Right this moment, I'm sitting on the couch next to a peacefully snoring man who has no clue that I'm currently plotting his very imminent death.
Insomnia is my new nemesis...I'm lucky to get 2-3 hours of really shitty "sleep" (and I use that term VERY loosely) a night. Take a nap you say? There is nothing I would love more...Alas, it is never meant to be. Believe me, I've tried everything I can think of, all to no avail.
As I lay sleepless, night after annoying night, next to this man, I'm so tempted to just hold a pillow over his face.
Why? I don't know. It's not his snoring that prevents me from sleeping...I've tried sleeping on the couch, or having him sleep on the couch, or taking a nap when he's not home. No dice.
*Dramatic Sigh*
I just get so angry at the fact that I CANNOT sleep! Watching him drift off to dreamland every night, and take the occasional nap (like today) makes me so fucking angry and jealous!!! And the longer I stay awake, hoping, praying, and wishing I could JUST GO THE FUCK TO SLEEP, while he peacefully slumbers next to me makes me SO mad!
Perhaps it's the fact that he can go to sleep so easily, something I took for granted until it was too late.
To be fair, it's not his fault, not at all. But prego me still blames him for my inability to catch some ZZZ's.
Now I'm beginning to fear that I may never sleep again.
Once this sweet baby girl is born, I will be awake at godawful hours tending happily to her needs, and will be robbed of sleep for an entirely different, and most welcome reason!
But the cruel fact remains, I will be sleep deprived.
I've come to the sad conclusion that I'll most likely end up navigating this life in a perpetual fog.
I won't notice that it's been days since my last shower, or that I forgot to drain the water from the macaroni before adding the cheese, or the smudge of poo (not sure who's poo, exactly) on the pair yoga pants that I've been wearing for the last 3 days straight.
Maybe, just maybe, I'll be so tired soon, that I'll forget what sleep is like, and not mourn the loss of it any longer. I'll get used to my new "normal", and stop getting so irrationally homicidal towards DF when he falls asleep like a normal human being should.
It is pregnancy hormones? Quite likely. Does that make it any easier to accept? Hell no.
Sleep while you can, ladies...Sleep long, often, and as much as you can! Like the old saying goes: "You don't know what you've got until it's gone".
Re: THIS close to starring in an episode of "Snapped"
Franco Paul born 6/4/15 at 39 weeks. Mila Francesca born 10/19/13 at 37 weeks. Both born via C-Section after 6 years of fertility treatments, disappointments and losses. Love them!!