Am I a bad mommy? Long rant

rayna912 · January 2015

H and I have been fighting all evening about him helping more with the baby. Especially days like today when she is super gassy and fussy. Anytime she is put down she screams, not just cries, screams to the point she is hoarse. So I have been alternating between my lap and the swing all day. And I admit I'm a little short because of it.
Not her crying, but being the only one to hold an comfort her. I just wanted him to put the damn video game down!
So it was time for a bottle after an hour of no crying in my lap, so she started fussing a bit. so I put her in her swing, I have to stop in the middle of making it because DD1 comes in and tells me she's screaming. So I go to check on her and he is still sitting there playing his game while she screams!!
I finally act agitated enough he stops and holds her.
So finish bottle, and I'm sitting next to them while she screams, but instead of taking the bottle and feeding her, he let's her cry another 5 mins. I finally take her and feed her and she's fine again.
So H and I fight for about an hour and a half about it, and she starts fussing again.
I handed him the baby, the paci, and told him I'm going to take a bubble bath.
Now that I'm in here, listening to her cry, I feel terrible...
Does that make me a bad mommy? I just need a break

4littlebears · January 2015

You are not a bad mom for needing a break. Your DH is being selfish by not helping out!

llambrose · January 2015

I am sure that is hard to hear her crying but there is nothing wrong with needing a little break and expecting your h to do his part. He is being a selfish, immature jerk. What defense does he have for himself when you bring it up to him? It is not fair for him to just do what he wants and expect you to do everything. I would be more than pissed at him if I were you. Sorry you are going through that.

Roxycc55 · January 2015

I would be so mad and hysterical about this. I'm sorry you're dealing with it.

You are absolutely not a bad mommy, your husband needs to step up his daddy game a little bit.

csjsmom · January 2015

I would feel the same way. I did discover with my first that a baby crying can mean different things to men. When I heard DS crying I felt like I needed to stop it. When my ex heard DS crying his thought was babies cry. I don't think it crossed his mind that he should do something about it.

MrsFaFa2 · January 2015

I would have ripped the video game out of the wall and tossed it on the front lawn with a free sign on it. You are much more patient than I. He is a Dad now... an adult...he needs to act like one. You need to have a chat with him with no outside distractions after the baby goes down. Address it now, show him you mean business or it will only get worse. good luck lady!

morrones8 · January 2015

Destiny???
Sorry, while our LO is still yet to arrive, my husband has the same addiction that worries me when the baby does arrive... His current drug of choice is Destiny for PS4, maybe they play together!?
You have every right to be pissed, yell, scream and don't feel bad one bit!

misslizzy82 · January 2015

You're a better mom for knowing your limits!

lavet22 · January 2015

You are not a bad mommy at all. Seems like you are the only one doing anything!

This post is exactly why I don't allow video games in my house... This isn't college anymore. Your DH needs to put the controller down and start acting like a parent.

Unknown · January 2015

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Jellybean707 · January 2015

Ummm... No. This is total bullshit.

I would be reconsidering how my patnership is negotiated if my husband let our CHILD(a living breathing person) cry over a GAME(A form of play.) I don't give a shit what the game is or how "addicting" it is. It is neglectful to allow an infant to just cry when they have an unmet need.

My H plays games too. He plays almost every night for a few hours after we have completed our daily chores and our son is sleeping soundly in his bed. He knows that the first thing to get cut out if I need help is his gaming.

You are NOT a bad Mom.

laceysbryan · January 2015

Agree with everyone. You are NOT a bad mommy.

It might help to write out how you're feeling before you talk with your H about his behavior. I know sometimes if I'm super pissed my point just gets lost in my anger and DH doesn't listen as well. If you write it down you're less likely to just go on the attack, even if he deserves it!

I'm sorry you have to deal with this.

britb618 · January 2015

You are a great Mom. You did what you needed to make situation better- you walked away. Your husband is an ass. There is no way to sugar coat this. Yes men have different feelings and reactions to babies crying I will give you that but to put video games at even a bit of a priority at this point is bs and honestly concerning. He needs to grow up. And you already have one child so he should know this already- he doesn't even have the new dad excuse! I'm so sorry your dealing with this and just take some time daily for yourself and hand him your baby. It will do you both some good!

robsbabygirl08 · January 2015

That video game would disappear if that shit happened in my house. And no, you're not a bad mommy.

rayna912 · January 2015

Thanks everyone! I just had to rant. I don't really have anyone to talk to and don't really get to leave the house. So it kinda builds up ya know?
We had a long talk about it an he's going to be playing way less. He did try to go to the extreme and say he was going to sell his xbox and games, but that's not necessary. And we also use it for netflix and stuff to watch tv.
He has been playing destiny and dark souls 2. I do play games too, and it is like crack lol. But it's way easier for me to just put the controller down and take care o things.
Thank you ladies, it's just been a rough couple of days.

jessica528 · January 2015

My baby was like yours, very fussy, and I would get short with my SO because the baby's cries hit my nerves. but then I learned different techniques for burping him. There are some good YouTube videos that show different positions for getting the Gas out. My baby surprisingly has become SO much easier since we mastered the burp, which you should do every 15 min or so. Maybe that's something to consider, could help both of you get along better.

CanukMam · January 2015

csjsmom said:
I would feel the same way. I did discover with my first that a baby crying can mean different things to men. When I heard DS crying I felt like I needed to stop it. When my ex heard DS crying his thought was babies cry. I don't think it crossed his mind that he should do something about it.

This. When my baby cries I find my stress level hits the roof, I feel a very strong sense of urgency to soothe the baby and get very frustrated if all efforts are not being made to make that happen. I've discussed it with DH and he just does not get that urge. I think its hormones/instinctual. However, this does not excuse his behavior. For me it just means that I have to ask for him to soothe DD/DS sometimes when he doesn't pick up on the cues. Second time around for us and its been much easier

SSCmomma · January 2015

You are not a bad mom at all. First, your DH is being very immature and frankly I would take his toys away (or outright break them). Second, if you were a bad mom you wouldnt give a hoot and you would be ignoring your child and not feeling guilty.

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