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Late Term and Child Loss
mrswheelo
member
Hoping to heal, trying to deal- Intro
mrswheelo
member
Hello ladies! My name is Kayla and I've been a "lurker" on this board (and a few others) for a little over a month now. I've been studying the etiquette and hope I'm getting it right.
My husband and I had the perfect relationship/life. The kind that makes some ppl want to throw up after seeing our Facebook updates. (I'm sorry). Anyway, I am 27, he is 23. I never wanted children until I met him. We decided to start ttc after our wedding in June. We were pregnant the next month! Everything was wonderful. An us at 8 weeks revealed that we were expecting TWINS! And I couldn't have been happier. We waited until we were 16 weeks to announce that we had 2 beans instead of 1 bc I thought that was the "safe zone".
I did everything right. From diet, exercise, reading, prenatal visits every 2 weeks. We never had a single complication, until we did...
We were the happiest couple on the planet when we found out that we were having a boy and a girl. I had known since we were 6 weeks along that we had b/g twins. I just KNEW. We named them Lane Edward and Lydia Ann. We had maternity pics done, (I'm glad we did them early now), just painted the nursery, had every baby thing we needed and were just a few weeks away from the baby shower, when it happened.
On a completely normal day, I went to the bathroom and I was bleeding. Deep breaths. We remained calm. Called ahead to the ER and went straight to L&D for evaluation. I was stable, babies were stable, not dilated. There was no explanation for the bleeding or any abnormalities with the babies, so I was released after 24 hrs of fluids and observation. My bleeding was considered spotting to them and not anything to be worried about, but I knew in that moment something was wrong, that we would not be bringing our babies home like we had planned.
6 hrs later, I was back in the hospital after starting to have consistant contractions that seemed to be getting stronger over 2 hrs. In that time, I was fully dilated and was told to prepare for delivery. I couldn't believe we were out of options. How can there be NOTHING they can do!? But my babies were only 21 weeks. And not viable. They told me I would deliver shortly and encouraged me to take medication to help "speed the process". I said NO. Babies were still doing fine, so I decided, much against the wishes of my husband and doctors, to hold on to our twins until they WERE viable, which would be 1 WEEK! I thought i could give them a chance. But, 24 hrs later I developed a fever, infection, & anemia from having exposed membranes.
My water broke on its own soon after and I delivered Lydia Ann at 10:30pm 11/24/14. She was the most perfect creature I had ever seen! She had my long fingers and toes. My chin and nose . Her daddy's ears. She was so perfect. So tiny. We held her through her first and last breath. She was gone as quickly as she arrived. Her brother Lane Edward came at 2:30 am 11/25/14. He never took a breath. My sweet, perfect little boy looked exactly like his father!
My husband and I decided we wanted to be alone at the hospital so we could spend as much time as possible processing what happened. We were/are broken. What a strange feeling. To be so in love and happy to see the children you've been eagerly awaiting. But so saddened by their loss at the same time.
I feel so proud to be thier mother. But it is hard processing the fact that I am a "childless" mother.
I knew right away that we would try again. But I often feel as though a new child would be replacing the 2 we lost. As we did not plan to have more children after the twins. So at times, I feel guilty for wanting to be pregnant again. We have pictures of Lane and Lydia around the house and plan to raise any future children (if they ever come) with the knowledge of having an older brother and sister.
I am just stuck on that one question... WHY? Why did this happen for no explained reason? Why did it happen to babies that were loved and wanted? Why do women on drugs get to have babies? Why do women who use their babies as a monthly check have no complications? ??
I'm sorry for the length. This is still fresh and I feel different every day. Thanks for reading.
My husband and I had the perfect relationship/life. The kind that makes some ppl want to throw up after seeing our Facebook updates. (I'm sorry). Anyway, I am 27, he is 23. I never wanted children until I met him. We decided to start ttc after our wedding in June. We were pregnant the next month! Everything was wonderful. An us at 8 weeks revealed that we were expecting TWINS! And I couldn't have been happier. We waited until we were 16 weeks to announce that we had 2 beans instead of 1 bc I thought that was the "safe zone".
I did everything right. From diet, exercise, reading, prenatal visits every 2 weeks. We never had a single complication, until we did...
We were the happiest couple on the planet when we found out that we were having a boy and a girl. I had known since we were 6 weeks along that we had b/g twins. I just KNEW. We named them Lane Edward and Lydia Ann. We had maternity pics done, (I'm glad we did them early now), just painted the nursery, had every baby thing we needed and were just a few weeks away from the baby shower, when it happened.
On a completely normal day, I went to the bathroom and I was bleeding. Deep breaths. We remained calm. Called ahead to the ER and went straight to L&D for evaluation. I was stable, babies were stable, not dilated. There was no explanation for the bleeding or any abnormalities with the babies, so I was released after 24 hrs of fluids and observation. My bleeding was considered spotting to them and not anything to be worried about, but I knew in that moment something was wrong, that we would not be bringing our babies home like we had planned.
6 hrs later, I was back in the hospital after starting to have consistant contractions that seemed to be getting stronger over 2 hrs. In that time, I was fully dilated and was told to prepare for delivery. I couldn't believe we were out of options. How can there be NOTHING they can do!? But my babies were only 21 weeks. And not viable. They told me I would deliver shortly and encouraged me to take medication to help "speed the process". I said NO. Babies were still doing fine, so I decided, much against the wishes of my husband and doctors, to hold on to our twins until they WERE viable, which would be 1 WEEK! I thought i could give them a chance. But, 24 hrs later I developed a fever, infection, & anemia from having exposed membranes.
My water broke on its own soon after and I delivered Lydia Ann at 10:30pm 11/24/14. She was the most perfect creature I had ever seen! She had my long fingers and toes. My chin and nose . Her daddy's ears. She was so perfect. So tiny. We held her through her first and last breath. She was gone as quickly as she arrived. Her brother Lane Edward came at 2:30 am 11/25/14. He never took a breath. My sweet, perfect little boy looked exactly like his father!
My husband and I decided we wanted to be alone at the hospital so we could spend as much time as possible processing what happened. We were/are broken. What a strange feeling. To be so in love and happy to see the children you've been eagerly awaiting. But so saddened by their loss at the same time.
I feel so proud to be thier mother. But it is hard processing the fact that I am a "childless" mother.
I knew right away that we would try again. But I often feel as though a new child would be replacing the 2 we lost. As we did not plan to have more children after the twins. So at times, I feel guilty for wanting to be pregnant again. We have pictures of Lane and Lydia around the house and plan to raise any future children (if they ever come) with the knowledge of having an older brother and sister.
I am just stuck on that one question... WHY? Why did this happen for no explained reason? Why did it happen to babies that were loved and wanted? Why do women on drugs get to have babies? Why do women who use their babies as a monthly check have no complications? ??
I'm sorry for the length. This is still fresh and I feel different every day. Thanks for reading.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Hoping to heal, trying to deal- Intro
**TICKER WARNING**
I am so very sorry for the loss of your sweet babies Lane and Lydia. Sending T&Ps your guys way. We are all here for you when ever you need. I still ask the same questions that you are asking.
Brooke Elizabeth born Feb 17, 2013 grew wings May 9, 2013 @ 11 weeks & 4 days old from SIDS
October 2011 - DS (7)
July 2014 - Stillborn DD (24 weeks)
August 2015 - DD (3)
April 2018 - 5 week loss
***sig warning***
I'm very sorry for your losses, welcome to the board
Me 32 (Stage IV Endometriosis, short luteal phase) DH 38
Married 5/2010
January 2014- DS born healthy at 35.4 weeks
February 2014- DS passed away due to complications from adenovirus
February 2015- Rainbow baby DD born at 36.3 weeks
My chart: http://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/42fd32
*siggy warning
I am so sorry for the loss of your son and daughter, Lane and Lydia. The emotions you are experiencing are normal. Take it one moment at a time, and be gentle with yourself. We are here if you need us ((hugs))
My Blog
BFP# 1 7/7/12 Beautiful DD born still at 36 weeks 5 days on 3/2/13
Diagnosed with PCOS in 2005. Started Metformin July 2013
Please be our rainbow!!
**All AL Welcome**
We lost our twin daughters at 21 weeks as well - - and our experience was fairly similar to yours in terms of what happened. There is increasing research out there on the infections (often chorioamnionitis), preterm prelabour rupture of membranes, and preterm labour in twin pregnancies. Like you - our daughters were healthy and perfect until their birth, but they were born just a few weeks too soon to be saved. This is a horrible knowledge to live with, and something I struggle with every day still, now we are 6 1/2 months post our loss.
Please post as often as needed. This board is quiet, but people are here an reply reliably.
queer couple - 32 (me) & 33 (my love) years old - donor sperm,
Our IF/TTC journey since Nov 2012.
Me: dx of DOR in Nov. 2012. Low AMH, AFC - 6, Normal FSH, SS-A (RO) Antibodies (Autoimmune issues), tubes clear, Sono (November 2013) NORMAL! <p>
7 IUI's - December 2012-September 2013. Medicated, Injected, Triggered.... all BFN.
My Love: (the amazing @Healz413)
Normal AMH & FSH, AFC ~27, blocked tube dx'd via HSG in 2012. Hydrosalpinx & ovarian cyst dx'd in May 2013.
dx of Stage IV Endo & bilateral salpinectomy in June 2013.
Partner IVF#1a- December 2013 - H's eggs, my Ute - CANCELLED due to low response
Partner IVF #1b - February 2014 - H's eggs, my Ute - ER February 4 (10 retrieved, 3 fertilized), Transfer Feb 7 of one Grade 1 and one Grade 2 day 3 embryos. 1 - Day 3, Grade 1 frosty saved. BFP - 6dp3dt via FRER, Beta #1 - 110, Beta #2 175, Beta #3 - 348, Beta #4 - 2222!, Beta #5 - 4255. Ultrasound (6w1d) - 2 heartbearts!
We lost our beautiful Twin baby girls on June 18, 2014. Tavin Sara and Casey Elizabeth were born at 21 weeks gestation and were absolutely beautiful, precious, amazing babies. We miss our daughters every day and love them with all our hearts.
I would also recommend being completely open with ur husband, wen u need a hug or feel sad tell him it certainly has made the experience a little easier knowing I have my boyfriend to understand wat I'm feeling wen I don't even understand it myself! I also bought an iBook called pregnancy loss by Zoe Taylor I highly recommend it.