Is That Baby Yours?? (Article)

2MamazInSeattle · January 2015

Interesting read for non-genetic parents, reciprocal IVF'ers, and even those who are genetically connected to their child and have a partner who isn't:

https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/parenting/wp/2015/01/15/is-that-baby-yours/

Would love any thoughts/perspectives! Good discussion topic

CageyMack · January 2015

This is a great share -- thanks @2MamazinSeattle!

I really liked this line: I can more easily love my daughter for who she is, not for what I hope she reflects of me.

I'm keenly aware of my interactions with my new daughter as a non-biological parent -- it interests me. I'm also a non-birth parent to her, so that adds another layer. I love that I have both biological and non-biological children. I could tell, even when our new baby was in utero, that I would love them all more evenly because they are not all "of my blood." I think loving and parenting any child is a decision, one we make every day, and knowing that it IS a decision helps me to make better decisions.

I GET to parent this new baby; what an unbelievable stroke of luck! Except that it wasn't just luck --I played as essential a role in her creation as any genetic parent and she would not exist if I had not helped will her to be. I AM her mama.

DW and I are very open that we love each of our children differently, none more or less, but different, sure. Yes, having a genetic tie DOES matter, but it isn't more or less important than other factors. Bearing a child of your own womb DOES matter, but it isn't more or less meaningful than adoption. For me, it is like the sex of a child; being male or female matters, but neither one, nor the spectrum of nuances is better or worse -- the diversity is wonderful!

I'll keep thinking on this one.

ATXmommas · January 2015

CageyMack said:
This is a great share -- thanks @2MamazinSeattle!

Except that it wasn't just luck --I played as essential a role in her creation as any genetic parent and she would not exist if I had not helped will her to be. I AM her mama.

Exactly this. I frequently tell Z that WE made a good baby. Sebastian wouldn't be here if it weren't for Z and he wouldn't be the same little boy that we both love so much without Z as one of his mommas.

Z has never seemed to care or be concerned or think about having a genetic connection to our children. I don't think it's a complicated issue for her simply because she doesn't put much thought into it. That's just Z. We all feel and know that we're equal partners in this parenting gig. I love when Ash does something that reminds me of Z and I tell him that he got that from his momma. We may have had some help from a generous donor, but he's truly a compilation of all 3 of us.

Jazibel · January 2015

Great article @2mamazinseattle - thanks for sharing. I'm glad this is a conversation that we're seeing crop up in the media.

Our boys are definitely bits of both of us - though technically genetically tied to me. Since I'm adopted I don't see other of my genetic family in them, instead I see EV, myself sometimes our donor - though not that often. Owen even looks like EV though his expressions mimic my own. While Kaden has a lot of my "face" with large streaks of EV's charisma and stubbornness (among other things). It's hard for me to believe that she's not genetically related to them because it seems to me that she must be. If we move forward with partner-IVF I look forward to having a child with her genes and my blood.

Want a personalized experience?

Is That Baby Yours?? (Article)

Re: Is That Baby Yours?? (Article)

Choose Another Board

Search Boards