January 2015 Moms

Am I a bad mommy? Long rant

H and I have been fighting all evening about him helping more with the baby. Especially days like today when she is super gassy and fussy. Anytime she is put down she screams, not just cries, screams to the point she is hoarse. So I have been alternating between my lap and the swing all day. And I admit I'm a little short because of it.
Not her crying, but being the only one to hold an comfort her. I just wanted him to put the damn video game down!
So it was time for a bottle after an hour of no crying in my lap, so she started fussing a bit. so I put her in her swing, I have to stop in the middle of making it because DD1 comes in and tells me she's screaming. So I go to check on her and he is still sitting there playing his game while she screams!!
I finally act agitated enough he stops and holds her.
So finish bottle, and I'm sitting next to them while she screams, but instead of taking the bottle and feeding her, he let's her cry another 5 mins. I finally take her and feed her and she's fine again.
So H and I fight for about an hour and a half about it, and she starts fussing again.
I handed him the baby, the paci, and told him I'm going to take a bubble bath.
Now that I'm in here, listening to her cry, I feel terrible...
Does that make me a bad mommy? I just need a break :(

Re: Am I a bad mommy? Long rant

  • I am sure that is hard to hear her crying but there is nothing wrong with needing a little break and expecting your h to do his part. He is being a selfish, immature jerk. What defense does he have for himself when you bring it up to him? It is not fair for him to just do what he wants and expect you to do everything. I would be more than pissed at him if I were you. Sorry you are going through that.
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  • I would be so mad and hysterical about this. I'm sorry you're dealing with it.

    You are absolutely not a bad mommy, your husband needs to step up his daddy game a little bit.


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  • I would feel the same way. I did discover with my first that a baby crying can mean different things to men. When I heard DS crying I felt like I needed to stop it. When my ex heard DS crying his thought was babies cry. I don't think it crossed his mind that he should do something about it.
  • Destiny???
    Sorry, while our LO is still yet to arrive, my husband has the same addiction that worries me when the baby does arrive... His current drug of choice is Destiny for PS4, maybe they play together!?
    You have every right to be pissed, yell, scream and don't feel bad one bit!

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    BFP #2: May 26th 2014!!! 

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  • You're a better mom for knowing your limits!

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  • You are not a bad mommy at all.  Seems like you are the only one doing anything!

    This post is exactly why I don't allow video games in my house...  This isn't college anymore.  Your DH needs to put the controller down and start acting like a parent.
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  • Agree with everyone. You are NOT a bad mommy.

    It might help to write out how you're feeling before you talk with your H about his behavior. I know sometimes if I'm super pissed my point just gets lost in my anger and DH doesn't listen as well. If you write it down you're less likely to just go on the attack, even if he deserves it!

    I'm sorry you have to deal with this. :(
  • You are a great Mom. You did what you needed to make situation better- you walked away. Your husband is an ass. There is no way to sugar coat this. Yes men have different feelings and reactions to babies crying I will give you that but to put video games at even a bit of a priority at this point is bs and honestly concerning. He needs to grow up. And you already have one child so he should know this already- he doesn't even have the new dad excuse! I'm so sorry your dealing with this and just take some time daily for yourself and hand him your baby. It will do you both some good!
  • That video game would disappear if that shit happened in my house. And no, you're not a bad mommy.
  • My baby was like yours, very fussy, and I would get short with my SO because the baby's cries hit my nerves. but then I learned different techniques for burping him. There are some good YouTube videos that show different positions for getting the Gas out. My baby surprisingly has become SO much easier since we mastered the burp, which you should do every 15 min or so. Maybe that's something to consider, could help both of you get along better.
  • csjsmom said:

    I would feel the same way. I did discover with my first that a baby crying can mean different things to men. When I heard DS crying I felt like I needed to stop it. When my ex heard DS crying his thought was babies cry. I don't think it crossed his mind that he should do something about it.

    This. When my baby cries I find my stress level hits the roof, I feel a very strong sense of urgency to soothe the baby and get very frustrated if all efforts are not being made to make that happen. I've discussed it with DH and he just does not get that urge. I think its hormones/instinctual. However, this does not excuse his behavior. For me it just means that I have to ask for him to soothe DD/DS sometimes when he doesn't pick up on the cues. Second time around for us and its been much easier
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  • You are not a bad mom at all. First, your DH is being very immature and frankly I would take his toys away (or outright break them). Second, if you were a bad mom you wouldnt give a hoot and you would be ignoring your child and not feeling guilty.
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