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May 2015 Moms
samiamagirl
member
Need Some Good Vibes/Prayers + a WWYD. (Warning: Very Long Post)
samiamagirl
member
Starting with my "shallow" question for the TL;DR crowd:
WWYD: Your due date is mid-May and you have set your baby moon getaway for a location 4 hours away (drive worthy) in the middle of the week the first week of February. Due to an unexpected circumstance you can no longer travel in the middle of the week until mid-March. The most you can now do is a half day Thursday and Friday-Monday, which is more expensive due to weekend hotel rates. So would you push the trip back to mid-March, 2 months shy of your due date, so you can be gone during the week or would you keep the trip around the same time period, but just pay more for the weekend?
For the longer back story and why I just need some good vibes, prayers, "this is the right thing to do suck it up" from my favorite snatches...
Most of you know that I have Bi Polar 2 and went off my meds when DH and I started trying to conceive. I honestly was doing pretty good up until a couple of months ago so my OB urged me to seek treatment. I finally reached out to a group that works specifically with new and expecting moms that have mood disorders. Last week I was evaluated if I was a candidate for their program and I guess I was someone they wanted to get in the program ASAP. After getting information from my insurance (so I would know the cost to me, not if they would take me) they urged me to start today (literally the soonest I could get in).
As everything hit me from today's first one-on-one therapy session and the group therapy and the final sign-up process, I left the building fighting tears. Because this is an IOP (Intensive Outpatient Program) both my insurance and the group are extremely strict about attendance and commitment to the program. Thus, my above question about the baby moon timing- I'm no longer allowed to leave for a week to go on vacation. I have to attend a minium of 3 out of the 4 days of the program. Insurance may drop my coverage (I was blown away to find out that this treatment is going to be 100% covered, I don't know if it's because I'm THAT bad or because my insurance is great) if I leave for a week because I'm apparently "well enough to go on vacation" and it's a liability for the group to have me leave because, unless they discharge me, they consider me a risk right now actually. So that was a huge bummer because my husband and I have not been able to travel, which we love, in over a year and with the baby it's going to be a while before we can do a big trip again. We were both looking forward to this and I have to go fuck it up by being "sick".
I'm also now freaking out about medication. They aren't going to force it on me, but already it sounds like they want me to seriously consider it. Especially if any of my symptoms get worse. They want to help me with therapy first, but as my pregnancy progresses it may be something I'll actually need. The doctor was also really honest that after the birth I'm at a high risk for post partum and medication may be my only option. That will probably rule out breastfeeding. And for some reason that just crushed me as well. I'm not against anyone formula feeding but the idea that I can't breastfeed my child because I'm selfishly on medication for myself just already racks me with guilt.
The group seems okay, I was emotionally exhausted by the time I got to join with the rest of the women. It's small which means more attention will be dropped on to me than I'd like. As I'm hearing some of the women I talk I realized that they don't put just any "sad mom" into this group and it almost made me feel embarassed. Like, these women actually need this and I'm just going to be taking up time. I don't even have a kid yet! It'll be a rotating group so other pregnant moms will come in, I'm sure, but right now I just feel like I don't need it as badly as these women do.
This is a 6-8 week program (which means I may be a lot less active on here over that time period). They'll discharge me at their discretion with resources for after care therapy as well as the option to return after my pregnancy if I'm relapsing or suffering from post-partum severe enough that even the therapeutic tools they gave me. I'm kind of glad I don't have to go back until Tuesday (it's a M-Th program and they're closed for MLK Day) because today was so overwhelming. I almost feel like I don't want to do it- but I don't know if every day will be like this and is my baby moon timing, despite how much my husband and I really need this escape from the real word to just be together, more important than my mental health?
I'm sorry, this ended up being so much longer than I intended, more of a Dear Diary. If you read the whole thing, congrats and thanks to you! I just need good vibes and prayers right now: that I'm making the right decision sticking with this, that I can convince my husband he should attend the once a week, one hour meeting for other dads who have wives are in similar boats to me and the other moms, that I'm not always leaving so overwhelmed and upset, that this therapy works and I can avoid meds but if I need them it's the right thing, just for everything.
GBCB - Gone to the Dark Side
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Need Some Good Vibes/Prayers + a WWYD. (Warning: Very Long Post)
Secondly, if your doctors and therapists feel that this is the best course of treatment for you i would forego the baby moon and focus on your health. I saw you said you don't feel like you really need this course of treatment but it seems like the doctors really are encouraging this for you- so maybe it's for the best.
It's always scary starting something new especially when it comes to mental health. But I truly believe your mental health can have a lot to do with your physical health too.
I think you should continue to go and see how it pans out. I know it's a bummer about the baby moon
Good luck!
I know others have already said this, but I want to reinforce that taking care of yourself is the best thing you can do for your baby! If that means taking medication that prevents you from breastfeeding, so be it.
It's wonderful that you've found this resource and hopefully your husband will at least give the dad's group a try. >:D<
Good luck with everything, soak it all in and don't be afraid to let everything inside of you out during this time. Take care of yourself emotionally and don't get too stressed. You're in a good place it sounds like.
I'm happy for you that you were able to get into this program so quickly since from what you've said previously you were ready to get back to feeling like your old self.
You need to do what you need to do to get yourself 100% healthy and I respect you so much for going through this and already making sacrifices. I hope your DH can make the weekly meetings because it will be important for him to be on the same page.
As far as possibly not being able to breastfeed, that would devastate me as well. But the reason why you wouldn't be able to is so important that the pros outweigh the cons.
Big big hugs to you! You WILL get through this! >:D<
DD #1: March 20, 2013
DD # 2: May 2, 2015
EDD #3: March 4, 2018
I believe that you know deep down what you need. Like PPs have said, your health is the most important thing right now.
Please take care of yourself.
You're in my thoughts *insert hug emoticon here*
Please keep us posted if you're comfortable with sharing
IT'S A BOY!
C.G.M.
Due 5/25/2015
Likely to arrive via induction or c-sec 1-2 weeks early
1. Therapy can be exhausting. Crying afterwards is a normal, and good, sign.
2. The best thing for baby is that you have a clear head and be a good mommy. If that means hard therapy for a bit, or medication, then you are a wonderful mommy for doing that.
4. Formula is an amazing way to feed your baby so you can take medication. I'm grateful there is an alternative to BF.
5. Daddy needs to be there to do whatever he can to support you. He absolutley should go.
6. This is a wonderful opportunity for you, and oftentimes, those can be scary! But you are strong and can do this!
7. Have a wonderful vacation, whenever you decide to go. Relax and enjoy time with your DH.
{big hug}
ETA: too many words
So excited for Baby #4!
My BFP Chart
God Bless you
Try to not beat yourself up about this-you did not do anything to cause this "sickness". You are taking the steps to do what's best for you and your baby. You are being a wonderful mommy already!! You should be very proud of yourself for being so proactive.
And I did a baby moon 2 months before my due date (a 4hr drive away) and still had a wonderful time with DH. Make sure you go whenever you can and enjoy each other's company.
Sending tons of creepy internet hugs your way >:D<
For the trip, IMO, I would have no problem postponing my trip if it interferes with my physical, mental, or emotional well being.
Best wishes!
About your babymoon- Can you leave right after your group on a Wednesday and miss Thursday? Then you can be away Wed night, Thurs, Fri, Sat, Sun and be back for group Monday? It might mean paying extra for the weekend but will give you more time away.
DS2 born 2/22/13
MMC 5/16/14@8w2d
DD due 5/9/15 Please be our RAINBOW
Regarding feeling silly for wasting everyone's time at group when you feel like they need it more than you: Even if this were true (no one here has anything to go on besides your self-evaluation, so it might not be the case), compare this to having a physical illness. If you had cancer, G-d forbid, and had caught it in the very early stages, would you feel like you were wasting your doctor or the other patients' time if you were clearly the healthiest-looking patient in the waiting room? Of course not. Because your early treatment is preventing you from becoming that sick, which you almost certainly would untreated.
"Meet me in St. Louis"