Hello, let me introduce myself first..
For the first 30 years of my life, everything was smooth and worry-free. I was my parents’ most beloved child, found my true love in college, and happily married him after graduation.
At work, I was my boss’s most valued employee. Whenever I was in charge of a project, colleagues would inevitably say, “Oh, then I’m totally at ease.” I was constantly named “Employee of the Year,” with generous bonuses every year.
Later, I started my own business. Within just three months, I had broken into the market and started making money. By the fifth month, I was earning twice my previous salary. Growth was steady month after month. Right when the business needed more hands, I serendipitously met an amazing partner, and the company reached a whole new level.
Really, it seemed like at every step, whatever I needed, a pair of hands would always place it right in front of me, just in time.
My Two Girls: Ellie & Mia
Meet Ellie, My Firstborn
In 2020, my husband and I decided to have a child. After trying for over a year, we finally got the news in 2021 that a little one was on the way. In 2022, we welcomed our first child, Ellie. She made me a mother.
She is utterly adorable—big eyes, rosy skin, chubby little hands. Every time I look at her, I can’t help but give her a kiss. She is pure joy, and I love her more each day.
But as a first-time mom, I faced unprecedented difficulties. The postpartum tearing wouldn’t heal, and the pain was excruciating. Clogged milk ducts made my breasts hard as rocks. The severe sleep deprivation… And what was even more crushing was that, with zero parenting experience, I was clueless when faced with her unexplained wailing, night terrors, refusal to nurse, constipation, diarrhea, fevers… I desperately searched online, longing for one accurate, truly useful answer!
It was during this time that I thought, once I make it through this “dark” path, I must leave a light on for other new moms.
And Then Came Mia
Ellie had just turned one when I got pregnant again. In 2024, we welcomed our second daughter, Mia.
Completely different from Ellie, Mia is a great eater and sleeper. Although she had her fussy moments in the first two months, starting almost from month three, she became super easygoing. She feeds on schedule, gradually sleeps through the night, loves her solid foods, and adapted quickly when I had to stop breastfeeding due to mastitis.
This made me realize just how vastly different babies can be! It made me even more determined to write about my experiences.
Why I Had to Start This Blog
The Catalyst: A Life Pivoted
After Mia was born, my business also began to decline sharply. I had no choice but to close it and become a full-time mom. My work no longer involves Excel and Word, but instead revolves around changing diapers, washing bottles, making baby food, and managing household chores…
This has been a monumental challenge for me. All my past achievements seem irrelevant now. Managing two young children has brought me a sense of frustration I’ve never known before.
The Daily Reality
They are always fighting over things. When one is in my arms, the other immediately demands to be held too. When I try to cook, Ellie wants me to read her a book. When I attempt to load the washing machine, Mia has a diaper blowout, and I must drop everything to change her…
By the time I finish all that, I see the cup of hot coffee on the table has gone cold again. And it’s not until evening that I remember, “Oh my goodness, the clothes are still in the hamper, unwashed!”
Of course, being a mom is filled with happiness, but that doesn’t negate how hard it is.
My Promise to You
Because I’ve walked this path myself, I won’t just tell you how joyful motherhood is, like many websites do. I want to share my real, unfiltered experiences so every new mom can find a “companion” here.
I want to tell you: you are not alone. What you’re going through, I’ve been there too. Your breakdowns, your helplessness, your moments of losing control—I’ve had them all. You don’t need to feel guilty. This is just a small, necessary stretch of the journey for every mom.
My Hope for This Space
I really want to share my parenting experiences—not just the warm, glowing moments, but to honestly document the pitfalls I’ve stumbled into, the tears I’ve shed, and the “survival wisdom” I’ve scraped together in utter exhaustion.
The Goal: A Mom’s Toolkit
I hope this blog becomes a “mom’s toolkit,” filled not with vague theories, but with:
- Practical Tips: Like how to quickly figure out why a baby is crying, tried-and-true methods for dealing with clogged ducts, or how to efficiently manage the daily grind with twins (or two under two) solo.
- Pitfall Avoidance Guides: Sharing the baby products I regret buying the most, and those “game-changer” parenting hacks. Letting you know which parenting anxieties you can let go of, and which principles are worth holding onto.
- A Community for Moms: I hope my stories connect me with more moms like you. We can cheer each other on in the comments, share our own tricks, turning the storms we face alone into a journey we walk together.
The Bigger Vision
My previous career taught me to analyze data, solve problems, and optimize processes. Now, I’m applying all those skills to this new “position” of Mom. I want to prove that a mom’s value is absolutely not confined to the home. The mindset, resilience, and creativity we built in our careers can shine just as brightly—perhaps even brighter—in this more complex, long-term “project” of raising humans, and can even be transformed into a force that helps others.
My hope is simple: that every mom who opens this blog can let out a sigh of relief and say, “So it’s not just me.” Then, she can find a bit of practical info, a dose of comforting solidarity, and return to her sweet, chaotic mom-life with a little more confidence and a little less weight on her shoulders.
This road? Let’s walk it together.
harmonicbabe26
member
Re: Tell me it will get better...
I know 'they' say what she's doing is 'normal for a breast fed baby' and that in time it gets better. I just don't know how much longer to give it...
Does the lofty goal of feeding one child a certain way trump all the other duties I have as a parent to my other child?
That's the thing, nobody can tell me with certainty it will get better and she'll go longer between feeds so I can care for her sister and everything else I'm responsible for... She's 8w old so this should have normalized by now a bit. Normalized as in she SHOULD be able to last a couple of hours betw feeds... But instead we seem to be falling in a clear routine of hourly feedings which is just not sustainable in the long run....
Ughhh....
This one will take both BUT does not depend on them to sleep.
The last few days the frustrating thing has been that as soon as she feels I'm swaddling her she starts shrieking, it's like an automatic reaponse to even the thought that it's time to sleep.
And she's even started fighting the pacifier - thia tells me she's truly hungry when she screams... Only boob will appease her.
I'm so frustrated with this because overall in a 24hr period I KNOW i make enough milk for her. She is growing like a weed and gaining tons of weight. About an oz per day or more, which is perfect. Heck - she gained 2 LBs between her 2 week appt and 1 month!! But my suspicion is that I have to keep feeding her super frequently because my boobs refill slowly during the day when I'm tired and busy, and she only gets small amounts per feed... Ughh... So I hate the thought of giving up when I know that I am able to provide what she needs. Especially after i wasn't able to produce 100% with DD1 and HAD to supplement.
And having that experience already I DEFINITELY don't think that feeding any amount of formula makes anyone a failure as a parent... Quite the opposite. Being overly focused on boob feeding and neglecting every other aspect of pareting makes one a failure...
Ughh... Well I feel a little better now. Still frustrated but better. Venting really does help.
Is she showing any signs of reflux? I've read that sometimes reflux babies want to nurse constantly because the breastmilk soothes the burning ?
1st BFP-8/17/12! Missed Miscarriage discovered @ 8 week US. D&C.
2nd BFP-2/13/13! Blighted Ovum discovered @ 8 week US. Natural miscarriage.
3rd BFP-5/22/13! By early June, progesterone plummeting. Another loss.
August 2013 - started Donor Egg process, but surprise BFP with my own eggs.
Dear Son born 5/28/14
It's not reflux or sensitivity, I'm sure of that. And I am WELL hydrated... Over 100oz of fluids daily (water, fennel tea, gatorade). PLUS I've been taking fenugreek, blessed thistle, goats rue AND eating oatmeal with flax and brewers yeast since about day 4... Haha if any of you have questions on how to increase supply, come to me. I'm an expert.
Anyone care to listen about out bedtime battles? Not asking for advice because I've read it all.
Last night it took from 8pm till 12:30am for her to finally give in and go down for the night. We tried swaddled, unswaddled, paci, no paci, swing, rock and play, rocking in my arms, upright, sideways against my chest, walking around, laying in my bed, feeding several times PLUS bottle (because it was taking so long). Nothing works.
I am a ZOMBIE. Another night of 4hrs of sleep TOTAL.
And no relief in sight.
Those who know me from Prego after 35 know about my hubby traveling for work all the time... Yeah he was gone for 2 weeks at 3w after my csection.
He's gone now again, on a 5 or 6 week travel streak. Last week in TN, now in western NC, next week Brazil, then Atl, and first week of Feb is China. I have a nanny come in help entertain my 3yo a few days of the week but that doesn't help with frustration over the newborn who never sleeps and shrieks incessantly. Oh yah, NO relatives here who could help so I have to rely on outsiders.
SERIOUSLY!! How did this happen to me? Ughh.
Just give me a big big hug guys. I am ready to quit.
We don't have family here either and although my h works a lot and isn't home as much as I'd like, at least he is here if I need him. I can't imagine him being gone for weeks at a time. Huge hugs mama!!!
Hope you find a good schedule with her. ((Hugs))
Edit: spelling
So a quick update - I listened to my gut and gave her 2oz of pumped milk after her 5pm feed and she's like a completely different kid... Ate, eyes glazed over, got this drunk smile on her, slept a bit and hung out happily for an hour and half... I was able to do some coloring and feed dinner to her sister. Then at bedtime I also offered her about 1oz which she took, didn't want more, and then the last 3 nights she allowed me to put her to sleep in a reasonable amt of time! Which in turn means I got more sleep (amazing what an extra 1 HOUR can do) and I feel more rested and less stressed. And this morning I was able to pump 3oz after the morning feed!! To me that's the biggest measure of recovery. So now we're covered for tonight and hopefully she will continue being happier.
Mind you, I am nit saying I solved the problem, but the last couple of days I was able to manage with some minor tweaks and 'milk shifting'...
I thought about silent reflux, asked out PT about that and she said baby would be arching her back etc which she is not doing. I swear I can distinguish her hungry cries... She says 'lait lait' which is French for milk haha... But I will certainly run it by our pedi on Monday when we have her 2 month checkup.
But yeah, my daughter was constantly arching her back and screaming with the silent reflux.
The only other thing I was wondering reading you posts is if you're sure her latch is good? Since she's getting the milk coma from the bottlebut not from nursing yet you still have milk left to pump? I know she is getting enough total as shown by the weight gain but maybe is only getting one letdown per nursing time or something like that maybe due to not sustaining a good latch so then goes for frequency.
Anyway I originally started replying to say that at least with my now 8 month DD yes it got better - at least the frequent nursing did. (She is still a crappy sleeper and will still only nurse to sleep when withme though will nap like a proper baby when at daycare ... clearly I suck at getting babies to sleep so listen to the other women here for advice on that!). She also nursed all!the!time! - definitely a snacker plus comfort sucking. Her weight was low too though so didn't dare try to get her to nurse less. But it got better. I think there was some reduction in frequency between 2 and 3 months and then even more around 4 monthsand now that she is eating solids too and is a way more efficient nurser -both since 5 or 6 months and increasingly so - daytime frequency is way down. Like easily 3 hours between feedings and really between not that start to start timing crap. Also now that she can sit and play and is actually interested in toys, boob is not only source of entertainment. She still nurses a lot at night but at least side lying nursing works well again ( it didn't from about 2 weeks until 3 or 4 months) which is hugely helpful for me getting more rest and even actual sleep.
I also did cut out dairy (and to be safe soy and beef also but barely ate those anyway) from my diet from when she was 3 months old to 6 months (when "they" say stomach lining is finally less porous) and I do think it helped her and I should have done it sooner. Even though like you say with yours she always seemed happiest while eating not like eating hurt her ... her mood between feedings seemed better off dairy. And she went from many soiled and mucousy diapers per day to usually just one with less or no mucous. So maybe she was getting more sustenance before themilk passed through her. But of course all those changes could've been related to her getting older not to my diet - correlation doesn't prove causation. But since I suffered through the dairy-free diet I'm going to believe that was the cause of the improvement I saw!
Good luck and hugs!!!
And also, hugs to you, warrior mama!