A year has gone by since my last developmental assessment story

brachysira · January 2015

If you recall, it was hell because M wanted to play with the spoons behind the table instead of the toys that were out at the time, wanted the pen, but was not allowed, and pretty much threw a fit the entire time. They told me she was bratty and we'd better get to work on the discipline.

Repeat this year...pretty much the same deal, and same assessor. Did a bit more of the test, and it was enough to prove that she was doing fine. But then there was this test where they put a toy duck in a clear box and turn it around so you can only reach it by reaching around to the open side. But the person giving the test just holds down the box. Well, this filled M with rage and she just tried to pry the box out of the person's hands. And did this horrible screaming thing. That was kind of the beginning of the end. Plus, the test is transition-city... They are like, here is a doll, play with it. Then that's over 30 seconds later, and you have to give back the doll and play with the pegs... I think if they would just let her keep out the toys, it would have been a lot better...but apparently that is part of the test. So we scored "bratty" again and apparently you can qualify for Early On this way. So we are getting Early On... I'm not sure they can help...I mean, I don't think anyone on the bump has any solutions for temper tantrums, so I am not sure the school specialists will, but we'll see.

kelly321 · January 2015

You would think that with this person's job, she would encounter toddlers occasionally...

On the other hand, I think both of my girls would be too shy to try to pry the box out of the lady's hand if they had just met her. They both need a certain degree of comfort before launching into tantrums (DD2 less so than DD1). So maybe the lady doesn't actually see tantrums that often and thinks they're abnormal?

I don't know. I think the behavior you're describing sounds like typical toddler.

brachysira · January 2015

Yeah, the pedi thinks that the kids who go to the developmental clinic are all preemies with so many disabilities that they don't act typical, and that M is typical. It may just be that her screaming is particularly awful. The person was like, "you are so calm, she is really lucky to have you" making me think that the assessor wanted to slug M or something.

On the flip side, she does sometimes stand out at things because she is throwing a fit when there is no reason. We had to leave the first class of tot tennis because M wanted the balloon but it wasn't time to play with the balloon and she was just screaming and ruining the class for everyone else. When we play tea party or do art, it often ends in a fit because I make a suggestion or take an action she doesn't like. The person said that M was probably exhausting to parent, and some days she is. I don't know if it is normal or not, but I guess Early On is good because it could help and it might be fun and it will at least be motivation to keep the house clean. On the flip side, I don't really want her labeled going into kindergarten. I am sort of surprised we can get it because I thought you had to have a delay... They said I should just tell the Early On people that we really needed help with her behavior and that we weren't going to accept no... we'll see...

brachysira · January 2015

No, I do not think anyone actually said bratty. The assessor said, she needs help with "behavior" and that she will not be ready for school because she is too "self-motivated" and does not take instructions from others well. Suggested Early-On could provide "discipline-strategies." Might have said "bratty" at her 12 month test, as she was a bit more flustered then, but definitely said she was out of control and that we'd have a mess on our hands by high school if we didn't get to work on the discipline now.

brachysira · January 2015

Yeah, I agree that she has more time than she has been alive to get it together for school. I don't really think 1 and 2 year old behavior is predictive of 5 year-old behavior. I cried a lot in kindergarten and first grade because I was so frustrated a lot of the time, and I am sorry if I passed this down to her. But only time will tell how she will do in school, and I did very well, despite not being super happy in the early days. I had pretty much decided to save the $1500 and not do preschool at 2.5, but now I am reconsidering. But if she gets kicked out, will we lose the $1500..and how can you ask that...

tamarar5 · January 2015

I can't believe that they would grade her behavior for acting like a normal two year old.

brachysira · January 2015

M is so sweet, and also naive...she doesn't bite or hit and doesn't know about those things. She is pretty good at "sharing" when instructed and always wants other people to have things. When other kids shove her, she cries, and when they grab things she is having, she says, "help" and looks for an adult. She just has the nastiest noises...you'd think we were pulling out her fingernails, but instead I put Baby Stella in the high chair or something.

I think her tantrums are mostly about being unable to deal with the situation...like, she just can't control her emotions when she learns that she has to come inside or whatever. It's a little bit about manipulating the situation. I also think it is a bit of anxiety, and that might not be normal. Like, my parents gave her a bubble guppies guitar, and she was afraid to play with it and resisted holding it, and I am pretty sure it was because she was afraid that she did not know how to play with it. Once she saw us use it, she was a fan of it. She threw a fit when I opened a package of scissors in the art supply draw that she got out, and I think it was because she was afraid to try to use them because she didn't know how.

kbates85 · January 2015

All the things that your describing sound like a typical day at our house. I didn't realize any of these behaviors were cause for concern. Specifically, which behaviors raise a red flag? I'm genuinely asking because it sounds just like my kid.

brachysira · January 2015

kbates85 said:

All the things that your describing sound like a typical day at our house. I didn't realize any of these behaviors were cause for concern. Specifically, which behaviors raise a red flag? I'm genuinely asking because it sounds just like my kid.

Well, so the appt is 3 hours and cognitive test is 90 minutes. She was fine with the physical stuff, but the person was willing to indulge her a bit--like if she wanted to do the puzzles instead of string beads, she could, and then she'd try to get her to string beads later. She did the hearing test without too much issue. She stood on the scale and let them measure her. But when the person did the cognitive test, M would be fine as long as it was something she thought was nice, but when the person handed her the duck, then took it away and put it in a clear box that M couldn't get, she flipped on, hid behind the stroller, started screaming like someone was beating her... And with a new activity, she was a bit sniffly and distrustful, but did it as long as she liked it. But her tolerance was lowered, so when the person is like, no, you cannot have the baggie to put your blocks into, you must put them in the cup, she freaked out again, crying, sitting on the floor, screaming hysterically. Repeat this a couple times, and then we gave up. The person said all two-year olds have tantrums, but M's were extreme and that she needed to be able to follow directions even when they didn't fit with what she wanted.

I would agree that M does not usually respond well to requests that do not fit with her desires. Most people indulge her, which is one's inclination. I don't want to fight with my child, so I don't care if she says she doesn't want to read this book and instead we read that one. Even in other classes, if she doesn't want to do things, the instructors don't push it...they change the activity to fit her if that is appropriate or just ignore her and she does what she wants, or maybe they encourage her to do what they want with lots of praise. At this assessment, there was none of that. No, you may not play with the spoons, we are doing pegs now. No, the blocks go in the cup, etc. M does not respond well to that. Even in tennis class, she does throw fits when the teacher suggests everyone fill their bucket with balls, for example, because M wants the balls in the hopper. No one else does that. Most of the kids do not do what is asked much of the time and do not really follow what is going on some of the time, but they are not lying on the floor screaming because it's time to get out the rackets. I don't really think it's a "red flag" but they just said she could use some help with it, and we said we'd take it.

kbates85 · January 2015

brachysira said:

kbates85 said:

All the things that your describing sound like a typical day at our house. I didn't realize any of these behaviors were cause for concern. Specifically, which behaviors raise a red flag? I'm genuinely asking because it sounds just like my kid.

Well, so the appt is 3 hours and cognitive test is 90 minutes. She was fine with the physical stuff, but the person was willing to indulge her a bit--like if she wanted to do the puzzles instead of string beads, she could, and then she'd try to get her to string beads later. She did the hearing test without too much issue. She stood on the scale and let them measure her. But when the person did the cognitive test, M would be fine as long as it was something she thought was nice, but when the person handed her the duck, then took it away and put it in a clear box that M couldn't get, she flipped on, hid behind the stroller, started screaming like someone was beating her... And with a new activity, she was a bit sniffly and distrustful, but did it as long as she liked it. But her tolerance was lowered, so when the person is like, no, you cannot have the baggie to put your blocks into, you must put them in the cup, she freaked out again, crying, sitting on the floor, screaming hysterically. Repeat this a couple times, and then we gave up. The person said all two-year olds have tantrums, but M's were extreme and that she needed to be able to follow directions even when they didn't fit with what she wanted.

I would agree that M does not usually respond well to requests that do not fit with her desires. Most people indulge her, which is one's inclination. I don't want to fight with my child, so I don't care if she says she doesn't want to read this book and instead we read that one. Even in other classes, if she doesn't want to do things, the instructors don't push it...they change the activity to fit her if that is appropriate or just ignore her and she does what she wants, or maybe they encourage her to do what they want with lots of praise. At this assessment, there was none of that. No, you may not play with the spoons, we are doing pegs now. No, the blocks go in the cup, etc. M does not respond well to that. Even in tennis class, she does throw fits when the teacher suggests everyone fill their bucket with balls, for example, because M wants the balls in the hopper. No one else does that. Most of the kids do not do what is asked much of the time and do not really follow what is going on some of the time, but they are not lying on the floor screaming because it's time to get out the rackets. I don't really think it's a "red flag" but they just said she could use some help with it, and we said we'd take it.

Gotcha, that makes since. Yeah, it definitely sounds a lot like LJ. He can be the sweetest but he's always been challenging. I'm hoping he will grow out of some of it but I know some of it is just his personality. We shall see. We have good days and bad. Here's hoping the next kid is a little more laid back!

Want a personalized experience?

A year has gone by since my last developmental assessment story

Re: A year has gone by since my last developmental assessment story

Choose Another Board

Search Boards