Where did the sex go!?

camilaandbaby9898 · January 2015

Hello Ladies and possibly gents,

Today I am almost 29 weeks pregnant. To give you an idea, I am 5'8 and was slim before pregnancy. I have gained a total of 20 lbs but other than bigger cheeks and a growing belly and boobs everything else seems to have stayed about the same. So no swelling in the legs or feet, stretch marks or varicose veins.

My husband and I have a great relationship, he is loving, caring, supportive, gives me massages, is there for me when I ask him to be, patient, and all the wonderful things you can expect from a husband. On top of that he is extremely handsome, we're talking cover of magazines handsome here ladies.

With my hormones all over the place I now want sex more than ever. I want it in the morning, afternoon, nighttime, when I wake up at night to pee, in the shower, in the car, while watching movies, you name it I want sex with that activity. My husband and I used to have sex constantly before this pregnancy came along. Now as I grow bigger I notice our sex life diminishing, and not for my lack of trying! I spoke with him about it and he says he's "scared of crushing the baby" and after many discussions that he "just isn't as attracted to me" with a baby inside me.

He is struggling to understand why I am so hurt and frustrated with this situation, he thinks it's just about me wanting sex. But there is so much more we get from sex, that is something only the 2 of us share, that intimacy, that closeness, a whole new level of love, and when sex goes out the window so do those amenities.

I personally feel very confident in how I look and am embracing my pregnancy as best I can, but with my husband telling me day in and day out no because he's "just not horny" is killing me slowly. I want him to want me, I want him to find me sexy and I don't want to have to beg for sex...It defeats the whole purpose of it in the end!

Can anyone relate? If so, any advice? Please note I have tried seducing him, wearing lingerie, and doing all the work.

SeekingSmall · January 2015

snowbigdeal said:

camilaandbaby9898 said:

Hello Ladies and possibly gents,
Today I am almost 29 weeks pregnant. To give you an idea, I am 5'8 and was slim before pregnancy. I have gained a total of 20 lbs but other than bigger cheeks and a growing belly and boobs everything else seems to have stayed about the same. So no swelling in the legs or feet, stretch marks or varicose veins.
My husband and I have a great relationship, he is loving, caring, supportive, gives me massages, is there for me when I ask him to be, patient, and all the wonderful things you can expect from a husband. On top of that he is extremely handsome, we're talking cover of magazines handsome here ladies.
With my hormones all over the place I now want sex more than ever. I want it in the morning, afternoon, nighttime, when I wake up at night to pee, in the shower, in the car, while watching movies, you name it I want sex with that activity. My husband and I used to have sex constantly before this pregnancy came along. Now as I grow bigger I notice our sex life diminishing, and not for my lack of trying! I spoke with him about it and he says he's "scared of crushing the baby" and after many discussions that he "just isn't as attracted to me" with a baby inside me.
He is struggling to understand why I am so hurt and frustrated with this situation, he thinks it's just about me wanting sex. But there is so much more we get from sex, that is something only the 2 of us share, that intimacy, that closeness, a whole new level of love, and when sex goes out the window so do those amenities.
I personally feel very confident in how I look and am embracing my pregnancy as best I can, but with my husband telling me day in and day out no because he's "just not horny" is killing me slowly. I want him to want me, I want him to find me sexy and I don't want to have to beg for sex...It defeats the whole purpose of it in the end!
Can anyone relate? If so, any advice? Please note I have tried seducing him, wearing lingerie, and doing all the work.

Sorry, I can't relate. I'm only 5'5", was overweight before pregnancy, have stretch marks and varicose veins and leg swelling, and my sex life is awesome.

Oh, and my husband is not magazines handsome, though he does give me occasional massages.

Buy a vibrator?

Yeah I really want to care, but I just can't because of this exactly.

It may also be because I can't relate....my husband thinks I'm even sexier pregnant.

Or could be because the damn doc said that due to preterm labor I'm no longer allowed sex and I'm a wee but bitter. No matter the reason, I say give it up. It sucks for your attractive selves, but it happens.

tigerlily25 · January 2015

Sorry, no help here. My SO finds pregnant women extremely attractive so our sex life has been awesome lately. I think it must be the stretch marks and varicose veins.

ktplusbby · January 2015

I can't get over your brag fest. Your husband is Ryan Gosling and you're a perfect looking pregnant woman. Whoopee for you. Cut the man some slack.. some men find pregnant women sexy and attractive. Other men get completely skeeved out by it. Oh well. Pregnancy is temporary. He'll like you again once there isn't a body inside your body?

somewheresublime86 · January 2015

Two things.

OP, please google the word 'amenities.' I do not think it means what you think it means.

While on google, please search for the term 'narcissist.' You're defining your self-worth based nearly solely on your husband's physical attraction to you. Based on your post, you're also hearing but not listening to his very normal feelings on the subject of sex during pregnancy. Give the man a break, and buy a vibrator. I'm exhausted just thinking about the amount of sex you want to be having.

Ace6050 · January 2015

I guess my response it to not sweat it - this phase is temporary. My husband doesn't mind the bump but then I don't really blame men who find pregnancy a turn off - our bodies are SO different when we're pregnant.

While months of a lull may seem challenging, time goes so fast. Baby will be here, then turning 1, before you know it. With good eating and exercise you can get back (roughly) to what you looked like pre-babyBand reconnect with your husband again.

Just take the pressure off yourself and him, recognize the roller coaster you're on, and go with the flow. Through pregnancy, childbirth, infant and toddler time, my husband and i have had so many changes in our relationship. It's a wild ride but we're stronger and more in love for it. Again, it's all temporary.

erikaluna01 · January 2015

Sorry you're going through this. I'm somewhat in the same boat (minus the attractiveness factor on both ends). We were really active pre baby and even more active pre kids. Our DD co sleeps with us sometimes and it nearly kills our sex life. You really must try harder to have that intimacy and closeness now, but you both need to want it. I say be patient with his feelings and wait out the phase. It's temporary. Be intimate some other way for now. Talk to him and let him know you're willing to pleasure him, even though he may not to you. That may help.

If things don't change once your baby is here, then you need a major discussion about your relationship and what you feel for one another. Hope this helps!

taahira · January 2015

This post and comments just made my day, I can't even respond im laughing so hard. Just hilarious!!!

nahawley82 · January 2015

More than a little obnoxious...not sure why we needed the million word long foreword on your physical appearances....like everything in pregnancy for every woman and man sex is different. With some pregnancies, the pregnancy will enhance the sex life, and for some it will not. In my relationship, I am not keen on sex at all during pregnancy, and I have a very healthy sex life outside of my pregnancies. Nothing to do with the way I feel about my physical appearance, but it hurts, my boobs are sore, and I'm prone to utis during pregnancy so I avoid at all costs. We are in the home stretch as most of us enter the third tri, so hopefully your physique will be back soon and sex will resume, but have a little bit of humility for the sake of the rest of us....

KatyInNH · January 2015

I stopped reading at "cover of magazines handsome." I'm surprised my short, fat ass made it that far.

lindsayanne14 · January 2015

As pp have stated, the level of attractiveness of either of you isn't really important. I'm guessing you included yours so we assume he should be attracted to you, PG or not. Honestly, some men are just not turned on by PG women or are weirded out by the whole thing. Try to appreciate the intimacy you share outside of sex and realize that eventually your sex life can resume a more normal routine. Until then, follow the advice already given and get a vibrator.

redneckmomma25 · January 2015

I think by the correlation you are trying to make about /weight/attractiveness and sex I should probably just join a nunnery.

PinkDahLia44 · January 2015

Can't relate. My husband still finds me sexy and I just don't wanna. Also, sex isn't the most important part of our relationship, so neither one of us is stressing about it.

And since this stuff is apparently relevant to you, my husband is hot, too.

mommybelanova · January 2015

I don't have any advice, just wanted to brag that my boyfriend loves sex. You know, since you feel the need to brag about your appearance.

SMFB · January 2015

I sure hope you don't end up with a saggy gut and tits when all this is said and done or you'll be screwed because your obviously just into each other because your both hot. Good luck with that.

jk3610 · January 2015

Sorry your super model husband is not interested in having sex like teenagers with your perfect self.

The reality is: pregnancy aside, sexuality waxes and wanes throughout the course of a relationship. My husband, while not a 12 on a scale of 10 like your husband, finds me more desirable than ever, pancake nipples and all. Life is weird sometimes. Roll with the punches and take things into your own hands.

If you catch my meaning.

doxiemom415 · January 2015

I haven't seen my ankles in weeks and can't remember the last time I shaved my legs. I wear leggings every day as pants. My husband thinks I'm smokin hott, even when I say my pubic bone feels like it's on fire.

..... Oh that's not what we're doing here? OP confused me with her bragging that I lost the point of this ridiculous post.

SMFB · January 2015

Even the wk's are staying away from this one? Did I just jinx it?

drjruth · January 2015

I can totally relate and have tons of sympathy for you as I am dealing with the same begging for sex issue. I have been dealing with it since before pregnancy though, so you should not worry too much because it sounds like your husband is reacting pretty normally, not all men are turned on by pregnancy. Mine is def weirded out by the changes, the "alien growth" kind of thing and scared to hurt the baby or me. I am thinking it might have to do with their attitude about the pregnancy in general, is your husband as excited about it as you are or more anxious and worried? It is harder for them to feel involved with the pregnancy stage and to embrace it as we might. I wish I could give you a solution to this problem because I know how much it hurts to not be wanted by your husband, but I have found that the more I pressure him for and about sex the more he resists. It almost seems that playing hard to get kind of works, unfortunately, because like you I don't want mind games just openness. More than anything I'm sorry you were met with mostly jealous and bitter comments here, it is not about looks but feeling desired. It makes me envious to read the replies of women whose husbands are horny. it is pretty mean to brag about that to someone who is going through the psychological torture of feeling unloved, just because you described your physical self. Anyways, feel consoled that it is only in your pregnancy he is like this, it is very likely to pass once the baby arrives.

jk3610 · January 2015

drjruth said:
I can totally relate and have tons of sympathy for you as I am dealing with the same begging for sex issue. I have been dealing with it since before pregnancy though, so you should not worry too much because it sounds like your husband is reacting pretty normally, not all men are turned on by pregnancy. Mine is def weirded out by the changes, the "alien growth" kind of thing and scared to hurt the baby or me. I am thinking it might have to do with their attitude about the pregnancy in general, is your husband as excited about it as you are or more anxious and worried? It is harder for them to feel involved with the pregnancy stage and to embrace it as we might. I wish I could give you a solution to this problem because I know how much it hurts to not be wanted by your husband, but I have found that the more I pressure him for and about sex the more he resists. It almost seems that playing hard to get kind of works, unfortunately, because like you I don't want mind games just openness. More than anything I'm sorry you were met with mostly jealous and bitter comments here, it is not about looks but feeling desired. It makes me envious to read the replies of women whose husbands are horny. it is pretty mean to brag about that to someone who is going through the psychological torture of feeling unloved, just because you described your physical self. Anyways, feel consoled that it is only in your pregnancy he is like this, it is very likely to pass once the baby arrives.

Qfp

jk3610 · January 2015

We must be jealous, right? Her life does sound so amazing that mine pales in comparison.

letina09 · January 2015

I've gained 35 pounds, I have stretch marks in places I didn't know existed, I swell randomly and look like a puffer fish, my chin even looks pregnant at this point, and I'm only 5'6". Sex isn't a problem. If you want to post about having the will-power to not make a second large bowl of icecream, then I can relate. I'm sorry Ken isn't interested in Pregnant Barbie. Maybe talk to a therapist or counselor. (But make sure they're pretty and understand the correlation between good looks and sex)

whippoorwill3 · January 2015

I don't know how to help you. Me and my husband are both smokin hot and we have sex like 10 times a day.

doxiemom415 · January 2015

Totes listen to Dr. Ruth. We're all jealous, miserable assholes. You should feel sorry for our kiddies.

jackieanddan1989 · January 2015

I had so many things I wanted to say to OP but you ladies got it covered. =D>

KatyInNH · January 2015

frownyface said:
Caught me. I'm extremely jealous.

I'll admit I'm a little jealous because I totally wish my husband didn't want sex. Pregnancy has been a libido killer for me. Maybe I need to be as hot as OP for him to be turned off by me?
:-/

LMurphy207 · January 2015

OP - please buy a vibrater and move along.

SMFB · January 2015

drjruth said:
I can totally relate and have tons of sympathy for you as I am dealing with the same begging for sex issue. I have been dealing with it since before pregnancy though, so you should not worry too much because it sounds like your husband is reacting pretty normally, not all men are turned on by pregnancy. Mine is def weirded out by the changes, the "alien growth" kind of thing and scared to hurt the baby or me. I am thinking it might have to do with their attitude about the pregnancy in general, is your husband as excited about it as you are or more anxious and worried? It is harder for them to feel involved with the pregnancy stage and to embrace it as we might. I wish I could give you a solution to this problem because I know how much it hurts to not be wanted by your husband, but I have found that the more I pressure him for and about sex the more he resists. It almost seems that playing hard to get kind of works, unfortunately, because like you I don't want mind games just openness. More than anything I'm sorry you were met with mostly jealous and bitter comments here, it is not about looks but feeling desired. It makes me envious to read the replies of women whose husbands are horny. it is pretty mean to brag about that to someone who is going through the psychological torture of feeling unloved, just because you described your physical self. Anyways, feel consoled that it is only in your pregnancy he is like this, it is very likely to pass once the baby arrives.

right after my post too. It's like I called out to her! This is amazing.

jk3610 · January 2015

SMFB said:

drjruth said:
I can totally relate and have tons of sympathy for you as I am dealing with the same begging for sex issue. I have been dealing with it since before pregnancy though, so you should not worry too much because it sounds like your husband is reacting pretty normally, not all men are turned on by pregnancy. Mine is def weirded out by the changes, the "alien growth" kind of thing and scared to hurt the baby or me. I am thinking it might have to do with their attitude about the pregnancy in general, is your husband as excited about it as you are or more anxious and worried? It is harder for them to feel involved with the pregnancy stage and to embrace it as we might. I wish I could give you a solution to this problem because I know how much it hurts to not be wanted by your husband, but I have found that the more I pressure him for and about sex the more he resists. It almost seems that playing hard to get kind of works, unfortunately, because like you I don't want mind games just openness. More than anything I'm sorry you were met with mostly jealous and bitter comments here, it is not about looks but feeling desired. It makes me envious to read the replies of women whose husbands are horny. it is pretty mean to brag about that to someone who is going through the psychological torture of feeling unloved, just because you described your physical self. Anyways, feel consoled that it is only in your pregnancy he is like this, it is very likely to pass once the baby arrives.
right after my post too. It's like I called out to her! This is amazing.

You have a dark gift, @SMFB‌

breekehoe · January 2015

letina09 said:
my chin even looks pregnant at this point

THIS

doxiemom415 · January 2015

MAYBE, she hasn't responded because she's currently buying a vibrator??? No? Is that giving her too much credit? Damnitt. I tried.

somewheresublime86 · January 2015

@drjruth‌ The 'psychological torture of not being desired'? Seriously!?! Get over yourselves.

Maybe you two should start a support group. I'm having way too much fun thinking of what you would name it.

Psychologically Tortured Hot Preggos in Need of Super Hot Sex?

Pregnant Hotties Can't Take Care of Business for Themselves?

Magazine Hot, Cold Between the Sheets?

doxiemom415 · January 2015

Tyrion said:
According to Dr. Ruth it's okay to make others feel bad about their appearance/weight gain but it's NOT okay to make them feel bad about their sex life.

Phew! Thank the stars above that she was here to teach me that valuable lesson!

That'll be $73.95.

SeekingSmall · January 2015

ashleyinva said:
What kind of magazine are we talking about here?

Reading all these to my husband, he instantly answered your question: "Dog Fancy."

I now hurt from laughing.

jk3610 · January 2015

SeekingSmall said:

ashleyinva said:
What kind of magazine are we talking about here?
Reading all these to my husband, he instantly answered your question: "Dog Fancy."

I now hurt from laughing.

Ded

Cadancetyler · January 2015

Can't stop laughing at the replies. I'm now officially proud to be a short, stretch marked lady.

a.lindsay · January 2015

Loved the replies from you ladies!!! All I have to say is at least op has the option of sex.... We were told no sex at my 18 week appt bc of placenta previa and it's been a long 8 weeks. My child's health is more important than sex right now.

somewheresublime86 · January 2015

lemoncookie09 said:
Any bets on OP being Gisele Bundchen? I mean, to be that perfect and have a "magazine cover" hot husband?

I love me some Brady! Go Pats! But his jacket today is getting lots of ESPN attention... :-) I think Gisele must have chosen the Inspector Gadget jacket.

ElizabethSwann · January 2015

Oh man, you have such problems. I feel so bad for you.

Babybean2211 · January 2015

I didn't take your post as rude at all people need to relax haha anyway, I can relate in some way because our sex live def diminished but I can't relate in the fact that I want sex all the time. I don't feel sexy pregnant even though I still love being pregnant because our son is on the way! I am horny and such but I am afraid of bleeding etc because this happened to me in the beginning of pregnancy. I am going to be 29 weeks tomorrow and I just feel that as long as you are caring about one another, showing that you love one another etc it should be ok but def talk to him about how you are feeling. Maybe do other sexual things to show love and affection and if that still doesn't work for him try not to take it too personally! I feel my husband feels the same way he is nervous because of how I'm nervous about it and doesn't want to hurt me. It doesn't mean he doesn't want sex and we still do have it its just not as often but we have a loving and mutual understanding of the situation because I have talked about it with him before. I guess once the baby is born try to make time for sex and make sure he is feeling appreciated because I know husbands can feel jealous that all of your attention is towards the baby etc. Try not to stress about it because we have enough to worry about! Just keep the communication lines open and keep your relationship going in other ways

astrat017 · January 2015

Regardless of how eye roll worthy this post is to start: my advice is take care of business solo while he's laying next to you. A few things could happen such as a) he may get very into it and be unable to resist. B)he may not be into sex because of a hurting the baby vibe but might want to "play" perhaps a bit or c) still not be interested but at least you got your rocks off. Win win win

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