MIL driving me nuts already with ?

MrsClark7514 · January 2015

Everyday my MIL texts me how are you feeling at first I would answer now 9 weeks and now I dont answer I cringe when my DH tells her day and time of dr appts cuz bam right there asking what did they say when I sent the text then the phone call of what did they say omg this will be her 4 th grandchild and i already got the news from the time i go in to labor she will wait till i deliver in the waiting room what boundaries do i set up nicely before i have to put my foot down help

CaliforniaDream87 · January 2015

I mean, maybe I'm weird, but I think it's cool that she is so invested in you and her grand child. I have a really great relationship with my MIL so maybe I'm biased. I can see if she was ordering you around of "telling" you she will be in the delivery room (which is not her choice). But all she's doing is checking on you. It's really no big deal to me.

It seems like there may be more back story we are unaware of....

julie1445 · January 2015

My MIL is like that, i love it though because i no longer have my mom so it feels great to know someone not blood related cares so much about me and their grandchild

missmychard · January 2015

I feel bad for moms of boys because they don't often get to have a strong connection with their sons once they're grown. Their wife sort of takes that spot. I think it's sweet that she's so interested in the pregnancy and how you're feeling. It's also a way for her to feel closer to her son and his growing family. I also totally understand feeling annoyed, especially if you don't have a good relationship with her. That being said, it would be pretty hard to express your displeasure with her interest in you and the baby. I honestly have no idea how you'd do that without damaging the relationship. I might just not text back every time, or have my husband do it so that he can take on that line of communication with her. Sorry I'm not more help!

Miz_Liz · January 2015

@slappytrout I am sorry she responded that way, that is horrible! Congrats on your little girl

MrsClark7514 · January 2015

For now i have diverted all questions to my DH but it is the over bearing part that drives me nuts and I am sorry to hear how your MIL reacted to the news of its a girl I mean that is horrible
Today we had snow and she texts my DH to make sure I dont fall cuz her MIL did and she was carrying twins and lost them well thanks for that text I just have no patience

Starynightsky24 · January 2015

I understand! My MIL did that with DS. For me, it was annoying because she literally NEVER talked to me before I was pregnant. I answered her questions, Because as PP have said... I was glad she was interested in her grandson. But that's about all.

After he was born MIL quickly realized who the parents were. And this time all she had said was, "well, let me know if you need me for anything". It was very pleasant.

MIL and I have never gotten along though. And... There have been many other negative interactions between us.

GirlOnTheBeach · January 2015

I had to read your post twice to even understand what you were saying. Please use at least some punctuation and don't be afraid to spell out words instead of using text language...

As far as your situation, I'd suggest talking to your husband and letting him know how you feel about her having all the information about your appointments. If her constant texts are bothering you, perhaps politely mention that you love how involved she is but that you'll send weekly updates as they will contain more information than day-to-day updates would.

kc525 · January 2015

I think it's great she is so excited and checking in on how you're feeling. None of that seems out of the ordinary or overbearing. I wish I had that! If you need more boundaries, though, just set them. It took me some time to figure out that I'm an adult, and I have not only the right, but the responsibility
to voice my feelings.

jal88144 · January 2015

Ahhh having flashbacks to when I was pregnant with my first! Sounds EXACTLY like my MIL-

I understand how you are feeling- of course its nice she cares but it gets obnoxious and pushy (at least in my case because she is extremely overbearing), I would get a text nearly every other day the whole 41.5 weeks plus obsess over every tiny little detail- when I was in labor for 33 HOURS I kept saying they should just go home and wait but she said she had to be first, before my own mom..just something different with your MIL I feel ya

misstunes · January 2015

I think it's great to have a MIL want to be so involved but if it is bothering you just tell her your boundaries. My MIL's response when my husband told her was "good for her" and this is her first grandchild.

misstunes · January 2015

I think it's great to have a MIL want to be so involved but if it is bothering you just tell her your boundaries. My MIL's response when my husband told her was "good for her" and this is her first grandchild.

jlo629 · January 2015

We still have not told the in laws.... I am 11W on Monday and we have not heard the heartbeat so we were not going to tell anyone but we ended up telling my parents because they live less than a mile away and with me having terrible ms we had to tell them. My MIL is the worst so i am dreading telling her. I joke we can try and wait many more months since they live about 1.5 hours away!

aRBe · January 2015

Just one of those "grin and bear it" situations, DH should be able to keep him under control.

Thankful I'm not close with MIL, she only calls and texts DH, we don't have a house line so i'll never accidentally answer a call from her.

bashfulbird · January 2015

@slappytrout WTF that sux.

MIL is quietly out of the picture so I'm not sure if I am missing out on something fun or glad to escape the drama.

bambinthumper · January 2015

With my first child my MIL was crazy she tried to control my eating and sleeping habits she pretty much stayed at my house from daylight to dark! It drove me nuts.. then when it came time to have the baby she went so far as to tell my mom she couldn't be in the delivery room with me ( this is MIL 4th grandchild and my moms 1st ) I almost lost it but somehow kept my cool and calmly told her that I could have only two people in the room with me and that would be her son and my mom. She yelled at me asking why she couldn't be there I simply explained that it made me uncomfortable and I just needed my mom and my child's father.

Jenkayb · January 2015

You're acting like a brat but also please learn about punctuation.

dkizz82 · January 2015

I love that my MIL cares enough about me to ask me those questions. We are close and I don't find it annoying at all. It could be your hormones making it more annoying.

honeybee530 · January 2015

My MIL and I are civil to each other and she only texts me once a year....my birthday. Even when I had a breast cancer scare last year, she never once texted to see "how I was doing." She has been so desperate for a grandchild (you should see the way she babies DH's sister's cat....OMG). We told them about the baby at Christmas and now suddenly she feels the need to send "just wanted to see how mommy and little one are feeling..." texts. I can understand and appreciate her excitement but it's hard not to feel like suddenly you "matter" because you're carrying her grandchild. I totally get where you're coming from!

katehenton623 · January 2015

When we got married my husband pretty much said, "I will communicate with my parents, you communicate with yours." It works for us. My family knew about this pregnancy first, because I called them, and he forgot to call his for a couple hours. I never get the fallout though because of our system. My MIL has been pretty hands off but this will be her 15th grandchild. We call to let everyone know how appointments go and she doesn't really bother me otherwise. I wouldn't mind if she texted me though, as long as she wasn't trying to tell me what to do.

SassetteSmurfling · January 2015

This is exactly why I refuse to tell my in-laws yet. I'm putting it off until I can't hide it anymore. It's actually the reason we haven't told anyone other than my parents and 2 best friends.

For me, if I don't already talk to you regularly, I don't want to talk to you regularly now just because I'm pregnant. The reason I was okay with telling my parents and best friends is because they would call me up and ask me how I am all the time, regardless of being pregnant or not. So it's not annoying when they ask. In laws, casual friends, etc... No. Don't just talk to me because I'm pregnant. If you didn't care enough to talk to me before, we aren't suddenly becoming best friends because I'm pregnant.

I'm seriously dreading when we tell everyone else.

ann_jeremiah · January 2015

Ha.. my mini birthing story of DS1..

MIL was very invested in wanting to know everything too... it's just her personality, not even just about the pregnancy. We were having grandbaby #1 for both of our families, to add to the excitement. After each of our appointments I would just send out a group text to both of our families and tell them how it went.

Delivery day.. I went into labor about 9pm. Went to the hospital about midnight - we let our families know what was happening. 8am, the next day (after laboring all night) ALL of our family showed up - 10 people. They were in and out of my room all day - the nurses were great and could tell my blood pressure would go up (especially when MIL was in the room), so DH sent everyone a text and just told them I was sleeping.. They were there literally all day! DS1 was not born until 11:46pm. I was in labor at the hospital for nearly 24 hours before he was born, with ALL of my family there most of the day! My dad's comment after the fact... "I should have guessed it would take a long time, it took your mom a long time to have you." OMG!

Our hospital has always been very good about keeping people out of the room if we don't want them in there, they are great about being the "bad guy."

annamariep87 · January 2015

slappytrout said:

Enjoy the attention!

Can we all take this opportunity to bitch about mothers and mother inlaws?

My MIL was like yours, until she found out we are having a girl. Now? Total silence. I'm not complaining though.

Me via txt "We get the genetic testing results back today!"
MIL "As soon as you find out, let me know!"
H on the phone with her "It's healthy... and it's a girl!"
MIL "(long pause) well, that's news I guess"

Does she not like girls?

cowboys2009 · January 2015

Jenkayb said:
You're acting like a brat but also please learn about punctuation.

This is uncalled for. If you don't at least have something to justify your stance you should move on.

OP - this would annoy me as well. I understand she comes from a place of caring but it is overkill. When my MIL calls or texts I ask DH to respond from his cell and its not a problem.

preppywife · January 2015

My MIL has not called once since we told them on Christmas.

My DH told me she emailed him a few days ago that she didn't have my number. I've had the same phone number since my freshman year in high school...I am 30. You'd have though at some point over the last 10 years she'd have saved my phone number.

c'est la vie.

katmandusf · January 2015

If you don't have a difficult relationship with your MIL you can not relate to this. My MIL is very difficult to deal with and my HB and I have agreed that communication goes through him. I tried communicating with her but is causes too much stress and frustration.

We have not told her yet and don't plan to until after the first trimester. My parents and a few close friends know but even my HB is dreading telling his mom a bit as she an odd ball. We have already been discussing many things that we know will come up with her and how to handle them. We have plans for everything from her over shopping, not being in the delivery room, taking care of the child and respecting our wishes and rules.

It can be very difficult and stressful if you don't have a close relationship with your MIL. My MIL is a mother of two boys that is also socially awkward and does not know how to empathize with people often. Luckily my HB and I share the same values, even if his mother does not. Work with your SO to develop and instigate boundaries and have them help out with getting the information across. Good luck!!!!!

jessandandy09 · January 2015

OP, I understand. I love my MIL, but she annoys the living fuck out of me. She is just needy and whines all of the time and pretends to be a little girl and incompetent to take care of herself. And I am sure the barrage of questions she is asking me (pretending like she is interested) is really so she can post it on Facebook and get attention of her own. Everything in the world is all about her and her special princess needs. This makes me hesitant to even want to talk to her, but I know in my heart that the only person's view point i can change is mine so I try. I grit my teeth and I try.

rosley87 · January 2015

My MIL told me she needs to take 20 pictures of me for each trimester... She said she bought ribbon to put on me for every picture!.. Let's just say that ribbon hasn't touched me and I'm 12 weeks. She is overbearing in every way.

Miz_Liz · January 2015

rosley87 said:

My MIL told me she needs to take 20 pictures of me for each trimester... She said she bought ribbon to put on me for every picture!.. Let's just say that ribbon hasn't touched me and I'm 12 weeks. She is overbearing in every way.

Tell her to come on over....afterall, it is Throatpunch Thursday, someone ought to be able to get one in!

jorstad1 · January 2015

Both my inlaws were in the delivery room along with my mom and 2 sister in laws. I love the support

kc525 · January 2015

Edited, because never mind.

katiebtobe · January 2015

I would establish limits for the hospital! I did not do this with my first and my in-laws made it a horrible experience. Not so much my Mil more so my FIL! But def sit down with your hubby and decide what's best for you guys! For my second no one was allowed at the hospital until I had the baby! And this one will be the same ☺ Good luck!

poppymt40 · January 2015

Ha my MIL is great, it's my mom DH and I are worried about. We had to do injections to get pregos so everyone has known we're trying and my mom ask me every time I talk to her if we're pregnant and then puts a disclaimer out that she better be the first to know. Yeh fat chance mom! I'm dreading telling her that she can't be in the delivery room with us, she will probably throw a two year old fit and try to manipulate me by pulling the I did this that and that for you and this is how you repay me. She pulls this crap all the time! I've just never been close to her though, she would make not only me but my DH feel super uncomfortable in the delivery room and take away from our experience so it just gonna be us. Sorry mom!

joannerows · February 2015

Punctuation is very helpful!
I would thank her for her concern first. She cannot be left in the dark until the baby is born. Keep replying to her the same thing: baby and I are healthy. Nothing new to report.
Then tell her vague statements like: my husband and I discussed and decided how we are going to raise our child. We are in agreement and appreciate the support.
That way she is in the loop but doesn't know all the details. Plus she knows u and her son talked through many decisions which will put her mind at ease. Ignoring her will not serve you well I'm afraid!

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