••TTCAL Newbie Check-in 1/12/15••

rslh10 · January 2015

Welcome to TTC After Loss. I'm so sorry for your loss but am happy you have found us. ((hugs)) This board is full of brilliant and kind women who have experienced the hardship of losing that which is most precious, and I hope you find great comfort and support here in your journey!

For those of you so new that you don't know the routine, this is a check-in for newer members of the TTCAL Board. It will be posted every Monday. Please feel free to use this space to ask those "newbie" questions that feel intimidating to ask on the main board and I will try my best to get you an answer. You have up to 48 hours to respond to the check-in. If you miss this time frame, please do not bump up the check-in, just PM me and I will include you for next week.

As of 12/8/14 there is now a ONE MONTH time limit for being part of the check-in. If you have been here for more than 4 check-ins please let me know, and I will not include you in the following weeks post.

**Please don't feel that you have to provide individual feedback to all of the posters ahead of you. Many do and it's great, but it's most definitely not required to be a part of this check-in. I'd just hate to think people might feel intimidated and not post because of this. All posts and responses are welcomed!**

Please take the time to read the TTCAL blog to answer any questions you may have regarding our board etiquette, TTC, miscarriage & loss, and much more: https://ttcalblog.wordpress.com/ If you are a check-in regular and get a BFP, please PM me so that I can add it to the weekly check-in with a warning for other members. If I don't get a PM, I will not mention your BFP on the check-in.

Finally, if you haven't done so, please post your introduction on the main board including your story. Everyone wants to get to know you. This a community; We give support to get support. Join in!

***If you do not see your name, it’s because you didn’t check in last week, just join in this week and I’ll add you!***

Weekly Update: How are you doing? Post an update including any news, thoughts, or questions - let me know how things are going for you! If you don’t see your name, it’s only because you didn’t check in last week. Feel free to join in this week!

Individual Updates:

@laurenleigh17 — This is your last check in Give us a final update!

@mholmes92 — This is your last check in Give us a final update!

@NOBB14 — This is your last check in Give us a final update!

@Nicnackmama — This is your last check in Give us a final update!

@imnotfancy— This is your last check in Give us a final update!

@danddb925— How was the first cycle post loss? Are you temping now? Any signs of O?

@Littleducky— Your RE appt is coming up (the day of my IUI— I hope!) I am so sorry for the news you received at your follow up. How are you holding up? Have you been able to discuss the waiting period with your dr?

@lcwed— How are you this week? Have things progressed, or are you still looking at a possible d&c?

@anarossi01— Any news on the labs you’re waiting on?

@kalidawn523— Have you gotten your follow up appt set up yet? How are you feeling this week?

@mamadeux19—How did your follow up appt go? How are things going with your H?

QOTW - No question this week, just my "thank you" to everyone who has reached out to me today already, and for all the love. I am so thankful to have all the support here. Thank you for being ever encouraging and loving. This is a an amazing group of Ladies.

NOBB14 · January 2015

Hi @rslh10‌! As always, thanks for running this, and I can't believe my last check in is here already!

AF came yesterday after what i thought was going to be *the* cycle where everything turned around. I was super bummed, and stayed off the bump for most of the day to avoid wallowing. My husband is way more optimistic about this cycle - because I had a late period last month and didn't start charting until even later - so he's not surprised we missed the window. His positivity did perk me up, but I'm just so exhausted to be on the roller coaster that is TTCAL. I'm trying my very very best to live in the moment and appreciate my life outside of trying, but that's been easier said than done. Sometimes I want a pregnancy so bad I swear it physically hurts.

So, Now I'm just suffering through CD2 (my first few days of a new cycle are always tedious and full of every PMS symptom possible) and inching towards my next o date, which should be predicted more confidently now that I'm temping. How thrilling.

GL to all the newbs in moving forward in their journey! I'll be seeing you guys around the board!

dandb925 · January 2015

Hi, @rslh10, thanks for the check-in. Wanted to send you extra special (((hugs))) today!! Thinking about you today.

I'm on CD 9 and I'm using the CBEFM to track my O. I've never temped before even though I bought a BBT (we got our first BFP before I was planning on starting). I'm worried about it making me too crazy, so I'm sticking with the monitor for now. It was cute, today DH saw it by the sink and asked if I got a "smiley face this morning". I'm glad to know he's on board and we'll see what happens. It's hard to get excited or feel hopeful about TTC this time and I am trying to reconcile that we'll most likely end up doing IVF with PGD in the spring.

@NOBB14, wanted to send you big ((hugs)). I know exactly how you feel.

@tkford216, it's a tricky balance. Unfortunately, I've found that unless your friends have gone through a loss (not like you would ever wish this crappiness on anyone), they won't completely understand and will most likely say inappropriate things.

laxdixdar · January 2015

Hi @rslh10 and everyone else. I've posted my introduction yesterday and figured it was time to hop over here as well.

I'm on day 3 after my d&c, i miscarried my bean at 10w5d on Friday. I don't really have anything new to update except i made my follow up appt with my Ob today for the 23rd. I'm nervous and scared. Nervous that i will be benched for months, nervous it will take another 5 yrs to conceive, scared of how i would handle being pregnant again emotionally, and scared of another loss. I do know that as of right now i'm still deeply mourning. My loss was so traumatic to me, as they always are. 4 u/s showing a healthy baby, strong heartbeat, hb on doppler every night even the night before i miscarried.

As of now i'm looking forward to and frightened of my appointment. I'm just working through the motions. On a side note i have to go back to work tomorrow and i'm really, really, really not ready. So fx for me that i don't have an emotional breakdown in the middle of our field trip!

I look forward to being more active in the weeks to follow.

mrskelly731 · January 2015

Hi ladies. I intro'd here late Sept when I had my mmc/d&c. I was benched for 3 months so I mostly lurked. I am now officially off BC again and back to TTC. I am on CD14, not temping this cycle but taking OPK's and Metformin for my PCOS. The last few months I have not been sleeping well, get up at least once a night for a few hours and my temps were just not accurate. I am hoping now that the holidays are over and I am actively TTC again I can get back into the routine with temping. Thanks for the check-in and I look forward to being more active on this board.

RoseTyler72 · January 2015

@rslh10 Thanks for running this thread. Could I be added to the list for next week please?

@tkford216 Good luck with the home buying! We just bought our first house a few months ago so I totally know what you mean, it is so stressful, so much paperwork too! It's totally worth it though.

@NOBB14- So sorry AF showed up, but I'm glad YH is staying positive. Good luck with your temping this month. I know what you mean about trying to stay involved in life outside of TTCAL. I'm struggling with the same thing. It's crazy how so much energy and stressing can revolve around just a handful of days each month.

I'm on CD10 here. I'm annoyed because my ovulation app is all screwed up and didn't reset properly after the MC. I haven't jumped on the temping train yet mostly because it seems like a lot of work and I think it would make me stress about TTC even more. I'm sure I'll change my mind if we go more than a few months with no luck. It's been just over a week since our loss and I'm feeling quite a bit better. There are still moments when I get overwhelmed with sadness but I'm feeling more like myself every day.

Yesterday we went to Target and I had to go into the baby section to find a gift for a friend who is due soon (thankfully she lives far away so I don't have to go to the shower). Usually I love lingering in the baby clothes and looking at each adorable outfit. This time I picked an outfit and booked it out of there asap. I can be happy for my friends that are pregnant but I don't want to be reminded of it daily (Facebook I'm looking at you). I'm been checking Facebook must less often for that very reason and it has been really nice. This is turning into a novel so I'm gonna call it a day.

rslh10 · January 2015

NOBB14 said:

Hi @rslh10‌! As always, thanks for running this, and I can't believe my last check in is here already! AF came yesterday after what i thought was going to be *the* cycle where everything turned around. I was super bummed, and stayed off the bump for most of the day to avoid wallowing. My husband is way more optimistic about this cycle - because I had a late period last month and didn't start charting until even later - so he's not surprised we missed the window. His positivity did perk me up, but I'm just so exhausted to be on the roller coaster that is TTCAL. I'm trying my very very best to live in the moment and appreciate my life outside of trying, but that's been easier said than done. Sometimes I want a pregnancy so bad I swear it physically hurts. So, Now I'm just suffering through CD2 (my first few days of a new cycle are always tedious and full of every PMS symptom possible) and inching towards my next o date, which should be predicted more confidently now that I'm temping. How thrilling. GL to all the newbs in moving forward in their journey! I'll be seeing you guys around the board!

Keep your head up, Lady! I'm glad that you're temping again, and I really hope that your timing this cycle is great! ((hugs))

rslh10 · January 2015

tkford216 said:

Hi ladies. I did my intro last week but failed to do the newbie check-in. Things still feel shitty of course, but I'm doing much better thanks to this group. I'm at CD10 after the CP, and my body finally stopped all bleeding/spotting yesterday, so I guess that's exciting. I've been focused on waiting to see if our offer is accepted on the house, so that's helped keep my mind off things too. (Seriously, the house-buying process is a rollercoaster. I've had enough emotion for one week, thank you.)

The thing I'm finding hard to deal with is comments from friends who don't know my situation. All my friends know we want a baby and are now trying. We didn't tell anyone when we got the BFP, and since the CP, I've only told my mom and one other friend. Everyone else still thinks we're happily trying, so I get comments like "Get on the baby train" and "Time for baby-making." I just want to scream "Yea, we're trying, but my body failed me!" I know they would stop if I told them the news, but I guess I'd rather deal with the reminder than have everyone know. Whenever this happens again, and we tell people, I want them to be excited. I'll have enough worry to handle, I don't need it from them as well. Is that bad?

Hi! Welcome to the check in. I'm so sorry for your loss. I don't think it's bad that you don't want to tell anyone. Its your life, and you don't have to tell anyone. I found that when I told people, it didn't make a difference, they still said all the wrong things. I think for the first few months I was really "tender" hearted and felt upset a lot easier than I do now. Now, when people say dumb shit to me about my loss, I get pissed. Most of the time, people are uncomfortable and looking for a way to "make themselves feel better", if that makes any sense.

I'm glad to hear that your bleeding as slowed down. FX that it's 100% done. ((hugs)) Good luck with the house offer! It is super stressful, and I hope it's an easy process for you.

rslh10 · January 2015

anarossi01 said:

Thanks @rslh10 for the check-in. I completely forgot about the lab results - just checked the online site, but they aren't back yet, unfortunately. I'll wait another day or two and then call my office if I don't see anything.

Warning - this is sort of a ragey post.

Had a strange, rough weekend. Last Thursday was 1 month since my loss, but I didn't remember until the next day, which made me feel really guilty. Saturday night I got together with my neighbor across the street, and we just drank ourselves silly. At first it was fun but then I started to feel so, so miserable and empty, and I had to do everything I could to hold it together. I really haven't had much to drink since the loss so I know I overdid it... but it was such a shitty feeling.

Also found out my nextdoor neighbor is expecting. I'm happy for her but I'm also just so generally annoyed with everything/everyone right now... I can't help feeling like I'm just wasting so much time! I'll be 35 in two months. Where is AF?! How much longer before we can just reset on this thing?! I f*cking hate feeling like this.

Hugs to all of you.

Oh Lady, so many ((hugs)). Your post is definitely not ragey! I'm so sorry you are feeling crappy. I think all those feelings (guilt, sadness, "wasting time") are normal. I know that I've felt them since my loss, and sometimes I still feel them. Do you temp? I know that since I've been temping, it's pretty much plain as day to see when AF is coming. It wouldn't hurt to start asap to get a little practice under your belt.

rslh10 · January 2015

dandb925 said:

Hi, @rslh10, thanks for the check-in. Wanted to send you extra special (((hugs))) today!! Thinking about you today.
I'm on CD 9 and I'm using the CBEFM to track my O. I've never temped before even though I bought a BBT (we got our first BFP before I was planning on starting). I'm worried about it making me too crazy, so I'm sticking with the monitor for now. It was cute, today DH saw it by the sink and asked if I got a "smiley face this morning". I'm glad to know he's on board and we'll see what happens. It's hard to get excited or feel hopeful about TTC this time and I am trying to reconcile that we'll most likely end up doing IVF with PGD in the spring.
*snip*

I'm glad to hear that your H is on board. I know the "hard to get excited" feeling you speak of. I keep telling myself that I'm allowed to be excited, but just enough to keep it realistic. I feel too informed to allow myself to get excited? I hope that the monitor works for you! I know that it's been a lot of help for a couple people I know! ((hugs))

ETA- Thank you for the hugs!!

Kalidawn523 · January 2015

Thanks for the check in @rslh10‌. I was thankfully able to schedule my follow up with my primary RE for the 20th which is lucky BC he's so popular. I'm doing ok... I've pretty much made a nest in my bed and have been binge watching Bones but at some point I will need to come out of hiding and today may be that day. I started scheduling lunches with friends for this week so I'm forced to get out. I think I'm just afraid that when I am in a normal routine it will finally hit me. I'm 5 days post D&C so at this point it's just wait and see. Next week I'll have some updates from the RE so that will be good. Time just seems like it's standing still at the moment.

rslh10 · January 2015

laxdixdar said:

Hi @rslh10 and everyone else. I've posted my introduction yesterday and figured it was time to hop over here as well.

I'm on day 3 after my d&c, i miscarried my bean at 10w5d on Friday. I don't really have anything new to update except i made my follow up appt with my Ob today for the 23rd. I'm nervous and scared. Nervous that i will be benched for months, nervous it will take another 5 yrs to conceive, scared of how i would handle being pregnant again emotionally, and scared of another loss. I do know that as of right now i'm still deeply mourning. My loss was so traumatic to me, as they always are. 4 u/s showing a healthy baby, strong heartbeat, hb on doppler every night even the night before i miscarried.

As of now i'm looking forward to and frightened of my appointment. I'm just working through the motions. On a side note i have to go back to work tomorrow and i'm really, really, really not ready. So fx for me that i don't have an emotional breakdown in the middle of our field trip!

I look forward to being more active in the weeks to follow.

Oh Honey, So many ((hugs)). Please take care of yourself. I'm so sorry for your loss, but welcome to the check in. I hope that your first day back goes smooth. The emotions you are feeling are completely normal, so allow yourself to feel them, and try to relax a little. I hope you find comfort here.

rslh10 · January 2015

mrskelly731 said:

Hi ladies. I intro'd here late Sept when I had my mmc/d&c. I was benched for 3 months so I mostly lurked. I am now officially off BC again and back to TTC. I am on CD14, not temping this cycle but taking OPK's and Metformin for my PCOS. The last few months I have not been sleeping well, get up at least once a night for a few hours and my temps were just not accurate. I am hoping now that the holidays are over and I am actively TTC again I can get back into the routine with temping. Thanks for the check-in and I look forward to being more active on this board.

Welcome to the check in. I'm glad you found your way back to us. FX for you this cycle! Looking forward to seeing you more on the main board.

rslh10 · January 2015

RoseTyler72 said:

@rslh10 Thanks for running this thread. Could I be added to the list for next week please?
*snip*

I'm on CD10 here. I'm annoyed because my ovulation app is all screwed up and didn't reset properly after the MC. I haven't jumped on the temping train yet mostly because it seems like a lot of work and I think it would make me stress about TTC even more. I'm sure I'll change my mind if we go more than a few months with no luck. It's been just over a week since our loss and I'm feeling quite a bit better. There are still moments when I get overwhelmed with sadness but I'm feeling more like myself every day.
Yesterday we went to Target and I had to go into the baby section to find a gift for a friend who is due soon (thankfully she lives far away so I don't have to go to the shower). Usually I love lingering in the baby clothes and looking at each adorable outfit. This time I picked an outfit and booked it out of there asap. I can be happy for my friends that are pregnant but I don't want to be reminded of it daily (Facebook I'm looking at you). I'm been checking Facebook must less often for that very reason and it has been really nice. This is turning into a novel so I'm gonna call it a day.

Welcome to the check in. I'm so sorry for your loss. I know a lot of people that have gotten rid of Facebook because of that reason. The feelings you have of being overwhelmed with sadness etc are completely normal. Take care of yourself, and I hope that you are able to find comfort here.

((hugs))

rslh10 · January 2015

Kalidawn523 said:

Thanks for the check in @rslh10‌. I was thankfully able to schedule my follow up with my primary RE for the 20th which is lucky BC he's so popular. I'm doing ok... I've pretty much made a nest in my bed and have been binge watching Bones but at some point I will need to come out of hiding and today may be that day. I started scheduling lunches with friends for this week so I'm forced to get out. I think I'm just afraid that when I am in a normal routine it will finally hit me. I'm 5 days post D&C so at this point it's just wait and see. Next week I'll have some updates from the RE so that will be good. Time just seems like it's standing still at the moment.

((hugs)) to you lady. I'm glad you're making the effort to get out. That is important. I'm glad you're taking care of yourself though. I think once life starts "going on" for lack of better words, it's very hard. I know that I don't feel like I got a chance to process my loss properly and I feel like everytime I come to TB website, it helps me process it more and more. I have FX that your appointment goes well.

Leahks77 · January 2015

Hi ladies, can I join in? I intro'd on the main board and the June check in a couple weeks ago but have mostly been lurking and offering support where I can since.
Big ((hugs)) to all... Extra hugs to @rslh10‌ today, and thank you for still posting and running this checkin.
AFM, this has been a rough week. There was a little "20" marked on my calendar this week. I would have been 20 weeks. Halfway there. (Why did I write that??) I had been doing okay since the new year and today my house is ugly cry central. And I have to work in 2 hours. Boo.
We are actively TTC but my hopes for this cycle are low. I am planning on starting temping next cycle, but have some issues due to working swing shifts and being a horrid insomniac. A 3 hour stretch is rare. It's been a while... But I'm going to give it a try (any tips are appreciated!) In the meantime, FX anyway...
Off to get ready for work, thank you again for all being here. A few more ((hugs))...

laurenleigh17 · January 2015

Thanks for the check-in, @rslh10! Sad that it will be my last newbie check-in!

I'm on CD 5 today. I know that post MC cycles can be weird, but I'm starting to get REALLY concerned about my irregular cycles. This last one was 46 days long with a 9 day LP. Since I've been temping, I've never had an LP longer than 10 days and have never O'd earlier than CD 25. Also, (TMI) my periods are very short and always brown instead of red. WTF is going on!? I feel like with these cycles, I will likely miscarry again if I were to conceive. I'm not sure where to go from here or if it's time to see an RE... anyone have any advice/guidance? Thanks!!

@laxdixdar - I'll be thinking of you tomorrow as you head back to work. It sucks so much to keep a happy, normal appearance on the outside when you're going through hell on the inside. Hopefully work will distract you for a little while and the day will go by quickly!

RoseTyler72 - Sorry to hear about your super fun Target trip - buying baby gifts for other's showers is a special kind of torture post-loss. I am LAME now and only buy boring gifts like diapers and wipes. It hurts too much to even look at the cute clothes and stuff.

NOBB14 said:

I'm just so exhausted to be on the roller coaster that is TTCAL. I'm trying my very very best to live in the moment and appreciate my life outside of trying, but that's been easier said than done. Sometimes I want a pregnancy so bad I swear it physically hurts.

@NOBB14 - you said it, sister! ((hugs))

MIssSally25 · January 2015

Hi!

I'm new and wanted to check in this week.

I returned to work today, it's been a week since I lost the baby. It felt good to get out of the house, but it was really hard having people keep asking me how I was holding up.

Glad to be joining you ladies!

rslh10 · January 2015

Leahks77 said:

Hi ladies, can I join in? I intro'd on the main board and the June check in a couple weeks ago but have mostly been lurking and offering support where I can since. Big ((hugs)) to all... Extra hugs to @rslh10‌ today, and thank you for still posting and running this checkin. AFM, this has been a rough week. There was a little "20" marked on my calendar this week. I would have been 20 weeks. Halfway there. (Why did I write that??) I had been doing okay since the new year and today my house is ugly cry central. And I have to work in 2 hours. Boo. We are actively TTC but my hopes for this cycle are low. I am planning on starting temping next cycle, but have some issues due to working swing shifts and being a horrid insomniac. A 3 hour stretch is rare. It's been a while... But I'm going to give it a try (any tips are appreciated!) In the meantime, FX anyway... Off to get ready for work, thank you again for all being here. A few more ((hugs))...

Welcome! I'm so sorry for your loss, and you're more than welcome to come hang here

I think that when anyone gets their BFP they of course don't expect the worst thing to happen, ya know? When I got mine, I was all "okay this week I'll have my A/S, this week I will do this etc etc" So, I think everyone kind of does that to an extent--weather it be writing it down, or thinking it. ((Hugs))

If you have weird shifts, I think there is a way to mark that into your FF chart (something like sleep deprived), and you could also add in OPK's there so that you can get the best information into FF for the first few months so it gets to know you. fx!

rslh10 · January 2015

laurenleigh17 said:

Thanks for the check-in, @rslh10! Sad that it will be my last newbie check-in!

I'm on CD 5 today. I know that post MC cycles can be weird, but I'm starting to get REALLY concerned about my irregular cycles. This last one was 46 days long with a 9 day LP. Since I've been temping, I've never had an LP longer than 10 days and have never O'd earlier than CD 25. Also, (TMI) my periods are very short and always brown instead of red. WTF is going on!? I feel like with these cycles, I will likely miscarry again if I were to conceive. I'm not sure where to go from here or if it's time to see an RE... anyone have any advice/guidance? Thanks!!
*snip*

how many cycles are you post loss? That does seem irregular. How long before your bfp had you been TTC? If it had been a year, you could have seen an RE. Now that you've had a loss, I hear a lot of people say your "one year" starts over. You could always ask your OB for a referral to an RE. The worst they say is no. Im sorry I don't have much other advice

((hugs))

rslh10 · January 2015

MIssSally25 said:

Hi!
I'm new and wanted to check in this week.

I returned to work today, it's been a week since I lost the baby. It felt good to get out of the house, but it was really hard having people keep asking me how I was holding up.

Glad to be joining you ladies!

Welcome! I'm so sorry that you find yourself here. I'm so glad you felt good about getting out of the house. ((hugs)) When you get a second, you should make a siggy

mrswheelo · January 2015

I hate to come off all Mary Poppins, but I feel so much better now that I have found this board! Every day seems a little better than the last now. Of course, with the exception of the 30 second, melt down I had at my office party over the weekend

. SMH, I hope that memory fades, soon.
It has been 7 weeks since we lost our little ones at 21 weeks. Last weeks OB appt went well and he told me we have alot of options for when we concieve again to help the pregnancy. I am to a point where I can finally feel happy about things bc we have possibilities. We are still able to make future plans.
Talking about our twins, Lydia and Lane, to others has been an emense help.
My husband and I have been talking about how amazing and perfect our babies were. He says we should focus more on how happy we felt while we had them and not how sad we felt to lose them. I agree. I don't want to feel sad every time I think of my children. But it is hard, & will take more time, I think.

mrswheelo · January 2015

@MIssSally25‌ , answering the "how are you" questions is always tough for me. Most of the time I feel annoyed bc I feel like shit, but don't want to bring the person down for trying to be nice. I usually just say something like, I'm taking it one day at a time & ppl usually respond well to that.
I'm glad you feel well enough to be back at work

MIssSally25 · January 2015

@mrswheelo , I totally agree! The worst is when they ask if I need anything.... I always want to respond with a "Um... I need my baby back," but definitely don't want the awkwardness of that.

lcwed · January 2015

@rslh10‌ Thanks for starting this and hugs for you this week. I think the meds worked beginning Thursday afternoon. I still have some bleeding. I'm not sure how long it can last. My follow up is next Monday so hopefully all the bleeding will have stopped by then.

mamadeux19 · January 2015

@rslh10‌ thanks for this check-in! My follow-up appointment was good. She wants us to actually wait two full cycles and I just had my first AF on Saturday. I was expecting it to be horrible, but it's only day 3 and super light. My H is being more supportive. He still wants to wait until April now though. The wait is going to suck. I'm a little bit frustrated with him about changing his mind about trying next month, but I was able to talk him down from waiting 6+ months. I feel like everyone is getting pregnant around me. It's been hard this past week.

mrswheelo · January 2015

@MIssSally25‌ , that is exactly what I think when I'm asked that!

@anarossi01‌ , IKR!? Im glad you are smiling again! Its a pretty big deal for ppl in our shoes to have guilt free happy moments. Thank you so much

rslh10 · January 2015

mrswheelo said:

I hate to come off all Mary Poppins, but I feel so much better now that I have found this board! Every day seems a little better than the last now. Of course, with the exception of the 30 second, melt down I had at my office party over the weekend . SMH, I hope that memory fades, soon. It has been 7 weeks since we lost our little ones at 21 weeks. Last weeks OB appt went well and he told me we have alot of options for when we concieve again to help the pregnancy. I am to a point where I can finally feel happy about things bc we have possibilities. We are still able to make future plans. Talking about our twins, Lydia and Lane, to others has been an emense help. My husband and I have been talking about how amazing and perfect our babies were. He says we should focus more on how happy we felt while we had them and not how sad we felt to lose them. I agree. I don't want to feel sad every time I think of my children. But it is hard, & will take more time, I think.

I am so glad that you found us. I'm so sorry for the loss of your sweet twins. The feelings you're having are totally normal! I remember early on how random my melt downs were. And to be honest, they are even more random now. I think early on I was set off by anything, and now I have my triggers just like everyone else. Some days I'm fine, and some days it's more tough than the day I lost my baby. So many ((hugs)) to you, and I am glad you're feeling optimistic about your "plan" with the OB once you conceive again. I found that talking things through with all the ladies here really really helped me.

rae80407 · January 2015

Just wanted to check in as I'm new. I'm still not sure what to do on the check in but I wanted to thank everyone for welcoming me and also to say I'm sorry for the need of this board but thankful for it!

LittleDucky · January 2015

**trigger warning - pregnancies/baby mentioned, not mine**

Thank you for the check in, @rslh2010. I ended up cancelling the RE appointment that I'd scheduled for MLK Day after finding out that my most recent loss was a partial molar pregnancy. I just don't think I'm quite ready to take the step towards RPL testing when the partial molar pregnancy is unlikely to recur again and does not indicate a more serious problem. Of course, my first miscarriage/D&C had normal pathology, so we still don't know what caused that one.

I did have my follow up appointment with my OB last Thursday and she is amenable to my waiting 3 months instead of 6 months after my betas get to zero. I had blood drawn on Saturday but I haven't gotten the results yet so I don't know what my HCG level is right now, but hopefully my betas drop quickly.

I'm holding up ok, but not fantastic. My broken toe is still interfering with my life a lot since I still can't drive, and I'm starting to get pretty frustrated with my inability to drive and walk and exercise. Also, in the past 24 hours, I've found out about one friend who is pregnant, one friend had a baby yesterday, and a relative had a baby today. It's just a lot all at once. I had been feeling ok hearing about the first two, but the third one pushed me over the edge and I've been pretty upset. Thankfully I've been watching the Ohio State game and it has been a welcome distraction!

mamadeux19 · January 2015

@mrswheelo‌ I seriously admire you and your husband for your strength. I love reading your posts because even in such a dark time, you are so positive.

rslh10 · January 2015

lcwed said:
@rslh10‌ Thanks for starting this and hugs for you this week.

I think the meds worked beginning Thursday afternoon. I still have some bleeding. I'm not sure how long it can last. My follow up is next Monday so hopefully all the bleeding will have stopped by then.

((Hugs)) lady. I hope the meds have everything taken care of. FX for a good follow up appointment.

rslh10 · January 2015

mamadeux19 said:
@rslh10‌ thanks for this check-in! My follow-up appointment was good. She wants us to actually wait two full cycles and I just had my first AF on Saturday. I was expecting it to be horrible, but it's only day 3 and super light. My H is being more supportive. He still wants to wait until April now though. The wait is going to suck. I'm a little bit frustrated with him about changing his mind about trying next month, but I was able to talk him down from waiting 6+ months. I feel like everyone is getting pregnant around me. It's been hard this past week.

I'm glad your appt went well. Everyone's cycles after a loss can differ. Some people say they're absolutely normal, and aome are wonky as heck. My first post loss cycle
was light and short. The second was long and very heavy. I hope that waiting until April is a good compromise for you and YH and that things continue to go smooth. ((Hugs))

rslh10 · January 2015

rae80407 said:
Just wanted to check in as I'm new. I'm still not sure what to do on the check in but I wanted to thank everyone for welcoming me and also to say I'm sorry for the need of this board but thankful for it!

Hi there. Welcome to the check in. I'm so sorry you find yourself here. This is a place to come and learn the ropes of the main board, ask questions you may not feel comfortable asking out there yet, just a place to ease yourself into the main board. Just give us a run down on your weekly TTC stuff and your NTTCALR stuff. ((Hugs))

mrswheelo · January 2015

@mamadeux19‌ , thank you! I just knew right away that I wanted a family and knew that meant I had to figure out how to heal. My husband is a Godsend! Not sure how/when he got so wise, lol. This group has helped me tremendously!

I'm so glad you had a good follow-up. It actually sounds as though we are on a similar timeline. My first cycle was also very light, but lasted my usual 4 days. I am anxiously waiting for the next! Never thought I would be so excited for AF! LOL. Wishing you luck with your cycles as well

hgalli · January 2015

Hi all!
New to the board. It has been a little over a week since my loss.
Getting used to all of lingo and abbreviations on the boards.
The positive posts and support for other women has been very inspiring to me during this time.

Thanks

Ltlbandito · January 2015

Hi ladies! I thought I'd join the check-in since I shared my intro last week. I actually had AF last week for the first time since Annabeth was stillborn. It really weirded me out since I had never had such a heavy period in my life! I hope when things settle out that it is more like it used to be.
DH and I have lots of things happening right now. Tomorrow is my birthday, and I'll be thirty. I should be more excited about it, but I'm really not. All I've wanted the past few years was a babe in my arms... Tonight DH and I are going out for sushi for my birthday! Yum! We're also in the process of buying a house at his new duty station. Yay. Paperwork. But we're really excited about the house! Next week the movers come to pack up our house. So much to do before then! And hopefully in the next few weeks the doctor will get my results from the genetic testing and be able to call me about those.

((hugs)) to you @rslh10

LittleDucky · January 2015

What have we learned from this? Bitching and moaning makes things happen*.

*Results not typical. Actual results may vary.

@anarossi01, I love this

LittleDucky · January 2015

@tkford216, I'm so sorry you've had such a rough past ten days.

((hugs)) I will join you in the bottle of wine and ugly cry.

rslh10 · January 2015

hgalli said:
Hi all!
New to the board. It has been a little over a week since my loss.
Getting used to all of lingo and abbreviations on the boards.
The positive posts and support for other women has been very inspiring to me during this time.

Thanks

I'm so sorry for your loss. Welcome. Take your time getting used to the board and I will add you into next weeks check in. ((Hugs))

Ltlbandito · January 2015

@tkford216‌ Oh no! ((Hugs)) What happened with the house?

Thanks @anarossi01‌! I'm not stressed about the results of the genetic test. It's one of those things that is informative in nature if that makes sense. Moving however? That's definitely stressful!

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