Having mixed feelings about timing

sweetkendall · February 2015

It sounds trivial at this point but I'm kind of freaking out about the timing of all this. DD's original due date was Jan 24, 2011 but she was born early by c-section on Dec 30, 2010 due to preterm labor, double kidney infection, and being breech. I really struggle with the fact that she is born so close to Christmas and there are 2 other family birthdays in December, one of which is the day after hers. I am always depressed in December and have a hard time coping with the craziness of life around that time. Everyone is always sick and exhausted after all the holiday stuff. I never want her to feel like her birthday is not special or important.

So here we are now, hoping to be pregnant soon which will put our due date somewhere in December if the FET works next month. I know that so many things go into it and we might not even get pregnant soon but even if it doesn't work next month and works in April, we could have a repeat early birth in December anyway. I really don't want to put getting pregnant off any longer but I'm really stressing over this. Someone tell me it will be okay. Someone tell me that I'm just hormonal and freaking out. I know that I want another baby so badly that this shouldn't matter but I still feel guilty about my daughter's birth date four years later.

Frenchteachermama · February 2015

I'm fighting so hard to have another baby I won't care if it's born on Friday the 13th, Christmas Day or on my birthday!

I have a mid-December birthday and I'm a twin and I never felt slighted.

CeCe8579 · February 2015

I would be thrilled to have a baby on any day. I think if you make your DD's birthday special to her and she enjoys it then there's nothing to stress over. I think you're way over thinking things!

Jodee37 · February 2015

i think you should feel lucky just to be able to HAVE another baby.

period.

who cares when that magical day comes, only that is comes. seriously.

Kelley421 · February 2015

If you wait for the perfect time that day will never come.
I overthink everything too, so I know how you're feeling!
Try to relax! (Easier said than done)

annibes · February 2015

You have to let go of perfect. That's the only way I know to conquer IF. IF takes what you had envisioned for growing a family and wrecks it in front of your face, while you get to watch what seems like the whole world around you go on and have all the babies they want at the timing they want. The only way to truly beat IF is to NOT let it ruin every good thing that comes to you. We are all learning to accept and be happy with what we can get. It's not fair or easy, but it's how our cards play out. Your children can have happy birthdays any day of the year if you let them and help them learn to see the positive.

You are really facing some major hurdles with this last IVF cycle. It has been such a roller coaster for you. Do you think you might be clinging to the birthday thing as a way to regain some control over this whole situation? I say that because sometimes I latch on to pretty trivial things when I am completely helpless in the big picture.

ellebelle2384 · February 2015

Perfectly said @annibes‌

lilmac2929 · February 2015

@annibes‌ stated this perfectly. This whole process messes with your emotions, thoughts, plans, lives. As a controlling perso n, I too grappled with the total lack of control getting mentally caught up with seemingly trivial factors in hopes of gaining some control or tricking myself into thinking I have a say in this. Do you believe in a higher power or are you religious? While this won't work for everyone, I have been working really hard on "giving it to God". It helps keep me from being all caught up emotionally.

Frenchteachermama · February 2015

@annibes I've been struggling for the past few days and your comment really helped me. Love you!!

annibes · February 2015

Frenchteachermama said:
@annibes I've been struggling for the past few days and your comment really helped me. Love you!!

Hugs, love. I think it's been a rough winter for us 2IFers. Just have to keep pulling each other through.

BDevereaux · February 2015

When we first started TTC #2 two years ago, I "planned" to get pregnant at just the right time so I would have a "winter baby". LULZ FOR DAYS at that thought now. A winter baby. Pahaha. Right. It took me a while to realize that I'm not in control of this situation, and eventually, I got to a point where I thought "You know what? Who gives a crap WHEN a baby is born? I would be overjoyed with a baby being born PERIOD."

I'm a control freak. I like things to fall into place just so, and it sounds like you might be similar in that respect. I understand your frustration with the holidays, it's definitely a stressful time of year. However, as someone with a mid-December birthday, who also has two siblings with December birthdays, I can tell you from experience, it's no big deal. As long as you are making sure "that day" is extra special for your kid, the timing does not matter. Also, think of it this way: Chistmas time is such a beautiful time of year. I'm obviously bias, but I would never trade my December birthday for anything!

Good luck with everything!

pdxveg · February 2015

@annibes you said that so beautifully! I have really been struggling with the ever increasing spacing between my DD and any siblings that may come. I am almost out of chances to have a baby in 2015 meaning that more than likely my DD will be 5+ years old if there is ever another one. I really need to stop worrying about that because in reality it doesn't matter does it?

annibes · February 2015

pdxveg said:
@annibes you said that so beautifully! I have really been struggling with the ever increasing spacing between my DD and any siblings that may come. I am almost out of chances to have a baby in 2015 meaning that more than likely my DD will be 5+ years old if there is ever another one. I really need to stop worrying about that because in reality it doesn't matter does it?

It does matter because your hopes and wishes and plans matter. But here's how I look at it in my situation- what I wanted was 3 kids, spaced about 2 years apart, done before I turned 30. That's not happening- it is literally impossible now. I know I have to let go, because universe. I could still take control and try to adopt kids to fit that age range. Or I can keep on trying and hope I get another bio kid and no whammies. But no matter what happens, my original plan is shot and worrying about it just adds stress which can't be helpful in the scheme of things. I've been cycling hard between being really down and really hopeful for what's to come, but the hopeful days are starting to be equal to the down days which has taken a long, long time.

spfclr · February 2015

BDevereaux said:

When we first started TTC #2 two years ago, I "planned" to get pregnant at just the right time so I would have a "winter baby".

Almost 3 years ago I read a book about how to time sex around ovulation to get a boy or girl...I should have just read some summer chick lit, it would have been more fun

.

efhoping2010 · February 2015

I had planned to have "twins" again with our only two frozen embryos from IVF/ICSI #1 in winter 2012.

I was so naïve then thinking embryos frozen = babies.

Now hoping for 2016, maybe?????

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