Tricky husband

Emilywooddesign · January 2015

Hi Ladies, so my husband and I found out that our twins are one boy and one girl. I'm an interior designer (and a pretty good one if I say so myself) so naturally like all new moms I'm very excited to design a nursery. I'm having an impossible time convincing my husband to agree to any of the pieces I have chosen- he seems to think he knows what he is talking about and is being so stubborn. Anyone else have a tricky husband? How can I convince him to just let me do my thing? Should I try to compromise with him and let him feel included? I want to start getting stuff and he is being a real buzz kill. Rant over! Help me, what would you do?

AmberC311 · January 2015

If he wants to be involved I would totally let him. Pick out 2 themes you love and have him choose one. That way you still have some control but dad gets a say and feels included. Good luck!

ETA spelling on mobile is hard

gingerbabe · January 2015

I have some things I let my husband have total reign on and in return I expect total reign over certain things. He has a much harder time letting me do this, so I remind him of all the things I let him control so that he understands my need to control xyz. So, if you guys can't work on this nursery design together, maybe give him free reign on another aspect of babies. Just a thought.

leenziepops · January 2015

I used to get annoyed at DH for not havinv opinions on wedding things, house deco stuff etc. But it seriously makes life easier when I get to make all those decisions. Sorry now I'm just bragging and not helping you at all.
Can you let him pick out the less nursery things like car seat and stroller?

suzysurparis · January 2015

My husband hates everything I propose, almost always, on everything. The wedding, house remodeling, decorating, etc etc. He doesn't like change/new things/he's afraid of rash decisions and he doesn't like anything that involves him doing work. I've learned that if someone else agrees with me, he'll be all about it but the first time I mention anything the answer is always "no." I get around this by one of three ways: 1. I explain, get the "no," show him online stuff and other things until he's accepted the idea with only minor adjustments and arguments. 2. I get someone else to mention my idea to him so when he tells me, he thinks it's normal/his idea. It can work after the fact if someone else agrees with what was previously said. If you can convince your MIL, you might just get DH's total approval? or 3. I do it and don't tell him until after. You might try any one of these three options, they work on mine most of the time.

Katerina&Baby · January 2015

Question: is he offering up any suggestions of his own or his he just vetoing your ideas? If the latter, I'd tell him that if he isn't going to expend any effort curating items for the nursery, he doesn't get a say - either he is in on the decorating or he is out. If the former, maybe you can work with some of the things that are more his taste and find a happy medium? My husband completely pulled the "this is my baby too - of course I want to help design the nursery", so the very first thing I showed him "for discussion" were fabric swatches for a rocker I loved. His eyes glazed over immediately and he hasn't expressed any interest in the design/decor since (thank goodness!) Good luck!

Sugarbean17 · January 2015

Each time I have let hubby help with the color scheme or the theme of the nursery. Outside of that it's so much nicer for both of us to just let me handle it. So maybe your hubby would feel included if you let him help with something like that. It's the "most important part"

karaelaine1991 · January 2015

I agree with everyone who's said that if he's vetoing, he should at least be offering alternative suggestions. I also think it's nice to include him - you obviously are the expert, but it's understandable that he wants be involved. I'm sure that a good bit of the ideas that you're proposing aren't just for aesthetic appeal, they probably have functional benefits too, right? Maybe bring up some of the practical reasons why you want to do one scheme over another, that might help him compromise a bit better. Good luck!

sharice111 · January 2015

I didn't read the previous posts, but I think a kind reminder who will be in that room most might be in order...

I do think there needs to be some give and take, but ultimately if it's in the budget I say you should be allowed most of the decision making. Making my ideas into functional abilities do sway my husband also, if I explain it that way. Like, this works well because of this and this is why I want it and in the end if he is still stubborn pull rank on somethings but you might have to give in others. My husband was the same way... Boys can be so so silly sometimes.

dkleid · January 2015

I get that you are an interior designer, but this is his child to. I really do think that he should have a say in how the room is decorated. Just last night at dinner DH and I were talking about the nursery and what we want to do with it. I mentioned that If we are having a girl (we find out tomorrow) I want to keep it the blue color that it was (previous owners had a baby boy in that room) add a chevron print with a pink as the other color. He only veetoed it because he is going to be the one doing the painting and we both realized how much work that would be for him to do. But it is never going to be my way or the high way, no matter what my profession is. We both created this baby, and he has every right to have a 50/50 say in to how the room gets decorated. Now clothing i get final power over because if it was up to him our child would be in all baseball, university of Maryland, football, and wrestling clothing and thats not going to fly with me because I have better taste then him. But I would NEVER tell him he cant have a say in anything we do in regards to the child. I think you need to cut him some slack and let him have some say, let him pick out some of the furniture, or the bedding. Just because you are an interior designer i dont think you should be able to pick things 100%.

FYI- im not trying to come off as rude, just trying to state my opinion on the topic.

thelittlestbee · January 2015

I agree with the PP that suggested giving him two options and letting him make the final choice. That way you get what you want, and he feels included.

My DH could really care less when it comes to these kind of things. Even if he didn't like what I wanted, I would just go ahead and do it anyways because I'm convinced I have better taste than him! I'm terrible...

happygardner85 · January 2015

My dh also wants to be part of all decisions so I try and get his input on things and see what he thinks then he seems to feel better. The hardest part for me is I want it girly and he keeps throwing in stuff totally opposite lol should be an interesting nursery flowers elephants and a touch of sad to say camouflage lol

blu-eyedwife · January 2015

My husband is always like this. He picked almost every detail of our wedding and registry. He fought me on interior design aspects of our home (as recently as last night when I found the perfect occasional chair for our living room)

My two solutions are talking to him about his ideas and then fitting the ideas into my reality (which is how we ended up with a mid- century modern couch that doesn't look like we robbed the Smithsonian) and showing him ideas instead of telling him about them (which is how I won the chair debate last night)

joyfuljenny · January 2015

My husband is exactly this way. We've been married 5 years, and we've gotten much better at compromising with each other, but the conflict over matters of taste hasn't gone away.

For what it's worth, we plan to come to a 100% mutual decision on baby girl's name (difficult because like in all matters of taste, our styles are fairly different). BUT I plan on approaching the nursery in the same way as we have the rest of the house, which is to say that ultimately I'll have more influence on the space than he will.

Because we've worked through these issues on other rooms in the house already, I don't anticipate too much difficulty in the nursery; here are some things we've learned about ourselves in the past few years: probably the biggest is that I'm simply more affected by the details of my surroundings on a day to day basis than my husband is. He does have strong opinions initially, but a few weeks later he goes fairly blind to most of the details, where I still feel affected when I enter the room, by the paint color, furniture layout, etc. We've learned that, ultimately, what my husband wants is a clean, comfortable space that looks well put-together, and I can work with that. So if he has initial hesitations, I remind him of past experiences and ask him to live with it for a couple weeks, and if he still has strong feelings about it then, he has complete veto power. This has worked well for us.

Also, a PP's suggestion about showing rather than telling is very helpful. My husband is great with words, but no matter how well I feel like I describe my vision verbally, his acceptance rate is significantly higher if I show him a few pictures of what I'm aiming for.

Emilywooddesign · January 2015

Thanks so much ladies- this is all very helpful, I'm glad to hear that I'm not alone in this. The main problem is, I have created a folder on my computer and I have been logging pictures and inspiration of different things and spaces that I like. I have about 15 cribs, 15 light fixtures, 10 different rugs etc etc. He just says no to everything lol. I'm defiantly not a bossy or a controlling wife and I love my husband and always respect his opinion. I've tried my best to include him and pick things that I know he will like. Part of me feels like he doesn't actually care about the decor of the nursery and long as I don't make it " too girly" as a boy and girl will be sharing the same room. The thing that has me stumped is I have designed our whole house without him caring what I did or chose so now he seems to want to care. There are some very good suggestions here so I'm going to try to have a serious talk with him tonight. I think tricking him into think it's his idea or just doing it without him is the way to go LOL

Tricky husband

Re: Tricky husband

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