Doctors appointments

Lexiwheeless · January 2015

Hey guys! I'm new to this and just found out I'm pregnant! My partner and I aren't married or anything, and she's worried that they won't let her come with me to see the ultrasounds and things like that unless she pretends to be my sister, but I don't want her to have to pretend. Does anyone have any info on this?

jennicole85 · January 2015

J came to every appointment and ultrasound during my pregnancy and we're not married. I do have to point out that we live in a state where same sex marriage isn't legal yet. Anyway, only once did someone ask who she was (the doctor thought she was my sister lol). We were frank and the doctor just said 'Cool' and moved on.

redrockmama · January 2015

Is there a reason you are worried this will happen? Do you live in a conservative area? J came to all my appointments. My best friend even came to my 6 week post partum checkup and no one asked who she was.

Lexiwheeless · January 2015

Okay great, thanks! We live in a college town, so I wouldn't expect it to be super conservative, but she's really worried. I honestly don't care what the doctors or anyone thinks, but she just doesn't want to have to stay behind or anything, especially as I get farther along and we find out the sex of the baby and everything.

ATXmommas · January 2015

I wouldn't anticipate this to be a problem. You should be able to bring whoever you want with you to the appointments. And I'm all for being up front about her relationship to you. Best introduce the topic early on to establish her role with your care team. Good luck!

valeriegp · January 2015

I'm going to be blunt: Be honest, and if your doctor's office has a problem with your relationship, then you need to find a new doctor. Pregnancy is a long road, and you don't want to have to worry about this or "fake it" the entire time.

I live in Texas, so no same-sex marriage. I'm in Houston, which is more liberal than the rest of the state, but still a conservative area. We were honest from the beginning and never had a problem. I don't mean "in your face" honest, but on forms, any time I had to put my partner's name and it asked for our relationship status, I put partner. If it wasn't an option, I crossed out "spouse" and wrote it in, or put it under other. I also made sure that she was listed on all the forms as someone who they could release my medical information to.

ball.and.chain · January 2015

valeriegp said:

I'm going to be blunt: Be honest, and if your doctor's office has a problem with your relationship, then you need to find a new doctor. Pregnancy is a long road, and you don't want to have to worry about this or "fake it" the entire time.

This. You also don't want to run into a situation where the doctor's office doesn't see your SO as a parent of the child. I feel confident things will go more smoothly than your SO thinks they will, but if not, I agree with @valeriegp that you should find a new provider!

2MamazInSeattle · January 2015

Agreed with all of the above. I'd add, though, that you guys light to get a Durable Power of Attorney in order before too long, in case any problems arise where she needs to make healthcare decisions for you (read @RobertJane33‌'s birth story as an example). Overall on this board, there have been very few people who had issues at all. Congrats!

FSBC · January 2015

Yes, be upfront and honest. My DW had the same concerns. We live in Dallas, it is still pretty damn conservative in places. I called around to several RE offices and very plainly told them we were a same sex couple and what we were wanting to do (reciprocal IVF). We were told by a few in Dallas that they would not see unmarried couples. We are married federally, but since TX does not recognize it, they do not have to treat us. We ended up going with an RE in Austin who we adore. It was a bit of a drive but worth it to us. We did have some monitoring done locally at an office that was fine with same sex couples.

When we were released to an OB, I called around again and asked the same questions. I was not going to put myself or my wife through even one uncomfortable appointment.

Now the DW is worried about the delivery room and hospital staff... she is from Cali (LA) and is not use to such closed mindedness. Luckily, I work at the hospital we will be delivering at and plan on scoping out the L&D nurses and getting some inside info. lol

Lexiwheeless · January 2015

Thanks everyone! We don't have our first appointment for two more weeks still, which kinda concerns me but J doesn't seem concerned. But we will make sure to be up front about everything

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