Questions for SAHMs

deidremaria · January 2015

as many of you may know, I am the working parent in our household and SO stays home with D. I work and go to school. What I want to know is who takes care of dinner or meals period in your household. I asked because after going to work and then school I come home to basically have to put the baby down and then fend for myself. My bf cooks occasionally and I find that to be kinda shitty. He literally hands the baby over to me when I get home and calls it quits for the day. I fully understand that dealing with a baby all day is a job all in itself but damn! All that redundancy to ask how the cooking arrangements work in your household.

deidremaria · January 2015

My BF is a chef

momofmanyinthemitten · January 2015

DH gets home right at dinner time, so it has to be me all the time. I'm not willing to make separate meals for the kids. However, there are days when I wish I could throw the kids at him, run away, and let him take care of everything.

penguinjenny · January 2015

When DH gets home from work he is on baby duty until bedtime when I put her to sleep. He watches her while I cook dinner.

UnofficiallyLO · January 2015

I SAH and he does a lot of cooking and dishes. Once he is home for the day it's pretty 50/50 here to give me a baby break but also let him chill out from working all day. It's all about balance, if you come home from working/school and he's tired of baby duty then he should do something productive to help you out while you take over, like feeding you! Especially if he's a chef

edoliesmom · January 2015

Somewhere between option 2 and the last one... :-? lol I don't cook as often as I should! But my husband never cooks. I don't think he's ever cooked a meal in his life.

CalinAZ · January 2015

Honestly, it varies. In general, since Evan's been super clingy of late, DH has been in charge of dinner. I would actually love to cook more, but I can't cook and watch Evan at the same time, since he normally wants to be held by the time 5:30 rolls around. When we used to eat after Evan went to bed, I would try to do some dinner prep, and DH would make dinner while I put Evan down to sleep.

If you're doing bedtime, it would make sense for your bf to make dinner then if you want to eat after LO goes to bed.

I would actually love to cook more, but then DH is on baby duty. I'm lucky that he's home by 4/4:30 3 days a week, so we both get some relaxation time after our "work day"

deidremaria · January 2015

dani+california said:

LalaMama81 said:
The problem isn't so much that he doesn't cook, as that you guys need to figure out an equitable division of labor. You both worked all day, no gets to stop parenting because the other parent is there. If we're both home, we divide & conquer, I don't fling the kids at him the moment he walks in. If it's been a bad day, i make sure he knows so he can take a bigger share of the burden.

I do do most of the weekday cooking because there are 5 people who need to eat and I'm physically here. In the newborn phase he did cook when he got home, but it's business as usual now.
That's a great way to explain it. I find it relaxing to clean and tidy-so when H gets home I definitely do pass the baby off to him (oops) but it's not to go watch TV or do nothing. It's to do laundry, clean, pay bills or walk the dog type thing. We each have our share of responsibilities and it's nice to feel supported.

@deidremaria‌ Can you talk to him and find a balance you'd both be comfortable with? Does he enjoy cooking for himself even or is he kind of over the whole chef thing? I hope you guys can find a compromise that leaves you both feeling like it's a break from your daily grind.

He's over the cooking thing. Even before he stopped working he only cooked at home if he wanted to create something new or during most of my pregnancy so I could actually eat. Now he'll only cook if he wants to do something creative. He barely eats real food himself. He'll make some sort of breakfast because it's quick but none of us like throw together pop open a jar of sauce kinda food so that leaves me cooking most of the time. I think him and I are gonna have to start making freezer meals once a week or something.

deidremaria · January 2015

LalaMama81 said:
Well being over cooking isnt really an option. What does he plan on feeding the baby when you aren't there?!

He usually feeds him left overs or makes something specifically for baby that doesn't require a ton of work.

deidremaria · January 2015

AprilMay9 said:
Honestly lower your expectations. Both of you are busy if you don't like what he does or doesn't make for you start getting takeout for just yourself. We both work ft and It's reallllly hard to get dinner on the table. Maybe asking really nicely will help or coming up with a meal plan and doing crock pot dinners with assignments for each meal. Switch off who makes dinner and know what it's going to be ahead of time so it's not at the last minute "I expect at hot meal (wo)man!!"

I'd eat whatever he makes the problem at hand is that he barely cooks. I'm either doing the cooking or buying take out.

Talltrees82 · January 2015

I do most of the cooking because I like it, and I've been playing around with a lot of crock pot recipes lately that I will start during LO's nap time. On the nights that I just can't hack it, I let him know and he will pick up the slack.

When I go back to work, I will do most of the cooking since I get home at 4pm and he gets home at 6.

chichi589 · January 2015

I started to meal plan. It's making life a lot easier. Even something simple like stuffed shells. I make sauce on my days off and freeze it into smaller containers so it tastes homemade even though it's not that night. It's hard. My bf currently SAH. But he can barely function with the 2 kids all day. If I get home and both kids are fed happy and wearing different clothes from when I left I feel like it's a win. He does try to pass them off when I get home but he doesn't cook. So usually I put chase in his high chair with Cheerios to give him a break while I cook. It's not ideal I wish I could SAH. But it's not in the cards for us.

UnofficiallyLO · January 2015

Sometimes I don't feel like eating a meal and will snack or have cereal so I feel him there it's just a compromise of him keeping LO under watch so you can feed yourself after a long day.

bacorrea · January 2015

DH is deployed, but even when he is home, he sometimes gets home as late as 8,9,10 etc. plus he is an awful cook hehe.

I agree, meal planning sounds like it would work for you. If possible, you guys could make food at the begging of the week and freeze it and then all anybody has to do in the week is throw it in the crockpot/oven.

zazu13 · January 2015

I SAHM except one day a week and I try to have dinner ready. It is hard some days to have anything ready but on those days we usually do frozen pizza or take out. I have found my DH to help well when I give explicit instructions (put the roast in the crock pot on low with two onions and four potatoes). We also have quick go-to meals that we can throw together (chili nachos, blts, breakfast foods etc)

ChelK3 · January 2015

We eat ramen noodles, pizza rolls, corn dogs and bagel bites 75% of the time. 25% of the time I'll make hamburger helper, tuna helper, or Mac and cheese. We are poor and I never know when he'll get off work so real cooking doesn't happen on either of our ends.

ChelK3 · January 2015

Forgot to add he works days and we both work a bit in the evening.

katy4128 · January 2015

I am a SAHM and I cook every night but saturday. Saturday we go out to dinner after church with DH parents. I don't mind cooking and I usually will have it done right when DH gets home. I am a big fan of having family dinners!

deidremaria · January 2015

LalaMama81 said:
Sorry for being a post whore here, but I can't help but think the issue is more about him checking out when you come home than anything else. I do think he needs to be cooking a few nights a week OR you need to have this discussed so that cooking is your "job" and something else is his. That something else isn't just staying at home.

I know how hard SAH is. I've been doing it for almost 6 years. It can be exhausting - the day to day minutia gets old. I have days that suck. I also have awesome days. I also want to be a SAHM. If he doesn't want to be home (and I don't' remember your whole story, I'm sorry) that is a big factor here.

If we had our way I'd SAH because that's what I'd love to do but the hospitality industry here is seasonal so the only time he really has work is Nov-April. Since my current job is more regular and secure we just agreed that i would work. It's the only thing that works for us right now. Once I'm done with school we'll probably be able to make other arrangements.

Jodash24 · January 2015

I'm still on maternity leave and my partner works afternoons, I do dinner before he goes to work he does the dishes, I'd rather cook than do dishes, now I'm only part time in work, and i work with food, i HATE cooking at work and then coming home to cook :-q

LizChad09 · January 2015

I cook most nights. When DH comes home from work, he plays with Savannah and feeds her while I am cooking our dinner. This way he gets to spend a couple of hours a day with her after work and before bed.

We plan the menu for the week and put it on the refrigerator. It makes life so much easier. When we both worked he would cook bc he got home before me.

LaBelle0412 · January 2015

I voted cook most of the time , but lately it has been a lot of trader joes freezer stuff after LO goes to bed. She is going to sleep at dark and her nursery is next to the kitchen so I don't want to be loud so I just want it quick. Plus we have a long descent to bedtime so I never have time to prep or get going on things at a reasonable time. I have started making dinner in the morning so we can heat it up instead of cook. It is a work in progress.

Tferr02 · January 2015

DH works long hours and is in school full time. I make a weekly schedule of our meals and put it on the fridge. During the week, I cook most of the meals, but he only eats one or two of them. He cooks on the weekends. During the week, the boys and I will have already eaten so he just makes sandwiches or Ramen noodles or such for his dinner.

dmosquera4 · January 2015

Sometimes guys think we women can do everything! I tell hubby when gets home to spend time with his son but I don't expect him to do much but play and keep him entertained while I do something else's I have a break from the baby, whether is cooking dinner or taking a shower or whatever

Sometimes guys have it set in their minds that that is a woman's job you know? It what was put I their minds since they were little and society doesn't help that either
But I told DH that we both have jobs even though I don't leaVe the house. We are both exhausted at the end of the day and need to split things so we are both happy. Either I cook he cleans or vise versa

Shelbysteffens · January 2015

I usually cook, it's a good hour during the night that I'm by myself in the kitchen and I can unwind while DH wrangles LO for some snugs and shenanigans.

Suzanne237 · January 2015

I put takeout and don't have a stove. Not 100% accurate but pretty close. We don't have an oven. (Just a toaster oven.) hubby does grab takeout occasionally. Or I make spaghetti. Or we make sandwiches. Cereal for dinner. Yeah it's hard to explain but the day just disappears when home watching LO. Dad doesn't get home till 6 and we start bath bed routine when he walks in the door. I feel bad but honestly I think both are hard - being home and being at work. Neither of us enjoyed or did much cooking before baby but I'm gonna have to start soon. It's gonna be weird like how do we have a family dinner when dad doesn't get home till bed time. And we can't extend it. He just gets overtired.

Bluebird2318 · January 2015

I stay at home and what happens with food when he comes home depends on the night and how hungry he is. If all he needs is something small, he'll usually fend for himself with something simple like a bowl of cereal. If he's really hungry and our cupboards/fridge is full, I will do the cooking. If he's really hungry and I haven't been able to go grocery shopping (which sometimes happens because we only have one car and he uses it for work), then we'll order out. He never cooks full meals.

ETA: I will admit that there are some nights he comes home and wants me to cook and I reeeeeally don't want to, because at that point I've already prepared at least two meals for myself and the kids (sometimes more, because we don't always eat the same things) and I'm ready for a break. Even then I'll usually give in and do the cooking because I figure that more often than not his day was more stressful than mine, even if we put in the same hours.

bootsiebabe · January 2015

I WAH, but I'm physically here all day long with DS. DH does a lot of cooking, but if I have time I'll do the prep work (make a sauce, chop veggies, etc.). Otherwise, we cook stuff ahead of time, like put together a lasagna after DS goes to bed and then all I have to do is put it in the oven the next afternoon.

erinh2005 · January 2015

We're still adjusting to new roles I SAH while he works now for the last two months. While I worked he never cooked for us we were basically on different schedules so I mostly grabbed take out. But now I make something most nights a week. However, never good enough because MIL commented tonight:
"I hate to say this son but it just breaks my heart that she doesn't get up and make you breakfast and a lunch everyday."

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