Plans for delivery and hospital/home visits

kateamart · January 2015

Hi Ladies,

I am curious what your plans are for who will be allowed in the room for your delivery, and hospital/home visits?

We have three sets of parents to deal with. None live particularly close by, and we live in a small apartment, so it’s challenging to house visitors without feeling as though we’re on top of each other. But we’re at the point where everyone is asking us when they should come, and I’m feeling a bit indecisive.

For the delivery, I’d like both my DH and Mom to be in the room. That said, my DH isn’t too thrilled about it, as he’d rather it just be me and him. My Mom is a nurse, and I think having additional moral support would be nice, but I’m also trying to be conscious of DH’s feelings.

For hospital/home visits, for our first 3-4 days at home, I am thinking about insisting it just be DH and I. We’d like some time together to figure out how our new little family works. However, I’ve read some articles which basically state you’re going to need all the help you can get.

Whatever advice/thoughts you have would be much-appreciated, especially STM’s who have been through this before and know what to expect!

P.S. I did some digging and I’m hoping this is not a repeat post (but I apologize if it is)!

Sarahbmcd · January 2015

For delivery it will be just me and DH. I'm not really picky about hospital and house visits though.

mabrams28 · January 2015

Hi. As a FTM I have been wondering about this as myself, especially about visitors at the hospital. We only have two sets of parents to work with, and in the hospital room during delivery it will just be me and my husband, I had to let my Mom down easy on that one, but they will be welcome to come visit us at the hospital either while I am in labor or after I have delivered. However, I am wondering how to deal with extended family/friends who want to visit at the hospital.

I am leaning towards having an immediate family only rule for either the first day I am in the hospital or both days, meaning only parents and siblings and no girlfriends/boyfriends of siblings and no aunts/uncles, etc. However, I don't know how realistic this is and if I say only immediately family for the first day I am in there should I keep it that way the second day and let people know they can visit once we are home from the hospital???

Also since my bro-in-law has been in a relationship for about two years is it ok to say we don't want his girlfriend coming to the hospital??? We aren't very close and I just want this to be a special time for our family. Any thoughts or opinions from both FTM and STM welcome!

And @kateamart I think this was a great question to ask! I am just sorry that I can't offer any advice, as I am also torn about this situation.

jennadesigns · January 2015

With my first child, I had my husband, his parents and one set of my parents (my parents are divorced and remarried) in the delivery room. I'm not going to lie, it was just too much. It's such an intimate moment. One that is probably best shared between spouses. That being said, if you're really close with your mom and think that you'd like her support during the birth, I think one additional person in the room is manageable.

With my second child, I had a c-section and it was just me and my boyfriend. It was much better than having an audience. I'm having a c-section this time too and it will be just us in the delivery room.

As far as visitors go, my mom will be staying at our house when I have the baby. We have a small house without a guest room, so she'll be sleeping on the couch. I'm going to have her take our daughter to school and then to the hospital to meet her baby sister. My boyfriend will be staying with me at the hospital and my mom will be staying with my daughter at our house. I've told my mom I might want her to stay for the first two weeks because I could use her help, but we'll play it by ear. If I'm feeling overwhelmed, I'm going to send her home, but I'm not anticipating that will happen. She stayed with me for a couple weeks after my last c-section and was a big help. When I had my first, my husband and I didn't have anyone stay with us, we just had visitors over during the day to meet the baby and it was very peaceful and gave us time to really figure out what we were doing as new parents.

LexiSophie55 · January 2015

We have been telling people our Csection is scheduled for May 1st. It is actually scheduled for April 30th.

Daycare that day will be a neighbor as usual. (monday - wednesday it's my mom). DH will be the only one in the room (and the only one who knows we are having a baby that day).

We are hoping that no one finds out until later in the afternoon, after DH has had a chance to go and pick up DS and we can have some bonding. We will then call my mom and dad to come get DS from the hospital and to meet their new grandchild.

Our parents and our siblings are going to be the only visitors allowed April 30th. We will keep it quiet until it's too late in the day for people to visit (8-9pm). I guess May 1st people can visit, but we will see.

I had DS 1.5 hours away form home and loved that. Having this one in my hometown with my 100 other relatives is going to be a change. We are doing our best to keep it private and special.

katlarissa · January 2015

I'm having my husband, my mama, (to whom I'm extremely close,) and one of my sisters with me when I actually deliver, because my hospital allows three people with me. But for the labor process, my other sister and my MIL will be in the room, up until I transition and they are asked by the nurses to leave. I am really close to all those people, so I can't imagine delivering without their support, but I also can't imagine having people I wasn't super close to in there!

tashad18 · January 2015

I like people around while I labor. When the pushing starts it is my DH, mom, grandma.

mlbrooks619 · January 2015

Following this thread as I am a FTM-

My initial thoughts are:

DH only in delivery room- unless he can't handle then I will probably pull my mom in.

I will have immediate family (our parents, siblings, maybe our grandparents and my Aunt whom I am close to) at the hospital. We live about 2-2.5 hours away from ALL family, so the hospital is probably the best time for them to visit.

Once we go home- DH has 2 weeks paid parental leave, so I think it will just be us two for the first couple weeks... maybe our moms can come on the weekends. Once he goes back to work I will probably have my MIL and my Mom each stay for a week (different weeks), then my Aunt whom I am close to said she would come help as well if needed.

That's my tentative plan but who knows what will happen.

jennygirlmt · January 2015

We have tons of local family and close friends and honestly, no one ever asked to come to the hospital other than DHs grandma, on the second day I was in there.

My DH was with me for labor. My parents live 4 hours away and head out as soon as I call them. My mom was there for delivery with my first. I had told her she would have to wait outside, but when the docs said, "time to push!" I was like, sure Mom, go stand over there in the corner. She still tears up when she talks about it and she nabbed some amazing pics of DH cutting the cord (nothing gross in them!). She was heading up to our room as I delivered DD2 and was excited to get to hold DDs hand while they weighed her. I really think you get the call on this one. If you want your Mom there, I think she should be.

In the hospital, it was our parents and siblings came. It was all spread out.

At home, I wanted all the help I could get. My mom stayed for the week-10 days after delivery. She did all the cooking and cleaning. If your husband can do that, great! Mine would give it a go but it was much easier with her there. I felt like I had lots of time to get to know my family. But dealing with healing, learning to nurse, etc. took a ton of support and help from both my mom and DH. He would have been clueless on a lot. Also, he only got 5 paternity leave days, which 2-3 were used in the hospital. So I was on my own after just a few days.

My inlaws came up to visit (they live local) and I think my siblings came for a bit. They aren't local but I don't remember anyone staying in our house other than my mom, and then Dad when we came to get her. But we are all super close so everyone here was a help and a joy.

Most friends and extended family didn't talk about visiting until weeks later. So either I have really courteous family or it's not as big of a deal as it seems.

la79al · January 2015

My first 2 were delivered in a hospital 45 minutes from home so maybe I am spoiled with not too many visitors. Labor and delivery will be my mom and DH again. After that, I am hoping DDs can be the first visitors, I'll send DH or mom to get them out of school. And after that I honestly don't care. With DD2, I had DH, DD and 5 other people in the room at once. That was a little crazy but it's not like I have a whole lot to do other than hang out and talk to people. Once we get home, I'm pretty flexible too. When DD2 was tiny, she actually had an eye infection and after a trip to the doctor we had to say no visitors. If it gets bad, I'll use that as an excuse this time.

obimom · January 2015

DH and I will be the only ones in the delivery room. Nobody will be allowed in to visit for at least the first hour, but we are debating making it the first few hours so I can rest and DH can hold our son. If I have a vaginal delivery I will be attempting it without an epidural. However it is likely I will have a csec, so either way I will need some time to get my energy back.
We are very excited for this intimate moment in our lives and are in no rush to have people come in to visit. There will be PLENTY of time for that.
We have a great relationship with our parents so it is not because we don't want them there. I think it is important to recognize the weight of the moment and that it is one you cannot "redo".
My dad lives about an hour and a half away so we will just be calling him when he should head over. My mom and MIL/FIL live nearby the hospital so they can be there quickly when the time comes.
We are actually living at my moms right now and will be until the end of the year (paying rent). Visitors will be welcome but for short periods of time at first. I am really anxious about nursing so I don't want to be surrounded by people right away.
I think these choices are totally dependent on your personal feelings and relationships. What we are doing suits us and our family the best.
I just encourage people who are considering having family in the delivery room, or to visit right away, to consider if this choice is being made out of obligation or personal desire. Make sure you know in your heart that it is what you and your SO truly want.

djm31012 · January 2015

Just DH and I in the delivery room. TBH I never understood why people would want an entourage. Its such an intimiate moment and not for anything, one where humility is completely compromised! There is no way my dad or father in law will be seeing me during delivery. Not happening. Mom/sister I guess I get, but for me personally just DH was perfect.

With DS we had lots of people in and out of the hospital. I would never tell someone that wanted to visit me they couldnt. Our hospital has quiet time between 1 and 3pm and then after 7pm until 10am so no visitors are allowed during those times. My inlaws were a little too much and there most of the day so this time thats not happening. They live about 2 hours away so I will probably have them come when I am in labor to stay at the house with DS. They can come to the hospital for an hour or 2 each day, but beyond that, no-I am not having them camp out there all day. My parents are local so they will probably be popping in and out and then there most days after we go home for help, especially once DH goes back to work.

I would say its important to have the help once your SO goes back to work and you are alone trying to adjust. I personally would not have wanted anyone staying with me over night those first few weeks. You are up all night, want free reign of the house, sometimes not even dressed. But if its your own mom and she lives out of town, then you will want her there for some time to help.

AliceKC9876 · January 2015

If your husband wants it to be just the two of you in the delivery room, I would definitely respect that. It's such a special moment for the two of you to share together that I don't think it's fair to him for your mom to be there if he's not 100% on board with that. For us, it will be the two of us plus our doula and medical staff in the delivery room. In the hospital, I only want my son plus our parents to visit us. I would let our siblings visit too, but they are all out of town. When we get home, my parents will be in and out to help with our other son (and anything else we need help with). Other visitors can stop by after the first week. No overnight house guests for the first month (but out-of-town family is welcome to visit if they stay in a hotel).

texasmama15 · January 2015

I only want MH in the delivery room with me and luckily no one else has asked about being in there so we got to dodge that bullet.

As far as visitors, I would really only like family and close friends. MIL has already mentioned that HER best friends are going to want to come visit but that sounds terrible to me--random people I've only met once in the past 10 years coming to visit us in the hospital after I deliver a baby? Uh-uh, don't think so. Hoping this can just be swept under the rug and it's not mentioned again. The majority of our family lives in town so thank goodness we don't have to deal with overnight visitors. Our family is fairly decent about giving us our space so we haven't even had the conversation with anyone about once we are home but I'm hoping it will just be family dropping by to bring us food, say hello, then leave. That's my ideal world.

sunnyday016 · January 2015

I am trying for a VBAC so this delivery will be a little unpredictable (as are all births!) It will just be DH and I in the delivery room. MIL will be back at our house on kid duty. After the delivery, we'll have her bring the kids up to the hospital. I ideally want my kids to meet the baby before anyone else and have my DD announce to the rest of the family if it's a boy or girl.

kj808 · January 2015

During labor and delivery it will always just be DH in the room with me. That's all i'm comfortable with and it has worked well for us. I love having that time with just him.

After delivery I don't mind if friends and family come to the hospital after a day or so. Maybe i'm shallow but I need to have rested, showered, and freshened up before other people came in to visit.

I also don't mind people visiting the house after we get home, I just hope they don't expect me to feed them or for the house to be clean.

sunnyday016 · January 2015

ETA: our plan for once we come home is to have MIL stay until we feel ready for her to go, but again, she will mainly be there to help DH with the big kids. I plan on camping out in my bed nursing my newborn and recovering from the birth.

nightdreamer98 · January 2015

This is my first pregnancy so I have no idea what I'll actually want. But I'm thinking people can visit briefly while I'm in labor but I mainly want it to just be my boyfriend. I definitely want it to just be him while I'm pushing and two hours afterward so we can spend time with our babies.

After that I guess people can visit but I told him that I want people to leave over the night and that he might need to kick people out.

I'm kind of nervous about having people there because I don't really do well being around people a lot and I'm not sure if I'll be able to take my medication which would make it a lot harder.

allisong1187 · January 2015

For labor and delivery it will just be DH and I in the room.

Visitors I'm hoping to just stick to immediate family and then once we're home hopefully just our parents will come and visit for a little while.

SassyPants150 · January 2015

DH, bless his heart, was completely and totally USELESS during labor and delivery. He stood behind my head and rubbed it with an occasional "It's going to be okay". My mom was the one asking what I wanted like cold towels, ice, something to puke in, water, you name it. She then would delegate him to help out with those things. My mom had seen each of my sisters have one of their children and had already said that she wouldn't be there for the second time which is fine since I will likely be giving brith in the OR with twins. Hopefully DH can handle it this time.

I WISH, I had told people to fuck off when I was in the hospital. People (especially DH extended family) came out of the woodwork to visit. Between the nurse constantly checking my bleeding and visitors (and the 26 hours of labor), I didn't sleep for almost 36 hours.

The first day home wasn't much different. Everyone wanted to come over the day we came home from the hospital. I was exhausted. We let DD sleep in the nursery that night so other than nurse checks, we did get some rest. Some.

DH didn't originally want my mom there only because he thought it would be awkward. He was glad she did because he was clueless as to how to help. The funny factor though was that my mom was ALL up in my vagina at times while pushing. She was checking out whether DD had hair, asking the nurse how big she thought she would be, etc. It's a big joke between DH and I now.

catmentzer21 · January 2015

During labor as long as people are positive I don't care who shows up. If they annoy me I will tell them to leave between contractions. Pushing is my husband only. We have had it this way with both boys. He also ( with the aid of my Ob delivered and cut the cord on them). It was very special! We will have no one else for about an hour. Then they will bring my boys to spend time with their new brother. It is very important to my 9 year old that he gets to give his new brother his first bath. He also gave his brother his first bath when he was 5! It was and is a big deal for him. After that I have never stayed in the hospital for more then 12 hrs. So we only had parents and siblings stop by. As far as home is concerned I had a call first rule. People would call and I would say yes or no or tell them when was ok. If they did not call first they were asked to come back another time most of the time.
Good luck with your plans ladies! All I can say if talk to you so and then stick to your guns on what ever the decesions are.

icajesica82 · January 2015

For my DD I had my mom and DH in the room. My DH was stationed in the army in KS, me in MN. My mom went to all my prenatal classes with me and was there in the hospital with me until DH arrived. I didn't feel right kicking her out and I'm happy I didn't. She actually had the camera and took photos of when my DD was born. I love those photos and wouldn't have had them without her.

As far as this baby goes I will have my DH, my doula (friend) and my BFF is a photographer so she will be doing photos for me this time around.

I play the "when can we visit" by ear after the baby comes. You have no idea what temperament your baby will have so I won't make decisions until after he arrives. My IL's will be in town about a month after he is due, they are getting a hotel. I can't deal with guests in the house and a newborn. Not going to happen, I need my space.

No one I know would do a drop by visit so I don't really have to worry about that. At that point, I don't care if I'm rude, its rude to just show up when someone has a newborn so if I tell you to come back later, you should have called.

samiamagirl · January 2015

This is why I'm so grateful that DH and I moved to Northern California when we did, the majority of my small, his medium, size family is all in Southern California still.

My (current) plan is having my mom come up a couple days before my due date and staying until labor starts. Once I'm in labor we'll call my stepfather and DH's parents to say, drive on up! Our hospital only allows two additional support people (DH doesn't count as he's the father) in the hospital room so I'm going to authorize my mom and MIL to be in there with the caveat I can kick them out whenever I want. Once I transition into the active/pushing part of labor I will definitely kick them out and have it be DH and as few medical support staff as possible in the room. Afterwards I want it to only be DH and I with our son for 1-3 hours.

As for once we're home? Haven't totally decided but since we're in a small two bedroom apartment we're going to make the parents stay in a hotel and only visit during the day. I probably won't want them hanging around any longer than 2 weeks after DS is born, but we'll see. Everyone but my stepfather is retired so it's really up to me how long I want them to stay, I guess.

TeacherMom2015 · January 2015

My mom is planning to come for the birth...not sure if she's bringing my dad with her

They're about 5 hours away so I expect I'll call when I'm in labor and they'll head down. My mom is a nurse and one of the strongest people I've ever met, but she had a hard time seeing my sister in so much pain and was useless. If she's not like that with me and wants to be in the room, then I'm totally fine with it.

My biggest concern is the people I work with and that my b/f works with. I feel like they're all going to want to come visit either in the hospital or the day we come home and I'm not up for that. I'm not sure when b/f's mom will come. She's pretty unpredictable so who knows...

My b/f will probably take a week off work and then my sister will come for a few days.

TeacherMom2015 · January 2015

mabrams28 said:

Hi. As a FTM I have been wondering about this as myself, especially about visitors at the hospital. We only have two sets of parents to work with, and in the hospital room during delivery it will just be me and my husband, I had to let my Mom down easy on that one, but they will be welcome to come visit us at the hospital either while I am in labor or after I have delivered. However, I am wondering how to deal with extended family/friends who want to visit at the hospital.

I am leaning towards having an immediate family only rule for either the first day I am in the hospital or both days, meaning only parents and siblings and no girlfriends/boyfriends of siblings and no aunts/uncles, etc. However, I don't know how realistic this is and if I say only immediately family for the first day I am in there should I keep it that way the second day and let people know they can visit once we are home from the hospital???

Also since my bro-in-law has been in a relationship for about two years is it ok to say we don't want his girlfriend coming to the hospital??? We aren't very close and I just want this to be a special time for our family. Any thoughts or opinions from both FTM and STM welcome!

And @kateamart I think this was a great question to ask! I am just sorry that I can't offer any advice, as I am also torn about this situation.

@mabrams28 I can understand not wanting a family member to bring someone they are in a new relationship with, but I feel like if it's been 2 years it's probably pretty serious. I think that would be really hurtful for the girlfriend and for your brother in law.

mabrams28 · January 2015

Thanks for the input. There is a lot more to the back story of my BIls girlfriend and the reasons I am uncomfortable having her visit us in the hospital mainly being the fact that she has talked about me in a negative way multiple times to my MIL and has been very rude to me throughout the two years they have been dating, never saying hi to me during family events and even when invited to my own house. I guess I should have explained the reasons for me not wanting her there in more detail. I feel like there is no need for her to come to the hospital if she doesn't even like me or my hubby and it's just going to cause me more stress. Am I being too harsh about this?!?!?

All of the other advice has been helpful though. Thanks.

tjurado10 · January 2015

I only want my husband present for the delivery. I'm still not sure about during labor though I feel it might be a good distraction to have people there but then I feel it could be irritating at the same time. As far as home and hospitals visits I'm not being picky whoever wants to visit can I want the baby to feel loved. I just hope people don't expect me hubby and baby to visit them...because I don't see that happening for at least 1 week especially being a FTM

FairfaxMom26 · January 2015

I have told my husband that it will be just us and our doula. That is a white lie since my sister will be more than welcome at any stage. She lives in town. I am just sticking to that story so that DH can explain to his parents to stay the heck away

My insurance only covers 24 hours in the hospital (assuming normal vag. birth). I don't think I'll want anyone to visit at all. It might be hellish keeping MIL away, but I'm pretty determined to sleep and breastfeed not have her trying to force Asian alternative medicine on me. I'm a FTM, so I'm leaving open the possibility that I might actually feel ready to let someone else see my baby. But knowing DH, easier if I just make a strict policy of no one allowed during labor or in hospital.
DH's family being around will likely be wonderful for all the weeks ever following delivery.
My parents live 4 hours away and still work full-time, so there is no issue of them being at the hospital, as much as I would love that.

MAdams728 · January 2015

Just DH in the delivery room. He was great last time, for the most part. I don't view l&d as a social occasion, so no one else needs to be there. This pissed my mom off, but oh well. This time she will be taking care of DD, anyway.

I tried to limit visitors afterwards, especially since DD was not nursing well, but people wouldn't leave! We had a two room suite and they would congregate in the living room part and visit. It was stressful. I will be a bitch about it this time. It should be easier since we will likely be in a regular room. As for home, I didn't have many visitors, luckily. Just my mom and grandmother, who I appreciated since they actually helped me. No overnight guests, at all.

The beginning is very stressful, and you need your privacy. I don't think lots of visitors are a good idea. Perhaps I am in the minority, but the last thing I wanted to do was pass the newborn around to people and their germs. People can just wait.

saric83 · January 2015

We have four sets of parents and dealing with all of them is challenging and overwhelming, so we plan to be pretty restrictive with no hospital visits and likely no visitors for a few days once we're at home. Two sets of parents are about five hours away and both expect to stay with us, so we're making a no house-guest rule for three months.

As for your BIL's girlfriend, you just have to decide which would be worse: him coming with her, or him not coming at all? I absolutely loathed my ex-SIL, but I still included her in things I would have rather not because if I didn't, it meant we would have missed out on my BIL being there.

mabrams28 · January 2015

saric83 said:
We have four sets of parents and dealing with all of them is challenging and overwhelming, so we plan to be pretty restrictive with no hospital visits and likely no visitors for a few days once we're at home. Two sets of parents are about five hours away and both expect to stay with us, so we're making a no house-guest rule for three months.

As for your BIL's girlfriend, you just have to decide which would be worse: him coming with her, or him not coming at all? I absolutely loathed my ex-SIL, but I still included her in things I would have rather not because if I didn't, it meant we would have missed out on my BIL being there.

Thanks @ saric83. I think my BIL would come either way since they aren't married yet or anything and I think he would want to meet his nephew no matter what. But it's definitely a decision my hubby and I are going to have to come to and thats why I'm thinking the best thing might be to just say to everyone that while at the hospital we r only allowing immediately family members as visitors.

Again, I guess I will just have to see how things shake out between now and then, and at least we have a few more months to come to a final decision.

krystal525 · January 2015

For labor and delivery, it will just be my husband, and possibly my younger sister who is a nurse. If I have a CS, then it will just be my husband. The rest of the immediate family will probably camp in the waiting room and I'm fine with that but I'm planning on no visitors for the first 6 hours. I'm sure they'll want a peak at the nursery which the hospital will allow but otherwise it'll be a few hours before anyone other than my husband and sister gets to hold the baby. Otherwise, it's pretty common in our family for the new baby to get visitors in the hospital so I'm expecting cousins and aunts and uncles to stop by.

Once we're home, husband is taking a week paternity leave and it will just be us trying to find a rhythm. His parents and my mom are welcome to visit for an hour or two a day if they like but there won't be any overnights or extended stays. After he goes back to work, my mom will probably stay with me during the day and his mom and dad live four houses away so they can stop in as needed. We probably won't see visitors during this week but they'll also likely call so we can field those requests.

It's been hard for my mom because she lives in FL and wants to move in with us but hubby and I have squashed that idea. We don't have a spare room any longer and having her sleep in our living room is not a long term solution.

tinyjoys · January 2015

While I was laboring, my mom, sister and husband were in the room. My mom had to leave to go to work, but my sister and husband stayed. My husband actually had to leave for about an hour and a half or so to let our dogs out and stop in at work to lock his things up for his vacation. I ended up with a csection and it was just the two of us, which it will be this time, too, in the delivery room. While I was in labor, though, it was nice to have other people there to chat with and keep me entertained.

We welcomed guests and we'll welcome guests this time around, too. My mom and grandparents live in the same town and will have our 3 year old this time while we're at the hospital. My cousin plans on bringing us dinner our first night home. We'll allow whoever wants to visit to visit at the hospital. It helped break up the time and stop the walls from closing in. We were going a little stir crazy by the end of the second day.

nnjj · January 2015

This is a great question. The first time around I had it all planned out and basically nothing went as planned. I was screaming for my sister before delivering and then literally had my family walk in the room minutes after I had DS. Totally not what I planned but it worked out great. Everything depends on so much. I delivered him at 9:30 pm. So basically most ppl didn't even know until the next day. I never thought I would want my mom to stay with us at home but we needed it. If I could give any advice keep an open mind you never know what will happen.

rivers714 · January 2015

So I'm going to let the dad know when I'm in labor but I think I'm probably going to do it all myself. With my son I was living at home and my mom drove me in. I guess anyone who wants to come is welcome?

jraeohyeaaa · January 2015

For delivery it will probably be DH and my mom (if LO comes on time...mom lives 16 hrs away so she will be flying in). My mom will stay with us for probably a week or so. It is actually nice that we live far away from both families because I won't be overwhelmed. We will just have my mom (possibly dad too) with us for about a week and then DH's parents will come. The month of May is insane for us: EDD May 13, DH finishes flight school and has winging ceremony May 29 (this is when his parents come) and we will move sometime in early June. So I am thankful both our parents will be around at some point...if anything just to help us pack! The rest of the family will meet baby whenever we get a chance to go home.

sb184 · January 2015

For delivery I want it to be me and DH however I'm scared he may need the extra support (he can get anxious and squemish) in which case I would ask my mom. Afterwards we will have just me and DH in the room to bond with baby for about the first hour and through the first breastfeeding (I would also be okay if my mom was in the room but no one else). I really want it to be a strong bonding family time. After that only people who have had the Tdap vaccine and who are not smokers will be allowed to visit us. I'm also not planning on announcing LO arrival until we are settled at home. I don't want my whole town visiting me in the hospital. I'm also having my mom stay with me the first week after we get home. If someone comes by while me or LO are sleeping I'm going to have my mom tell them we requested to not be woken up. I hope people will call or text before thinking it's okay to barge in.

SassyPants150 · January 2015

It's funny to me reading the alone time with LO after they are born. I was so exhausted after 2.5 hours of pushing and 26 hours without food that so long that after I held her that DH was next I didn't even think about alone time. My mom did leave for a little while I think then came back in with ILs and my dad.

jesslfar · January 2015

With my first two it was DH and MIL,thankfully my mother lives out of state because I would have had to tell her no as it would have driven DH over the edge to have her there. When I ended up with a c section it was just DH in the OR and MIL was in the labor and delivery room we were in before and after. This time I need her to watch my 2 year old. I expect visitors at the hospital and will welcome anyone that comes, but once we go home it is just DH and I for a couple of days, MIL will come by for an hour or so a day to drop off meals, but otherwise it is just our family and then after 3 days anyone can come by that wants to.

Snapdragon750 · January 2015

For my first I had my mom and my H in the room, and everyone came to visit for however long they wanted and I had a zillion relatives staying at my house. Both were a mistake.

For my second it was just H and me in the delivery room, and while anyone COULD come visit, I didn't let anyone stay in the house unless they could fit in the guest bedroom. Only my mom stayed with us at first, and MIL came a couple of weeks later for the summer to help with the baby and help us move. While the help was essential, the company was stressful.

For my third, no one but H in the delivery room, and no one is allowed to visit in the first few weeks unless they get a hotel. I'm putting my foot down. Help is great, but I can deal with dishes and laundry piling up better than I can deal with lack of privacy and quiet time.

MrsPDX · January 2015

My plan is that my mom or DH will be with me in the delivery room. Right after birth it will just be baby, DH and I. If DH isn't there, then my mom, baby and I. An hour after birth, I will allow my dad to come visit. Two hours after birth I will allow my in-laws to visit. I really don't want anyone else visiting...

Once we are home, I do not want any visits the first two weeks (except my parents, as my mom will be staying with me if DH is gone).

That is the plan thus far..although I am a FTM, so we shall see.

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Plans for delivery and hospital/home visits

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