Last name?

nikiaPSU · February 2015

The baby's father can't make up his mind if he wants to be in a relationship with me. He says he'll be there for the baby. I'm at a crossroads to use his last name or mine.

lrathbaby3 · February 2015

Use yours. Sounds like if he wants to be in your life it won't be for long. He should know by now. If you guys are still together later then change it to his.

Katerina&Baby · February 2015

If you're not going to marry this man and take his name, make the baby's last name your last name (or hyphenate). It will make your life easier on a number of levels to have the same (or similar) last name as your child (traveling is a great example) - feel free to google this issue for others and/or more specifics.

kbbtah · February 2015

Your name. You will be the constant figure in your LO life.

dancegurl1118 · February 2015

Your name, without question. Giving the baby his name won't make him any more attached to your family. If he can't decide if he wants to be with you when times are easy now, what makes you think he'll stick around when shit hits the fan with a newborn and stress levels are at an all time high?

lilitaliangirl · February 2015

Your last name. Period

nicolec3 · February 2015

Yours

karaelaine1991 · February 2015

One of my good friends was in this situation with her first and ended up hyphenating her daughter's last name. I know she now greatly regrets that and wishes she had just used her own last name.

mamahawk12 · February 2015

You ARE joking... right? Not a snowball's chance in hell should you give your child his last name.

BabyList · February 2015

I would give the child your last name. It will make things in the future easier. If you and your boyfriend decide to work it out, the name can always be changed later.

Sundancexo · February 2015

Use your name.

Sportzchck · February 2015

I think that if he is going to try to be there for the baby, you should hyphenate. Like some posters have said, traveling among other things will be easier if you share similar last names, but the same should be said for her father.

I know its easy to get caught up in the I carried the child, I'll be there more, but you really don't know how he'll handle the situation until the baby comes. You may prefer to give him the benefit of the doubt and let him sink or swim rather than deciding something so big for him (and your kid) before hand.

Kbchavez23 · February 2015

Give the baby your name! With my first daughter I made the mistake of giving her his name because he said he would be there, and he hasn't at all. She's even a cancer survivor now and he didnt do a damn thing. Now she's stuck with it because like the douche bag he is, won't let me change it.

Katerina&Baby · February 2015

Kbchavez23 said:
Give the baby your name! With my first daughter I made the mistake of giving her his name because he said he would be there, and he hasn't at all. She's even a cancer survivor now and he didnt do a damn thing. Now she's stuck with it because like the douche bag he is, won't let me change it.

Confused about why you need his permission - do you share custody?

Kbchavez23 · February 2015

Because he is also on the birth certificate. I can't legally change it with out his consent.

mellymo123 · February 2015

Check with what your state allows. In my state (GA), if you're unmarried it has to be the mother's last name unless a special document is filled out by both parents.

nikiaPSU · February 2015

Thank you everyone. I told him tonight and he flipped out. He said that I know what this means to him. I'm still torn. We found out we're having a boy. His first son doesn't have his last name and the mother keeps him away. I don't want to hurt him or my son that way. But I'm tired of thinking of others before myself.

KaLikeAWind · February 2015

Yes, you have to think of your son and yourself before someone else. Especially if that someone else is not going to be a part of your life (your son's, maybe, maybe not?). I hope he does remain to be there for your son. But, its not you, nor your son who should have to pay for his previous relationship's issues, either. Just cause his previous kid doesn't have his name and the mom keeps him away doesn't mean you have to concede. That's their thing. Their problem. Over there. Has nothing to do with you.

My feelings are you can always change it to Dad's name if he proves he is worthy of it. But if he's not worthy of it, he probably wouldn't let you change it to yours later.

MCRM14 · February 2015

Both my sisters gave their sons their fathers names and honestly regret it now. Neither one is still with the father my youngest nephews father seems to have his head stuck so far up his ass it's not funny. And my middle nephews father will hopefully going to prison soon...honestly both my sisters have said I wish I had done what mom said and give them our last name. You can always change it like pp have mentioned if dad does stick around.

HoosOnFirst · February 2015

nikiaPSU said:
Thank you everyone. I told him tonight and he flipped out. He said that I know what this means to him. I'm still torn. We found out we're having a boy. His first son doesn't have his last name and the mother keeps him away. I don't want to hurt him or my son that way. But I'm tired of thinking of others before myself.

Yikes, that's a red flag re: his previous son if I ever saw one. Maybe you should take his ex's lead. If he can't pulled the trigger on marriage, I can't see him committing to being a father. I respect his rights as the co-parent, so I'd say hyphenate the name, even if he's being an idiot. He's still the father and you are deciding in advance for your child what his/her identity is.

BabyBean54 · February 2015

In a similar situation, he's not as big of a douche as your guy sounds, but for now I am going to hyphenate. Then when he doesn't come through (because he won't) we can drop his last name and she can just have mine. I'm going to at least try and give him the benefit of the doubt. In your case though...I would just give your son your last name and be done with it. If he can step up and be a father then a discussion can be had. Chances are if he is wavering now, the reality of a newborn will make him even less sure of where he wants to be. Sounds like he's already proved that once.

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