! It was just a bad experience.

With my 2nd we had her at 3:17am, no visitors until 9am the next day (which was just my mom stopping in quick on her way to work) and then we had a steady flow throughout the day. It wasn't terrible but I felt it made it extremely hard for me to comfortably nurse my new little one.

Now with our 3rd I am trying to figure out the best plan so that we can let people know ahead of time. I told my husband I am considering only allowing immediate family (meaning my mom and dad, sister, and his mom and dad) to visit, no one else, and even only have them come at certain times. He doesn't necessarily agree as he likes to show baby off, but he is very your body not mine so he will go along with it.

I don;t want to seem rude but I really feel like anyone else, our extended family, friends, ect, can visit the house when we are home and settled. I would like to be able to relax and get the hang of things with my husband and other kiddos while at the hospital and not add extra stress of visitors while trying to nurse. It has never been easy for me, I had a ton of issues last time and ended up quiting and I don't expect it to be suddenly cake just because it isn't the first time. Plus I would rather not have to worry about covering up in those first few days while I am trying to get the hang of everything and would feel super awkward exposed infront of even our immediate family.

I feel like I am being selfish, but I also don't want to feel bombarded with people all day long and feel awkward about nursing.

I will add my husband is the only one truly supportive of my choice to breastfeed so it makes things a little more stressful mentally for me.

Thanks for anything!

laurendutch · February 2015

You need to do with what you feel is best. You can always state that you are in for a big adjustment with baby #3 and as a family you will need time to adjust. Maybe let friends know that they can come visit on the weekends during the day.

dozer4lexi2 · February 2015

This is baby #2 for me and understand what you mean about visitors at the hospital. You are not being selfish if you don't want a lot of visitors. Not only was I exhausted after my first, I also wasn't allowed to get out of bed for a day and half due to high blood pressure. So I had a hard time breastfeeding with an IV in my hand.

When I did have visitors my husband would make them leave if it was time to feed baby.

I haven't really thought about this time around but limiting visitors would be nice.

I know everyone is excited to see the new baby but you deserve to set the rules on visitors. If you feel limiting visitors will help you then you should do that. Either way don't stress to hard on making everyone happy. In the end everyone will get to meet the new baby and see photos.

rklinge0 · February 2015

Ftm so not sure what to expect. However, I told my dh that I only wanted immediate family( parents, brothers, and sisters)to see us and this was going to be the next day depending on delivery. I wanted alone time to adjust to everything. My concern with friends was that I have really supportive friends who would want to see l.o. right away. Where his friends wouldn't come up there. I would then have to deal with a little jealousy.
I have already told my brothers, parents, and best friends of my wishes. They seem to be okay with it.
I told my friends they can come to my house after we are home.

frankengibbs · February 2015

I'm in a similar boat as you and as well as PPs, however I am a FTM and trying to figure out how to make the time after delivery as enjoyable as possible. The problem for me is that saying only direct family doesn't change anything because DH's family is so huge... We're talking 2 sisters, 2 brothers, both parents and their spouses and that's just who's in state. Add that to my brother, SIL and my parents, my "second family" of 3 and that is a lot... And I intend to breastfeed as well...
So any advise you ladies have, I would appreciate too because people are also very sensitive about being told to stay away but I just want to have a comfortable L&D and time for DH and I to bond with our little girl before everyone comes in. Not to mention I do not want people taking pictures of her or us.

ksimo6 · February 2015

I told people to call or text first, if I didn't respond, don't come. We had lots of visitors but I was able to have the mornings to myself to shower and be with the babe and daddy.

KaLikeAWind · February 2015

Luckily I don't have to deal with this as we have no family nearby but if we did it would suck as DH's family is huge. In that case i would do 3 visitors together only (my mom, dad, sister and then DHs mom, dad, a brother) - one group in the morning, one group in the afternoon. They can take a video to show the rest of everyone and otherwise meet me at my house. You can phrase it so it sounds like they are helping you most by doing it this way. Good luck!

taboullio84 · February 2015

Whoever wants to come can come... They don't bother me at all. Baby #5. I'm kind of use to no sleep at the hospital anyway. Now.. Once I'm home.. Leave my ass alone unless you are there with food or to help out with the kids while I sleep. Lol

karaelaine1991 · February 2015

I hadn't thought of this, but I'm glad I read this thread because I am pretty certain DH's family is not going to understand my desire for a little privacy after baby is born (heck, my MIL was expecting to be there for the labor itself!) After reading through everyone's feedback, I think I personally am going to ask for at least an hour with baby and DH alone, and if she comes at night I'm going to ask for no visits prior to 10AM, since I am so not a morning person and I think I'll appreciate a little extra time to relax. After 10, immediate family members can come, but extended family will depend on how baby and I are feeling - if we're too tired, visits can wait till we're settled at home.

Now I just have to run this by DH! Haha

acethebase · February 2015

You do what you feel most comfortable with. For me this is also my 3rd and I could care less who comes as long as they don't mind my tits being out 24/7.

kbbtah · February 2015

Great topic, thanks for starting. I hadn't thought about this yet, so DH and I discussed. No visitors until we are ready, and no more than 3 at a time. No pictures unless we say ok, and of those pics none will be placed on social media. (I HATE birth room pics on FB.) Boy...I sound like a stickler! But my labor, my rules.

laurendutch · February 2015

Personally, I just want a few hours to connect with DH, and baby. Then, I want my twins to come and visit baby sister and have a little bonding time. After that, I could care less! Actually, the more the merrier. I'm going to have a c-section, so I'm planning on having a 4/5 day stay. My twin friend Moms will come visit one night (about 10-15 of us)...and I can't wait! Last time, we had all the nurses coming into join the "party"...aka just chit chat. But also, a lot of my friends had kids in the NICU hospital, so they have relationships with some of the nurses!

finchfeeder80 · February 2015

I'm sure someone's going to call me a jerk even though I don't mean it this way. While I understand requesting no photos shared on social media without permission, I don't get the sentiment of no one being allowed to take any pictures. I'd want as many as possible, since if other people are taking them, that's more with you and the baby that you wouldn't get if you're the only one taking pictures.

No one but the hubs will be in the delivery room, so I'm not talking gory pictures, I mean all the great ones hours later where everyone is cleaned up and receiving visitors.

I have a pretty small circle and while it's our first baby, it's not the first baby. Which means that everyone knows the drill. I'd like a couple hours to get sorted out and clean up and bond, but as long as you give me a head's up you're coming, I'm fine with any visitors.

alcrimmins · February 2015

We're not planning on telling anyone until the baby is born and we are all settled. Our families are all 4+ hours away. There isn't a rule stating that you have to inform everyone when you go into labor. The only time I can see this as being a problem is when you need someone to watch your other kids.

lovemywildgirls · February 2015

It's not selfish at all to want to limit visitors in the hospital. Do whatever you are comfortable with. With DD1 we had tons of visitors the night of birth and a steady stream ALL day the next day. While I really didn't mind, I enjoyed showing DD off, with DD2 I was strict about immediate family only. And I was so happy with that decision. With her I labor through the night (zero sleep) and lost a lot of blood after delivery. I felt awful, depressed, not myself at all for a couple days after. I was sooo glad we didn't have that stream of friends coming to visit and taking pics!

Come June we will have immediate family only again in the hospital for visits. And I'll be happy to have all the visitors in the comfort of my own home the following week or so after birth

kTedesco0912 · February 2015

Lots of great input!!! We are still talking about it to decide for sure. My mind is going a million different ways right now haha.

I like the idea of having people text ahead and then you can let them know how you are feeling. Unfortunately, with a few small exceptions, neither of our families seems to care enough to see if we actually want visitors, then tend to just show up! So that might not be executed as well as we'd like to think.

taboullio84 's response. That is such a good point. Once I am home with a 5 and 2 year old, as well as a newborn I really may not want visitors at all!

Again, there are so many great responses, I am really glad I posted this here! It has me thinking about things that hadn't even crossed my mind yet.

rjordan10 · February 2015

I'm 22 weeks preg with my first and I'm trying to decide who to let come visit in the hospital. I'm going to nurse, and I'm a very private person, so I don't want tons of people coming and going. I think I'm gonna stick to immediate family, and maybe a couple close friends. But don't feel selfish, no matter what you choose. It's your body & your baby, and you have to think about what's best for you. People can wait a few days to visit.

Manda478 · February 2015

I feel the same way you do I couldn't breastfeed my other two and I'm going to try with this baby and I'm nervous as well

Anto1992 · February 2015

This is my first so I'm still deciding on what I want. But I won't want a lot of people visiting us especially since I don't know how or what state of mind I'll be in. You're not being selfish because people need to understand that you need alone time after delivery.

berbermarrie · February 2015

I told everyone what we wanted we would call the next day when ready it was amazing ❤️ and they all took it just fine. After u tell them most likely they will say we understand

kbradley108 · February 2015

I told my mom that we wanted the first day with just the baby and then only immediate family will be allowed to visit after that. She wasn't that happy about it but when it boils down to it, this is our baby and we will decide what happens. With being a FTM i want to take time to really focus on breastfeeding and bonding with my baby without the chaos of so many visitors. I think it's really a personal preference. If I end up having a cs I might let some friends come up because you're in the hospital longer. But that won't be for a few days.
One of my good friends told me to have all your visitors at the hospital because the first few weeks at home are such an adjustment that you may not want visitors, outside of your parents maybe, for a little while. I guess we'll see how we feel when the time comes.

ChristyM87 · February 2015

We haven't discussed it but since we are delivering in a free standing birth center we will be discharged home 2-3 hours after delivery. It makes sense to me that I will wait until we are home and I have rested to tell his sister she can come visit. No other family is close, but I am sure they will be waiting for photos

Mando87 · February 2015

With our first, the hospital had us fill out a plan of how we wanted our labor to be. In it, we started that we wanted the first hour after delivery to just be me, hub, and baby which might have seemed selfish since everyone was waiting and it was 3:30am when I delivered, but no regrets here. It was such a relaxing and intimate moment to adjust to parenthood and really take it in. No one said anything anyways

jessila9 · February 2015

FTM. Our visiting hours are 12pm- 8 pm so there's plenty of non visitor time and there can only be 4 people visiting at once. Hospital rules which i think are great.
I'll definitely want time to ourselves before people come to visit. I'll probably ask them to text/call beforehand to double check that we're up for people.

FloGirl82 · February 2015

FTM here-I've already decided that I don't want visitors other than my immediately family while I am at the hospital. I've already told my friends that-I just know I'm going to be overwhelmed and would rather they give me some time to adjust and get home before visiting us and the baby. Everyone is totally fine with that-it's our choice after all.

Jna0407 · February 2015

I'm a FTM and delivering at the family centered hospital that I work at. There aren't really any limitations on visitors, etc. However, I want to hold my baby girl skin to skin (or my husband if I have a c-section) for at least an hour and then breastfeed. Then, once were settled in our room and I've fed her I will allow visitors. My family is 3000 miles away so they are coming out a week after my due date, but my inlaws are 2 hours away. DH thinks we should call when in I go into labor and they can stay at our house until it's time to visit, but I'd prefer to just call after delivery. We will have to work out that detail. My inlaws aren't the most tidy people and I'd hate to come home to a mess. I do agree about social media. I don't want them posting any pictures of the baby until we say it is ok, and certainly none of me until late I've atleast freshened up and hopefully can feel somewhat presentable. I'm also not going to hesitate to ask anyone to leave if I'm tired or need to feed her. I like my privacy and DH and I need to adjust too.

queequeg09256 · February 2015

You guys are all way nicer than me. We aren't having any visitors at all. Our family lives far away and we told them no visiting until 2 weeks after the baby is here. Only my sister lives close and she can meet the baby after we come home. I see no reason why people need to visit you in the hospital. If they don't like it too bad.

brandyann15 · February 2015

With my first hospital visits were limited to grandparents and my son's godmother. I didn't particularly want to be seen (I'm sure I felt worse then I looked) or photographed and facebooked after birth. Home visits were limited as well until I felt settled with my new little guy. Part of it was selfish, he was my first and I didn't really want to share

, and I was concerned about germs and him getting sick (I was a very paranoid first time mommy). This time with my second, I will still limit hospital visiters, because I feel that is a private and personal time for the baby and I, but will probably be less paranoid about home visits, however I do worry that my oldest will feel upset by the baby getting so much attention. Do what makes you comfortable and don't feel bad for it. You just brought life into the world, that day is about you and your beautiful new baby.

mamameghan · February 2015

I didn't enjoy having visitors. I had some waiting in the waiting room getting impatient for baby to come which made me feel rushed and unhappy. Then after, my hubs called the inlaws to rush over and it felt like too much. I gave him the go ahead before he called but I regretted it.

FTMs, keep in mind you're bleeding profusely, sore, I sweaty, basically naked, and are going to need to start feeding pretty quickly. Only invite visitors right away that don't make you feel uncomfortable. The next morning after a sleep and a shower I felt 100 times more prepared for visitors

Cuij · February 2015

This is why I love that my hospital visiting hours are 12-3 only.

mathistm · February 2015

My hospital also has visiting hours and my doctor has asked ahead of time when we are comfortable having visitors. No one can visit until after noon and only immediate family for the first 24 hours.

mindaa · February 2015

I was pretty stressed out about scheduling visitors too, but like some others my family is all out of town. So, while I'm happy we'll have some space immediately after birth, I'm sure not looking forward to having weeks of house guests later on. It was hard for me to ask family to wait a couple weeks post due date (felt selfish), felt weird giving them the disclaimer that they may have to be flexible (as far as flights/accommodations), since babies don't exactly come on schedule.

Anyway, seems like managing visitors is going to be stressful either way, but don't feel selfish or bad about asking for some boundaries. Search for this topic on TB and you'll find plenty of stories of women who didn't even alert family when they went into labor... in order to avoid exactly what you experienced!

sharice111 · February 2015

I didn't read any other responses BUT

Nope, Nope, Nope!

This is baby #4. Been there done that and NOT doing it again... They all can come visit when I am home. I don't think it's rude. I need some time with just me and baby. Don't get me wrong I'm glad I did it in the past, but this time I need some time... My husband and kids will be the only visitors I want. I figure I'm going home to a lot of work ahead of me with 4 kids so this will be my break.

just my thoughts I made for myself for THIS delivery. Do what YOU need this time around.

kTedesco0912 · February 2015

To those of you whose hospitals have visiting hours, can I just say.... >:P!!!!!!!!!!

Ours has open hours, when my friend had her baby I spent one of the nights there with her, baby's dad had to go away for work, and she had visitors at 11pm! It was so annoying, I am dreading it!!!! I may request certain hours and ask the nurse to check with us before letting anyone in before that. I don't want to deal with late night un-announced visitors.

KaLikeAWind · February 2015

I'm pretty sure I read somewhere in this June board that you can tell the nurses you don't want to see anyone, and they will happily turn away all visitors. I believe a nurse even posted something like 'we don't mind being the bad guys' about visitors. So you could set your expectations / wishes for family ahead of time, and if they all flood the hospital, have your nurses say no. Sure, the fam could then give you crap over it when they finally do see you, but 1) they had already gone against your wishes by flooding the hospital in the 1st place and 2) they'll be so busy ooohing and aaahing over baby it may totally flee their minds to say something. I also read somewhere else that someone had a code word with her nurse, where if she said it the nurse would make some medical excuse and shoo everybody out.

Edited cause I forget words

dovebaby · February 2015

Thanks so much ladies for these open and honest opinions. I am a FTM currently 6 months pregnant and I am dreading this convo with my mom. I think she's going to think I'm overreacting but I too believe in some privacy, skin to skin time, and bonding for hubby and I. This is her very first grandchild tho... And I believe she wants to witness the birth. So much to think about! Lol

karaelaine1991 · February 2015

@dovebaby‌ my MIL randomly told me one day (before I was married OR pregnant, mind you) that she couldn't wait to watch her grandchildren be born. I was so shocked that she'd just assume she'd be there. I don't think I really responded then since I wasn't pregnant at the time and it hasn't come up since, but I have been very upfront with my doctors and my husband about who I want there (DH and my sister, who's a nursing major and I think will be able to calm me a bit, ONLY) and hopefully that's the end of it. I'm a very private person and the thought of anyone other than my doctors, DH, and sister seeing me exposed like that would be very stressful for me.

sharice111 · February 2015

My first birth I wanted my mom "a nurse" and my husband. Well my mom brought my dad and then my mil and fil showed up and I shooed everyone out for the pushing, except my mom and husband. Well come to find out they didn't make them all go to the waiting room... They were ALL outside my door as I was pushing and such. I was soooo horrified when my husband told me. I was grateful they wanted to be there, but it honestly was waaaaaay too much... Dad and in laws at the door. Oh boy. We are close but not ThAT close. Never ever again... They had their one chance and it wasn't great for me...

CurlyMom78 · February 2015

FTM here and first time grandparents on both sides. My husband and I agreed that the two of us and medical staff in the room while we give birth. We will probably call my parents who live in town and his if they are here (they live in CA and divorced) when it's ok to visit prob an hour after. His parents most likely won't be here while we are in the hospital since they have to travel from CA and you can't really predict when we will give birth unless we have s CSection. Neither of our siblings or extended family live in town. We will most likely have a few close friends visit nothing crazy though, I'll ask them to text. What I'm afraid of is my MIL camped at our house so she makes sure she is here for the birth.

klkonwi · February 2015

This was me who said "we don't mind being the bad guys "

if you have a good nurse we will gladly do it for you!

vieva22 · February 2015

Definitely let the nurses be your guard dogs and don't allow your name on the visitor list, so no one will be able to find you without permission. I didn't have any visitors at all until the second day with my first because I wanted to bond and breastfeed and relax as much as I could. That's HEALTHY and best for you and your baby, not selfish.

And then we only allowed immediate family for short visits, no young children. Another really good reason to limit visitors is the threat of pertussis (don't even get me started on measles!). The CDC is now recommending that everyone who holds your newborn have a current pertussis vaccine. The protection from this vaccine begins to decline at the 2 year mark, so this is basically EVERYONE. We introduced our first to extended family and friends after she got her 8 week vaccines. For our second baby, we are going with the stance of get a shot a month before, or no touching at all. Family politics are tough, hang in there and good luck!

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