---UO---

MuffinMom14 · January 2015

PurpleHippo19 said:
Homeschooling is completely and 100% for us (or so I think now, we'll see what happens). DH and I were both homeschooled, and we turned out just fine. I'm so thankful I was homeschooled and I loved it. I wouldn't have it any other way. And I am beyond stoked and excited to homeschool our children.

I do think there are situations where it can work well. I've never seen it turn out well, but I do believe it can. Admittedly, I think it's rare. But not impossible. I would be a horrible teacher. It's like. I wouldn't perform surgery on my kid. I'm not a surgeon. I'll leave it to the pros.

I will also admit to getting shitty educations in grade school (public) and college (private). So there's that.

MuffinMom14 · January 2015

golfingdarwinfish said:

SPurp13 said:

I think I actually do this, though.

@Spurp13

Then you should start introducing yourself to people as, "I'm @SPurp13 and I'm fucking smart and awesome at what I do." rather than proactively telling them that you're not usually "fat".

Well I don't know about the first part but the fat part was ridiculous and I need to knock it the fuck off. My kid isn't going to know self-depreciating humor.

MuffinMom14 · January 2015

vrj0522 said:
@SPurp13 - The reason for waiting until a kid is ready to potty train really is more for the parent than the child. If you try to potty train before they are ready you will spend many weeks or months of accidents and frustration. If you wait until they are ready, the process will be much easier. However, if the kid is 4 and not potty trained, the parent definitely missed the boat.

This is good to know. I was scared of screwing her up. My husband wants to start super early and I think it will be a failure but whatever.

MuffinMom14 · January 2015

andrieya said:
People put the baby in the car seat to shower???

TO PEE!!!!!

MuffinMom14 · January 2015

alfibet said:

pnwlover12 said:
I am really fucking loving today's UO. Let's debate people! I'm a bored SAHM. This is fucking thrilling to me.
Right? This is the best UO we've had in a while.

You're welcome.

vrj0522 · January 2015

SSFC2014 said:

@SPurp13 - The reason for waiting until a kid is ready to potty train really is more for the parent than the child. If you try to potty train before they are ready you will spend many weeks or months of accidents and frustration. If you wait until they are ready, the process will be much easier. However, if the kid is 4 and not potty trained, the parent definitely missed the boat.
My kid will be 4 in April and isn't potty trained. We are making progress but up until a couple weeks ago he would scream at any mention of using the toilet. The kid was absolutely terrified of the damn thing even though we had a lightening McQueen potty and he loves lightening McQueen.

You're right. I take the "definitely" back. I was thinking that kids get potty trained between 2 and 3 but I know kids develop/grow at their own pace and there will always be exceptions. My concern would be more with parents that don't even try to potty train because it's easier to change a diaper than to go through the pain of potty training.

Emerald27 · January 2015

Wow. It's too late and I'm too tired to tackle all this. WISH I had been around earlier for this UO!

I'm an attachment parent who bedshare and is 100% against CIO. (That's as far as I got. Too impatient to read the rest of today's UOs, but I'm sure theyre great!).

Emerald27 · January 2015

alfibet said:
Can I get a jump on confessions and say I don't know wtf attachment parenting is? I should google.

https://www.askdrsears.com/topics/parenting/attachment-parenting/attachment-parenting-babies

Emerald27 · January 2015

This is a good explanation too:

https://www.ahaparenting.com/parenting-tools/attachment-parenting/Pros-and-cons

Saragoeswest · January 2015

SSFC2014 said:
I don't see a point to newborn mittens. Yes I know so they won't scratch their face but come on. To me they are just stupid and every pair I've received has gone into the trash.

I kinda like to put them on baby when we're in public bc weirdo strangers like to come up to her and touch her hands. So, germ guards.

bumpuser10309732 · January 2015

Saragoeswest said:

I don't see a point to newborn mittens. Yes I know so they won't scratch their face but come on. To me they are just stupid and every pair I've received has gone into the trash.
I kinda like to put them on baby when we're in public bc weirdo strangers like to come up to her and touch her hands. So, germ guards.

@saragoeswest Genius! from a fellow germ-a-phobe

Unknown · January 2015

This content has been removed.

bumpuser10309732 · January 2015

theresat858 said:

I don't see a point to newborn mittens. Yes I know so they won't scratch their face but come on. To me they are just stupid and every pair I've received has gone into the trash.
I kinda like to put them on baby when we're in public bc weirdo strangers like to come up to her and touch her hands. So, germ guards.
I'm as far from a germaphobe as you get. And while I can see it in this use but I still don't like them and will never use them. Kids are going to get sick and while it sucks seeing a newborn sick. It's good for them to a point.
Yeah but the same illnesses that are nbd for an adult or toddler could kill a newborn. So there's that.

I know it's ok to get sick but at the same time if I can prevent someone from grabbing her hands that go straight to her mouth- I'm gonna do it. We were at a funeral and someone let their toddler grab my daughter's hand. It annoyed the shit out of me because I know toddlers, they're pretty gross little humans! There's just so much stuff going around right now that's dangerous for babies...

ETA: Not that I dont know you know that ;-)

Saragoeswest · January 2015

MrsBabe614 said:

theresat858 said:

SSFC2014 said:

Saragoeswest said:

SSFC2014 said:
I don't see a point to newborn mittens. Yes I know so they won't scratch their face but come on. To me they are just stupid and every pair I've received has gone into the trash.
I kinda like to put them on baby when we're in public bc weirdo strangers like to come up to her and touch her hands. So, germ guards.

I'm as far from a germaphobe as you get. And while I can see it in this use but I still don't like them and will never use them. Kids are going to get sick and while it sucks seeing a newborn sick. It's good for them to a point.
Yeah but the same illnesses that are nbd for an adult or toddler could kill a newborn. So there's that.

I know it's ok to get sick but at the same time if I can prevent someone from grabbing her hands that go straight to her mouth- I'm gonna do it. We were at a funeral and someone let their toddler grab my daughter's hand. It annoyed the shit out of me because I know toddlers, they're pretty gross little humans! There's just so much stuff going around right now that's dangerous for babies...

ETA: Not that I dont know you know that ;-)

Totes. Babies will get sick but I'm going to do my part to keep her healthy.

BreandMikewedding · January 2015

I think kids sometimes need discipline. There are times that you can re-direct their behavior and there are times that they need to sit by themselves. There are even times they may need a swat on the butt or hand. There is a major problem with teenagers and young adults these days and I think it has to do with lack of discipline. They have never had consequences for their actions. Too many parents want to be their kid's friend instead of their parent. You must be a parent until you have raised them. If you want friends, go find them.

Emerald27 · January 2015

BreandMikewedding said:
I think kids sometimes need discipline. There are times that you can re-direct their behavior and there are times that they need to sit by themselves. There are even times they may need a swat on the butt or hand. There is a major problem with teenagers and young adults these days and I think it has to do with lack of discipline. They have never had consequences for their actions. Too many parents want to be their kid's friend instead of their parent. You must be a parent until you have raised them. If you want friends, go find them.

I think discipline is super important. Setting firm and clear boundaries and abiding by them, allowing children to suffer the natural consequences of misbehavior. That said, I don't think it's ever appropriate to discipline a child with a swat or spanking. I try to model the behavior I expect from my son, and I don't want to teach him that we influence behavior by 1. hitting someone, or 2. causing someone to fear us. I also want my son to do what is right because he believes it to be so, not because he fears some sort of spanking or punishment. What happens when I'm not there to spank him? Will he still make good choices?

That's why when kids are too young to understand concepts like empathy and right, redirection is key. Once they're old enough to grasp what they "should" be doing and start to understand why, when redirection isn't enough, natural consequences come in to play. It can also be helpful to create an environment which minimizes the likelihood of kids getting into trouble...kid-proofing helps a lot. Then you're not reprimanding or saying no every 10 seconds, but they can kind of go play uninhibited.

For me, discipline is about loving guidance and teaching. It's not about punishment or control, it's about acknowledging his feelings and considering how I can teach him in the moment to choose what is right and good.

ETA: moar

Unknown · January 2015

This content has been removed.

pnwlover12 · January 2015

dredford said:

Late to the game. Par for the course for me. Missed out on so much good stuff! @Emerald27‌ after reading your links, I am 100% an attachment parent. I am also 100% against CIO. We bed share and baby wear. I don't believe in forcing anything baby hasn't shown cues to be ready for. Also, on the saying "no" topic. I can say that from my experience working at a childcare center for several years that focused on positive reinforcement, I totally get it. If it's done right. It's just a word. It's easy to say other things that mean the same thing without being negative. Also, I'm a huge advocate for giving reasons for telling children things, even if they are too young to understand the explanation, yet. It still gets the parent/caregiver into the habit of doing it. Example: baby is climbing on the shelf. Instead of "no", you say "We don't climb on the shelf. It's not safe." Or use redirection. "That's not safe. Let's do this, instead." Then take child to do something else. If you are firm and consistent, it works. As children get older, the phrasing changes and can get more involved but, the idea is the same. That's what is meant by "stifling the child". Branching off that, my UO is that I am totally against "punishment" as a form of discipline. We won't be putting E in a corner (this applies when she's older, obviously), no "naughty/time out" chair, no spanking, etc. That's not to say we won't be disciplining. Just differently like my example above and doing other things. ETA: I used a lot of quotes in this... Meh. Also, I think it's refreshing that some are willing to apologize for their opinion during debates in O14. So many people get stuck on their own opinions that they can't see the good in someone else's. You don't have to agree with someone to understand where they are coming from. Yay O14!

So what happens when your child grows into an adult and gets told no over and over again? The real world isn't going to be so kind and patient and explanatory. I get what you are trying to say in terms of redirection and explanation of why we don't do things, but I think it's silly to say using the word no will stifle a child. Children won't be children forever. They need to understand that they won't always get their way and sometimes there won't be an explanation.

I guess I'm just a hard ass parent, or something. But my child has absolutely heard the word no, and will continue to hear it.

Emerald27 · January 2015

pnwlover12 said:

dredford said:

Late to the game. Par for the course for me. Missed out on so much good stuff!

@Emerald27‌ after reading your links, I am 100% an attachment parent. I am also 100% against CIO. We bed share and baby wear. I don't believe in forcing anything baby hasn't shown cues to be ready for.

Also, on the saying "no" topic. I can say that from my experience working at a childcare center for several years that focused on positive reinforcement, I totally get it. If it's done right. It's just a word. It's easy to say other things that mean the same thing without being negative. Also, I'm a huge advocate for giving reasons for telling children things, even if they are too young to understand the explanation, yet. It still gets the parent/caregiver into the habit of doing it.
Example: baby is climbing on the shelf. Instead of "no", you say "We don't climb on the shelf. It's not safe." Or use redirection. "That's not safe. Let's do this, instead." Then take child to do something else. If you are firm and consistent, it works. As children get older, the phrasing changes and can get more involved but, the idea is the same. That's what is meant by "stifling the child".

Branching off that, my UO is that I am totally against "punishment" as a form of discipline. We won't be putting E in a corner (this applies when she's older, obviously), no "naughty/time out" chair, no spanking, etc. That's not to say we won't be disciplining. Just differently like my example above and doing other things.

ETA: I used a lot of quotes in this... Meh.
Also, I think it's refreshing that some are willing to apologize for their opinion during debates in O14. So many people get stuck on their own opinions that they can't see the good in someone else's. You don't have to agree with someone to understand where they are coming from. Yay O14!

So what happens when your child grows into an adult and gets told no over and over again? The real world isn't going to be so kind and patient and explanatory. I get what you are trying to say in terms of redirection and explanation of why we don't do things, but I think it's silly to say using the word no will stifle a child. Children won't be children forever. They need to understand that they won't always get their way and sometimes there won't be an explanation.

I guess I'm just a hard ass parent, or something. But my child has absolutely heard the word no, and will continue to hear it.

--------------------
Oh wait! I say no all the time. I'm pretty sure if you were keeping count it's in the top 3 words I say every day. Sigh...

I mentioned the kid-proofing because somerimes I feel like I'm going to lose my mind with all the "no's" and constant picking at DS to stop doing random things he's not supposed to. If I make the living room kid-proofed, everyone's more relaxed. That was just one example.

I am NOT a fan of permissive parenting, but that's not what attachment parenting done right is. And consequences that are "natural" are weighty in relation to the behavior and the kid's age. Some natural consequences are pretty tough for DS (especially ones like leaving some place if he can't be calm or losing a toy for the afternoon if he keeps trying to tickle his brother with it), but he learns!

Emerald27 · January 2015

Was this a discussion about whether or not we say "no"? I may have jumped in on the tail end and missed that part.

I do know a mom who tries not to ever say no, but it didn't work out. :P

MrsSinner402 · January 2015

pnwlover12 said:

dredford said:

Late to the game. Par for the course for me. Missed out on so much good stuff!

@Emerald27‌ after reading your links, I am 100% an attachment parent. I am also 100% against CIO. We bed share and baby wear. I don't believe in forcing anything baby hasn't shown cues to be ready for.

Also, on the saying "no" topic. I can say that from my experience working at a childcare center for several years that focused on positive reinforcement, I totally get it. If it's done right. It's just a word. It's easy to say other things that mean the same thing without being negative. Also, I'm a huge advocate for giving reasons for telling children things, even if they are too young to understand the explanation, yet. It still gets the parent/caregiver into the habit of doing it.
Example: baby is climbing on the shelf. Instead of "no", you say "We don't climb on the shelf. It's not safe." Or use redirection. "That's not safe. Let's do this, instead." Then take child to do something else. If you are firm and consistent, it works. As children get older, the phrasing changes and can get more involved but, the idea is the same. That's what is meant by "stifling the child".

Branching off that, my UO is that I am totally against "punishment" as a form of discipline. We won't be putting E in a corner (this applies when she's older, obviously), no "naughty/time out" chair, no spanking, etc. That's not to say we won't be disciplining. Just differently like my example above and doing other things.

ETA: I used a lot of quotes in this... Meh.
Also, I think it's refreshing that some are willing to apologize for their opinion during debates in O14. So many people get stuck on their own opinions that they can't see the good in someone else's. You don't have to agree with someone to understand where they are coming from. Yay O14!

So what happens when your child grows into an adult and gets told no over and over again? The real world isn't going to be so kind and patient and explanatory. I get what you are trying to say in terms of redirection and explanation of why we don't do things, but I think it's silly to say using the word no will stifle a child. Children won't be children forever. They need to understand that they won't always get their way and sometimes there won't be an explanation.

I guess I'm just a hard ass parent, or something. But my child has absolutely heard the word no, and will continue to hear it.

Preach.

pnwlover12 · January 2015

Emerald27 said:

dredford said:

Late to the game. Par for the course for me. Missed out on so much good stuff! @Emerald27‌ after reading your links, I am 100% an attachment parent. I am also 100% against CIO. We bed share and baby wear. I don't believe in forcing anything baby hasn't shown cues to be ready for. Also, on the saying "no" topic. I can say that from my experience working at a childcare center for several years that focused on positive reinforcement, I totally get it. If it's done right. It's just a word. It's easy to say other things that mean the same thing without being negative. Also, I'm a huge advocate for giving reasons for telling children things, even if they are too young to understand the explanation, yet. It still gets the parent/caregiver into the habit of doing it. Example: baby is climbing on the shelf. Instead of "no", you say "We don't climb on the shelf. It's not safe." Or use redirection. "That's not safe. Let's do this, instead." Then take child to do something else. If you are firm and consistent, it works. As children get older, the phrasing changes and can get more involved but, the idea is the same. That's what is meant by "stifling the child". Branching off that, my UO is that I am totally against "punishment" as a form of discipline. We won't be putting E in a corner (this applies when she's older, obviously), no "naughty/time out" chair, no spanking, etc. That's not to say we won't be disciplining. Just differently like my example above and doing other things. ETA: I used a lot of quotes in this... Meh. Also, I think it's refreshing that some are willing to apologize for their opinion during debates in O14. So many people get stuck on their own opinions that they can't see the good in someone else's. You don't have to agree with someone to understand where they are coming from. Yay O14!

So what happens when your child grows into an adult and gets told no over and over again? The real world isn't going to be so kind and patient and explanatory. I get what you are trying to say in terms of redirection and explanation of why we don't do things, but I think it's silly to say using the word no will stifle a child. Children won't be children forever. They need to understand that they won't always get their way and sometimes there won't be an explanation.

I guess I'm just a hard ass parent, or something. But my child has absolutely heard the word no, and will continue to hear it.
-------------------- Oh wait! I say no all the time. I'm pretty sure if you were keeping count it's in the top 3 words I say every day. Sigh... I mentioned the kid-proofing because somerimes I feel like I'm going to lose my mind with all the "no's" and constant picking at DS to stop doing random things he's not supposed to. If I make the living room kid-proofed, everyone's more relaxed. That was just one example. I am NOT a fan of permissive parenting, but that's not what attachment parenting done right is. And consequences that are "natural" are weighty in relation to the behavior and the kid's age. Some natural consequences are pretty tough for DS (especially ones like leaving some place if he can't be calm or losing a toy for the afternoon if he keeps trying to tickle his brother with it), but he learns!

Totally, @emerald27. I think it is important to try and make things safer so we (as parents) don't have to say no quite so much. I also should clarify it's not like I just say "NO" and then let the kiddo cry and wonder why. I do explain to her why things aren't okay and what the potential consequence could be - such as falling after climbing up a bookshelf or something. I do believe she should understand why something is right or wrong. I think my issue with the concept is geared towards the parents who think the word no is bad and never use it. "no" is just a word, it won't break a child's spirit just by saying it.

Emerald27 · January 2015

pnwlover12 said:

Emerald27 said:

pnwlover12 said:

dredford said:

Late to the game. Par for the course for me. Missed out on so much good stuff!

@Emerald27‌ after reading your links, I am 100% an attachment parent. I am also 100% against CIO. We bed share and baby wear. I don't believe in forcing anything baby hasn't shown cues to be ready for.

Also, on the saying "no" topic. I can say that from my experience working at a childcare center for several years that focused on positive reinforcement, I totally get it. If it's done right. It's just a word. It's easy to say other things that mean the same thing without being negative. Also, I'm a huge advocate for giving reasons for telling children things, even if they are too young to understand the explanation, yet. It still gets the parent/caregiver into the habit of doing it.
Example: baby is climbing on the shelf. Instead of "no", you say "We don't climb on the shelf. It's not safe." Or use redirection. "That's not safe. Let's do this, instead." Then take child to do something else. If you are firm and consistent, it works. As children get older, the phrasing changes and can get more involved but, the idea is the same. That's what is meant by "stifling the child".

Branching off that, my UO is that I am totally against "punishment" as a form of discipline. We won't be putting E in a corner (this applies when she's older, obviously), no "naughty/time out" chair, no spanking, etc. That's not to say we won't be disciplining. Just differently like my example above and doing other things.

ETA: I used a lot of quotes in this... Meh.
Also, I think it's refreshing that some are willing to apologize for their opinion during debates in O14. So many people get stuck on their own opinions that they can't see the good in someone else's. You don't have to agree with someone to understand where they are coming from. Yay O14!

So what happens when your child grows into an adult and gets told no over and over again? The real world isn't going to be so kind and patient and explanatory. I get what you are trying to say in terms of redirection and explanation of why we don't do things, but I think it's silly to say using the word no will stifle a child. Children won't be children forever. They need to understand that they won't always get their way and sometimes there won't be an explanation.

I guess I'm just a hard ass parent, or something. But my child has absolutely heard the word no, and will continue to hear it.

--------------------
Oh wait! I say no all the time. I'm pretty sure if you were keeping count it's in the top 3 words I say every day. Sigh...

I mentioned the kid-proofing because somerimes I feel like I'm going to lose my mind with all the "no's" and constant picking at DS to stop doing random things he's not supposed to. If I make the living room kid-proofed, everyone's more relaxed. That was just one example.

I am NOT a fan of permissive parenting, but that's not what attachment parenting done right is. And consequences that are "natural" are weighty in relation to the behavior and the kid's age. Some natural consequences are pretty tough for DS (especially ones like leaving some place if he can't be calm or losing a toy for the afternoon if he keeps trying to tickle his brother with it), but he learns!

Totally, @emerald27. I think it is important to try and make things safer so we (as parents) don't have to say no quite so much. I also should clarify it's not like I just say "NO" and then let the kiddo cry and wonder why. I do explain to her why things aren't okay and what the potential consequence could be - such as falling after climbing up a bookshelf or something. I do believe she should understand why something is right or wrong. I think my issue with the concept is geared towards the parents who think the word no is bad and never use it. "no" is just a word, it won't break a child's spirit just by saying it.

I agree. The word NO is awesome. It's short and quick and very clear, and as I said...I say it all day.

I don't think we really disagree here, except that I am anti-spanking.

Unknown · January 2015

This content has been removed.

pnwlover12 · January 2015

Emerald27 said:

Emerald27 said:

dredford said:

Late to the game. Par for the course for me. Missed out on so much good stuff! @Emerald27‌ after reading your links, I am 100% an attachment parent. I am also 100% against CIO. We bed share and baby wear. I don't believe in forcing anything baby hasn't shown cues to be ready for. Also, on the saying "no" topic. I can say that from my experience working at a childcare center for several years that focused on positive reinforcement, I totally get it. If it's done right. It's just a word. It's easy to say other things that mean the same thing without being negative. Also, I'm a huge advocate for giving reasons for telling children things, even if they are too young to understand the explanation, yet. It still gets the parent/caregiver into the habit of doing it. Example: baby is climbing on the shelf. Instead of "no", you say "We don't climb on the shelf. It's not safe." Or use redirection. "That's not safe. Let's do this, instead." Then take child to do something else. If you are firm and consistent, it works. As children get older, the phrasing changes and can get more involved but, the idea is the same. That's what is meant by "stifling the child". Branching off that, my UO is that I am totally against "punishment" as a form of discipline. We won't be putting E in a corner (this applies when she's older, obviously), no "naughty/time out" chair, no spanking, etc. That's not to say we won't be disciplining. Just differently like my example above and doing other things. ETA: I used a lot of quotes in this... Meh. Also, I think it's refreshing that some are willing to apologize for their opinion during debates in O14. So many people get stuck on their own opinions that they can't see the good in someone else's. You don't have to agree with someone to understand where they are coming from. Yay O14!

So what happens when your child grows into an adult and gets told no over and over again? The real world isn't going to be so kind and patient and explanatory. I get what you are trying to say in terms of redirection and explanation of why we don't do things, but I think it's silly to say using the word no will stifle a child. Children won't be children forever. They need to understand that they won't always get their way and sometimes there won't be an explanation.

I guess I'm just a hard ass parent, or something. But my child has absolutely heard the word no, and will continue to hear it.
-------------------- Oh wait! I say no all the time. I'm pretty sure if you were keeping count it's in the top 3 words I say every day. Sigh... I mentioned the kid-proofing because somerimes I feel like I'm going to lose my mind with all the "no's" and constant picking at DS to stop doing random things he's not supposed to. If I make the living room kid-proofed, everyone's more relaxed. That was just one example. I am NOT a fan of permissive parenting, but that's not what attachment parenting done right is. And consequences that are "natural" are weighty in relation to the behavior and the kid's age. Some natural consequences are pretty tough for DS (especially ones like leaving some place if he can't be calm or losing a toy for the afternoon if he keeps trying to tickle his brother with it), but he learns!

Totally, @emerald27. I think it is important to try and make things safer so we (as parents) don't have to say no quite so much. I also should clarify it's not like I just say "NO" and then let the kiddo cry and wonder why. I do explain to her why things aren't okay and what the potential consequence could be - such as falling after climbing up a bookshelf or something. I do believe she should understand why something is right or wrong. I think my issue with the concept is geared towards the parents who think the word no is bad and never use it. "no" is just a word, it won't break a child's spirit just by saying it.
I agree. The word NO is awesome. It's short and quick and very clear, and as I said...I say it all day. I don't think we really disagree here, except that I am anti-spanking.

TBH, I didn't really think spanking was that big of deal (as long as it wasn't overdone) before I got flamed to high hell on this board earlier on. Hearing everyone else's opinion on it and what it stems from (I think it was @nicb13 who said that it is a reaction out of anger) made me think about it differently. You'll be happy to know I haven't spanked Layla once since all that - not that I routinely did it before.

MuffinMom14 · January 2015

pnwlover12 said:

Emerald27 said:

Emerald27 said:

dredford said:

Late to the game. Par for the course for me. Missed out on so much good stuff! @Emerald27‌ after reading your links, I am 100% an attachment parent. I am also 100% against CIO. We bed share and baby wear. I don't believe in forcing anything baby hasn't shown cues to be ready for. Also, on the saying "no" topic. I can say that from my experience working at a childcare center for several years that focused on positive reinforcement, I totally get it. If it's done right. It's just a word. It's easy to say other things that mean the same thing without being negative. Also, I'm a huge advocate for giving reasons for telling children things, even if they are too young to understand the explanation, yet. It still gets the parent/caregiver into the habit of doing it. Example: baby is climbing on the shelf. Instead of "no", you say "We don't climb on the shelf. It's not safe." Or use redirection. "That's not safe. Let's do this, instead." Then take child to do something else. If you are firm and consistent, it works. As children get older, the phrasing changes and can get more involved but, the idea is the same. That's what is meant by "stifling the child". Branching off that, my UO is that I am totally against "punishment" as a form of discipline. We won't be putting E in a corner (this applies when she's older, obviously), no "naughty/time out" chair, no spanking, etc. That's not to say we won't be disciplining. Just differently like my example above and doing other things. ETA: I used a lot of quotes in this... Meh. Also, I think it's refreshing that some are willing to apologize for their opinion during debates in O14. So many people get stuck on their own opinions that they can't see the good in someone else's. You don't have to agree with someone to understand where they are coming from. Yay O14!

So what happens when your child grows into an adult and gets told no over and over again? The real world isn't going to be so kind and patient and explanatory. I get what you are trying to say in terms of redirection and explanation of why we don't do things, but I think it's silly to say using the word no will stifle a child. Children won't be children forever. They need to understand that they won't always get their way and sometimes there won't be an explanation.

I guess I'm just a hard ass parent, or something. But my child has absolutely heard the word no, and will continue to hear it.
-------------------- Oh wait! I say no all the time. I'm pretty sure if you were keeping count it's in the top 3 words I say every day. Sigh... I mentioned the kid-proofing because somerimes I feel like I'm going to lose my mind with all the "no's" and constant picking at DS to stop doing random things he's not supposed to. If I make the living room kid-proofed, everyone's more relaxed. That was just one example. I am NOT a fan of permissive parenting, but that's not what attachment parenting done right is. And consequences that are "natural" are weighty in relation to the behavior and the kid's age. Some natural consequences are pretty tough for DS (especially ones like leaving some place if he can't be calm or losing a toy for the afternoon if he keeps trying to tickle his brother with it), but he learns!

Totally, @emerald27. I think it is important to try and make things safer so we (as parents) don't have to say no quite so much. I also should clarify it's not like I just say "NO" and then let the kiddo cry and wonder why. I do explain to her why things aren't okay and what the potential consequence could be - such as falling after climbing up a bookshelf or something. I do believe she should understand why something is right or wrong. I think my issue with the concept is geared towards the parents who think the word no is bad and never use it. "no" is just a word, it won't break a child's spirit just by saying it.
I agree. The word NO is awesome. It's short and quick and very clear, and as I said...I say it all day. I don't think we really disagree here, except that I am anti-spanking.

TBH, I didn't really think spanking was that big of deal (as long as it wasn't overdone) before I got flamed to high hell on this board earlier on. Hearing everyone else's opinion on it and what it stems from (I think it was @nicb13 who said that it is a reaction out of anger) made me think about it differently. You'll be happy to know I haven't spanked Layla once since all that - not that I routinely did it before.

Hey, same.

Emerald27 · January 2015

pnwlover12 said:

Emerald27 said:

pnwlover12 said:

Emerald27 said:

pnwlover12 said:

dredford said:

Late to the game. Par for the course for me. Missed out on so much good stuff!

@Emerald27‌ after reading your links, I am 100% an attachment parent. I am also 100% against CIO. We bed share and baby wear. I don't believe in forcing anything baby hasn't shown cues to be ready for.

Also, on the saying "no" topic. I can say that from my experience working at a childcare center for several years that focused on positive reinforcement, I totally get it. If it's done right. It's just a word. It's easy to say other things that mean the same thing without being negative. Also, I'm a huge advocate for giving reasons for telling children things, even if they are too young to understand the explanation, yet. It still gets the parent/caregiver into the habit of doing it.
Example: baby is climbing on the shelf. Instead of "no", you say "We don't climb on the shelf. It's not safe." Or use redirection. "That's not safe. Let's do this, instead." Then take child to do something else. If you are firm and consistent, it works. As children get older, the phrasing changes and can get more involved but, the idea is the same. That's what is meant by "stifling the child".

Branching off that, my UO is that I am totally against "punishment" as a form of discipline. We won't be putting E in a corner (this applies when she's older, obviously), no "naughty/time out" chair, no spanking, etc. That's not to say we won't be disciplining. Just differently like my example above and doing other things.

ETA: I used a lot of quotes in this... Meh.
Also, I think it's refreshing that some are willing to apologize for their opinion during debates in O14. So many people get stuck on their own opinions that they can't see the good in someone else's. You don't have to agree with someone to understand where they are coming from. Yay O14!

So what happens when your child grows into an adult and gets told no over and over again? The real world isn't going to be so kind and patient and explanatory. I get what you are trying to say in terms of redirection and explanation of why we don't do things, but I think it's silly to say using the word no will stifle a child. Children won't be children forever. They need to understand that they won't always get their way and sometimes there won't be an explanation.

I guess I'm just a hard ass parent, or something. But my child has absolutely heard the word no, and will continue to hear it.

--------------------
Oh wait! I say no all the time. I'm pretty sure if you were keeping count it's in the top 3 words I say every day. Sigh...

I mentioned the kid-proofing because somerimes I feel like I'm going to lose my mind with all the "no's" and constant picking at DS to stop doing random things he's not supposed to. If I make the living room kid-proofed, everyone's more relaxed. That was just one example.

I am NOT a fan of permissive parenting, but that's not what attachment parenting done right is. And consequences that are "natural" are weighty in relation to the behavior and the kid's age. Some natural consequences are pretty tough for DS (especially ones like leaving some place if he can't be calm or losing a toy for the afternoon if he keeps trying to tickle his brother with it), but he learns!

Totally, @emerald27. I think it is important to try and make things safer so we (as parents) don't have to say no quite so much. I also should clarify it's not like I just say "NO" and then let the kiddo cry and wonder why. I do explain to her why things aren't okay and what the potential consequence could be - such as falling after climbing up a bookshelf or something. I do believe she should understand why something is right or wrong. I think my issue with the concept is geared towards the parents who think the word no is bad and never use it. "no" is just a word, it won't break a child's spirit just by saying it.

I agree. The word NO is awesome. It's short and quick and very clear, and as I said...I say it all day.

I don't think we really disagree here, except that I am anti-spanking.

TBH, I didn't really think spanking was that big of deal (as long as it wasn't overdone) before I got flamed to high hell on this board earlier on. Hearing everyone else's opinion on it and what it stems from (I think it was @nicb13 who said that it is a reaction out of anger) made me think about it differently. You'll be happy to know I haven't spanked Layla once since all that - not that I routinely did it before.

One of the things I love about this board is getting to read different perspectives and parenting philosophies and to learn about the reasons behind the various choices we make as parents. It's cool that you've thought more about whether spanking is something you're comfortable doing as a form of discipline for DD.

Unknown · January 2015

This content has been removed.

Emerald27 · January 2015

dredford said:

Nicb13 said:
Nothing gets me more fired up than a good old fashioned spanking discussion. I tend to go off on people about it even though it's not my business what other people do.
Again, I just picture my kids little faces and couldn't even imagine laying a hand on them or hurting them in any way, no matter what the reason or what they've done. That breaking of trust they have for me would be too much to handle.
This. It seems like the ultimate betrayal. It's my job to keep my little safe and out of harm. I totally put on my judgey pants when others say they do it or will do it "because they turned out alright".

This. Or to teach "respect." Nope - you're not teaching respect. You're teaching fear. Respect is earned.

Unknown · January 2015

This content has been removed.

bumpuser10309732 · January 2015

SSFC2014 said:

MrsBabe614 said:

theresat858 said:

SSFC2014 said:

Saragoeswest said:

SSFC2014 said:
I don't see a point to newborn mittens. Yes I know so they won't scratch their face but come on. To me they are just stupid and every pair I've received has gone into the trash.
I kinda like to put them on baby when we're in public bc weirdo strangers like to come up to her and touch her hands. So, germ guards.

I'm as far from a germaphobe as you get. And while I can see it in this use but I still don't like them and will never use them. Kids are going to get sick and while it sucks seeing a newborn sick. It's good for them to a point.
Yeah but the same illnesses that are nbd for an adult or toddler could kill a newborn. So there's that.

I know it's ok to get sick but at the same time if I can prevent someone from grabbing her hands that go straight to her mouth- I'm gonna do it. We were at a funeral and someone let their toddler grab my daughter's hand. It annoyed the shit out of me because I know toddlers, they're pretty gross little humans! There's just so much stuff going around right now that's dangerous for babies...
ETA: Not that I dont know you know that ;-)

We just got over RSV so I know it. I do worry about it but still won't put mittens on my kid.

The rsv is what I meant. For the record I've never put those mittens on my kid

bumpuser10309732 · January 2015

Emerald27 said:

dredford said:

Nicb13 said:
Nothing gets me more fired up than a good old fashioned spanking discussion. I tend to go off on people about it even though it's not my business what other people do.
Again, I just picture my kids little faces and couldn't even imagine laying a hand on them or hurting them in any way, no matter what the reason or what they've done. That breaking of trust they have for me would be too much to handle.
This. It seems like the ultimate betrayal. It's my job to keep my little safe and out of harm. I totally put on my judgey pants when others say they do it or will do it "because they turned out alright".
This. Or to teach "respect." Nope - you're not teaching respect. You're teaching fear. Respect is earned.

Exactly. My parents spanked and all it ever made me was afraid. I don't plan on using it, ever. I've never had to hit a child. Talk to them like people, they always respond.

lrobi13 · January 2015

We will probably use no in my house as I use it all the time with my dog! He knows what it means. But he is a unicorn puppy so who knows :x

Eta. And by puppy I mean my 5 year old dog.

BreandMikewedding · January 2015

I totally agree you shouldn't spank your kids out of anger. I also think a spanking/ swat is not an appropriate punishment for normal behavior issues such as not eating their vegetables or not picking up their toys or throwing a fit.

However, what would you do if you are walking across the street with your sweet little unicorn child when all of a sudden they start throwing an epic fit. The kind of fit where they throw themselves on the ground and their body suddenly weighs 4 tons and they are being completely irrational (after all they are a child). You try reasoning with them and comforting them but nothing is working. Then you realize there is a car coming towards you and they aren't stopping. You and your child can either get hit by the car OR you can swat their butt (not enough to hurt them but just get their attention so they think oh shit mom is serious) and get them out of the way of the car.

Unknown · January 2015

This content has been removed.

Lindseyione · January 2015

I will not spank my kids. You wouldn't hit your husband or SO for doing something wrong so why in the world would you hit your innocent child?

2goingon3 · January 2015

I agree, a spank/hit/whatever just doesn't work. Redirection until kid is old enough to understand "why" conversations is much more effective.
When I start to lose my cool, I straight up offer the choice: "do you want to clean up the cars, or do you want the cars taken away?" And once they've made their choice, we'll talk about the why because we've both had time to process.

I've got no problem with a time out though, it gives the kid time and space to learn how to calm down on their own and if used correctly, they can learn to remove themselves from tense situations before they escalate into a fight.

I also will never punish my kid for telling me the truth. If I catch them doing it, a punishment is fair game, but if I don't and I want to know what happened, if they tell the truth, then all they'll get is the why conversation along with a we-could've-done-it-differently discussion.
My mom would sweetly ask me for the truth and then I'd fess up and either get a spank, slap or grounding and it always felt like a trick, I never felt like I could confide in her or go to her with a problem or mistake. I totally kept more secrets.

MuffinMom14 · January 2015

This is the UO that will not DIE.

MrsSinner402 · January 2015

Lindseyione said:
I will not spank my kids. You wouldn't hit your husband or SO for doing something wrong so why in the world would you hit your innocent child?

I often want to hit DH.

golfingdarwinfish · January 2015

MrsSinner402 said:

I will not spank my kids. You wouldn't hit your husband or SO for doing something wrong so why in the world would you hit your innocent child?
I often want to hit DH.

I checked in because this UO fizzled out pretty quickly on thursday (shocking considering @SPurp13 went on a tirade unleashing 3 months of compounding UOs

) so I was shocked to see so many new posts.

But @mrssinner402, your opinion is not unpopular. at least not in my eyes.

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