"No gifts please" for a 4 year old's party? — The Bump
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"No gifts please" for a 4 year old's party?

S/O of @k3am
I'm toying with the idea of putting "no gifts" on DS bday invite.  Or maybe something like "bring a book for the shelter" ??
But is that a bad idea?  My thoughts are that we'll get him a bunch of gifts to open anyway (plus gparents and the friend or two who will insist) and he really doesn't need a bunch of other toys. BUT is that just not cool?
The thing is: HE HAS SO MUCH.  And there will be 30ish kids at his party.  Last year he had so many bday gifts it took DAYS to open them.  And he DOESN'T need them.  I also really just want people to know that we want them to celebrate with us and just be there, we don't need gifts.
He's too young to "get" the altruistic path.  I can't clean out a heap because we just did that at Xmas.
It all just feels like SOOO much.
Any thoughts?
Am I a joy killer trying to take his presents away? Have I passed the point of him being young enough not to notice?  (we did specify no gifts at his 1st and 2nd bdays)
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Re: "No gifts please" for a 4 year old's party?

  • alli2672alli2672 member
    edited January 2015

    I think it's fine.  I have been to several birthday parties with "no gifts" on the invite, and people didn't bring gifts (or if they did, the host was good about hiding it because I never knew about it). 

    I understand what you mean about "too much stuff."  We are in the same boat after Christmas.  And at most birthday parties we end up with an overabundance of ninja turtles and hotwheels tracks. 

    KayteeGee
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  • I've been to one party where they chose 2 charities and ask for you to either not give a gift or you had the option to select one of the charities...I wish I still had the invite because I really can't remember what it looked like, but it was clear that giving to either charity was optional (maybe, no gifts please, but if you really want to give a gift then consider one of these two charities?) 

    Then they had the favors laid out (a pair of sunglasses for a Rock Star themed party) on top of a flyer that had information about each charity.

    We did donate to one of the two charities and people did bring gifts, but I didn't feel bad about it at all since we donated to the charity.

    One thing though - one of the charities was kind of controversial in my opinion. I mean, if you knew the mom at all, you knew she was involved with the group but...it's one of the pitfalls of suggesting a donation to a charity.



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    KayteeGee
  • I completely understand the thought behind this, because my kid does have too much stuff too.  But I HATE seeing "no gifts" on an invitation.  People always bring something anyway, and if you follow the "no gifts" instructions, then you feel awkward for not bringing anything when other people do bring gifts.  But by putting something like bring a book for a shelter, then you're telling people how to spend their money on gifts, which I think is rude.   
    Yeah, this is how I feel totally. 

    BUT I don't want to do a playdate.  And i promise you he doesn't want a playdate. He wants and birthday party and (frankly) I want to give him a big birthday party where we host all of his friends (and our family friends) doing something fun in celebration of him.  I want him to have his cake moment and his party moment and the experience of a birthday party.  I just don't want all the stuff and to have other people feel like they need to give him stuff. Does that makes sense?

    Oh well. Looks like we'll be getting another gift bonanza.  Maybe I'll just hide some of it.
  • I would not do that, it think that its strange to have a birthday party to celebrate your child and then tell people not to bring gifts.  My kids have a lot too, and my daughter's bday is 1/23 (not even a month after Christmas) so instead i invest more in the party I might buy her an outfit to wear and new shoes but the rest goes into the decorations, location, food, etc.  Since I know that everyone else will bring a gift I just get her an outfit, shoes, and I might take her to get a mani and a pedi or something like that.  Another thing is for the toys and things like that she might get, since it is right after Christmas I will let her open a few and then I will give them to her throughout the year for like good grades, losing a tooth, helping me with something.  So that it seems that she is getting something new every now and then.
    KayteeGee
  • KayteeGeeKayteeGee member
    edited January 2015
    VOR said:
    30 kids?!? I'd start, next year, with having a MUCH smaller party.
    Yeah, I know it's kind of crazy but we have a lot of friends with kids in the same age bracket (2.5 - 5 yo) and there's really no way to pare it back.  I figure next year may be the last where we get to have all of our family friends invited too - before it really is DS friends from school, soccer etc
    We just basically rent out a big bounce house place. There's a great one here that you can rent the entire thing (not move room to room) and have it all to yourself.  I am not going to lie - I hire out pretty much every aspect - I hire DS favorite sitters to help supervise, I hire out all the food etc... it works out really well and it's a blast for everyone. 

    shakinros
  • I always want to do this for the same reasons as you. In the end, I don't though. I just give away/toss/rehome some of her older toys and let her have new gifts. If I can, I might take a few gifts and put them away to give her as a reward or treat in a few months so that she is not overwhelmed by so many new things all at once.
    KayteeGee
  • I'd feel weird not bringing a present.
    lexusolsen
  • i also hate the no gift thing as it is really awkward for party attendees (esp if you were at their kid's party in the last year and gave their kid a gift, it makes ppl feel a bit like a tool), and while i do understand not dictating how people spend their money, I actually hate that probably half the time I'm giving kids something they either don't like or already have/have something similar so I would LOVE to know what the kid is into, personally. I also hear you on having too much. So, if you're not totally opposed to dictating, what about something about bringing a book for him to grow into in the next year (zero idea how to word that)--- I feel like my kids' books changed a lot from 4 to 5 and since turning 5, as we now read chapters of chapter books together at night, DS reads independently, so the type of books he likes are so different now than at 4, etc. It would be fun to maybe tell your DS that you're going to put the books away and bring out 2 new ones every month until he's 5 or something, or even a new one a week for half the year. But again, it's telling them what to buy, soooo.... Good luck ;)
    KayteeGee
  • A friend's child collected used DVDs at his party and donated them to the children's hospital after he stayed there a week. Is there something similar that your child connects with and can advocate for?
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    KayteeGee
  • You should never mention gifts at all on an invitation-- even to say "no gifts".

    From an etiquitte perspective, it comes accross as though you were expecting gifts.  Gifts are never required (though they are highly customary for a child birthday party.)

    Please don't mention the gifts.  If it's too much/ you don't have the room, donate them yourself to a women's shelter/ children's hospital/ Goodwill.

     

    BFP 1- EDD 2/09/11 Missed MC DX @11 weeks D&C- 7/25/10 BFP 2- EDD 12/22/11 Natural MC @ 5w 2d BFP 3- EDD 1/25/12 DD Josephine born 1/16/12

    Lilypie - (TUWi)

     

    acmedairyprincessTweedleDee3lexusolsen

  • You should never mention gifts at all on an invitation-- even to say "no gifts".

    From an etiquitte perspective, it comes accross as though you were expecting gifts.  Gifts are never required (though they are highly customary for a child birthday party.)

    Please don't mention the gifts.  If it's too much/ you don't have the room, donate them yourself to a women's shelter/ children's hospital/ Goodwill.

    Yeah, I know. I just hate that people feel an obligation.  I just wish they wouldn't.

    But.. c'est la vie. I guess we will leave with a pile of gifts.  And I will work on a strategy to rehome/donate, spread them out or something ...

    Thanks everyone.
    Helenahhandbasket
  • I have been to parties that were no gift parties. I think it depends on the crowd. I know all of the parents in DS's class are totally ok with this and actually appreciate it. DS makes them a birthday card and brings that. Would I feel like a tool if I didn't walk in with a gift and others did? Nope. Nobody pays any attention and if they do, shame on them for not respecting the request. At most of the parties we have gone to, the gifts are an after thought. There was one party where we literally dropped the gift in a big box at the door and went to a completely different location for the party.

    alli2672
  • edited January 2015
    KayteeGee said:

    You should never mention gifts at all on an invitation-- even to say "no gifts".

    From an etiquitte perspective, it comes accross as though you were expecting gifts.  Gifts are never required (though they are highly customary for a child birthday party.)

    Please don't mention the gifts.  If it's too much/ you don't have the room, donate them yourself to a women's shelter/ children's hospital/ Goodwill.

    Yeah, I know. I just hate that people feel an obligation.  I just wish they wouldn't.

    But.. c'est la vie. I guess we will leave with a pile of gifts.  And I will work on a strategy to rehome/donate, spread them out or something ...

    Thanks everyone.

    Good idea on the rehoming- there are many ways to re-purpose unwanted children's things.  However, I think you are slighlty misunderstanding my post.

    The reason that it's terrible etiquitte to say "no gifts" on an invitation is because it implys that YOU (general you) think that your guests are/ were obligated to bring gifts to your child's party.  Not that the guests feel obligated (even if they do).

    Now, that being said, while gifts are always optional (the exception being a shower), many times they are customary.  The whole point of etiquitte is to make your guests as comfortable as possible, that includes not confusing them from the get go.

     

    BFP 1- EDD 2/09/11 Missed MC DX @11 weeks D&C- 7/25/10 BFP 2- EDD 12/22/11 Natural MC @ 5w 2d BFP 3- EDD 1/25/12 DD Josephine born 1/16/12

    Lilypie - (TUWi)

     

  • nosoup4unosoup4u member
    edited January 2015
    I think asking for a book to donate is good, but I am really far into the "please stop giving my kids so much shit" category. We've asked parents to bring booze instead, that might soften the blow (ha ha ha).
    DS1 - Feb 2008

    DS2 - Oct 2010 (my VBAC baby!)

    KayteeGeeKatelobster
  • KayteeGee said:

    You should never mention gifts at all on an invitation-- even to say "no gifts".

    From an etiquitte perspective, it comes accross as though you were expecting gifts.  Gifts are never required (though they are highly customary for a child birthday party.)

    Please don't mention the gifts.  If it's too much/ you don't have the room, donate them yourself to a women's shelter/ children's hospital/ Goodwill.

    Yeah, I know. I just hate that people feel an obligation.  I just wish they wouldn't.

    But.. c'est la vie. I guess we will leave with a pile of gifts.  And I will work on a strategy to rehome/donate, spread them out or something ...

    Thanks everyone.

    Good idea on the rehoming- there are many ways to re-purpose unwanted children's things.  However, I think you are slighlty misunderstanding my post.

    The reason that it's terrible etiquitte to say "no gifts" on an invitation is because it implys that YOU (general you) think that your guests are/ were obligated to bring gifts to your child's party.  Not that the guests feel obligated (even if they do).

    Now, that being said, while gifts are always optional (the exception being a shower), many times they are customary.  The whole point of etiquitte is to make your guests as comfortable as possible, that includes not confusing them from the get go.

    Oh no. I do get it. Lucky me, I've been through Cotillion and was a Deb. Etiquette has been deeply tattooed on my soul (thus the rants I had re: holiday tipping) :) 

    I guess I just hate that the custom of bringing a gift is so ingrained.  That's what I meant.  I wish people wouldn't feel they have to.  Because let's face it - people feel like they have to.

    And, yes, I certainly don't want to confuse the guests at all.  I didn't think "no gifts, please" was confusing.  But I was totally clear that "no gifts, please" is something that my grandmother would shun me for.  But she would also be mortified that I'm sending an evite... and I'm still doing that. :)

    Don't worry...I promise I'll send thank you notes... hand written, by post. :)
    HelenahhandbasketMustardseed2007missamERICA
  • For ds birthday in march if people ask when he wants or likes I always say things like bubbles or chalk, sports stuff. More summer stuff. And I just put it away until the westhers warm enough.
    KayteeGee
  • Lol on the Ranch Chic! I hear you all loud and clear. :)
  • sdlaurasdlaura member
    edited January 2015
    My daughter is 2 so we've had 2 parties for her and we're about to have my son's first birthday party and I put no gifts please on all three invitations. People mostly abided by it. I don't like the charity idea because I agree with PP that it's telling people how to spend their money. But my kids have no idea yet because of their age that there are normally gifts given at birthday parties, and we have too much stuff already. I'm not sure how we'll handle this when they're older and care more.
    BFP #1 9/2010 (lost our baby at 21 weeks) BFP #2 8/2011 (ectopic pregnancy) BFP #3 10/2011 (chemical pregnancy) BFP #4 12/2011 (Abigail born 8/15/12) BFP #5 5/2013 (Griffin born 1/23/14 with heart defects, now repaired!)

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    KayteeGee
  • VOR said:
    I hate - ABSOLUTELY HATE - any kind of invitation that tells me what to bring/what not to bring.

    If you host a party, I'm breaking a freaking gift. The "no gift parties" that we've been to? People still brought gifts. I brought one anyways, and all I could think was THANK GOD that I did. How awkward would it have been to be the person who followed direction but showed up with no gifts?

    My new method? If it's a "no gift" party, I bring a card with a gift card. Technically not a "gift," but I still show up with SOMETHING.

    If you're that concerned with it, just plan on donating the gifts to a charity. Don't make your guests feel awkward. If you're going with a "no gift" party, you should also state that the dress code is ranch chic.. 
    Why is it such a bad thing to be the only person who actually did as the host wants? I never get this concept. why are you more worried about what everyone else does instead of what the host wanted?
    This.  I just can't imagine any of the parties where people actually pay attention to or care about what I am carrying in.  Guess I go to different kid birthday parties.

    VORsdlaura
  • VORVOR member
    shannm said:

    This.  I just can't imagine any of the parties where people actually pay attention to or care about what I am carrying in.  Guess I go to different kid birthday parties.
    This too!  i NEVER pay attention to what other people do/don't do or bring/don't bring.  I'm focused on me and my kid. 
  • I didn't read anything anyone posted (I'm pretty sure I know what it says...), but my opinion is that you don't put anything on the invite about gifts and just handle it "internally." There's just so much built-up combustion on stuff that is put on invites, that avoiding drama seems like a worthy reward in itself.

    I'd let 4yo pick a charity *in advance* to give some of his presents to and work with him on picking a range (e.g., minimum of 3, no more than 8). Also, possibly, you could include the tactic of not buying him any presents until after the party. That way, if he wants to keep all of his presents, he can still go to the store, pick out some presents to give to charity (which would be your presents to him), and still be happy. Flexibility and letting the LO have control seems to be the key to really making this something he's voluntarily doing.
    One boy (11.26.12) and one girl (2.28.14)
    KayteeGeelexusolsen
  • K3am said:
    How awkward would it have been to be the person who followed direction but showed up with no gifts?
    As an experiment, I have followed the "no gift" instructions and I have to say - the outcome depends on the host. Some hosts said "no gift" but apparently didn't mean it. And the ones who did mean it - it was totally cool. I think you have to know your audience. I found that the ones I didn't know particularly well - maybe just by coincidence - seemed to be the ones who didn't mean it.
    One boy (11.26.12) and one girl (2.28.14)
  • I personally think "no gifts please" is understandable for a kids party - just because everyone understands the kid who has more toys than they know what to do with. But if you put that on the invite, then don't open gifts at the party. Even gifts from grandparents - just have a separate family party, or  have then come to the house afterwards.  Likewise no decorated gift table, if someone brings a gift then say thanks and put it aside where it's not on display.  Because yeah, if you open gifts then guests who followed directions feel awkward. 

    image   image
                                                          Baby Girl born May 16, 2014
    sdlaura
  • Oh yes @limechiffon - I would never, ever open gifts at a big party like this...
    I think it's kind of weird to do that unless it's a shower and also - OMG with a 3/4year old it would take FOREVER.
    I want these kids bouncing.. so they all take nice long naps for their parents. :)
  • K3am said:
    How awkward would it have been to be the person who followed direction but showed up with no gifts?
    As an experiment, I have followed the "no gift" instructions and I have to say - the outcome depends on the host. Some hosts said "no gift" but apparently didn't mean it. And the ones who did mean it - it was totally cool. I think you have to know your audience. I found that the ones I didn't know particularly well - maybe just by coincidence - seemed to be the ones who didn't mean it.

    Who says it and doesn't mean it? That is so stupid (on the part of the host).

    Okay, I can understand not wanting to feel conspicuous by being the only one.

    But the problem should NOT be with the host who gave you the "no gifts" instruction. WTF?!



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    sdlauraKayteeGee
  • I have gone to no-gift parties and have zero issues not bringing a gift. We brought a card. Totally fine.

    I would be careful with planning to give some of the gifts to charity - someone posted on here a while back how they went to the party where the mom afterwards allowed the daughter to keep only three gifts and donated the rest to charity. And the daughter then went to school and said "I didn't like your gift that much so I didn't keep it" or something to that effect.
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  • K3am said:

    How awkward would it have been to be the person who followed direction but showed up with no gifts?

    As an experiment, I have followed the "no gift" instructions and I have to say - the outcome depends on the host. Some hosts said "no gift" but apparently didn't mean it. And the ones who did mean it - it was totally cool. I think you have to know your audience. I found that the ones I didn't know particularly well - maybe just by coincidence - seemed to be the ones who didn't mean it.

    How do you know they didn't mean it? Because other people didn't honor the request?

    Well, call me a terrible host with no etiquette because I don't want anymore shit in my house. I'll take the risk. And I'm going to bet the other parents in our circle (who I often run into at the bookstore minutes before other birthday parties) are going to be cool with it.

    KayteeGeeKatelobsterMeeshedglvrk2
  • KayteeGeeKayteeGee member
    edited January 2015
    K3am said:
    If you're so confident in your decision and didn't want feedback, there really was no reason to post, was there?
    Um, I posted this... @shannm was just responding.
    I did want feedback.  And I did respond that I wasn't going to do it and thanked everyone.




    shannm
  • litzo27 said:
    I would be careful with planning to give some of the gifts to charity - someone posted on here a while back how they went to the party where the mom afterwards allowed the daughter to keep only three gifts and donated the rest to charity. And the daughter then went to school and said "I didn't like your gift that much so I didn't keep it" or something to that effect.
    I did not even think about this.  And I could totally see DS telling people that he gave away their gift.  Not to be mean, but because he's turning 4 and wouldn't get it. 

    THANK YOU.  Will not be doing this, either.
    shannmHelenahhandbasketlitzo27
  • All good! :)

    I really had no idea this would be that lively of a discussion. 
  • I am so bummed to read that the prevailing opinion is against sayin "no gifts"! I would like our friends to stop buying gifts for DD. Nobody really has much disposable income and she gets plenty of things from our extended families.

    I would also be thrilled to receive an invite that said No Gifts.
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    dglvrk2
  • shakinros said:
    I am so bummed to read that the prevailing opinion is against sayin "no gifts"! I would like our friends to stop buying gifts for DD. Nobody really has much disposable income and she gets plenty of things from our extended families. I would also be thrilled to receive an invite that said No Gifts.
    But, how other people choose to spend their income isn't your concern.  It's nice to be considerate, but this isn't your call.

     

    BFP 1- EDD 2/09/11 Missed MC DX @11 weeks D&C- 7/25/10 BFP 2- EDD 12/22/11 Natural MC @ 5w 2d BFP 3- EDD 1/25/12 DD Josephine born 1/16/12

    Lilypie - (TUWi)

     

    KayteeGee[Deleted User]lexusolsen
  • I went to a no-gift party for a 4 y/o with a b day the week after Christmas. I am friends with the mom and knew how much she didn't want more shit, and I empathize. Out of 5 guests, one brought a gift and one brought a birthday balloon. I did not feel weird because I didn't.

    I am also on team "no more shit" in my tiny house and I get it. My kid is the only grandkid on both sides, only great-grandkid, only niece to our siblings, and has godparents who don't have kids. The amount of gifts we get is overwhelming, especially in a 1000 SF house. I'm sure I'm not the only one with this problem. Having people bring gifts just to have them donated to Goodwill feels so wasteful and disingenuous. Not that I'm against charity, but it's wasteful of the parents' time and effort to pick out the right gift and wrap it. If they wanted to donate to charity, they could have done it from their laptop.
    baby girl  5.12
    KayteeGeesdlaura
  • I have no problem with someone putting "no gifts" on an invitation.  I have received those kind of invitations and have never brought a gift.  I don't understand why you would if it explicitly says not to.  I also don't care if it's not proper etiquette.  I believe that a lot of the rules of etiquette are pretty antiquated anyway.
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  • jlaOK said:
    I have no problem with someone putting "no gifts" on an invitation.  I have received those kind of invitations and have never brought a gift.  I don't understand why you would if it explicitly says not to.  I also don't care if it's not proper etiquette.  I believe that a lot of the rules of etiquette are pretty antiquated anyway.

    Sorry-- I have to comment.  I hear people say this all of the time, and it makes no sense to me. Rules of etiquitte were put in place as a way to generally make people feel at ease and comfortable.  How is making your guests feel at ease and comfortable antiquated?

    You don't want to bring a gift to a kid's birthday party?  Then don't.  You do want to bring a gift to a kid's birthday party?  Then by all means, do.

    But don't tell me what to do, please.  It's rude, makes me feel icky and actually promotes the thinking that gifts were an expectation, which is the opposite of the point of asking for "no gifts". 

    Gifts are never to be expected.  The only exception to this rule is a shower.

     

    BFP 1- EDD 2/09/11 Missed MC DX @11 weeks D&C- 7/25/10 BFP 2- EDD 12/22/11 Natural MC @ 5w 2d BFP 3- EDD 1/25/12 DD Josephine born 1/16/12

    Lilypie - (TUWi)

     

    [Deleted User]
  • jlaOK said:
    I have no problem with someone putting "no gifts" on an invitation.  I have received those kind of invitations and have never brought a gift.  I don't understand why you would if it explicitly says not to.  I also don't care if it's not proper etiquette.  I believe that a lot of the rules of etiquette are pretty antiquated anyway.

    Sorry-- I have to comment.  I hear people say this all of the time, and it makes no sense to me. Rules of etiquitte were put in place as a way to generally make people feel at ease and comfortable.  How is making your guests feel at ease and comfortable antiquated?

    You don't want to bring a gift to a kid's birthday party?  Then don't.  You do want to bring a gift to a kid's birthday party?  Then by all means, do.

    But don't tell me what to do, please.  It's rude, makes me feel icky and actually promotes the thinking that gifts were an expectation, which is the opposite of the point of asking for "no gifts". 

    Gifts are never to be expected.  The only exception to this rule is a shower.

    Rules of etiquette are simply generally accepted rules for behavior.  Many of the rules that our parent's and grandparent's followed simply don't work for today.  Do you a bring a gift every time you are invited to dinner at a friend's house?  Do you send a hand written thank you note after attending a party?  My guess would probably be no.  Then yes, a lot of the rules are antiquated - i.e. out of date.

    I also think that as time goes on, people care less and less for these "rules."  How many times have you seen registry information on the invitation?  Or gotten a wedding invitation with a printed address label on it.  Do you care?  Does it really matter?

    Finally, yes, gifts are never to be expected but it is also customary to bring a gift to a party such as a child's birthday party.  It is just something that people do.  If the host for some reason lists special instructions for the gift on the invitation, I will not get offended and I will follow those instructions.  I think it is disrespectful to do otherwise.  Let's face it, most of us as parents do not want our kid's to be bombarded with presents on their birthdays but we do want to be able to throw them a party and invite as many people as they wants.  It is a lose-lose situation and if the best compromise is to put "please no presents" on the invitation then I'm all for it.
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    sdlaura
  • jlaOK said:




    jlaOK said:

    I have no problem with someone putting "no gifts" on an invitation.  I have received those kind of invitations and have never brought a gift.  I don't understand why you would if it explicitly says not to.  I also don't care if it's not proper etiquette.  I believe that a lot of the rules of etiquette are pretty antiquated anyway.



    Sorry-- I have to comment.  I hear people say this all of the time, and it makes no sense to me. Rules of etiquitte were put in place as a way to generally make people feel at ease and comfortable.  How is making your guests feel at ease and comfortable antiquated?

    You don't want to bring a gift to a kid's birthday party?  Then don't.  You do want to bring a gift to a kid's birthday party?  Then by all means, do.

    But don't tell me what to do, please.  It's rude, makes me feel icky and actually promotes the thinking that gifts were an expectation, which is the opposite of the point of asking for "no gifts". 

    Gifts are never to be expected.  The only exception to this rule is a shower.


    Rules of etiquette are simply generally accepted rules for behavior.  Many of the rules that our parent's and grandparent's followed simply don't work for today.  Do you a bring a gift every time you are invited to dinner at a friend's house?  Do you send a hand written thank you note after attending a party?  My guess would probably be no.  Then yes, a lot of the rules are antiquated - i.e. out of date.

    I also think that as time goes on, people care less and less for these "rules."  How many times have you seen registry information on the invitation?  Or gotten a wedding invitation with a printed address label on it.  Do you care?  Does it really matter?

    Finally, yes, gifts are never to be expected but it is also customary to bring a gift to a party such as a child's birthday party.  It is just something that people do.  If the host for some reason lists special instructions for the gift on the invitation, I will not get offended and I will follow those instructions.  I think it is disrespectful to do otherwise.  Let's face it, most of us as parents do not want our kid's to be bombarded with presents on their birthdays but we do want to be able to throw them a party and invite as many people as they wants.  It is a lose-lose situation and if the best compromise is to put "please no presents" on the invitation then I'm all for it.


    I think this line of thinking creates a slippery slope. That logic also deems it acceptable to put a birthday registry or other gift limitations or "suggestions" on the invitation (or on a fb fyi broadcast).
    Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers
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  • I have done no gift parties (and am always slightly irritated by the people that don't follow it).  If other people put no gifts, I don't bring a gift because I know when I put it, I meant it.  I'm doing what the host is asking, I think that's polite.

    Also, one year, because I know some people feel they have to bring something, I asked each person to bring a wrapped book, and each kid took home a wrapped book.  Because I also hate gift bags filled with crap I don't want. 

    Admittedly violating the whole don't mention gifts rule, but don't care.  I don't want more crap in my house and don't want spoiled kids!
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