NWMR: How will/ do you handle homework?

fitmom82 · January 2015

I was talking with a friend today who has an 8 year old and was telling me about the nightly arguments that go on for 2 hours about homework. I've heard alot of parents with similar situations. My children are 2 and 4 so I'm not really up to this situation, therefore I don't totally know what I'm talking about or how I'll handle things. DD, my 4 year old, gets a worksheet for homework about once a week. Most of the time she's eager to do it, the few times she has been reluctant I tell her she doesn't have to if she doesn't want to, although she always ends up doing it. As she gets older my plan is I will help them with their homework. I'll probably allow for some play and snack time after school and maybe do homework after dinner. I do not plan on fighting with them about it though. I may tell them that they're not watching TV or going outside unless they do it, but if they choose to play with their toys instead, I don't plan on stressing either of us out about it. I would hate to destroy our relationship due to a nightly conflict over homework I feel that when the teacher holds them for detention or they do not get a good grade, that's their consequence. My friend understands where I"m coming from, but said she feels it's the parents responsibility to make sure their children fulfill their responsibilities, also a good a point. I'm thinking that if homework does become a major battle maybe I could work with the teacher and have my child do the week's homework in 2 nights and hire a tutor to work with my child 2 days after school. We'll also reward good grades and study habbits. I hated school growing up and had a rough relationship with my mother, and I hope to avoid that with my children.

How do you plan on handling a child who wants to make homework a battle? My friend and I are both teachers so I understand the educator's point of view on this, I'm curious about the parent's.

dglvrk2 · January 2015

I've taught various elementary grades for nine years. In my experience, only a few kids each year (about 10% of my students) have frequent battles over homework with their parents. Here, the power struggles often reflect other parent-child issues as well.

I wouldn't worry too much about homework conflicts. There will inevitably be some, but don't expect it to be the norm.

You have some good ideas for supporting your students. Agreeing to and keeping afternoon/evening routines - homework included-consistent and trying to make homework time a pleasent experience are both key IMO.

Also, homework should be a generally independent task for a child of any age. Homework should reflect what is being studied in class and be easy enough for your child to do with minimal help. Checking the work or having your child explain what they're doing is great, but you should not have to sit next to your child and guide them through every step of an assignment every afternoon. If you find yourself doing this, discuss the situation with your child's teacher.

fitmom82 · January 2015

socialmediamommy said:

fitmom82 said:

I'm thinking that if homework does become a major battle maybe I could work with the teacher and have my child do the week's homework in 2 nights and hire a tutor to work with my child 2 days after school.

As a wife of a teacher, I have to beg - please don't think that your child will be the special snowflake who gets special treatment re: homework. Parents like that are the reason my husband has zero time to spend with our family most evenings, because he's spending all his free time making special lessons/work for the kids who's parents bug him.

Teachers assign homework based on what is happening in class each day. Assignments match up to reinforce what was taught, so how would your kid be able to do all the homework before the week's lessons have happened?

I'm hoping that if we value and reinforce strong effort in school, our kids will also. Do kids sometimes want to not do homework? Yup. But it's a fact of life and teaches them responsibility. If they flat out refuse to do it, then they will accept the consequences.

I made a point of saying that I'm a teacher because, as I said, I understand the teacher's point of view. Having a child do the week's homework in 2 nights is not a big deal at all. What ever was assigned Mon-Wen could be done Wednesday, the assignments for the end of the week could be done on Friday. I absolutely expect the teacher to work with my children and what works best for them because that's the teacher's job, to meet each students' needs. Perhaps your husband should talk to some of his coworkers to figure out how to manage his time more efficiently. I adjust things constantly for my students and work with every parent willing to work with me to make sure their child succeeds, but I manage to rarely bring work home.

Beevol · January 2015

dglvrk2 said:

Homework should reflect what is being studied in class and be easy enough for your child to do with minimal help. Checking the work or having your child explain what they're doing is great, but you should not have to sit next to your child and guide them through every step of an assignment every afternoon. If you find yourself doing this, discuss the situation with your child's teacher.

So much this. Homework is for the student, not the parent, and if your kid gets a D in 4th grade because they never did the homework no one will ever actually care. Grades do not matter until high school, so let your kid fail if that's what it takes to teach her responsibility (unless you're trying to get into private schools, but if your kid fights you about homework, then maybe academic rigor isn't for him/her?).

LauraChicago · January 2015

Homework is a hill I'm willing to die on. At 8 it isn't only about the content (although I do find what even 8 year old learns to be important) but it's also about building a solid work ethic and simply completing what is expected of you.

If my child was truly being overwhelmed by homework (either because teacher was assigning excessive amount for the age group or because my kid was truly struggling) I would certainly talk with the teacher/get my kid the proper support. However, if my kid just didn't want to do homework at that age (but it was a reasonable amount of work and my kid was capable) I would absolutely make it my problem. If they can't be bothered to do their work then I can't be bothered to run them around town for practices etc. While I want my kids to love learning/school etc. homework is their job and its my job to make sure they do it.

I've taught high school for 12 years. I see a direct correlation between kids that didn't do homework as kids and kids that still don't do it now. I firmly believe parents should not being DOING their kids homework for them at any age however they should be part of the process until their kid can be trusted to do what is expected on them without hand holding. I'm guessing that age will depend on the kid. I don't think my mom had to check in with my homework by the time I was in 3rd grade but she was still sitting at the table with my brother in junior high. We just got the importance of it at different times. There are of course exceptions to the rule and I'm sure many kids that didn't have parents helping support homework when they were young ended up caring about it when they were older but not many.

fitmom82 · January 2015

socialmediamommy said:

fitmom82 said:

socialmediamommy said:

fitmom82 said:

I'm thinking that if homework does become a major battle maybe I could work with the teacher and have my child do the week's homework in 2 nights and hire a tutor to work with my child 2 days after school.

As a wife of a teacher, I have to beg - please don't think that your child will be the special snowflake who gets special treatment re: homework. Parents like that are the reason my husband has zero time to spend with our family most evenings, because he's spending all his free time making special lessons/work for the kids who's parents bug him.

Teachers assign homework based on what is happening in class each day. Assignments match up to reinforce what was taught, so how would your kid be able to do all the homework before the week's lessons have happened?

I'm hoping that if we value and reinforce strong effort in school, our kids will also. Do kids sometimes want to not do homework? Yup. But it's a fact of life and teaches them responsibility. If they flat out refuse to do it, then they will accept the consequences.

I made a point of saying that I'm a teacher because, as I said, I understand the teacher's point of view. Having a child do the week's homework in 2 nights is not a big deal at all. What ever was assigned Mon-Wen could be done Wednesday, the assignments for the end of the week could be done on Friday. I absolutely expect the teacher to work with my children and what works best for them because that's the teacher's job, to meet each students' needs. Perhaps your husband should talk to some of his coworkers to figure out how to manage his time more efficiently. I adjust things constantly for my students and work with every parent willing to work with me to make sure their child succeeds, but I manage to rarely bring work home.

Maybe it's a difference between elementary and high school teachers then, because I can't imagine him not bringing work home. There's just too much to grade during a single prep period. I'm not saying he doesn't do the work and help his kids. But I am saying that it bugs me when parents have a million special requests. I honestly don't remember that being a thing when I was in school. The work was the work and you did it. End of discussion. I just don't know how that changed over time.

I teach middle school, 2 language arts blocks so I have about 50 students. I've learned that not everything needs to be graded, and not everything needs to be done the next day. I actually think elementary school teaching would involve alot more prep work at home. School has changed a ton since we went. If I fail too many students, I need to justify it. Teachers are expected to meet each child where they are at and help all students to be successful. It may not reflect the reality of life, but it is the reality of education and I will expect my children's teacher to work with them, expecially when they're adjusting to school. I know what is expected of me.

Sept07b2b · January 2015

I don't understanding how doing homework twice a week while the other kids are doing it every night would work at all. Presumably, the idea behind homework is to confirm/practice/commit to understanding what was taught that day in class. When I was in school, we would review some of the homework the next day in class, and the next day class' lesson would build on the lesson from the day before. If you don't do Monday night's homework on Monday, it is likely you won't really understand the lesson Tuesday, and so on. Doing Monday night's homework on Wednesday, doesn't really help.

Homework in my mind isn't just cruel busy work, but is essential in the learning process. I'm with PP. Homework would be my hill to die on. This is the time in life where you teach work ethic. How would your boss respond if you had a big deadline and you just didn't get the work done but kept asking for an extension because you didn't feel like getting the work done? Life doesn't work that way. Sometimes things have to get done that you don't want to do. I think teaching your kid they are special, and therefore don't have to do their homework like everyone else, for some reason other than something legitimate like a learning disability is really doing a disservice to your kid. For me, I hope it's not a nightly fight, but it's not a fight I will shy away from if it is a fight.

Mustardseed2007 · January 2015

I think homework wars is something you have to figure out when it comes up because it seems to me that the cause and contributions to a true homework war vs a kid feeling lazy will not be so obvious.

I agree with the posters that say that homework is a battle worth fighting for, but I would hope that if it's part of your routine and you keep it light, maybe with a reward or something, then it can be a not too terrible experience in a normal situation.

If your kid is having massive fits about not wanting to do homework and you're fighting for 2 hours, then it would seem to me that some kind of problem solving has to happen because there isn't a healthy parent-child-school triangular relationship.

Says the mom of a 3 year old and 10 month old. Meaning I know nothing.

alli2672 · January 2015

My son is in kindergarten this year. I had trouble doing homework with him in the evenings. His brother and sister were playing, and he wanted to play too.

So, I get him up a little earlier, and he does his homework while I make breakfast and get his lunch together. Like pp said, it's mostly an independent activity, but he does require me to be in the same room if he struggles with something.

If he has something to do that takes a little longer (his teacher will send home everything they did that day if he misses a day of school), then we get out workbooks for the other kids and everyone sits and "works" together. I give lots of positive reinforcement, and we have mini parties whenever a task is completed.

I am sure that as he gets older, this won't work anymore, but it works for now.

MommyAtty · January 2015

@alli2672‌ - That's a great idea! I have 2 who are 21 mos apart. Not in school yet, but having everyone do "work" is brilliant. And I don't think you'll always have to do so much. Kind of like potty training. At first, they may need the potty celebration but eventually they just have the rhythm and do it without prompting.

Heavensent72 · January 2015

Oh its no battle for me. i set expectations for my daughter and it just has to be done period. I let her know (she's 9 and in the 4th grade) that by the time I make it to her Nana's house to pick her up that it needs to be done so that all I have to do is check, review, and sign whatever I need to do. So that the rest of the evening she is free to do whatever she wants to do. But she loves school, so that makes it easier. We did struggle with watching tv and doing homework for a bit but now she knows that, that does not work, and she needs to concentrate. I do have a two year old that is a handful and he will have to follow the same thing but I do foresee in his future a struggle (hopefully I am wrong, but a mother knows her child) and he will not be able to do anything until homework is done and the sooner he learns that the happier he will be LOL!

alli2672 · January 2015

MommyAtty said:

@alli2672‌ - That's a great idea! I have 2 who are 21 mos apart. Not in school yet, but having everyone do "work" is brilliant. And I don't think you'll always have to do so much. Kind of like potty training. At first, they may need the potty celebration but eventually they just have the rhythm and do it without prompting.

Ahh...so you get it. My boys are 16 months apart and my kindergartener was devastated to learn that he would not only be spending his days apart from his brother, but he would be sitting and coloring and doing crafts rather than all the stuff he loves to do. Asking him to do homework while his brother was playing was just too much to ask of a 5 year old.

And I hope it's like the potty training and ends soon.

But then again, it's kind of fun to imagine that we will still be giving out checkmarks on everyone's hands and dancing around when he finishes his calculus homework.

potbellypig · January 2015

I think we'll do it as soon as we get home from school, while I make supper/before we eat. Most activities are in the evenings here (soccer, swimming etc). If they don't want to do it, they miss their activity or get a privilege taken away from them (i.e. TV). I don't expect it to be easy to get them to do it every night, but at the same time...it's their 1 job, it's an expectation, and I'm not asking them to do it...I'm telling them to.

*spoken by the mother of a 3 and 1 y/o...don't roll your eyes at my optimism *

2chatter · January 2015

Homework has always been a requirement, non-negotiable and functioned as it's own reward with the exception of promises to thought maybe I was hard core then I just read The Smartest Kids In the World and have decided this mentality is appropriate. My oldest is in 5th and I dropped the rope this year and she struggled and has since rebounded. It's never been any more of a battle than bathing or sitting properly during dinner - largely because it's been placed on that level. The kids know it's homework or silent time out. Zero negotiation. Tons of praise and discussion.

MommyAtty · January 2015

alli2672 said:

But then again, it's kind of fun to imagine that we will still be giving out checkmarks on everyone's hands and dancing around when he finishes his calculus homework.

My 2.5 year old brought me a chocolate chip and a mini-marshmallow this weekend when I was peeing on the potty. It was surprisingly motivating.

alli2672 · January 2015

MommyAtty said:

alli2672 said:

But then again, it's kind of fun to imagine that we will still be giving out checkmarks on everyone's hands and dancing around when he finishes his calculus homework.

My 2.5 year old brought me a chocolate chip and a mini-marshmallow this weekend when I was peeing on the potty. It was surprisingly motivating.

Okay. This literally made me laugh out loud.

nosoup4u · January 2015

HW is inappropriate for kids under about 3rd grade. DS1 had nightly HW in kindergarten last year (and it wasn't things relevant to his classwork, it was just photocopies of letter/number sheets his teacher got off the internet). We didn't have him do it, and eventually let his teacher know it wasn't a priority in our house.
This year he's at a different school, and has spelling words HW. It's about five tasks due once a week. He usually does 2-3 of them, and we practice his words orally w him over the week also. But it's v hard making time for even that little amount - he's a little kid and wants to play after school, and we want to be able to just hang out w our kids. It just isn't a battle I believe in right now, we'll see when he's older (bc having hours upon hours of HW when you're older is also inappropriate and unnecessary).

teeveemom · January 2015

I can't imagine a parent not caring if their kid doesn't do their homework. I think it's super important and I hope my kid sees it as an obligation and a requirement like I did. I hated homework and there were definitely days that I cried, fought with my mom over it and stressed about it- but I cried, fought and stressed because I cared. Do I want my kid to feel stressed? No...at least, not often. But, caring about it is important. My mom checked all my book reports and major assignments (at least until senior year- I lost her at AP calc). If something wasn't done well enough, she made me fix it. She bought me every test prep book under the sun. But, I appreciate it, I wouldn't have been accepted early -decision to my first choice university if she hadn't instilled that in me from the onset. If your kid doesn't care, then there is something else that needs to be remedied there. All kids will fight you on homework sometimes - but it shouldn't be a battle everyday to even get them to do it.

BeachBum73 · January 2015

As the mother of a 5th grader, I agree homework is important. My daughter has always been self-motivated and it's never been a fight for us (thank god!). Though I think things might be different with my son but we'll see. But it's not always the actual homework that's important, it's teaching them how to problem solve. My daughter is smart and usually finishes her homework quickly. Except when she doesn't understand something and freaks out. This is the teaching moment for me - ask for help, write down what you know, provide other examples, work together, ask the teacher for help, etc. The other challenge is trying to teach her they way she is learning. The new math is ridiculous in my opinion and should be an option for kids who may not get it the other way.

I don't agree with telling the teacher that they won't be doing their homework or that they will only do it on certain days. I think they should at least attempt it and if it leads to tears or frustrations, you can always stop and write a note to the teacher. But, unless you're homeschooling, you're going to have to unclench a bit and they have to learn to assimilate.

Regarding when they do homework, my daughter usually does it in the evening but one of my friends has her son do it in the morning. School doesn't start until 9 and the kids are normally up early so it's a good option.

dglvrk2 · January 2015

<>I don't agree with telling the teacher that they won't be doing their homework or that they will only do it on certain days. I think they should at least attempt it and if it leads to tears or frustrations, you can always stop and write a note to the teacher. But, unless you're homeschooling, you're going to have to unclench a bit and they have to learn to assimilate.

From a teacher....

Thank you!

ETA: I don't think this quoted @BeachBum73‌ correctly.

DiveFrog · January 2015

I struggle personally with the idea that homework should be easy enough for kids to do unassisted and that it reinforces concepts they've learned. If homework is truly easy enough for students that it requires little to no effort to complete...i.e. they already have grasped the concepts and application of those concepts, then it is truly just busy work that is not needed. And yet, a big portion of their grade may be based on completing said busy work. This seems kinda ridiculous.

As an example, I clearly remember my parents defending both myself and my brother to teachers who were upset/frustrated about us both not completing homework and reading assignments. My parents basically told the teachers that they should make the quizzes and exams harder and more reflective of having to do the homework than, because even without doing the homework and reading we were acing the quizzes and tests.

Homework like book reports, and science projects that require kids to learn and apply how to put together presentations and present information/materials, or analyze and collect data...These I see as much more value added, although require much more than a single night. Which I also see as advantageous because it teaches time management.

My other personal issue with homework is having to get it done after a kid has been in school and working their brain all day. My brain has always been MUCH less sharp at the end of the day. Obviously, a lot of kids have the same problem. So a worksheet, or a problem set that they could focus and complete in 10-15 minutes much earlier in the day, takes much longer in the evening and can often frustrate them with causes them to not want to do it, which in turn starts the parental homework war. Starting in middle school I never did homework after school, but before school. In HS and college I never pulled all nighters. I would always go to sleep early and study and do work first thing after I had slept. So, in HS and College I did a lot of my homework and studying between 5:00am- 7:30am.

Who knows how it will go with DD, but I have a few years before I have to worry about it. I will definitely work with her to figure out what strategies can help her get homework done in the most effective way for her learning style and I will most definitely be willing to discuss homework with her teachers if I feel it too much, or not value added.

MommyAtty · January 2015

This conversation is fascinating to me and scary as heck. I didn't do homework. I just wouldn't. I would lie to get out of it. I would half-ass it if I did it at all. I just thought it was dumb. And, like DiveFrog, yeah, I still got excellent test scores. At the same time, I expect my kids will follow rules, so if they have homework, I expect they will do it. Yikes. I'm a hypocrite.

Hilariously, in my prep school, I graduated in the top third but not top quarter of my class. In college, where there was less homework but still some, I graduated in the top quarter and with honors. In law school, where your entire grade for a class is based on one test at the end of the semester, I graduated not just in the top ten percent but in the top ten people. With highest honors. Now, I'm a ridiculous workaholic and make a lot of money. My high school teachers are shocked. I earn literally ten times as much as my BFF, who was in my prep school class and graduated with honors. And always did her homework.

BeachBum73 · January 2015

MommyAtty said:

This conversation is fascinating to me and scary as heck. I didn't do homework. I just wouldn't. I would lie to get out of it. I would half-ass it if I did it at all. I just thought it was dumb. And, like DiveFrog, yeah, I still got excellent test scores. At the same time, I expect my kids will follow rules, so if they have homework, I expect they will do it. Yikes. I'm a hypocrite.

Hilariously, in my prep school, I graduated in the top third but not top quarter of my class. In college, where there was less homework but still some, I graduated in the top quarter and with honors. In law school, where your entire grade for a class is based on one test at the end of the semester, I graduated not just in the top ten percent but in the top ten people. With highest honors. Now, I'm a ridiculous workaholic and make a lot of money. My high school teachers are shocked. I earn literally ten times as much as my BFF, who was in my prep school class and graduated with honors. And always did her homework.

Somewhat similarly but off of the homework topic, I "followed the rules", did all my homework, was a good student, etc. and right now I'm struggling with unemployment after getting laid off and have no clue what I want to do with my life. I look at my daughter and think the same thing - the fact that she's a good student doesn't equal success down the road. It's certainly a good start but I'm very cognizant of this and would like to help her become better at communicating (something this shy girl was never good at), because I think that will help her be successful more than what her grades are/were. So, while I think homework is important and she needs to follow the rules while in school, I don't think it's the be-all, end-all.

traveltheworld · January 2015

I loved doing homework when I was a kid. I think my parents really set me up for success in that regard. My mom purposedly chose a kindergarden program that didn't have any homework, and talked about how awesome it would be when I get to go to "real" school and get to do homework. So I was SOOO excited to get homework in Grade 1. My parents never did homework with me, but always looked over my work afterwards. I had a big wooden desk in my room where I sat by myself with no distractions and just did my work. It never took long.

I loved all the attention I got from my parents, who were otherwise very busy. I remember distinctly that every night after my Dad came home (which was usually very late in the evening, after I've already had dinner and am ready for bed), one of the first things we'd do together is go over my homework and talk about my school day etc. Then he'd try to teach me things that are related to my homework assignments or find extra readings we could do together. I loved it.

By the time that my parents stopped doing that, I think I was already in grade 5 or 6 and homework just became a habit. I think good study habits really helped me with my academic career. I don't think I'm particularly smart but because I have very good study habits, I managed to get through undergrad and law school with top marks.

All that is to say that I think my approach would be the same as my parents - try to instill a love of learning and good study habits. Homework would be non-negotiable for my children, but hopefully I can make it a fun and rewarding experience for them.

skibunny59 · January 2015

Hmm. I never thought about homework being an issue. My experience with homework was much like traveltheworld. I was always very eager to do homework as a kid because I loved the attention I got from my parents. I remember always taking my time with homework and feeling very proud when I would show my parents my completed homework to check. I also felt proud and happy handing in my homework to my teachers.

I guess not all kids are like that though. I vaguely remember some fights between my mom and brother because he would always do a sloppy job rushing to get it done. Hopefully my kids will just take after me and it won't be an issue.

flockofmoosen2 · January 2015

I have a lot of time until we get to the homework point, but I have some ideas of how it could go. I plan to have my daughter do her homework in the kitchen/dining room, so that if she has questions she can ask them immediately and we can figure it out together. I can ask her questions about what she's doing, or show her other ways to do them, but I don't plan to do anything for her.

My only experience with this is helping my brother and sister when they were high school. They were very reluctant to do any homework or study, but if I sat with them in the kitchen and just talked to them about what they were doing while they did the work, it kept them focused, relaxed, and they completed sooner than they would have otherwise. In their rooms were too many distractions.

Want a personalized experience?

NWMR: How will/ do you handle homework?

Re: NWMR: How will/ do you handle homework?

Choose Another Board

Search Boards