I don't want her in there, is that selfish of me????

jamiejasonfiske · January 2015

My mother in law is upset that I don't want her in the delivery room. She has been there for all her other grandkids births, but I feel it's our private moment and am not comfortable with her being in the room. Is that selfish of me??

MittenMomma · January 2015

Not at all! We've already told everyone that when its time to push they will be asked to leave and they can come back after our DD meets her sibling and I feel like visitors. My BFF and my husband were there for my DD birth, but we lived a 1000 miles away, not much of an issue there (:

inkblotanna · January 2015

No, especially if this is your first. My mil pulled the same thing. I had dh finally be blunt and say no means no and you'll just have to get over it.

hendS731 · January 2015

Not selfish at all! That's supposed to be a special moment between the two of you, if you don't want her in there or aren't comfortable with her being in there then that is 100% your choice! She can get over it!

MCH77 · January 2015

Nope

audi681 · January 2015

No, you are not.

MEXARAB · January 2015

Not at all! I'm glad mine didn't want or ask! Good luck!

pinktorridora · January 2015

I feel the same way about my MIL and it's not selfish at all. I plan to have my mom and DH with me in the room. The bottom line is I will probably be scared and nervous and crying and likely half naked, and I'm just not comfortable being any of those things in front of my MIL. She isn't someone who will make me feel safe.

kladd7182 · January 2015

No it's your choice who you have in there. It's a private moment, not a circus.

jamiejasonfiske · January 2015

Those are my fears as well, but he says if my mom is there his mom should be there, so I can't even have my mom who has always been my comfort and my strength.

GSUDavis · January 2015

I say not at all as well!

My DH's grandma told me at Christmas that she was definitely going to be in the delivery room when we have the baby. And I was like, "oh no you're not!" I didn't mean to be rude but she was adamant. I talked to DH about it and he agreed. Even though his grandma practically raised him, he understand that she completely stresses me out most days and that the delivery of our first child is a completely personal and private event. We talked to her about it together and while she doesn't like it, she knows that it's not an option. That's just how it is.

mnj05 · January 2015

Not at all. I didn't have anyone in my room until after I delivered DS and even then, it was after visiting hours so they only allowed the grandparents for 10 minutes. Good thing because I was too exhausted and my ILs drive me crazy. I plan on the same this time around too.

kladd7182 · January 2015

jamiejasonfiske said:
Those are my fears as well, but he says if my mom is there his mom should be there, so I can't even have my mom who has always been my comfort and my strength.

My husband pulled that line with me for our last baby. I told him if he couldn't respect my wishes about who was in the OR with me then he wouldn't be there either. He came back with, "well I'm the father". I told him I had no problem having the staff call security on him. You just need to put your foot down and have a little backbone.

Jmitch8 · January 2015

No! I had a similar experience with my first. I only wanted DH and my mom in the room. I finally had to tell her it wasn't happening. We don't have the best relationship though.

CANTW82BMOM · January 2015

Everyone else already covered it, but no, you're not being selfish at all. It's all about what you are going to be comfortable with.

Koalaknuckles · January 2015

jamiejasonfiske said:

Those are my fears as well, but he says if my mom is there his mom should be there, so I can't even have my mom who has always been my comfort and my strength.

I don't think there's any reason why you can't have your mom in there.

You're the one going through all the work, pushing out a baby and possibly shitting yourself in the process.

Your husband has a right to his opinion, but I think it's up to you to choose who you want in the room with you.

Let your MIL be butthurt over it.

mrsg27 · January 2015

Koalaknuckles said:

jamiejasonfiske said:

Those are my fears as well, but he says if my mom is there his mom should be there, so I can't even have my mom who has always been my comfort and my strength.

I don't think there's any reason why you can't have your mom in there.

You're the one going through all the work, pushing out a baby and possibly shitting yourself in the process.

I literally cried laughing at this. Thank you!

inLOVEalready715 · January 2015

you're not being selfish at all. I think its rude that your MIL is offended. Its different to have your own mother in the room, they already wiped your ass for you and cleaned up your vomit...there are some things that MILs don't need to see. The day DH can deliver the baby himself is the day his mom can be there.

GSUDavis · January 2015

mrsg27 said:

jamiejasonfiske said:

Those are my fears as well, but he says if my mom is there his mom should be there, so I can't even have my mom who has always been my comfort and my strength.

I don't think there's any reason why you can't have your mom in there.

You're the one going through all the work, pushing out a baby and possibly shitting yourself in the process.
I literally cried laughing at this. Thank you!

I agree with ^^ as well. I told my DH that I'm comfortable with having my mom in there but not with having his mom. I have know my mom all of my life and only known his for the last 4 years or so. That's a huge difference! Plus, I'm completely comfortable with my mom. She is my rock. AND, it's my body. I'm the one that will be doing the work and will have my feet up in the air for everyone to see my business. It's 100% my (or your) call on who gets to come in and doesn't (except for hospital staff, of course

littleschmidt · January 2015

The nurses at the hospital where I delivered offered to kick as many people out as the mother wanted. They said they would tell them they can only have 1 person in the delivery room if they had too! The nurse said she doesn't mind being the bad guy, she doesn't have to go thanksgiving dinner with your mother in law! You have every right to be as comfortable as you can be!

MsOCT · January 2015

It's not a circus. I can't imagine wanting visitors and onlookers. Just me, dh, and my midwives, thank you. Your mil is out of line inviting herself to your birth.

Mamamads · January 2015

Nope, I don't even want my own mother or family (whom im close to) in the room. Don't feel bad and don't let her sway you, it is about you not her. She'll get over and can wait in the waiting room with whoever else.

kw42775 · January 2015

I told my mom absolutely not. She was annoyed but she got over it.

jamiejasonfiske · January 2015

Thank you all so much, I feel much better now. Hopefully he comes to understand where I am coming from before the big day.

JuneBug0611 · January 2015

jamiejasonfiske said:
Thank you all so much, I feel much better now. Hopefully he comes to understand where I am coming from before the big day.

I'm sorry your DH doesn't have your back on this one. YOU are the patient so YOU decide who is present. It is as simple as that. No one, including DH, has the "right" to be in there with you.

jrpschmidt · January 2015

No way! Your body, your decision! Next time your husband goes for a prostate exam, tell him your going to bring your entourage.

iteachkids81 · January 2015

I feel ya on that. My aunt mentioned she wanted to be in the delivery room when I first told her I was pregnant. She lives in the other side of the country, and I get that she wants to be there to sort of represent my mom who died when I was 16, but I don't want her in there. She's the exact opposite of the type of person I need in there with me. She's all about herself. It definitely upset her when I told her I didn't want her in there and I want my stepmom in there instead.

hawkeymama · January 2015

Not at all!! You havethe right to choose who is in the delivery room with you!! This is our first and I am just comfortable having my hubby in there with me. Its a special time for you a and youhusband don't feel like you are being selfish!!

mel+austx · January 2015

I wanted just my husband and me in the room for delivery. My mom took it kind of hard but didn't push. When the actual time came, my feelings were not nearly as strong. Before it was over I would have loved for her to have been there.

My point? It's a crazy time. Tell her that it would mean so much for her to be there and support you but at this time you are concerned about too many people in the room. Ask her to allow you to change your mind at that time if you end up feeling more comfortable with it. And remind your husband it isn't him spread eagle on a table with his goodies on view for the world to see. It's a little different.

0ashley · January 2015

Not at all. My L&D was downright disgusting and I'm glad I banned everyone. I'll be doing the same again, except I might let my trusted RN SIL take some pics because H didn't take very many of our last baby because he was worried about me.

rubies4all · January 2015

No! You should get the birth you want, I'm sure she did. She can see baby right after. I agree with you it should be a private kinda thing. This is my second and it's kinda crazy in there already but the first moment it is just the three of you is just awesome!

jmlittleton · January 2015

Not selfish at all!

My MIL had not only expected SHE could be in the room, but also invited my husbands grandmother(after I said I don't want out of town visitors) to be in the room!!!

Husband finally flat out told her: "Mom, no. This is a moment for The two of us, and it's special. We don't want other people there"

Stay strong. MIL's are crazy. Especially when they have no boundaries.

JennyJensing · January 2015

Not at all! Sounds like your DH needs to stand up to his mom so that you don't have to play the part of evil daughter in law.

LovelyMissLizzie · January 2015

Absolutely NOT!!! I want my mom & my baby's dad in the room & no one else! To me I feel like if she's showing you her disappointment that's selfish of HER. Stand your ground & don't let her make you feel guilted into it. The second your baby is born that will be a thing of the past & I'm sure it won't matter to her anymore whether she was there or not. (:

dragonladysarkany · January 2015

YOU do..what YOU want to! YOU do what your comfortable with! It's your body, it's YOU who is giving birth. YOU know what you will or not tolerate with. YOU have the right to say no without feeling bad! & YOU have the right to say, they are most welcome to come enjoy & see the baby after YOU have delivered!

LibbyC730 · January 2015

I love my MIL dearly and I know she would be more relaxing and helpful than even my own mother, however neither of them will be joining DH and I for the delivery! I definitely don't think this is selfish on your behalf.
I'd hold firm on this one, hopefully the boundary setting benefits last far beyond the delivery room!

anicsmith · January 2015

Eff that! I'm sure my husband will say the same, but I'm prepared to tell him that I want the woman who gave me birth to witness me give birth! It's funny how all of our scenarios line up!

missbenson · January 2015

Hun, in no way is that selfish. Giving birth is going to be very stressful on your body as it is and you do not need to add additional stressors. If you don't feel comfortable with her in the room then don't allow it. Remind your other half that it is you giving birth, not him.

acpm4683 · January 2015

Not at all!!!!!

Coastiegirl35 · January 2015

If they weren't there to witness the conception, then they don't get to be there to witness the birth! Thats my rule of thumb, for family, when it comes to my labor and delivery. Stand your ground.

kristyn831 · January 2015

No, not at all. No one but DH will be in the delivery room until after the birth. I don't even want people in the hospital waiting because I'm sure I won't be up for company right away. It's not a modesty thing, I went through infertility and more people than I can count saw my lady parts. It's a special moment for DH, myself, and our baby.

I wouldn't feel the need to explain myself to anyone. Make sure to tell the nurses that if anyone shows up to visit, to not even ask you if they can come in. The nurses are usually very protective over laboring mothers and will tell people no.

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