No way out — The Bump
Dads & Dads-to-be

No way out

Here is my situation: I have never kept my dislike of children a secret from my wife, and with the exception of a brief period of time during our engagement where I thought I had changed my mind on the subject, I have always been plain about my desire to not have children.  From my perspective children are repulsive and disgusting annoyances; a lifelong burden of responsibility and the forceful mandatory re-arrangement of priorities.  I have significant trouble being around them, and God help you if you try to make me hold a baby, read to them or change a diaper.  These are all personal and selfish reasons of course, but I could go on and on about practical reasons for remaining childless, the most relevant are being financial and maturity-related.  I have tried, time and time again, to explain to my wife the need to reduce spending on impulse purchases for non-essential things; that the reason that we live just a little past paycheck-to-paycheck lies in all the household knickknacks that occupy every flat surface we own.  It is rare for me to come home and not find some new houseplant or kitchen gadget, newly purchased with no discussion prior, lying on the table.  We just purchased a home in June, and are still getting adjusted to the mortgage payment and the high cost of heating oil.  Conventional wisdom suggests keeping enough savings to weather several months of unemployment; we routinely pay off bills the day we get paid, and maintain less than $200 in the checking account until next paycheck.  A financial safety net is a luxury I have never experienced with my wife.  Maturity-wise, my wife was an only child and had a childhood full of getting what she wanted, with a mother who was more of a friend than a parent and an easygoing father who was always quick to bail her out of any mess.  “It’ll be fine” is my wife’s answer to most problems, which typically means that it’s time for me to step up and deal with whatever new catastrophe life has thrown at us.  Despite this, my wife is convinced that being a mother is her calling, even though we can’t afford for her to be out of work for any amount of time and that she is completely unprepared for the emotional and physical trials and tribulations of pregnancy and childbirth.

 

So recently, she made it known to me that she had missed her period, taken a pee test and had a “pregnant” result.  She had recently discontinued using her birth control (not my idea, and one she did not discuss with me) and contraception fell entirely to me (we had always “doubled-up” before, with her pill and condoms).  A 99.8% success rate doesn't mean much when you happen to fall into the 0.2%, which in no time at all is what happened to us.  As you might have guessed already, I urged her to consider abortion as an alternative to a lifetime of strife and ruin.  She was not receptive to the idea – neither of us are religious by any stretch of the imagination, and she had previously claimed to be pro-choice, so I was surprised to learn that she already considered the lump of cells clinging to her uterus to be a person, and to prematurely remove it to be unthinkably cruel.  It is still very early in the pregnancy and a non-invasive medication-induced abortion is available at minimal effort, yet without her agreement it might as well be illegal.

 

I am stuck on what to do now.  On one hand, I love my wife and when I vouched to stand by her side, whatever may come, I made an ironclad promise that I will never go back on.  On the other, I am convinced that we are unprepared for the responsibility of a child and doubt that I will feel anything other than resentment for this kid from the moment I lay eyes on it.  I know most people don’t feel this strongly negative about kids and I already know I must be a wretched person for feeling this way (just another reason I shouldn't be a parent & role model), but unless my wife changes her mind, or if she has the miscarriage I find myself already wishing for, I don’t see a way out of this future filled with misery and failure.  I am at my breaking point and all I feel is despair and dread.

 

I feel completely alone with these thoughts that have tormented me since the moment I saw that positive test stick.  I can’t think of anyone I know who would understand or approve of my position on this.  This world is filled to the brim with people and pain; like it says in The Princess Bride: “Life is pain…anyone who says different is selling something.”  Who am I to contribute to that?  Doesn't it say enough about me as a person that I would wish for my wife to miscarry; that I shouldn't subject a child to the failure of me as a parent?  Right now I would give anything for me to be infertile but a vasectomy was something my wife wouldn't approve of when I suggested it years ago. I apologize to everyone out there who has difficulty trying to conceive – I’m sure my “curse” would be your blessing.

Re: No way out

  • From my perspective children are repulsive and disgusting annoyances; 
    Wow, those are very strong words!  I'm not sure how many will agree with this perspective on children.  I can sympathize though, and its admirable for you to admit that children are just not for you, if that is the case, why not just go ahead and get a vasectomy done?  Did you think that at some point you'd change your mind?
    a lifelong burden of responsibility and the forceful mandatory re-arrangement of priorities.
    Actually this part sounds a lot like marriage, except for maybe the forceful part.  At least for me I know that in my marriage I have had to re-arrange my priorities because I am now considering a whole other person who is involved in my life and the decisions I make. No offense, but if you don't already do this in your marriage, then honestly, I question what type of a marriage it is.  
    [Deleted User]
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  • eddiegotsole: thanks for your feedback.  I think it's some of the insight I was looking for.  Re: vasectomy - I think maybe I was hoping that I would, in time, soften up to the idea, or start to see the appeal of kids, or even find out what chemical my brain isn't pumping out that causes everyone I know to adore children.  I also held back because I wasn't comfortable making such a "final" choice without my wife being on board as well.  Unfortunately, I don't know if that will ever happen.  I think you've got a point about the re-arrangement of priorities, but the compulsory nature of this is what I'm bucking against.  My marriage was a conscious choice - either I love this woman or I don't, and I was free to act accordingly.  Bringing a kid into this mix isn't - either I love this child, or I'm some kind of heartless monster.

    agpt413 brought up an excellent point about getting professional counseling.  I completely agree that this would have helped, and would still help, but my wife utterly refuses to seek out any form of therapy, be it single or couples counseling.  I actually have my first appointment lined up for later today, which my wife has made clear that she will not attend.  The best info I can get from her is that she became deeply depressed as a teen, was brought to one or two therapists and refused to return after the initial visits.  Her parents gave the stamp of approval "you don't have to go if you don't want to" and she spent the rest of her high school years avoiding the issue, missing lots of school days and ultimately attending summer school in her senior year.  She doesn't trust therapists, assuming they will judge and ridicule her, and nothing I have said changes her mind.  She also resents me for going to a therapist myself - saying that I go "just to complain about her".

    How do I break down this communication barrier?
    eddiegotsole
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  • Avswolf said:

    So, you posted your reply as I was typing mine.  Good for you for arranging counseling.  Go yourself, get the benefit for yourself.  I'm sorry your wife seems to have her own agenda.  As far as breaking the communication barrier, when you have the sessions, try putting a positive spin on them when you get home.  Something like "I had a very good session.  It opened my eyes to this, and I think I can do that." "I'd very much like you to come and listen...just listen.. to the next session.  It would mean a lot to me."  don't force the issue, but keep giving her the choice.  Maybe if she sees it's helping you in a positive manner, then she'll be more open to it.

    For now, try to imagine yourself as the father you'd want to be.  Think about what you would like to show your child, what you'd like him/her to experience.  Look at it this way, you have a chance to make a great impact on the world with how you raise this little person. I'm sure as this progresses you'll grow to understand a little more why people want children.  I don't know if it will change your mind, but the first time you hold him/her will change you in ways you couldn't possibly imagine right now.

    All the luck to you.

    Thanks for your reply.  I've tried many times to imagine myself as a father, and I just can’t visualize a scenario that ends in a positive experience, either for myself or for this hypothetical child.  I try to think of examples I could set for my kid, and can only come up with bad examples.  Every mistake and unhappy experience I've ever had comes rushing back to fill in the gaps when I think about what their childhood might be like.  Subjecting a child to that just seems unforgivable – not to say that as a blanket statement, but just one about myself as a prospective father.

     I can at least say that I took the news without making a scene and shouting for an abortion and all that, but unfortunately my wife took my calm demeanor as acceptance, when inside I was flipping back and forth between depression, denial, and bargaining without pause for the remainder of the day.  When we finally did have a conversation about “what we’re gonna do”, I broached the topic of terminating the pregnancy, and was crushed when she seemed to dismiss it without a second thought.  I've been on a negative thought spiral ever since, of which have yet to discover the bottom.

     I don’t consider myself to be an especially smart person – although I write well, I seldom have much success organizing my thoughts to speak aloud, and don’t consider myself to be much of a conversationalist.  I had average grades in school, obtained an associate’s degree that was obsolete before I even graduated, and although I’ve never been fired I had been employed in more jobs than my parent’s combined by the time I was 21.  I never found my calling, and I’ve been plagued with the question of “what would be your dream job” my entire life, without ever determining an answer, practical or “pie-in-the-sky”.  I have nothing (positive) to offer a child, don’t like them in the first place, and don’t have much faith in having that “aha” moment when first holding my offspring.  I just wish that someone else (especially my wife) could see that.

     Folks say to take difficult transitions “one day at a time”.  Thinking about the short-term, I’m dreading how could make it through telling people about it.  I might be able to bluff my way through encounters with coworkers and associates, but my friends and family know me too well, and no amount of forced enthusiasm will be able to hide my dread and opposition to the idea of having kids.

     I do want you to know that I value your input, and that I’m not dismissing it or saying you’re wrong.  But I know me, better than anyone else, and I feel like for me, being a parent would be a mistake for everyone involved.  I wish I could believe the confidence people place in me, and reassurances that “everything will be fine” and that “you’ll be a good dad” – if they could see what I see, and know what I know, I wonder if they’d change their tune?

  • Avswolf said: OP, your response to me is very negative. I'm not meaning that as an insult, just an observation.  You seem to have a low opinion of yourself.  I really am glad that you have sought out counseling, and advice here.  And I'm glad no one has attacked you for your thoughts.  Based on your replies, I have a feeling a lot of your worries and concerns come from insecurities about yourself.  Again, not meaning to insult you in the slightest, just making an observation. 
    I'll agree.  I'm not in a very optimistic place right now, and it's hard to see the bright side when you're at the bottom of a pit you've dug for yourself.  I've often said, "when life gives you lemons, shut up and eat your lemons."  Well, life gave me some lemons, and now that I have these lemons, I'm finding that I can't even bring myself to touch them, much less eat and/or make lemonade out of them.  Also I suddenly can't stop thinking about lemons and how much I don't want to deal with them.

    Putting the lemon analogy aside, I've been to a counselor 2 times now, and so far all I've learned is that if you want to have a productive session and talk about why you're there, don't admit to having any suicidal thoughts, no matter how fleeting and non-serious they may be, because then you won't talk about ANYTHING else.  Beyond that, it's been all intake and "getting to know you" type stuff that I'm not finding particularly useful, but I know that's just something you gotta do before you can really dig in there and sort through your dirty laundry.

    Have a happy thanksgiving everybody.  I'll be back on Friday.
  • uyarndoguyarndog member
    edited November 2014
    saiven said:
    In the event that this isn't MUD, I'll take off my lurking hat and weigh in.

    Your marriage sounds supremely unhealthy, without the addition of a child. The fact that you aren't on the same page on finances, children and values makes me question why you're even together. You also don't seem to like your wife that much. You mention the promise you made like it's an obligation, not a choice. 

    Also, I am very pro-choice and I believe in the rights of all women to make their own reproductive choices, whatever they may be. I'm also very pregnant. Pro-choice =/= termination of all pregnancies. So, cut that out right now. Suggesting that terminating a pregnancy might be the best course of action for your family is a valid discussion for the two of you to have. Your incredulity that she doesn't immediately go for an abortion is not valid. This is clearly a wanted pregnancy for her and in her mind, there is no reason to terminate or consider any other options.

    I'm glad you're getting counseling. To say that counselors won't talk to you if you admit to suicidal thoughts, though, is patently untrue. Suicide is a very, very serious concern, yes. But practitioners are able to discern whether someone is truly at risk. If you are, that's a separate conversation. If you aren't, you still have some other mental health issues to work through.

    I don't have helpful advice. I wish I did. If you want my honest opinion from your posts - I don't know that your marriage is salvageable or that you should stay in a marriage with a woman you so clearly don't respect. Also, if you so viscerally feel that children are the worst thing ever, having a child won't change that. Be really, really honest with yourself about this. The best course of action may be to end your marriage and give up your parental rights. But only you can decide that, not an online forum of strangers.



    While I value all input and I'm glad to hear a variety of different perspectives, I think yours might be a little off the mark.  I do very much like my wife.  She is the most important person in my life, and while I do view my marriage as a promise, it has never been an obligation (or at least, an unwelcome one).  I simply do not believe in divorce as an option that exists for me.  I know it works for lots of other folks, and I know several who have remarried and seem happier.  But I take the "till death do us part" vow very seriously.  I invited my wife into my life, and I am so happy that she decided to join me.  I cannot imagine living without her, and losing her has become my worst nightmare.  

    However, she's not a perfect human being (and neither am I or anyone else in this world) and some of her shortcomings is her unwillingness to talk about major life choices, a low self-esteem, and emotional immaturity.  We are not a perfect team, and I recognize that we have lots of room for improvement.  Knowing this, I have a strong feeling that the addition of a kid into the mix will only cause additional discord between us.

    This situation feels like a pothole that I've spotted in the road.  There is still plenty of time to swerve around it now, but if we stay on course we WILL hit it.  I know that she doesn't see it like that, and my incredulity at her reaction stemmed not from her choice, but her complete rejection of my opinion.  I felt (and still feel, from time to time) that this can't be real, that there's no possible way that, by this time next year, we will have a kid, and that our lives will be drastically different, and in many ways more difficult.  My greatest fear in all this is being proven right: that someday, maybe months, maybe years later, she will come to me with tears in her eyes and tell me that she can't care for this child anymore, that (like so many times before with her parents) she wants a "Get Out of Jail Free" card.

    This is not to say that I intend on doing nothing in my role as a spouse and parent, but I just can't shake this feeling that she really hasn't thought this through and will eventually realize that we just aren't prepared to care for another human being.  We are barely able to provide for each other (financially and emotionally) as is, and the limited time we have together (she works 2nd shift with e/o weekend, I work 1st shift and no weekends) will shrink to practically nothing.

    I just really want to feel like what I say matters; that I really am a partner in this marriage.  To feel like we share in the decisions and make them while being considerate to each other.  I still believe that the only way this will happen is with couple's counseling - we clearly aren't seeing eye-to-eye and having the discussions we need to work well together, and if we need a little help to do that, so be it.
  • Just lurking here, but I'll weigh in because MH has struggled with similar issues over time (for different reasons, and it's mostly resolved, but still. For the record we don't yet have children).

    I do strongly feel that you would benefit from marriage counseling specifically. You don't *have* to do it *with* your spouse. I think that it may be more useful to you in terms if getting concrete advice for things like not feeling heard in your marriage. I don't know what type of counselor you're seeing now, but I leave it for you to consider. It may also be worth using medication temporarily while you work through some of these issues.

    You cannot always control what happens, especially not when it comes to others. I do feel it was unfair of your wife to go off birth control. Personally, if women have the right to control their bodies without caveat, so do men. You can, however, control what you do and how you react. If it were me, I would get a vasectomy to avoid this problem occurring a second time. And for right now, you can choose to figure out what it means, objectively, to be a "good" parent and work towards that goal without necessarily concerning yourself with the emotions that are or are not behind it.

    Love, more often than not, is an act -something that you do- more than a feeling. Feelings change from minute to minute. Even planned parents aren't immune from feeling negatively towards their children at times. It's how you act and how you respond to them as a human being that counts. Don't distance yourself from it because you think it will spare anyone pain or disappointment.
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  • Thank you everyone for your sentiments and advice.  You've been an immeasurable help to me, as a sounding board and as support in a tough situation.  I'm very grateful for your non-judgmental thoughts and sound opinions.  Once again, thank you!
    [Deleted User]
  • Honestly you should consider a counseling session or two. Feelings are only bad if we let them be. It sounds like there's a lot of things you could work through to give yourself a happier and more fulfilling life.
  • Show what you wrote to your wife so she knows how you feel. Maybe she wasn't hearing you but if she sees it written down it will register, such as cutting down in discretionary spending.
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  • I just wanted to say I'm sorry for your loss and I hope your wife is ok. It took a lot of courage for you to really let it all hang out and be honest about your feelings. I also think it's a bit touching that you seemed to soften from this experience. Whatever you and your wife decide, I hope you can do it together and be on the same page. Good luck.
    Me 42, DH 33, TTC for about a year naturally (but no protection for 4 yrs). Together 6 yrs, married June 2014.
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  • I am so sorry for your loss. This is a very important diary to read for all the future dads. Thank you for sharing with us.
  • I am so sorry for your loss. It's so sad that it should happen right when you were communicating better and all. But I do think that experience that you had of seeing things from each other's perspective and being able to talk things through will serve you very well in your marriage. I hope it continues.

    From what I understand (and it's not much), a vasectomy, while considered a permanent form of birth control, is actually reversible. So it's possible to change your mind later if you did decide to get one. Obviously check with a doctor first because they will know better.

    I agree with PP that it seems a lot of your fears of fatherhood stemmed not only from a dislike of children, but a feeling of your own inadequacies. I hope your continuing counseling will be able to help you with that. I know it's been helpful for me in similar situations.

    My thoughts and prayers are with you during this difficult time. I hope that you and your wife grow closer as a result and are able to make your decisions together, as you say, standing united.
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  • I am sorry but your post caught my attention and I spent almost one hour reading everything!
    First I want to say I am sorry for your loss and hope you and your wife are doing fine. When I had my first MC, my DH was by me. we were very excited about having a cjild and after the firat loss, all what I did was to keep counting the months and keep imagining how the baby would look like... When it was the "due date" I couldnt stop crying because I knew I was supposed to be holding a baby. I felt weak and incompetent because of my inability to do that one thing that every woman is supposed to do.
    Anyway, I also wanted to tell you about my DH. When his father learned about the pregnancy he suggested my H mother an abortion. He never accepted my H. and until this day yhat feeling never changed. My H. knows it and grew up resenting and hat I ng his father. they dont talk and dont care about each other at all. It is a very sad relationship and his mother pays the price. My little piece of advice is: If you dont want to have kids, really. dont have one. That feeling of yours may not change and you might make your family very unhappy for the rest of all your lives. Maybe it was a good thing what happened so now you have a second chancd to tjink about it and get into an agreement with your wife before you have no other choice.
  • uyarndog said:

    Here is my situation: I have never kept my dislike of
    children a secret from my wife, and with the exception of a brief period of
    time during our engagement where I thought I had changed my mind on the
    subject, I have always been plain about my desire to not have children.  From my perspective children are repulsive
    and disgusting annoyances; a lifelong burden of responsibility and the forceful
    mandatory re-arrangement of priorities.  I
    have significant trouble being around them, and God help you if you try to make
    me hold a baby, read to them or change a diaper.  These are all personal and selfish reasons of
    course, but I could go on and on about practical reasons for remaining
    childless, the most relevant are being financial and maturity-related.  I have tried, time and time again, to explain
    to my wife the need to reduce spending on impulse purchases for non-essential
    things; that the reason that we live just a little past paycheck-to-paycheck
    lies in all the household knickknacks that occupy every flat surface we
    own.  It is rare for me to come home and
    not find some new houseplant or kitchen gadget, newly purchased with no
    discussion prior, lying on the table.  We
    just purchased a home in June, and are still getting adjusted to the mortgage
    payment and the high cost of heating oil. 
    Conventional wisdom suggests keeping enough savings to weather several
    months of unemployment; we routinely pay off bills the day we get paid, and
    maintain less than $200 in the checking account until next paycheck.  A financial safety net is a luxury I have
    never experienced with my wife.  Maturity-wise,
    my wife was an only child and had a childhood full of getting what she wanted,
    with a mother who was more of a friend than a parent and an easygoing father
    who was always quick to bail her out of any mess.  “It’ll be fine” is my wife’s answer to most
    problems, which typically means that it’s time for me to step up and deal with
    whatever new catastrophe life has thrown at us. 
    Despite this, my wife is convinced that being a mother is her calling, even
    though we can’t afford for her to be out of work for any amount of time and
    that she is completely unprepared for the emotional and physical trials and
    tribulations of pregnancy and childbirth.

     

    So recently, she made it known to me that she had missed her
    period, taken a pee test and had a “pregnant” result.  She had recently discontinued using her birth
    control (not my idea, and one she did not discuss with me) and contraception
    fell entirely to me (we had always “doubled-up” before, with her pill and
    condoms).  A 99.8% success rate doesn't
    mean much when you happen to fall into the 0.2%, which in no time at all is
    what happened to us.  As you might have
    guessed already, I urged her to consider abortion as an alternative to a
    lifetime of strife and ruin.  She was not
    receptive to the idea – neither of us are religious by any stretch of the
    imagination, and she had previously claimed to be pro-choice, so I was
    surprised to learn that she already considered the lump of cells clinging to her
    uterus to be a person, and to prematurely remove it to be unthinkably cruel.  It is still very early in the pregnancy and a
    non-invasive medication-induced abortion is available at minimal effort, yet
    without her agreement it might as well be illegal.

     

    I am stuck on what to do now.  On one hand, I love my wife and when I vouched
    to stand by her side, whatever may come, I made an ironclad promise that I will
    never go back on.  On the other, I am
    convinced that we are unprepared for the responsibility of a child and doubt
    that I will feel anything other than resentment for this kid from the moment I
    lay eyes on it.  I know most people don’t
    feel this strongly negative about kids and I already know I must be a wretched
    person for feeling this way (just another reason I shouldn't be a parent &
    role model), but unless my wife changes her mind, or if she has the miscarriage
    I find myself already wishing for, I don’t see a way out of this future filled
    with misery and failure.  I am at my
    breaking point and all I feel is despair and dread.

     

    I feel completely alone with these thoughts that have
    tormented me since the moment I saw that positive test stick.  I can’t think of anyone I know who would
    understand or approve of my position on this. 
    This world is filled to the brim with people and pain; like it says in
    The Princess Bride: “Life is pain…anyone who says different is selling
    something.”  Who am I to contribute to
    that?  Doesn't it say enough about me as
    a person that I would wish for my wife to miscarry; that I shouldn't subject a
    child to the failure of me as a parent?  Right
    now I would give anything for me to be infertile but a vasectomy was something
    my wife wouldn't approve of when I suggested it years ago. I apologize to
    everyone out there who has difficulty trying to conceive – I’m sure my “curse”
    would be your blessing.

    *lurking

    I don't think you should feel badly for how you feel. You are entitled to your opinion and life choices.

    However, one or both of you were in denial when you got married. Having children is a deal breaker. A year after being with my husband I made sure he was still up for kids because he already had two and I wouldn't go further unless we were on the same page.

    You can be feet dug in the sand and vocal about it but if your wife is the same, both of you were hoping the other would change their mind. It seems that neither of you have and the one who'll get hurt is the baby who didn't ask to be born.

    At this point you will have to make the best of things and be prepared for a failed marriage as this will surely be a source of animus for both of you.

    Good luck!

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    Hidden for the sake of your eyes!

  • Counseling seems to be a good idea. You guys are on opposite ends of the spectrum on what you want. :(
  • I am truly sorry for your wife's loss. I was in a similar situation in regards to having children. I have been adamant since I was 18 I did not want children at all. For me I think they are adorable, but I never felt the "desire" to have children. My sister had my niece and nephew and while I love them both very very much, I'm glad they weren't mine. I personally (sorry ladies!!!) find the whole birthing process disgusting, changing diapers beyond gross, and I never understood why women get so over the moon about being pregnant (my sister was this way).  I have been with my husband for almost 8 years (married for almost 1), but have known him for about 13 years.  We always discussed marriage and children. I made it known from Day 1 I didn't want children. For some ridiculous reason, he never believed me. He comes from a very large family and is the oldest grandson on both sides, so for him keeping the family line going is important. About 2 years before we got married, I had to go off of birth control bc it was causing debilitating headaches and leading to the possibility of blood clots. We had never used any other protection because I have Crohn's disease and always in an active flare, which means becoming pregnant makes it very very hard to accomplish. I guess if I was that adamant about not having children, I should have used other protection, but in my own world I thought nothing could happen (I'm 29..you would think I should know better). We did go to counseling where my husband still insisted I was joking about not wanting children and even friends and family thought I was crazy because I do so well with children and I am a teacher. The counselor told me that maybe I would change my mind later on, but I didn't think I would.  2 months after we got married I find out I am pregnant. Needless to say I took 4 tests and really started to have a panic attack. I am now almost 8 months pregnant and can I say I am that overly gushy mom-to-be who talks about being pregnant, takes a million pictures, talks about him 24/7? No I am not. However, every time he kicks/punches, I do smile. You will catch me talking to him, rubbing my belly, and dancing around the house when I think no one is looking. When I first heard his heartbeat, I started crying (in happiness). I recently fell down the stairs (I SWEAR NOT INTENTIONALLY!!) and I was instantly concerned for my son and went to the hospital. He is growing on me and the thought of having children petrifies me. Maybe that was my problem all along because I saw how my family was growing up, plus my family has told me forever I would be a horrible parent (nice huh?) because I have little patience for anything and tend to be a selfish person (I can admit it). From someone who knows to an extent how you feel...try counseling see how it works. Really think and analyze why you don't want children. I love my husband more than anything and I don't believe in divorce either (unless abuse or affairs were involved). I want to see my husband happy and while I never....ever wanted children, sometimes situations change and maybe the thought of having of a child will grow on you eventually.  Good luck with everything!
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