babyshower

1stbambino · January 2015

elc9311 said:

Darbie914 said:

firstmommy94 said:

Well me and my friend are planning it and yes I'll b planning the cooking and the games and being in charge but we didn't know when the best time to do the baby shower

The best time to have the shower that you are planning yourself is never. Let your friend host it and you sit back and enjoy the gift you're being given. A baby shower is, in and of itself, a gift and you should never be involved in planning your own gift.

I politely disagree. Speaking from personal experience, I had to have a heavy hand in planning a good portion of the baby shower I was given for my son. Why? My family and hubby's family come from vastly different backgrounds and I had to ensure the food, games, and other things wouldn't cause problems between them all. Additionally, since we were not renting a space for the shower and no one else had a space large enough, the shower was held in my own backyard. I needed to know details to ensure we had enough seating, shade, etc. The key here is that I was ASKED by those wanting to throw my shower for my input and help. They wanted to make sure it was a day that could be enjoyed by all and to do that they needed my help.

I see no problem in helping plan your own shower. I do, however, agree it is rude to do it completely on your own.

Since the OP is helping her friend plan it, I see nothing wrong with what she is doing. (And maybe the food piece is because people have allergies and she's trying to be sensitive. Ever think of that?)

Agreed. I think it is nice that you are helping your friend. showers can be a lot of work, time, and money. I do, however, think for etiquette sake you should either have her send invites as the main host(as usually they include registry information) or say no gifts/optional gifts. I personally do find it slightly tacky to directly ask for your own gifts. It's definitely a situation that requires some finesse.

1stbambino · January 2015

Oh and you can have it whenever you want. A lot of times showers are planned around schedules of out of town guests that you absolutely want to be there. It really is up to you and the host.

defdef0 · January 2015

lavonnallama said:

firstmommy94 said:

I prefer to do my own

Then don't be shocked if some of your friends find it gift grabby and prefer not to attend and contribute to what they might view as a sense of entitlement.

Seriously? Stupidest thing I've read. So I guess you won't be throwing your baby his or her first birthday party or any other cause that's pretty much the same thing, asking for presents. Oh & don't have a wedding if you think that's tacky. For all that called her tacky goes for you as well. Don't throw your own kid a birthday party.

defdef0 · January 2015

If no one throws me one, I'd do it myself. It's a party celebrating a new baby coming & people getting free food for gifts for their new family member. How is that tacky? Cause I still don't understand.

ChrisB · January 2015

I agree with PP's. It is tacky to throw your own baby shower, same as it would be to throw your own bridal shower. These are gift giving events. It has nothing to do with your family getting food in exchange for gifts (referencing @defdef0 ). Not to mention all of the planning and preparation that has to go into hosting a shower. Think about it; most showers are held when the MTB is around 6 months pregnant. I remember how I felt at my shower and there was NO WAY i would have wanted to do all that work. Wouldn't you just rather show up, socialize with your guests and RELAX?! You'll see when you get there.

Here are a couple of links I suggest you read:

https://www.whattoexpect.com/blogs/strollersandstilettosonemothersbalancingact/throwing-a-baby-shower-for-yourself-bad-idea

https://pregnancy.about.com/od/babyshowers/f/Who-Can-Throw-A-Baby-Shower.htm

ChristyM87 · January 2015

defdef0 said:
If no one throws me one, I'd do it myself. It's a party celebrating a new baby coming & people getting free food for gifts for their new family member. How is that tacky? Cause I still don't understand.

I think this has been answered countless times in this thread. Hosting a shower for yourself where the purpose is to get gifts is seen as tacky and gift gabby by most of the posters on here

aliska · January 2015

defdef0 said:

firstmommy94 said:

I prefer to do my own

Then don't be shocked if some of your friends find it gift grabby and prefer not to attend and contribute to what they might view as a sense of entitlement.
Seriously? Stupidest thing I've read. So I guess you won't be throwing your baby his or her first birthday party or any other cause that's pretty much the same thing, asking for presents. Oh & don't have a wedding if you think that's tacky. For all that called her tacky goes for you as well. Don't throw your own kid a birthday party.

Any type of shower is a gift giving event (hence why it is ok for the hostess to put the registry information with the invitation...and also why it is not proper to throw your own shower). Weddings and birthdays are celebration events. Gifts are not required which is why it is tacky to include registry information with these invitations and why it is ok to host them yourself.

aotto87 · January 2015

preppywife · January 2015

Side stepping debate. My family is having my shower in mid April. This is earlier than a shower would typically be (showers I have attended are typically 1-2 months before the due date) however, I live out of state and will be flying up for the event. My family wanted to provide ample time in case I am unable to travel later in the pregnancy. I hope this helps.

ann_jeremiah · January 2015

I have seen some of the "rude" comments people post and agree that there are some out there, however, I didn't see any of that in this post behind people saying throwing your own is tacky.

IMO.. It seems greedy to throw your own shower and to even be thinking about it at this point. If you are wanting to still throw yourself a shower, maybe do it after baby is born as a come meet the baby sort of thing and I'm sure people would still bring gifts.

Heavensent72 · January 2015

Darbie914 said:

jerzegirl201 said:

I am sorry but why the hell can't someone throw their own baby shower? My family doesn't have a lot of money and I dont expect anyone else to pay for it. We are throwing a nontraditional BBQ/shower. It's going to be for all of our friends and family, male and female. I see nothing wrong with throwing your own shower. What's the difference you already went to a store and picked specific gifts you want... why is that not tacky but throwing your own shower is? I would not feel offended if someone planned their own shower. So weird I just dont get how it's "tacky".

Ok, come and sit on the class carpet and I'll answer all of your questions. Others who are confused are welcome to attend the lecture.

First, baby showers are not entitlements or does someone deserve to have one. They are GIFTS. If you wouldn't go up to someone and say, "Hey, I really want this necklace. Buy it for me and bring it to my house on X date. See you there!", then you shouldn't throw your own shower. Because you should never, EVER imply, dictate, or suggest how or if someone gifts you a present. It's rude, plain and simple. Throwing your own shower is the equivalent of giving yourself a gift and expecting others to contribute to it.

The difference between going to the store and buying gifts yourself is...it's YOUR money. You can do with it whatever you please. However, you don't have the right or deserve to tell people how they should spend the money that they earned. You have no place in their wallets or financial situation. In fact (and I know this will shock you), no one else is responsible for buying things for your child but YOU, the parent. I mean, who would have thought?! A parent providing for their child? Such an interesting and novel concept.

If no one offers to throw you a shower, then you don't get one. Don't feel sad, it's a huge commitment to take on, as well as money. Instead of spending money on throwing a party, go out and spend your money on the items you will need for your child. Don't want to do that? You're basically saying you want a party but want others to buy you shit. It's just not how adulthood works.

And every single person that has chimed in to say they plan to throw their own shower and see nothing wrong with it? Of course you're totes okay with it. YOU are directly benefiting from it. So don't try to wave that flag of BS around, we can see right through it.

Your ignorance of etiquette does not negate the fact that etiquette exists. In fact, etiquette is all about making your guests feel comfortable and accommodated. If even one person feels uncomfortable attending a pity party that you've thrown for yourself, then you've managed to be rude. Congrats.

Weddings & birthday parties does not equal baby showers. They are not gift giving events, although many people choose to bring gifts. Bridal showers & baby showers are gift giving events, where the very meaning of them is to shower the guest of honor with gifts. That is not the purpose of a wedding or a birthday party.

Class dismissed.

This defeats the purpose of a registry because you are telling them that I want this Diaper Geanie show up with it please and thank you. So even if you don't throw your own baby shower you are still tacky because you created a registry. Class back in session.

netters625 · January 2015

@firstmommy94....my mom is "throwing" the party but I'm doing all the planning....I say do what is best for you, not everyone is the same and screw etiquette. I for one am not concerned of how others presive anything I do.

Unknown · January 2015

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Unknown · January 2015

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Heavensent72 · January 2015

Darbie914 said:

@Heavensent72 Sorry, try again. A registry is not a list of demands for people to buy you. It's a list of SUGGESTIONS if people need an idea of what to gift you. Many people don't purchase items off a registry and it's main purpose is to help the parents-to-be keep track of the necessities they would like for their child. Not to mention the fact that many stores offer a completion coupon.

Go back to the playground, kitten.

Lol! Really? Yon want to talk to women about etiquette and you tell me go back to the playground? Cute whatever your name is real cute. I never said that they were demands reading is fundamental I said that you are in fact telling people what you want and basically EXPECTING them to walk in the door with what you spent time picking out. I am not talking about completion coupons or discounts boo don't add shit to the topic or put words in MY mouth...stick to the script. Just letting you know that all of your posts are hypocritical, oxymoronic, and to me make no sense whatsoever. Kthanksbye.

Heavensent72 · January 2015

Darbie914 said:

@Heavensent72 Sorry, try again. A registry is not a list of demands for people to buy you. It's a list of SUGGESTIONS if people need an idea of what to gift you. Many people don't purchase items off a registry and it's main purpose is to help the parents-to-be keep track of the necessities they would like for their child. Not to mention the fact that many stores offer a completion coupon.

Go back to the playground, kitten.

And a registry is definitely not really used to track off necessities its a list of gifts that a mother to be would like for their baby shower. You really live in your own world....kitten.

Unknown · January 2015

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Heavensent72 · January 2015

Heavensent72 said:

Darbie914 said:

jerzegirl201 said:

I am sorry but why the hell can't someone throw their own baby shower? My family doesn't have a lot of money and I dont expect anyone else to pay for it. We are throwing a nontraditional BBQ/shower. It's going to be for all of our friends and family, male and female. I see nothing wrong with throwing your own shower. What's the difference you already went to a store and picked specific gifts you want... why is that not tacky but throwing your own shower is? I would not feel offended if someone planned their own shower. So weird I just dont get how it's "tacky".

Ok, come and sit on the class carpet and I'll answer all of your questions. Others who are confused are welcome to attend the lecture.

First, baby showers are not entitlements or does someone deserve to have one. They are GIFTS. If you wouldn't go up to someone and say, "Hey, I really want this necklace. Buy it for me and bring it to my house on X date. See you there!", then you shouldn't throw your own shower. Because you should never, EVER imply, dictate, or suggest how or if someone gifts you a present. It's rude, plain and simple. Throwing your own shower is the equivalent of giving yourself a gift and expecting others to contribute to it.

The difference between going to the store and buying gifts yourself is...it's YOUR money. You can do with it whatever you please. However, you don't have the right or deserve to tell people how they should spend the money that they earned. You have no place in their wallets or financial situation. In fact (and I know this will shock you), no one else is responsible for buying things for your child but YOU, the parent. I mean, who would have thought?! A parent providing for their child? Such an interesting and novel concept.

If no one offers to throw you a shower, then you don't get one. Don't feel sad, it's a huge commitment to take on, as well as money. Instead of spending money on throwing a party, go out and spend your money on the items you will need for your child. Don't want to do that? You're basically saying you want a party but want others to buy you shit. It's just not how adulthood works.

And every single person that has chimed in to say they plan to throw their own shower and see nothing wrong with it? Of course you're totes okay with it. YOU are directly benefiting from it. So don't try to wave that flag of BS around, we can see right through it.

Your ignorance of etiquette does not negate the fact that etiquette exists. In fact, etiquette is all about making your guests feel comfortable and accommodated. If even one person feels uncomfortable attending a pity party that you've thrown for yourself, then you've managed to be rude. Congrats.

Weddings & birthday parties does not equal baby showers. They are not gift giving events, although many people choose to bring gifts. Bridal showers & baby showers are gift giving events, where the very meaning of them is to shower the guest of honor with gifts. That is not the purpose of a wedding or a birthday party.

Class dismissed.

This defeats the purpose of a registry because you are telling them that I want this Diaper Geanie show up with it please and thank you. So even if you don't throw your own baby shower you are still tacky because you created a registry. Class back in session.

And you did say this correct?

Heavensent72 · January 2015

Heavensent72 said:

Darbie914 said:

@Heavensent72 Sorry, try again. A registry is not a list of demands for people to buy you. It's a list of SUGGESTIONS if people need an idea of what to gift you. Many people don't purchase items off a registry and it's main purpose is to help the parents-to-be keep track of the necessities they would like for their child. Not to mention the fact that many stores offer a completion coupon.

Go back to the playground, kitten.

And a registry is definitely not really used to track off necessities its a list of gifts that a mother to be would like for their baby shower. You really live in your own world....kitten.

And this? Please find your point go there and stay there hun.

Heavensent72 · January 2015

butthurtpolice said:

Heavensent72 said:

Darbie914 said:

@Heavensent72 Sorry, try again. A registry is not a list of demands for people to buy you. It's a list of SUGGESTIONS if people need an idea of what to gift you. Many people don't purchase items off a registry and it's main purpose is to help the parents-to-be keep track of the necessities they would like for their child. Not to mention the fact that many stores offer a completion coupon.

Go back to the playground, kitten.

And a registry is definitely not really used to track off necessities its a list of gifts that a mother to be would like for their baby shower. You really live in your own world....kitten.

Fuck off.

Make me.

pmcd886 · January 2015

@Heavensent72 the points you bolded in the above posts make sense. So, not sure why you are pointing those out. Oh and registries are a great way to see what you still need for baby, and they do give you a discount for everything on your registry. It is a great place for people to get ideas, if they are purchasing a gift, but they are not requirements. Let me assure you there will be things not on your registry that you will receive. Often, there are more gifts that were not on the registry given.

Heavensent72 · January 2015

pmcd886 said:

@Heavensent72 the points you bolded in the above posts make sense. So, not sure why you are pointing those out. Oh and registries are a great way to see what you still need for baby, and they do give you a discount for everything on your registry. It is a great place for people to get ideas, if they are purchasing a gift, but they are not requirements. Let me assure you there will be things not on your registry that you will receive. Often, there are more gifts that were not on the registry given.

Both of the points do make sense the fact that she is posting them both does not. In one she states you should never ever suggest what you want in a gift and then in the other registries are to suggest what you want. So is she now saying that you should never ever do a registry? Because I agree with her that a registry is a suggestion, and that you are never guaranteed that someone will follow your registry, hell you are not even guaranteed a gift some times. But that is the part that I commented on. I am not doing the back and forth on baby shower etiquette because I don't need approval or permission. I am asking her what is the point she is making because I see a lot of contradictions which is confusing me on where she stands. Because the only point that I see that she made is that she likes to hear herself talk whether it makes sense or not. I have 2 kids so I know how baby showers work, what registries do, and what you may or may not get. Been there done that and probably will do it again someday the way that I choose to. I was just simply just asking her what she means and then all of a sudden I am a kitten and shit ------------------------------------> (right here) is where she can have several seats.

Edit: Words

Unknown · January 2015

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Unknown · January 2015

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Heavensent72 · January 2015

@butthurtpolice Yeah I thought so.

sunshineandsilver · January 2015

The ladies concerned about it being tacky need to remember YOU'RE NOT INVITED TO HER BABY SHOWER. You don't know her, or her family and friends, and need to stop caring so much about how they will perceive her. This is why the bump changed the rules, because as soon as you ladies find something you can talk negatively about YOU JUST DONT STOP. Get over it! She's planning a shower regardless of how tacky you think she is, MOVE ON WITH YOURSELVES.

Unknown · January 2015

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Unknown · January 2015

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Unknown · January 2015

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Heavensent72 · January 2015

butthurtpolice said:

Heavensent72 said:

@butthurtpolice Yeah I thought so.

There you go thinking again. Don't hurt yourself.

::Yawn:: It took you an hour to come up with that? I expected way more....Next time take 2 maybe that will help......

Edit: Added my yawn in to let you know that your response understimulated and bored me.

Unknown · January 2015

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preggomego · January 2015

@FirstTimeMommy94‌ you do what you want. Do not even start to listen to the women on the Internet. Everyone is different and what you choose has nothing to do with them. You are the one who has to deal with the people in your life and choose to take what or how they feel about you. It's a new day and age and like I said before everyone is different and some don't have the support network like others do.

People on the Internet really ridiculous. Stop and think for a second about the things you say to others. Going back and forth about your opinions and fighting about it is just completely asinine. This is why the next generation of children will be completely dependent on what others think of them then how they view themselves. Yes you want your family, spouse, and children to view you in a good way but strangers on the Internet.... who flipping cares. I can honestly say if you don't view yourself in a good way how can others. It all starts with you! It's your life and you get to choose how to live it! And to those who may think that is selfish, might want to think about it long and hard before bashing me for anything I have said.

*love life*

Unknown · January 2015

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firstmommy94 · January 2015

Ok sorry I didn't mean for a cat fight all my "baby shower" is a bunch of games and a cook out . I'm sorry but I'm not tacky if they want to bring something it's on them. Not me.

sunshineandsilver · January 2015

Danipg said:
*Lurking from another BMB* this thread right here is why the Bump sucks now. Entitled women who get all hurt when someone points our etiquette or social norms. Good job on becoming Baby Center.

Multiple girls have called her tacky and given her "etiquette lessons", the only thing the new rules are making sure of is that she doesn't get cussed at or harrassed. You still get to call her tacky apparently, and she still gets hurt new rules or old. What exactly is different? Besides the being cussed at and harrassed as I said? Nothing. Get over the fact that you can't be COMPLETELY DISGUSTING to someone.

cpedward · January 2015

Darbie914 Just wondering how you would handle my situation. My in-laws live on the other side of the country and I know they will want to be a part of everything. I'm pretty sure my step-mom or sister-in-law would plan a shower (who live near me) but I want to make sure my husband's family gets ample notice to make travel arrangements. My family is not the best with coordinating and communicating with my husban's family (no bad blood - they just forget they exist). I feel like asking if someone is planning on throwing you a shower is basically on the same level as throwing one for yourself. What do you suggest?

Heavensent72 · January 2015

butthurtpolice said:

Heavensent72 said:

butthurtpolice said:

Heavensent72 said:

@butthurtpolice Yeah I thought so.

There you go thinking again. Don't hurt yourself.

It took you an hour to come up with that? I expected way more....Next time take 2 maybe that will help......

Some of us aren't sitting at a computer all day waiting for a reply.

Try a hobby, it'll increase your IQ.

LOL! Yeah okay I will take tips on how to increase my IQ from someone who calls themselves the butthurt police? And also hunny you responded to the same damn thing twice so I can see who is in front of the computer all damn day. Ha! You are a unfunny joke. How about you put the drank down, mind your business instead of minding mine, and find an icepack for that ass. Then you can give me a suggestion mmmkay bumpkin? This was not even your battle I was debating with someone else, and here you come with your lame ass comments. Good day.

jessandandy09 · January 2015

Ok, come and sit on the class carpet and I'll answer all of your questions. Others who are confused are welcome to attend the lecture.

First, baby showers are not entitlements or does someone deserve to have one. They are GIFTS. If you wouldn't go up to someone and say, "Hey, I really want this necklace. Buy it for me and bring it to my house on X date. See you there!", then you shouldn't throw your own shower. Because you should never, EVER imply, dictate, or suggest how or if someone gifts you a present. It's rude, plain and simple. Throwing your own shower is the equivalent of giving yourself a gift and expecting others to contribute to it.

The difference between going to the store and buying gifts yourself is...it's YOUR money. You can do with it whatever you please. However, you don't have the right or deserve to tell people how they should spend the money that they earned. You have no place in their wallets or financial situation. In fact (and I know this will shock you), no one else is responsible for buying things for your child but YOU, the parent. I mean, who would have thought?! A parent providing for their child? Such an interesting and novel concept.

If no one offers to throw you a shower, then you don't get one. Don't feel sad, it's a huge commitment to take on, as well as money. Instead of spending money on throwing a party, go out and spend your money on the items you will need for your child. Don't want to do that? You're basically saying you want a party but want others to buy you shit. It's just not how adulthood works.

And every single person that has chimed in to say they plan to throw their own shower and see nothing wrong with it? Of course you're totes okay with it. YOU are directly benefiting from it. So don't try to wave that flag of BS around, we can see right through it.

Your ignorance of etiquette does not negate the fact that etiquette exists. In fact, etiquette is all about making your guests feel comfortable and accommodated. If even one person feels uncomfortable attending a pity party that you've thrown for yourself, then you've managed to be rude. Congrats.

Weddings & birthday parties does not equal baby showers. They are not gift giving events, although many people choose to bring gifts. Bridal showers & baby showers are gift giving events, where the very meaning of them is to shower the guest of honor with gifts. That is not the purpose of a wedding or a birthday party.

This is perfectly stated and very true. Everyone needs to read this.

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