How do/did you stay patient during "the wait"?

isenbergbeth · January 2015

We got our fourth monthly status update from our agency yesterday. The purpose is to check to make sure our info and preferences are the same and to let us know whether or not they need more profiles (we had sent 50 initially-they have yet to need more).

We have friends gong through the same agency who are getting their 14th month status update so I feel terrible on days like this when I am impatient for OUR turn when they have been waiting so much longer. In fact, the wife and I had been doing about monthly dinners to commiserate about IF/waiting to become parents and even though it's my turn to try to schedule one I have been putting it off because I will feel bad griping when they have been waiting so much longer.

However, I need to get the griping out somewhere to an audience who understands...so you guys are it:).

We have a list of things to do while waiting that I compiled through different resources I googled which gives us (ok--gives ME) something to keep myself occupied to a degree. We are Christians and my faith has actually strengthened through our IF and now adoption journey so prayer and bible study help too. Most of the time I am at peace, but there are days like today that I throw an internal temper tantrum wanting to know why everyone gets to be a mama but me (which my brain knows is NOT true).

So ladies what things help(ed) you stay patient during "the wait"? TIA

hey_its_jenn · January 2015

Lately, I have been cleaning out the fridge, pantry and freezer. Stocking up on pantry items, just packed away half a cow in the freezer, working on some meal planning items we can freeze for later. Trying to keep busy with as many things as possible.

It doesn't always help but it keeps me occupied, which is as much as I can ask for right now.

DLpanda08 · January 2015

My waiting has just begun since my husband and I are just beginning the adoption process. This waiting feels different than the IF waiting though. I don't really have any advice to offer, but I'm interested to see what others have to share. One thing I have started doing is getting back into knitting and crochet. It keeps my hands busy and I'm able to gift or donate many of the things I make. The local children's hospital always needs knit caps for their premies and kids going through chemotherapy. About planning the monthly get-together with your friend, I would plan it sooner rather than later. Although your friend has been waiting longer, I'm sure she understands how you are feeling and will not think ill of you for expressing your frustrations.

sgb721 · January 2015

We're at the two year mark approved and waiting. I think I may have deep cleaned my house 8 times now. I also try to stock up on stuff. It's hard. I guess the best thing we can do is to try and occupy our time with things we may not be able to do right away with a child (sponanious trips, movies, dates).

oliv0026 · January 2015

I simply don't stay patient. I cant wait but I have no choice but wait...

isenbergbeth · January 2015

Thank you ladies:). You provided a lot of good food for thought!

leisemomtobe · January 2015

We are currently in month # 5 actively waiting. It is HARD! I know there are others out there who have been waiting longer, so I keep my mouth shut. But, it is REALLY HARD! Most of the time, I am keeping myself busy with cleaning or organizing something, or visiting family and friends. But there are some days where I am not doing anything and I get to thinking about the wait and it makes me sad. Hang in there. We all know we're going to be parents, we just don't know when. I repeat that over and over and then move on to cleaning something. LOL! It seems to help for now. We'll see as the wait continues.

m5858 · January 2015

We are almost to the 5 month mark. Right now, it looks like an atomic bomb went off in my house. I'm in the process of downsizing for a tentative move. My DH is finishing up his last semester of undergrad and we applied to grad schools. I'm trying to appreciate that I have the time to do all this now without a baby.

WannaBmomma · January 2015

I threw myself into work. I teach. I wrote a grant for school, tutored kids, cleaned and visited family.

erinmc1 · January 2015

We waited 15 months and it sucked. SUCKED. What I did to keep busy was blog about the wait, google other people's miserable stories about their waits, google bible verses about patience, cross-stitch a blanket for our future little one, put together a nursery that alternately gave me hope and made me feel terribly let-down, induce lactation...basically focus on nothing but the fact that I was biding time until I was a mom, and drive myself nuts. The only thing I did right was exercise daily to get some endorphins so I didn't totally lose my ish.

What I would do differently if given the chance to do it over? I'd buy myself some fabulous clothes, that I felt good in, so that when I was finally a mom and couldn't take the time to shop anymore, I'd have a halfway decent wardrobe. I'd use the money I spent on buying baby supplies and go on a vacation with my husband instead. Half the stuff sits in a drawer or closet, a lot barely or never used. I'd start spending time with my friends who had babies instead of avoiding them like the plague. Because it's easy to glamorize parenthood when you want it so badly, and reality is a big, fat shock. And you're going to want to have people with parenting experience on your speed dial. Stay out late partying. You're going to need to get used to functioning while sleep deprived, so have fun with it. Enjoy your friends without kids, too, because those friendships may fade away after you become a parent.

I know it's so hard to wait. It's the worst. The best you can do is try not to let it consume your every thought and keep you from looking for other sources of joy in the here and now.

erinmc1 · January 2015

Thanks! I wish I had the time back. Hindsight is 20/20 and blah blah. I love my son with ever fiber of my being, but I know I wasted that time feeding into my own anxieties instead of taking advantage of my last year of freedom and independence. And I'm sure I'm in good company.

beachybride10 · January 2015

Thanks for posting this and for everyone sharing your stories.

I am signing up for races to keep me busy. Training for a May half for starters.

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