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FTM Thinking of Staying Home...

writerinpinkwriterinpink member
in Stay at Home Moms
Hi All, 

I've been lurking on the bump for a while now and have been working throughout my pregnancy off and on as a substitute teacher. We totally need the money, but as I get closer to my due date I seriously consider being a stay at a home mom at least for the first few months. I'm considering asking my husband to get a second job so hopefully we can make ends meet. But with both of us working not that great part-time jobs, I just don't know how we'll make it when the costs of a new baby and daycare are added. In my area, daycare for small babies is more expensive and I think that me working would mean my entire check and then some going to someone else to take care of my child. 

If anyone doesn't mind responding... How do you manage?
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Re: FTM Thinking of Staying Home...

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    thechickencoopthechickencoop member
    You both are part-time; do you have insurance?? That would be my #1 concern; could your H get full time work? I mean, if you can't afford to stay home, then you have to work.
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    mandymackmandymack member
    Can you cut out anything now (cable, cell phones, travel, eating out, entertainment, etc.) to save as much as possible so you can afford to SAH for a few months? Perhaps you both can get a second job NOW to save even more so it won't be so hard once baby arrives?

    Or, perhaps you can do some research now on how you could take care of another child in your home?

    My husband has always made more than enough for me to SAH so I can't exactly put myself in your shoes... 

    But I can totally empathize with where you are coming from and hope you find a solution that works for your family!!

    eclaire 9.10.06  diggy 6.2.11

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    MesmrEweMesmrEwe member
    Given what you've said...  If you're both currently working part -time and your career field is teaching, my recommendation - you can't afford to SAH.  Asking your H to take a second job so you can stay home is rather selfish on many levels.  Then there's working out the finances.  Career path wise though, it's not in your best interest to not pursue a full-time gig with the pay and benefits to match.  Chances are depending on your specialization area you'll get more quality time with LO this way. 
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    Linnea503Linnea503 member
    OP, you mentioned both you and your H are working part time. What field is he in? I don't think it is at all selfish for you to (1) want to care for your own newborn infant and/or (2) expect a grown man with a pregnant wife to get at least a second part-time job and/or look for a better full time job. Now, if you said he was already working his tail off 50+ hours a week, then sure, a second job would be a big drain on him. But part time? Yeah, he could be doing more.

    Have you gotten on waiting lists and priced out daycare? Honestly it sounds like money is going to be very tight for you guys whether you are working or not. Part time infant care is extremely hard to come by, at least in my area. Many people who work part time still have to pay for a full time spot in order to have a place in a DC setting. 

    If all of your paycheck from subbing is going to be lost to daycare and you are not enamored with your job anyway, then I think you should figure out a way to stay home with your child at least for the first year and then reassess. That could mean your H gets a second part time job (or a better full time one) or you get a job evenings and weekends for awhile. Since you have experience as a teacher, you could also find a family that is looking for a nanny and is willing to let you bring your infant. What about a family that just needs after school care for elementary aged kids, for example? You could pick them up from school and help them with their homework until mom or dad gets home. It might be just enough income to make it do-able for you.

    When are you due? Hopefully you have some time to prepare and downsize your life if at all possible now before the baby arrives. Do you need a second car, for example? A lot of people make do very well with just one. How much are you spending on entertainment each month? You could get rid of cable and get a Roku instead. Do you meal plan? That can save a lot of money. If you rent, can you move? If you own, can you refinance?

    Sit down and look at the math... you can't really fudge numbers, you only have as much to spend as you have coming in. If your heart is really set on staying home, I think most any sacrifice is likely a reasonable one (assuming you are paying your bills) for at least the first year of your child's life. After that, see where you are at. Good luck!
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    Linnea503Linnea503 member
    BubblesMartin said:


    Linnea503 said:

    OP, you mentioned both you and your H are working part time. What field is he in? I don't think it is at all selfish for you to (1) want to care for your own newborn infant and/or (2) expect a grown man with a pregnant wife to get at least a second part-time job and/or look for a better full time job. Now, if you said he was already working his tail off 50+ hours a week, then sure, a second job would be a big drain on him. But part time? Yeah, he could be doing more.

    Have you gotten on waiting lists and priced out daycare? Honestly it sounds like money is going to be very tight for you guys whether you are working or not. Part time infant care is extremely hard to come by, at least in my area. Many people who work part time still have to pay for a full time spot in order to have a place in a DC setting. 

    If all of your paycheck from subbing is going to be lost to daycare and you are not enamored with your job anyway, then I think you should figure out a way to stay home with your child at least for the first year and then reassess. That could mean your H gets a second part time job (or a better full time one) or you get a job evenings and weekends for awhile. Since you have experience as a teacher, you could also find a family that is looking for a nanny and is willing to let you bring your infant. What about a family that just needs after school care for elementary aged kids, for example? You could pick them up from school and help them with their homework until mom or dad gets home. It might be just enough income to make it do-able for you.

    When are you due? Hopefully you have some time to prepare and downsize your life if at all possible now before the baby arrives. Do you need a second car, for example? A lot of people make do very well with just one. How much are you spending on entertainment each month? You could get rid of cable and get a Roku instead. Do you meal plan? That can save a lot of money. If you rent, can you move? If you own, can you refinance?

    Sit down and look at the math... you can't really fudge numbers, you only have as much to spend as you have coming in. If your heart is really set on staying home, I think most any sacrifice is likely a reasonable one (assuming you are paying your bills) for at least the first year of your child's life. After that, see where you are at. Good luck!

    I didn't realize pregnant women couldn't work f/t and/or work two part-time jobs. Better go alert the WM board. /sarcasm

    OP is married. The financial burden for their family's expenses is just as much her husband's responsibility as it hers. They should both be working two p/t jobs, if possible, if neither can find f/t work, and money is that tight.


    ___

    I worked full time during my first pregnancy, I was not suggesting she couldn't work. You called her selfish for having the audacity to suggest her H could step it up a bit, but I see nothing selfish about it.
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    beckyjotuckerbeckyjotucker member
    I don't think you are selfish for wanting to stay at home. It makes sense to me that if you are spending most of your check on childcare then it is not worth working. Certainly it is NOT selfish to ask your husband to work the equivalent of a full time job whether that is two part time jobs or a new full time. Why don't you talk to him and go over the numbers? As long as you can pay your necessities there should be no problem. I agree with the suggestion to look at things again next year. Working to JUST pay for childcare makes no sense if you would rather be home. :)
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    djm31012djm31012 member
    I tend to agree on the not selfish part in the sense that if he is only working part time (maybe we all misunderstood?) he can step it up and work more to bring in more money from now if things are that tight. But, you can also. You are subbing right? How many hours a week is that? I currently work 60 and come home to take care of a toddler-I will be FT SAHM this spring but this was a well thought out decision that took over a year for for DH and I to make and calculate, and I started my own business last spring to make sure I will still have income once I am home. I am with you that if the money I made didnt pay for more than childcare, I would want to stay home as well, but there is plenty you can be doing to save and earn more before the baby comes.
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    beckyjotuckerbeckyjotucker member
    All that is true. But working part time as a sub is a little different than having a full time job in a chosen field. All lot of your points probably wouldn't apply in her situation. I know when I was subbing while in school they wouldn't have applied to me. 
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    Spin313Spin313 member
    Perhaps you could substitute teach MWFs and find a trustworthy SAHM in your area looking to take on a child for extra income to watch your child on those days...? Then you are still home some of the time, but bringing in some income while not paying high DC rates.

    What line of work does your husband do? Can he go full time...? Or can he work an opposite schedule than you do so that you don't require childcare?
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    beckyjotuckerbeckyjotucker member
    If a full time teaching job is her goal. You don't need a teaching certificate to sub. She may want to do something entirely different as a career or make staying at home her job. It really depends on what your goals are and what is important to you. 
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    beckyjotuckerbeckyjotucker member
    Ok, it must vary because I was a substitute in two different areas and didn't have a teaching license or any kind of license. But I completely agree with annie10! Look things over and see if staying at home is an option. It can definitely be done! 
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    UnofficiallyLOUnofficiallyLO member
    Like pps have said only you know if you want to and can afford to stay at home, it's that simple. Others bring up valid points of removing yourself from the work force but realize for some that isn't a top concern, you need to be able to cover your bills and your sanity. I would imagine you've already considered your insurance situation. Asking your SO to work more now to save isn't a bad idea, you just need to keep in mind that when the baby comes you will need help so PT to FT is one thing but 2 PT jobs may give him hours that leave you alone with a newborn with no break and that can be very difficult. Good luck to you in whatever you choose!
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