GTKY: birth fears edition

Mamamads · February 2015

As the middle of pregnancy approaches for some of us it's a good time to start thinking about labor and delivery. What are some of your biggest fears about child birth, even if it isn't your first rodeo? What are you doing to help you cope with those fears and prepare yourself?

Mamamads · February 2015

My biggest fear: repeat c section or feeling loss of control or say with the medical team
What I am doing: I've hired a highly recommend doula, changed doctors/hospitals (vbac and natural minded friendly) I am also reading books and taking classes to help prepare me mentally and help me heal through the traumatic birth of my daughter. Up until recently I thought ignoring the fears I have would make them less "real" and that thinking positive was the only way to get through this. After reading Birthing From Within I really feel that you can worry with a purpose as she says, to help prepare for the life changing event to come.

GSUDavis · February 2015

I'm also terrified of having a c-section. I've had at least 6 different surgeries in my life and they were not a big deal. I was totally comfortable with them. But I absolutely do not want to have a c-section. I guess it's partly the loss of control but also the fact that I want to go through the whole labor process. Contractions, pushing, the excitement, the release, all of it. I feel like all of that would be kind of stolen with a c-section. But I'm hoping for the best! =D

WifeofaComposer · February 2015

I'm terrified of amniotic fluid embolism. I was during my previous pregnancy, too. My doctor told me over and over again that it's so incredibly rare that I really shouldn't even know what it is. I'm still scared every day.

ChristyM87 · February 2015

I am not scared per say but I am hopeful that my pregnancy stays low risk, not breech, I go into spontaneous labor before 42 weeks so I can have an out of hospital birth.

I guess as far as things that could happen during a low intervention birth I am nervous about tearing and the healing involved

LiLDuck353 · February 2015

One thing I have learned during my previous pregnancies is that the things I was sooooo worried about never actually happened. Best advice I could give having baby #5 educate yourself so that you are familiar with procedures so when the big day comes the midwives or drs aren't talking gibberish. It's far less scary if you are familiar with the terms, I find anyways. Also try and go into the whole thing with a birth plan in mind, but try and have an open mind because the #1 important thing is having healthy mom and baby at the end

Mamamads · February 2015

WifeofaComposer said:
I'm terrified of amniotic fluid embolism. I was during my previous pregnancy, too. My doctor told me over and over again that it's so incredibly rare that I really shouldn't even know what it is. I'm still scared every day.

Okay I've never heard of this and after looking it up holy shit! Thankfully it's rare.. But I could see the worry.

kate5all · February 2015

Stillbirth. A girl I went to school with had one a few years ago (on Mother's Day). She had a blog and wrote about the experience and then kept writing as she tried to heal afterward. I followed her story, bawling through each post, and ever since then it's been a big fear of mine.

mantgal · February 2015

I found this article on Cosmo and it really made me feel so much better... Thought id share with y'all!

https://www.cosmopolitan.com/lifestyle/news/a35964/why-giving-birth-is-actually-awesome/

asherk · February 2015

I'm afraid of a stillbirth. It took us a long time to get pregnant so I find myself worrying about everything, and since I haven't popped and I don't feel movement yet I am just terrified that baby's heart has stopped beating and i just missed it. i'm also afraid of preterm labor because I'm going to be flying at 24 weeks. OB isn't worried about it and will check me that week, but it still lingers in the back of my mind (I even looked up survival rates of preterm babies born at 24 weeks).

Biggest fear is needing a c-section. My pelvis is tiny, and I had a bad hip injury as a teen, and OB worries that they won't be able to spread out like they normally should. It's a wait and see situation, but OB knows that I would prefer a natural birth and has been really supportive of it, so I am pretty confident that if there's a way we can make it work, she'll make it work.

Mamamads · February 2015

asherk said:
I'm afraid of a stillbirth. It took us a long time to get pregnant so I find myself worrying about everything, and since I haven't popped and I don't feel movement yet I am just terrified that baby's heart has stopped beating and i just missed it. i'm also afraid of preterm labor because I'm going to be flying at 24 weeks. OB isn't worried about it and will check me that week, but it still lingers in the back of my mind (I even looked up survival rates of preterm babies born at 24 weeks).

Biggest fear is needing a c-section. My pelvis is tiny, and I had a bad hip injury as a teen, and OB worries that they won't be able to spread out like they normally should. It's a wait and see situation, but OB knows that I would prefer a natural birth and has been really supportive of it, so I am pretty confident that if there's a way we can make it work, she'll make it work.

I think those are all pretty common fears. Still birth terrifies me too so I completely understand. If it makes you feel better my nephew was born at 21 weeks and is now 3 years old. So it can be done, but if you have no conditions to warrant pre term labor don't stress about it. I will tell you my sister had both of her babies preterm and both times it was due to dehydration. Apparently that's the number one cause of preterm labor so drink up!!

ChristyM87 · February 2015

Mamamads said:

asherk said:
I'm afraid of a stillbirth. It took us a long time to get pregnant so I find myself worrying about everything, and since I haven't popped and I don't feel movement yet I am just terrified that baby's heart has stopped beating and i just missed it. i'm also afraid of preterm labor because I'm going to be flying at 24 weeks. OB isn't worried about it and will check me that week, but it still lingers in the back of my mind (I even looked up survival rates of preterm babies born at 24 weeks).

Biggest fear is needing a c-section. My pelvis is tiny, and I had a bad hip injury as a teen, and OB worries that they won't be able to spread out like they normally should. It's a wait and see situation, but OB knows that I would prefer a natural birth and has been really supportive of it, so I am pretty confident that if there's a way we can make it work, she'll make it work.
I think those are all pretty common fears. Still birth terrifies me too so I completely understand. If it makes you feel better my nephew was born at 21 weeks and is now 3 years old. So it can be done, but if you have no conditions to warrant pre term labor don't stress about it. I will tell you my sister had both of her babies preterm and both times it was due to dehydration. Apparently that's the number one cause of preterm labor so drink up!!

Woa, that's great about your nephew but I am scratching my head wondering how that is possible since babies are not viable outside of the womb until 24 weeks. Even at 23 weeks most preemies don't make it.

Mamamads · February 2015

ChristyM87 said:

Mamamads said:

asherk said:
I'm afraid of a stillbirth. It took us a long time to get pregnant so I find myself worrying about everything, and since I haven't popped and I don't feel movement yet I am just terrified that baby's heart has stopped beating and i just missed it. i'm also afraid of preterm labor because I'm going to be flying at 24 weeks. OB isn't worried about it and will check me that week, but it still lingers in the back of my mind (I even looked up survival rates of preterm babies born at 24 weeks).

Biggest fear is needing a c-section. My pelvis is tiny, and I had a bad hip injury as a teen, and OB worries that they won't be able to spread out like they normally should. It's a wait and see situation, but OB knows that I would prefer a natural birth and has been really supportive of it, so I am pretty confident that if there's a way we can make it work, she'll make it work.
I think those are all pretty common fears. Still birth terrifies me too so I completely understand. If it makes you feel better my nephew was born at 21 weeks and is now 3 years old. So it can be done, but if you have no conditions to warrant pre term labor don't stress about it. I will tell you my sister had both of her babies preterm and both times it was due to dehydration. Apparently that's the number one cause of preterm labor so drink up!!
Woa, that's great about your nephew but I am scratching my head wondering how that is possible since babies are not viable outside of the womb until 24 weeks. Even at 23 weeks most preemies don't make it.

It's crazy right, I just text her she said she was 23 weeks and 5 days .. So I was off a little. Doctor gave him 50/50 chance of survival and he was in the nicu for 4 months. Luckily the nicu And hospital were amazing, level 4. We had a few scares but somehow he made it and as of now has no disabilities. He needed eye surgery a year ago and that's it. State provided therapy for him weekly since being discharged from the hospital which he just got done with a few months ago and will be going to preschool now. He is our miracle baby!

chelsea13elyse · February 2015

I have the option of repeat csection or VBAC. My last pregnancy I spent hours and hours and hours in labor just to have a csection. I ultimately liked the Csection and wouldn't mind having another. However, DH and I want to have at least 4 kids and 4 Csections could take a seriously toll on my body, particularly because I have issues with scar tissue already. I chose to do VBAC this time because if I don't this time than after 2 Csections I can't. I'm just worried that I will end up a csection after hours of labor like I did last time when I could've just scheduled a csection from the get go. I guess that's more of an annoyance than a worry though. Also I know women have successful VBACs all the time but I worry because there is a higher risk associated with it. I also worry that I will have pre-e again and that that will cause me to have to have a csection. Not to mention my son was huge (and three weeks early) and I'm assuming this baby will likely be bigger than that which is another thing that could cause me to be a repeat csection. Basically I'm just hoping for a safe and healthy VBAC.

Mamamads · February 2015

chelsea13elyse said:
I have the option of repeat csection or VBAC. My last pregnancy I spent hours and hours and hours in labor just to have a csection. I ultimately liked the Csection and wouldn't mind having another. However, DH and I want to have at least 4 kids and 4 Csections could take a seriously toll on my body, particularly because I have issues with scar tissue already. I chose to do VBAC this time because if I don't this time than after 2 Csections I can't. I'm just worried that I will end up a csection after hours of labor like I did last time when I could've just scheduled a csection from the get go. I guess that's more of an annoyance than a worry though. Also I know women have successful VBACs all the time but I worry because there is a higher risk associated with it. I also worry that I will have pre-e again and that that will cause me to have to have a csection. Not to mention my son was huge (and three weeks early) and I'm assuming this baby will likely be bigger than that which is another thing that could cause me to be a repeat csection. Basically I'm just hoping for a safe and healthy VBAC.

Good choice on trying for a vbac. I am in the same boat and wonder what if I labor for a day and then end up with a reapet C, but I couldn't live with myself if I didn't at least try because it means a lot to me. What are the higher risks you are referring to though? Besides a uterine rupture which is less than 1% Chance there aren't any risks that aren't already there for a typical vaginally delivery so try not to focus on that. Also regardless of what anyone tells you mamas have been vaginally delivering big baby's forever so don't leave that psych you out. It's the head circumference more than anything but even then I bet you will be successful in your attempt of all else is healthy, Good luck! I recommend reading birthing from within and cut, stapled and mended. Both have helped me prepare for a vbac a ton!

blukats · February 2015

I'm having a repeat C section. I'm scared this time around because last time it was an emergency and didnt have time to process everything. This time it's making me really nervous as any surgery would.

0ashley · February 2015

My first labor was very long (12 hrs) and I shat myself the whole time, liquid diarrhea style. I felt disgusting and dirty and hated being wiped by nurses for hours.

So #1 fear- shitting myself the whole time again. I'm not talking a little turd slipped out when I pushed- that's to be expected. Maybe I'll try laxatives around my due date to help clear myself out at home.

#2 fear- the long labor and ineffective pushing again. I want another epidural but think that held me back some last time so maybe have to go without? So then I'm fearful of the pain of a possible med-free birth.

Julz81 · February 2015

I don't know if I would call it a fear but it would be being induced again. I know what to expect and all but I really want to avoid it this time.

babysiers · February 2015

Everything! The pain mostly and the fact that I really want to do everything natural but I'm afraid I won't be able to handle it. And post partum care. I've heard horror stories about dealing with the wounds

kladd7182 · February 2015

My last c-section my spinal wore off in the middle of it. There is nothing like being awake, cut open and feeling the pain of your surgery DURING it, screaming to the doctor you can feel it. So that is my biggest fear, the spinal wearing off again.

To prepare for it there is nothing I can do. Just hope for the best next time.

farahmina · February 2015

My worst fear is a vaginal birth so I have booked an elective c section. I have incontinent friends and friends who have had vaginal prolapse and I just want my privates to be in one piece !!! Also I don't like the thought of being in labour at all.....ultimately I have given it up to God!

Koalaknuckles · February 2015

I'm a FTM, so I'm just scared about giving birth in general, no matter how it happens.

I've educated myself so I know what to expect, and I think that's why it scares me lol

Also, it's a trivial worry, but I dread shitting myself on the delivery table.

My bf has told me he wants to witness every moment of the actual birth, and even though he won't care if I do (and I'm sure I'll be too preoccupied to care in the moment) I still know I'm probably going to shit myself and he'll see it happen and it'll embarrass me later on.

Trivial dread, but dread nonetheless.

Mamamads · February 2015

farahmina said:
My worst fear is a vaginal birth so I have booked an elective c section. I have incontinent friends and friends who have had vaginal prolapse and I just want my privates to be in one piece !!! Also I don't like the thought of being in labour at all.....ultimately I have given it up to God!

Scheduling a C section for no medical reason sounds like the opposite of "giving it up to God" IMO. I Understand your fears but what pisses me off more than anything is people putting their bad experiences on their loved ones. Severe tears and the like are very rare.. That makes me sad your friends ruined the idea of birth for you. I'm also surprised doctors will just cut someone open without it being necessary. Wow

I will add that neither a vaginal birth or C section sound particularly appealing so I do understand. Someone needs to invent a new way to get babies out.

kladd7182 · February 2015

@farahmina‌ I don't want to make you feel insecure about your decision, but I agree with @Mamamads‌.

Almost everyone has a horror story about labor, tearing, and not being able to sit for a week. I am going on my 5th non elective c-section, and can share horror stories. I won't though, because I know what happened to me may not happen to you. More women need to understand that.

Just some food for thought, as someone who could not and can not ever give birth vaginally, I wish I could experience that right of passage of womanhood/motherhood. I left it up to God the first time, God decided otherwise for me. @mamamads is a lucky one that gets to try a VBAC, so I know she understands what I am saying to you. You should never let a fear of rarities, an other people's horror stories sway your decision.

asherk · February 2015

Mamamads said:

I'm afraid of a stillbirth. It took us a long time to get pregnant so I find myself worrying about everything, and since I haven't popped and I don't feel movement yet I am just terrified that baby's heart has stopped beating and i just missed it. i'm also afraid of preterm labor because I'm going to be flying at 24 weeks. OB isn't worried about it and will check me that week, but it still lingers in the back of my mind (I even looked up survival rates of preterm babies born at 24 weeks).

Biggest fear is needing a c-section. My pelvis is tiny, and I had a bad hip injury as a teen, and OB worries that they won't be able to spread out like they normally should. It's a wait and see situation, but OB knows that I would prefer a natural birth and has been really supportive of it, so I am pretty confident that if there's a way we can make it work, she'll make it work.
I think those are all pretty common fears. Still birth terrifies me too so I completely understand. If it makes you feel better my nephew was born at 21 weeks and is now 3 years old. So it can be done, but if you have no conditions to warrant pre term labor don't stress about it. I will tell you my sister had both of her babies preterm and both times it was due to dehydration. Apparently that's the number one cause of preterm labor so drink up!!

that makes me feel a lot better; thank you! i am just an ENORMOUS worrier, and since i can't feel the baby moving yet it still doesn't feel really real, and i'm constantly afraid that something must be going wrong. i drink water like it's going out of style as is, so i will definitely keep that up!

ipumpkin · February 2015

Everything scares me. From the fact of being pregnant and growing a human being inside of me, to the actually labor and delivery process, to being a parent for the first time and hoping to God I do okay, to the lifestyle changes, to the relationship changes with family and DH. It all scares the shit out of me. But I'm going in full steam ahead.

Dpatto93 · February 2015

Tearing! I tore before but it was tiny only needing 3 stitches but I'm dreading tearing a great deal. X_X

Coastiegirl35 · February 2015

I have health anxiety, specifically related to my heart. I've been told it is all anxiety related. I can't accept that. I am afraid that childbirth will give me a heart attack. That is my irrational fear because of my health anxiety. As embarrassing as it is to admit, it feels good to finally get it off my chest. Try not to judge me

ChristyM87 · February 2015

Coastiegirl35 said:
I have health anxiety, specifically related to my heart. I've been told it is all anxiety related. I can't accept that. I am afraid that childbirth will give me a heart attack. That is my irrational fear because of my health anxiety. As embarrassing as it is to admit, it feels good to finally get it off my chest. Try not to judge me

No one is judging you. It is so easy to have fears of the unknown. Have you talked to your OB or midwife about these feelings to see if they can offer any advice?

Coastiegirl35 · February 2015

@ChristyM87‌ yes, I have talked to my OB. He sent me for an EKG and it read exactly the same as it did two years ago. I was having palpitations during the first trimester. He suggested the EKG. He did tell me that I should do everything I can to mitigate the stress in my life, and I have been following his advice, but the mind can be a overpowering and powerful thing. It is hard for me to talk to doctors about my anxiety because once you are labeled with anxiety, in my experience, it is a label that never goes away. I fight it on my own without medicine. I use prayer, meditation and exercise to help control it, but sometimes it gets overwhelming. Needless to say, pregnancy has taken my anxiety on a roller coaster.

thequiet2 · February 2015

I'm scared of giving birth unmedicated this time. I was in labor for a long time with DS and ended up getting an epidural but I feel like it made things harder and take a lot longer than they should have. So I'm determined to go without but I'm afraid of the pain and that I might give in and get an epidural again.

believedreams · February 2015

I have a lot of fears with this pregnancy. Last July I was diagnosed with epilepsy so I'm terrified the stress of labor could make me have a seizure. Last pregnancy I had high blood pressure with low blood platelets which made it so I couldn't have an epidural. If this baby doesn't want to come out as fast as my DD did (2.5 hours of labor) then I'm scared about not being able to get an epidural again. I had a miscarriage right before I got pregnant with this baby so every time I don't feel baby for a while I get nervous something bad happened. This pregnancy has not been good for my anxiety.

audi681 · February 2015

I had my hospital tour last night, and after all of the talk of tearing, cutting, and sewing, I was freaking out all day in my head. Now that I have read this thread, I feel even more freaked out, haha.

My mother and sister keep telling me... there is no turning back. You just do it. Stop worrying bc it is not like you can say "I don't think I am going to do this anymore." Trying to tell myself that by the time I am 36 weeks I am going to want this baby out!

A C section isn't a fear of mine, just something I hope doesn't happen for me. I have no idea why I feel so strongly about skin-to-skin as soon as the baby comes out, but I do. Most people tell me not to have a birth plan bc it isn't going to go the way you want it to anyway, but I am really hoping for that instantaneous bonding moment.

Mamamads · February 2015

audi681 said:
I had my hospital tour last night, and after all of the talk of tearing, cutting, and sewing, I was freaking out all day in my head. Now that I have read this thread, I feel even more freaked out, haha.

My mother and sister keep telling me... there is no turning back. You just do it. Stop worrying bc it is not like you can say "I don't think I am going to do this anymore." Trying to tell myself that by the time I am 36 weeks I am going to want this baby out!

A C section isn't a fear of mine, just something I hope doesn't happen for me. I have no idea why I feel so strongly about skin-to-skin as soon as the baby comes out, but I do. Most people tell me not to have a birth plan bc it isn't going to go the way you want it to anyway, but I am really hoping for that instantaneous bonding moment.

Birth is scary especially not knowing what to expect but don't let the technical stuff make you more afraid. Find a natural minded birthing class, those have helped me tremendously and don't focus on the medical side so much as the emotional preparation. Also as a stm I wanted to add by 35 weeks you DO WANT THAT BABY OUT! Haha I think it's natures way of making us almost look forward to birth. Also do make a birth plan,
It helps U feel prepared just know things may and probably will change a bit! Just my two cents

hpanabaker · February 2015

I'll be a having a RCS. My fear is that I'll go into labor before the scheduled csection date. I'd rather not have to have another emergency csection.

grlplz · February 2015

My fears are:

#1: Stillbirth. I think every parents worries about that on some level.

#2: Tearing. With my first I tore up, down, and off to the side. I won't go into detail about what happened afterwards because I know it's so uncommon it's not worth worrying the FTM about.

#3: Long, painful labor. This is my third child. With my first son I did it without meds and was in labor for just short of 29 hours and just short of 27 hours with my second. I did get the epidural with my second because of my tearing problem with my first.

#4: Not knowing I'm in labor. I had to be induced with my pregnancies and I've been told the contractions feel different when it's natural so, even though it seems ridiculous, I do worry I won't know if I go into labor naturally.

mhuang1 · February 2015

I'm terrified of the ripping and pain and even typing it makes me shudder. I'm also afraid that I won't be able to lose the weight post birth as I have had a lot of trouble losing weight before (it took me 4 years to go from 130 to 113, I'm only 5ft. 2in.). I will be starting prenatal yoga and fitness classes soon. Yoga to help deal with birth and fitness to kill dead weight that isn't benefiting me or baby since I've gained too much for how far along I am.

shakirahb · February 2015

I'm thinking about ..

1. Being in labor for hours
2. Sharting on myself
3. My hubby passing out

nate_and_britt · February 2015

After a m/c last year, I'm scared of losing again. Even at 16 weeks the fear isn't gone. Especially since at my appointment this week, I am anemic and there is concern it's severe.

RaquelandBabyRodarte · February 2015

As the middle of pregnancy approaches for some of us it's a good time to start thinking about labor and delivery. What are some of your biggest fears about child birth, even if it isn't your first rodeo? What are you doing to help you cope with those fears and prepare yourself?

Well last night I dreamed of giving birth to my daughter; we were in the middle of a version of "water world" and "walking dead" after I gave birth to her; mid water - we wrapped her and I grabbed her thinking that these monsters were going to grab her so I had to hurry and push out the placenta before they came and go hide.

So other than a water world, zombie apocalypse happening prior to my due date; I am worried that my last two births were easy peasy that this birth will be complicated of some sort. I am going to start doing water exercises 3/4x a week so strengthen my hips and try to lower my junk food intake. I am trying to just calm my thoughts and think positive; and that this birth will be another amazing experience.

nimble33 · February 2015

Ok I've given birth three times, all were water births with absolutely no problems at all and I've only ever had one stich due to a slight tear and was my first. But I am shitting a brick no lie about doing it again. Just thinking about the transition stage is freaking me out the whole not being in control. I even thought about having a c section but that was just a thought and not something I will do. I didn't have any drugs either so looking into having an epidural this time as its my last. I'm sure I'll be fine when I'm doing it but like I said shitting a brick

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