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Help! My mom is trying to hijack the naming of my daughter?!

madelyndaphneymadelyndaphney member
in Baby Names
Long story short, my mom and I have never had a great relationship. But she's the only one who could help me through a rough pregnancy and has offered me help since I'll be a single mom. So that puts me living with her until after my daughter is born in April and I am back on my feet, blah blah blah.
She's become fixated on the name "Annie" for my daughter, saying she had a "divine moment with God" when I was about 3 months pregnant, with God "telling her" that my daughter's name is Annie. Since then, she won't let it go. She calls her Annie when she talks to my belly, calls me "Annie's mommy", and has even started telling other people that I am naming her Annie. We went out to dinner with some of her old classmates, and she literally introduced me as "madelyn and baby annie," and she's done this on several occasions. 
I've been kind, and passive, telling her I don't like the name and probably won't name her that, and she went as far to say that she will just call her Annie anyway and get my daughter to believe that that is her rightful name.
My mom is hosting my shower, and I have an awful feeling she is going to take that as an opportunity to announce to my guests that my daughter's name is Annie. I'm getting really angry with her, I'm hormonal, I feel disrespected, and I am so close to blowing up at her. I'm afraid to be aggressive in telling her to cut it out because she's the type of person who will call me ungrateful for her help simply because I disagree with her. She may also throw out there that I should name my daughter what she wants because of all the help she has/will given me.

So, how do I handle this? Sit her down and just tell her plain how I feel (again)? Or sit her down and be firm and slightly mean, because I feel like that's the only way to get through to her?

She's going to be in the delivery room with me, and I am dreading it. I'm afraid she will try to hold my daughter before I do, and interfere with the birth certificate and naming.

I'm at my wit's end. I know it's hormones, but the whole thing is literally making me crazy.

Thanks for any advice and suggestions, but mostly thanks for reading because it actually feels good to have gotten this off my chest!
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Re: Help! My mom is trying to hijack the naming of my daughter?!

  • nurse714nurse714 member
    I'm sorry you have to go through this. Your mother is being very disrespectful. Your mother had her turn in naming her child, this is your decision. I would seriously tell her to cut it out and you have to say it like you mean it and if she continues, correct her every time. 
    What do you want to name your daughter?
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  • madelyndaphneymadelyndaphney member
    So it's not just me being hormonal and irrational! Thanks for the encouragement. My top two names are Lucy and Josephine (Josie). She's never even really asked what names I like.
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  • madelyndaphneymadelyndaphney member
    Yeah, she's got some mental things where she gets fixated on one thing to an unhealthy degree. Usually it was just men or something self destructive but now it's my baby's name!

    I've done that a few times, like I went to a hair appointment with her and she said that to her stylist and I spoke up and her stylist looked at her weird, haha.

    More salt in the wound, my mom has told all of her coworkers I'm naming her Annie and apparently "Annie has their vote!", and she invited a good amount of them to my shower. As if anyone but me gets a vote anyway. I'm afraid they'll all gang up on me at my shower and I'll lose it.
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  • Dr.LorettaDr.Loretta member
    Talk to the hospital staff about you being the only one close to the birth certificate.

    What MB have you chosen? Is there any way you cam move out?
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  • le bebe xole bebe xo member
    It isn't easy, but you need to assert yourself. It certainly won't get easier after your daughter gets here (you are doing this wrong, we need to get her into this school, thank god grandma is here to save the day, etc etc). Sometimes being direct can be construed as veing mean, but you need to lay it down, now. "Mean" or not. Annie is not your child's name. Your mom already had her chance to name kids, this isn't her choice at all. I would make that clear well before your shower.

    Ditto PP about talking to nurses at the hospital. You can tell them discreetly exactly who you want and who you do not want w you during delivery. If your mom is a source of anxiety for you, I would make everyone well aware.

    Fwiw, Josie and Lucy are hands down superior to Annie. Good luck!
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  • nurse714nurse714 member
    edited February 2015
    madelyndaphney said:
    So it's not just me being hormonal and irrational! Thanks for the encouragement. My top two names are Lucy and Josephine (Josie). She's never even really asked what names I like.
    No, you're not being irrational. Your mother is wrong. I think Lucy is cute and I love the nickname Josie for Josephine. They're both better than Annie imo. Good luck!
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  • LNic5LNic5 member
    You are definitely NOT being irrational, she is taking things way too far and overstepping her boundaries by MILES!!!! I would try being more firm with her, she obviously hasn't listened to you this far so try being former and explaining how she's making you feel, maybe that's what she needs to get the point
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  • ChrisBChrisB member
    Yeah, I don't think it has anything to do with hormones. Your baby, your name. Simple.
    Lucy and Josie are nice names :)

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  • bbiutmcphbbiutmcph member
    I think you need to speak up now. Things like this will only get worse ice baby is here. Be firm and consistent. Each time she says Annie correct her even if it's 5782 times a day. You need to become more assertive sooner rather than later or you will be having this same frustration with feeding, sleeping, parenting etc. I know it's hard but you are about to be a parent and need to be in charge of someone else. Good luck


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  • elowen15elowen15 member
    If this was my mother this is how it would go....

    Mom, sit the eff down.
    My crotch fruit, I'm going to name it myself. Kthanks
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  • LuvLoveXoLuvLoveXo member
    edited February 2015
    I'm really sorry she is ruining the pregnancy for you by acting crazy and stressing you out. Tell her firmly and repeatedly that you are naming your child and it won't be Annie so she better stop calling the baby Annie and get used to the idea that it's not happening. She had her moment to name her child and now she needs to give you the same moment that she had. I'm especially sorry that you have to live with her after the birth because it doesn't seem like she knows her place. Please put your foot down now. You don't want the first weeks of motherhood to be more stressful you want to enjoy and treasure that time because you never get it back. I hate I say it but it sounds like you're in for a power struggle as long as you live with her. My aunt was like that. She didn't know her place and acted like the baby was hers and it created hell for my cousin to say the least. I'm so sorry. Hang in there and be firm with her.
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  • SouthMinnieAppleMamaSouthMinnieAppleMama member
    Can't you tell her that you know too many bitchy/rude/____ Annies that you have negative associations to the name now? That's what I would do, but I have trouble with confrontation so I would just redirect or lie like that :)

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  • karlimonsterkarlimonster member
    Hell. No. Do whatever it takes. Hopefully she gets it before you blow up on her. I like suggestion of correcting her in front of others. Also, I am finding people have lots of opinions before baby arrives, but once they're here they have no choice. Hopefully mom is the same. And if mom keeps saying Annie after your daughter arrives, ignore that shit.
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  • KateLouiseKateLouise member
    It sounds to me like you need to set some serious boundaries with this person.

    You're worried she'll announce baby's name at the baby shower, you're afraid she'll try to hold your baby first and interfere with the naming at the hospital. 

    It seems to me like perhaps your Mum doesn't see you as an adult in your own right. Have you always had this dymanic between you, where she's done what she's wanted and you've accepted it? What happens if you stand up to her?

    You don;t have to be afraid you just make sure you keep correcting her. If she tells a room full of people baby is called Annie, you say, "no she's not, I have told you this before." She will look crazy in front of her friends.

    You tell the nurses that you want to be the first to hold baby, and they will hand baby to you.

    Best luck with your situation, I know it's easy to say, "just do this and that," when you're not the one atcually dealing with it.
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  • madelyndaphneymadelyndaphney member
    Holy cow you guys are great. I woke up to a text from her this morning "How's Annie this morning?". Literally starting my day off with anxiety. I think you guys are right, and I just need to sit her down and lay down the law. She's only started being controlling like this since I've been pregnant, with the name thing and what I eat and whatever. But my sister even warned me to establish boundaries with her because of post birth control, too.
    So I'm going to gather my courage and do my best to assert myself tonight, and however she takes it I hope that laying it out there will make me feel better.

    Did I mention my dad is doing the EXACT same thing, but with the name Ruby? His grandmother's name. And my two sisters have made their own lists, constantly shooting down any name I've ever liked. I really liked Emma for awhile, and my sisters went as far to say "why would you do that to a child? giving her such a common name? how could you?" They've completely taken the fun and joy out of choosing a name. I mean I already don't have a SO to share that with, so it sucks my family have stripped the joy away from it, too.

    But I value all of this advice, and I greatly appreciate all of you!
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  • TurtlesAllTheWayDownTurtlesAllTheWayDown member
    Does she HAVE to be in the delivery room with you? Can you hire a doula instead?

    Is it too late to lie and say you're having a boy? ;)
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  • madelyndaphneymadelyndaphney member
    TurtlesAllTheWayDown said:
    Does she HAVE to be in the delivery room with you? Can you hire a doula instead?

    Is it too late to lie and say you're having a boy? ;)
    The only reason she'd be in the room with me is because I literally have nobody else. I thought about delivering alone but read a lot of discussions suggesting against that. Haha! I would, except she has gone to ALL of my ultrasounds with me including the gender reveal appointment. 
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