AW: We met our egg donor!

2MamazInSeattle · January 2015

Hi all,
If you are newer to the board, my wife and I used both an egg and sperm donors for Simone! Our egg donor was through our RE/clinic, and she is local. After Simone was born, I got *very* curious to meet her so I called them up and asked! Yesterday was the day.

Short version: It went great, she was lovely, and we are so glad we did it!!

Longer version:
We met with our egg donor, L and her fiance. She requested this be a 1-time meeting and first names only, and no baby. I was a little disappointed in a way as I had a fantasy of a picture of her holding Simone, but I totally understood. I also was sad about not having ongoing contact... But, as it turns out, I feel 100% satiated by our meeting!

We went into a small conference room and they were already there. I'd gotten a brief gander of them walking in and so I had no nerves in that she was a very pretty, normal looking woman. She's kind of funky, as she had pink hair! Her man had a big baby face, very cute, and seattle-tattooed. So that really took the edge off as I knew she was 'normal.' (Aside: Did I ever tell you the receptionist at our RE's clinic is a very eccentric MtF trans woman who is 60 years old. We LOVE her, and she kept us nicely entertained while we waited which was great as I was nervous!). The clinics counselor who we saw early on (requirement when using any donor) facilitated the session very nicely for us, though it flowed really well overall.

So what did we get out of it? Honestly, my goal wasn't around details as much as it was around just being in her space, seeing what she was like, getting her vibe/feeling and having the chance to thank her. Check, check and check! She also allowed us to take a photo!! I am not going to share that here out of respect, but she is tall and thin, as I knew from her stats. Light brown hair and big green eyes, a smaller-sized somewhat pointy nose and angular chin. She has a big smile with nice teeth. It's funny we shared that Simone is a 'rashy' baby and has really sensitive skin - and she is the same! It was kind of a nice ice breaker as that came up early, it gave her something to share with us. We talked about Simone a lot, she told us a bit more about her but in reality, the details weren't all that important (but good stuff I plan to write down for Simone).

Mostly I will say this: She was lovely, likeable, easy going, smart, funny and a wee awkward in an endearing way. Clearly everyone at our clinic loves her, and they were all so excited we were all meeting (we actually ran into our RE while we were waiting and she was thrilled). I feel totally satiated in having had the chance to talk to her and just see what she looked like and what she was like. I didn't cry which I thought I would, but I did thank her as did Jill. It was awesome to get to do that! I mean, we got SIMONE because of her, and Simone is the best thing that has every happened to us. Her man was visibly proud of her and very sweet, they clearly are crazy about each other. We took a picture at the end and J and I look like midgets next to her. I see this exact photo being reproduced one day with Simone in between us, towering over (we are 5'7 and 5'8 btw, not really that short!).

My sister was watching a sleeping Simone for us so we went to dinner after which was nice too. We planned to debrief but honestly, there just wasn't much to say. She was very WYSIWYG and mapped well to the communications and information we had - no surprises, and all good stuff!

Thanks for the all the support around this, it was kind of a big deal! We gave her an envelope with our info in it and told her we are happy to hear from her anytime, whether it be tomorrow or in 5 years or in 10 years - or, if she wanted to put it in the shredder, that was fine too. She was fine to hear from us through the clinic now and then but no guarantees she'd write back, etc. which is just fine. All up, good stuff! We're so glad we did it and feel like we can tell Simone a good bit about her now that we met, and in a way that is more robust than relying on the donor packet we got.

Yay!

healz413 · January 2015

That's awesome!

channe9 · January 2015

As a social scientist going through TTC, I haven't been able to help myself from reading just about everything I can about assisted reproductive technologies, kinship, etc. (It's definitely helped me to understand my and my partner's feelings as we navigate this process.) Thanks for sharing this. What a fabulous gift to give Simone one day -- and how wonderful to have some of your own questions answered/confirmed.

KH826 · January 2015

Sounds like a fantastic visit and overall outcome! I am so happy for you, J and Simone. Really, it sounds like a priceless experience.

Karlamo · January 2015

I'm glad you left feeling satisfied and content. You never know, one day she may contact you out of the blue.
I have to add that I admire the strength of this woman. I can't imagine all of the emotions she must have felt meeting you.

Jazibel · January 2015

Such a wonderful outcome given all the variables!! I'm so happy for you and J to have had a chance to meet your egg donor and to as you remarked get a feel for her. It'll be a nice thing to share with Simone one day too.

How many people on this board have created their families is such a unique and beautiful experience - thank you for sharing another piece of your journey with us.

JGY · January 2015

My heart is bursting for you. I am so happy that you had such a wonderfully fullfilling and positive experience. And I know that you will find amazing ways to share all of what you are feeling with Simone. She is truly a lucky little girl.

CageyMack · January 2015

What a great meeting and feeling! I'm so happy for you all!

StacyLH24 · January 2015

I'm glad that you got out of it what you were hoping for. It's an amazing thing that she has done for you and J and it's great that you were able to thank her in person.

I've always thought that some day I want to meet our sperm donor in person (should it all work out) and thank him.