2% chance of "normal" baby - trigger warning

alie78_80 · January 2015

Sorry you are going through this. Hoping you are in the 2%.

My sister has special needs. While there were some difficult times growing up, I 100% love that I get to be her sister and I grew up the way that I did. Having a person in your life with special needs is so rewarding (challenging too but I think the rewards out weigh those). Special needs individuals are some of the sweetest, caring people I have ever met (and I would put downs at the top of that list).

abc829 · January 2015

mrsslushie said:
Haven't read the responses from others (aside from the first few) and I can't read anymore. Not going to lie, OP. Your post made me want to scream. Downs Syndrome does not mean your baby girl isn't "normal". She is a little human, that was created perfectly in her own way. The only handicap I see here is your husband.

Sincerely,
The proud sister of a handi-capable Downs Syndrome brother, and TEAM USA 2015 Special Olympic Athlete.

I can't love tit this enough

jk3610 · January 2015

mrsslushie said:
Haven't read the responses from others (aside from the first few) and I can't read anymore. Not going to lie, OP. Your post made me want to scream. Downs Syndrome does not mean your baby girl isn't "normal". She is a little human, that was created perfectly in her own way. The only handicap I see here is your husband.

Sincerely,
The proud sister of a handi-capable Downs Syndrome brother, and TEAM USA 2015 Special Olympic Athlete.

This times a million. Your brother is an inspiration.

doxiemom415 · January 2015

mrsslushie said:

Haven't read the responses from others (aside from the first few) and I can't read anymore. Not going to lie, OP. Your post made me want to scream. Downs Syndrome does not mean your baby girl isn't "normal". She is a little human, that was created perfectly in her own way. The only handicap I see here is your husband. Sincerely, The proud sister of a handi-capable Downs Syndrome brother, and TEAM USA 2015 Special Olympic Athlete.

Not enough love-tits in the world for this.

Cliffhaven · January 2015

mrsslushie said:
Haven't read the responses from others (aside from the first few) and I can't read anymore. Not going to lie, OP. Your post made me want to scream. Downs Syndrome does not mean your baby girl isn't "normal". She is a little human, that was created perfectly in her own way. The only handicap I see here is your husband.

Sincerely,
The proud sister of a handi-capable Downs Syndrome brother, and TEAM USA 2015 Special Olympic Athlete.

Maybe I should post this on the FFFC thread, but I think this is unduly harsh and implies that you would judge her if she and her family choose one of the options available to them. It is a difficult enough decision and I'm sure not one they would take lightly.
Just because your brother is "a handi-capable Downs Syndrome brother, and TEAM USA 2015 Special Olympic Athlete" doesn't mean it isn't still a disability that can be a huge stress for a family. Let them make their decision without all the judgment!!

Edited to be less "condescending"

karboss · January 2015

mrsslushie said:
Haven't read the responses from others (aside from the first few) and I can't read anymore. Not going to lie, OP. Your post made me want to scream. Downs Syndrome does not mean your baby girl isn't "normal". She is a little human, that was created perfectly in her own way. The only handicap I see here is your husband.

Sincerely,
The proud sister of a handi-capable Downs Syndrome brother, and TEAM USA 2015 Special Olympic Athlete.

Thank you. So much of what I wanted to say. There is no NORMAL. There certainly isn't perfect. All children face challenges. Down's Syndrome is just one challenge a child may have. Yes. Individuals with Down's Syndrome CAN have some other medical complications--particularly heart related--but so can ANY child. I have NEVER met an individual with Down's Syndrome with aggression. And I've met dozens. Yes. Children with DS are often stubborn--I take it as part of their charm and personality. Any hold can have some behavioral issues. This is not exclusive to DS. I wish for you the very best prognosis. And if that doesn't happen, I wish for you the guidance necessary to come to a thoughtful and well-informed decision.

Cliffhaven · January 2015

mrsslushie said:

Cliffhaven said:

mrsslushie said:
Haven't read the responses from others (aside from the first few) and I can't read anymore. Not going to lie, OP. Your post made me want to scream. Downs Syndrome does not mean your baby girl isn't "normal". She is a little human, that was created perfectly in her own way. The only handicap I see here is your husband.

Sincerely,
The proud sister of a handi-capable Downs Syndrome brother, and TEAM USA 2015 Special Olympic Athlete.
Maybe I should post this on the FFFC thread, but I think this is unduly harsh and implies that you would judge her if she and her family choose one of the options available to them. It is a difficult enough decision and I'm sure not one they would take lightly.
Just because your brother is the poster boy for success with Downs doesn't mean it isn't still a disability that can be a huge stress for a family. Let them make their decision without all the judgment!!
@Cliffhaven‌, ooster child for Downs Syndrome? You have no right to assume anything about my brother, especially when you are being condescending as usual. I'm sorry that the thought of terminating a child with Down's Syndrome bothers me, when there are alternatives (adoption). I may have been hasty in typing my emotionally-charged reply to OP's post, but I can't advocate the "bummer" attitude, when all children born each and every day have the same risk of becoming sick or developing something down the road that makes them "difficult" to raise. So much more to write, but I won't. It's not my life, not my child. I just hope OP sees the potential in the little girl her child is trying to convince her to terminate.

The quote is actually "poster child for success with Down's".

I too have a brother with a developmental disability. His is severe and his quality of life is pretty awful. I also work in health care and have seen plenty of people with Down's who are aggressive and a big challenge. The positive stories do not rule out the possibility of a less positive reality in this case. I say let her make her own decision.

jk3610 · January 2015

It is stressful for families, as I'm sure @mrsslushie can attest to. The point she is making is that it is a) an endurable stress and b) also a joy to see them grow into people that are in many ways just as capable (if not MORE SO!!) than "normal people." (sorry for the quoted expression.) Damn, half the "normal" (ewwwwww) kids that I know I would love to see them have the motivation and drive to compete in something like the special olympics.

Rowsdower85 · January 2015

Cliffhaven said:

mrsslushie said:

Cliffhaven said:

mrsslushie said:
Haven't read the responses from others (aside from the first few) and I can't read anymore. Not going to lie, OP. Your post made me want to scream. Downs Syndrome does not mean your baby girl isn't "normal". She is a little human, that was created perfectly in her own way. The only handicap I see here is your husband.

Sincerely,
The proud sister of a handi-capable Downs Syndrome brother, and TEAM USA 2015 Special Olympic Athlete.
Maybe I should post this on the FFFC thread, but I think this is unduly harsh and implies that you would judge her if she and her family choose one of the options available to them. It is a difficult enough decision and I'm sure not one they would take lightly.
Just because your brother is the poster boy for success with Downs doesn't mean it isn't still a disability that can be a huge stress for a family. Let them make their decision without all the judgment!!
@Cliffhaven‌, ooster child for Downs Syndrome? You have no right to assume anything about my brother, especially when you are being condescending as usual. I'm sorry that the thought of terminating a child with Down's Syndrome bothers me, when there are alternatives (adoption). I may have been hasty in typing my emotionally-charged reply to OP's post, but I can't advocate the "bummer" attitude, when all children born each and every day have the same risk of becoming sick or developing something down the road that makes them "difficult" to raise. So much more to write, but I won't. It's not my life, not my child. I just hope OP sees the potential in the little girl her child is trying to convince her to terminate.
The quote is actually "poster child for Down's success"...but whatever...

"poster boy for success with Down's." No matter how you slice it, it comes across extremely condescending. I literally cringed when I read it.

OliveMom3 · January 2015

I'm so sorry you are faced with this difficult decision. Be true to your heart. Listen to your gut. You will know the right thing to do for your family.

Cliffhaven · January 2015

mrsslushie said:

Cliffhaven said:

mrsslushie said:

Cliffhaven said:

mrsslushie said:
Haven't read the responses from others (aside from the first few) and I can't read anymore. Not going to lie, OP. Your post made me want to scream. Downs Syndrome does not mean your baby girl isn't "normal". She is a little human, that was created perfectly in her own way. The only handicap I see here is your husband.

Sincerely,
The proud sister of a handi-capable Downs Syndrome brother, and TEAM USA 2015 Special Olympic Athlete.
Maybe I should post this on the FFFC thread, but I think this is unduly harsh and implies that you would judge her if she and her family choose one of the options available to them. It is a difficult enough decision and I'm sure not one they would take lightly.
Just because your brother is the poster boy for success with Downs doesn't mean it isn't still a disability that can be a huge stress for a family. Let them make their decision without all the judgment!!
@Cliffhaven‌, ooster child for Downs Syndrome? You have no right to assume anything about my brother, especially when you are being condescending as usual. I'm sorry that the thought of terminating a child with Down's Syndrome bothers me, when there are alternatives (adoption). I may have been hasty in typing my emotionally-charged reply to OP's post, but I can't advocate the "bummer" attitude, when all children born each and every day have the same risk of becoming sick or developing something down the road that makes them "difficult" to raise. So much more to write, but I won't. It's not my life, not my child. I just hope OP sees the potential in the little girl her child is trying to convince her to terminate.
The quote is actually "poster child for Down's success"...but whatever...
Still worded shitty. Still don't care what you think of my post.

I guess I don't really care whether you care. I hope the OP understands that not everyone agrees with you.

jk3610 · January 2015

Cliffhaven said:

Haven't read the responses from others (aside from the first few) and I can't read anymore. Not going to lie, OP. Your post made me want to scream. Downs Syndrome does not mean your baby girl isn't "normal". She is a little human, that was created perfectly in her own way. The only handicap I see here is your husband. Sincerely, The proud sister of a handi-capable Downs Syndrome brother, and TEAM USA 2015 Special Olympic Athlete.
Maybe I should post this on the FFFC thread, but I think this is unduly harsh and implies that you would judge her if she and her family choose one of the options available to them. It is a difficult enough decision and I'm sure not one they would take lightly. Just because your brother is the poster boy for success with Downs doesn't mean it isn't still a disability that can be a huge stress for a family. Let them make their decision without all the judgment!!
@Cliffhaven‌, ooster child for Downs Syndrome? You have no right to assume anything about my brother, especially when you are being condescending as usual. I'm sorry that the thought of terminating a child with Down's Syndrome bothers me, when there are alternatives (adoption). I may have been hasty in typing my emotionally-charged reply to OP's post, but I can't advocate the "bummer" attitude, when all children born each and every day have the same risk of becoming sick or developing something down the road that makes them "difficult" to raise. So much more to write, but I won't. It's not my life, not my child. I just hope OP sees the potential in the little girl her child is trying to convince her to terminate.
The quote is actually "poster child for Down's success"...but whatever...
Still worded shitty. Still don't care what you think of my post.
I guess I don't really care whether you care. I hope the OP understands that not everyone agrees with you.

Well, then she also needs to know that very few people (it seems) agree with you. Works both ways.

dana1047 · January 2015

frownyface said:

qwanda2013 said:

Cliffhaven said:

mrsslushie said:
Haven't read the responses from others (aside from the first few) and I can't read anymore. Not going to lie, OP. Your post made me want to scream. Downs Syndrome does not mean your baby girl isn't "normal". She is a little human, that was created perfectly in her own way. The only handicap I see here is your husband.

Sincerely,
The proud sister of a handi-capable Downs Syndrome brother, and TEAM USA 2015 Special Olympic Athlete.

Just because your brother is the poster boy for success with Downs doesn't mean it isn't still a disability that can be a huge stress for a family.
@Cliffhaven‌ That was one of the most condescending things you have ever said. I'm sure you have a lofty medical opinion of all of this but Misslush is entitled to her opinion from her life experience.
I'm with you, Qwanda, except I can't formulate a response that isn't a bunch of screaming and cussing.

I think maybe the wording was in poor taste, however I "hope" I got what she was trying to say right. Many times children who have a genetic issue also have other developmental/mental issues.

Of course this isn't always a reality. Without limiting it it downs, many special needs children lead fulfilling lives.

In the end, humans are fragile but oh so resilient. OP's choice is one to be made by her family. No amount of feel good posts or negative posts really matter. I'd recommend that you do research on the condition. Read some blogs...there's many out there.

There's so many things that can go wrong during our lifetime. OP whatever your eventual decision is, please make it with an educated mind & heart.

ETA: by the time this posted, I think I don't get the poor taste response at all now.

Cliffhaven · January 2015

I edited my post as it was not intended to be condescending and I don't want the "shitty wording" to detract from what I intended to say.

GingerDS02 · January 2015

I just wanted to add, if you get a positive amnio and adoption is something you'd consider, there is a waiting list of families who are specifically looking to adopt a baby with Down Syndrome (ndsan.org)

jk3610 · January 2015

mrsslushie said:

Haven't read the responses from others (aside from the first few) and I can't read anymore. Not going to lie, OP. Your post made me want to scream. Downs Syndrome does not mean your baby girl isn't "normal". She is a little human, that was created perfectly in her own way. The only handicap I see here is your husband. Sincerely, The proud sister of a handi-capable Downs Syndrome brother, and TEAM USA 2015 Special Olympic Athlete.
Maybe I should post this on the FFFC thread, but I think this is unduly harsh and implies that you would judge her if she and her family choose one of the options available to them. It is a difficult enough decision and I'm sure not one they would take lightly. Just because your brother is "a handi-capable Downs Syndrome brother, and TEAM USA 2015 Special Olympic Athlete" doesn't mean it isn't still a disability that can be a huge stress for a family. Let them make their decision without all the judgment!! Edited to be less "condescending"
Nice fucking edit. What a gem you are, @Cliffhaven‌. You aren't condescending at all.

The edit is actually more condescending but nice try.

abc829 · January 2015

Cliffhaven said:

I edited my post as it was not intended to be condescending and I don't want the "shitty wording" to detract from what I intended to say.

I've tried to stay away, but you sweetheart need to fuck off, you do not speak to other women in that tone about their family. You must be the poster women for acting like a fucked up human being. You seriously disgust me with your long ass post and condescending tone. " Go piss up a tree,"

abc829 · January 2015

RHoPA1109 said:

@abc829‌, it's "up a rope"

Up a tree,up a rope, as long as it lands back on her I'm happy

Cliffhaven · January 2015

Those are slushie's words - exactly. That is how SHE described her brother. But who am I to point out that just because her brother and family have had such a positive experience it doesn't mean all families will too.

jk3610 · January 2015

Cliffhaven said:

Those are slushie's words - exactly. That is how SHE described her brother. But who am I to point out that just because her brother and family have had such a positive experience it doesn't mean all families will too.

Again works both ways. Just because in your esteemed medical opinion OP will have a negative experience, doesn't mean people can't.

Cliffhaven · January 2015

jk3610 said:

Cliffhaven said:

Those are slushie's words - exactly. That is how SHE described her brother. But who am I to point out that just because her brother and family have had such a positive experience it doesn't mean all families will too.

Again works both ways. Just because in your esteemed medical opinion OP will have a negative experience, doesn't mean people can't.</blockquote

Quoted

I NEVER stated that my personal (or medical) opinion was that the OP was going to have a negative experience. I said let her make her own decision without judging her.

Cliffhaven · January 2015

@mrsslushie‌
You don't think you would feel upset if you posted about receiving new and upsetting news about your pregnancy requiring very serious deliberation and someone replied that your post made them want to scream?
I too hate the term "normal" in the title etc but I can imagine how stressed and overwrought this poster must be feeling and your post, with all it's ensuing love-titting and congratulations may be really hard for someone who is considering termination to read.

somewheresublime86 · January 2015

Cliffhaven said:
@mrsslushie‌
You don't think you would feel upset if you posted about receiving new and upsetting news about your pregnancy requiring very serious deliberation and someone replied that your post made them want to scream?
I too hate the term "normal" in the title etc but I can imagine how stressed and overwrought this poster must be feeling and your post, with all it's ensuing love-titting and congratulations may be really hard for someone who is considering termination to read.

Yes, and reading that she was considering terminating a baby that may actually be viable outside of her ute was hard for lots of women here to read.

I'm not saying that the OP has been dealt an easy choice here, but I think what has me sad is how late in the game it is. I'm very pro-choice, but if you know that there are certain conditions that would lead you to consider termination, I can't imagine why you wouldn't get the genetic testing to detect them earlier on in your pregnancy.

jk3610 · January 2015

sweetson · January 2015

I'm an early intervention speech therapist, and I work with children with down syndrome, developmental delay, cleft palate, MR, physical disabilities, autism, and even some with multiple disabilities. Each and everyone of the children I work with are so beautiful, and they make my life so joyful and worth living every single day. I would love my child always and forever despite any type of disability or challenge. How can you not? All they really need and want is your love. It can challenging on some days (as all kids can), but children with disabilities are so much more alike other children than they are different. They all meet the same milestones in life, and at a slightly different pace in their own unique way. Your child needs you, and you have been granted the gift to give them such an amazing life and provide unconditional love. There are so many resources that help families with children that have special needs and strong supportive groups. You can do this! I believe in you, Mama!! *hugs*

sallen26 · January 2015

sweetson said:

I'm an early intervention speech therapist, and I work with children with down syndrome, developmental delay, cleft palate, MR, physical disabilities, autism, and even some with multiple disabilities. Each and everyone of the children I work with are so beautiful, and they make my life so joyful and worth living every single day. I would love my child always and forever despite any type of disability or challenge. How can you not? All they really need and want is your love. It can challenging on some days (as all kids can), but children with disabilities are so much more alike other children than they are different. They all meet the same milestones in life, and at a slightly different pace in their own unique way. Your child needs you, and you have been granted the gift to give them such an amazing life and provide unconditional love. There are so many resources that help families with children that have special needs and strong supportive groups. You can do this! I believe in you, Mama!! *hugs*

I 100% agree with this. I am a special education teacher myself, and working with kids who aren't on a typically developing path is a very rewarding adventure. Kids are kids, no matter what conditions they may have. As some other posters pointed out, even if your child is born with no markers for any type of disability or challenge, it does not mean that something might not develop down the road. If you and your husband choose to walk down this path, I encourage you to find your local resources, speak with people who can provide help and advice. First and foremost, any child needs love, safety, structure, and a home. If you can provide this, you are well on your way. Working with a child with special needs you will often find yourself celebrating the little milestones, rather than large accomplishments, but because milestones can be so hard to accomplish, they are even more rewarding as they happen. I wish you the best of luck.

JJBoden · January 2015

Sorry you're dealing with this OP. Though news. I do believe children with Down syndrome are God's little angels on earth. Please maybe consider adoption if you chose not to parent. So many would adopt a precious baby with an extra chromosome. Hopefully you get the good news for you that you're in the 2% though

sorry this is so hard right now though

marybeth05 · January 2015

I'm the youngest of five children and my oldest sister has severe developmental disabilities. She is an amazing woman and the most "normal" sibling I have:)

SeekingSmall · January 2015

I stewed over this today because it bothered me so much. Enough that it became a topic of discussion over dinner. I apologize ahead of time, because I'm about to get harsh.

First, as my husband pointed out, wtf is wrong with your husband? Did he grow up in the backwoods? You don't just kill a child because life is going to be more difficult than you "planned" for. If we could all see our children's futures, possible illnesses, drug/alcohol abuse would we be thinking, "That's too much, we should just terminate them?" I hope not.

Second, that being said if your husband feels that way and you find out you're in the 2%, please consider adoption. No child should live with being resented from the get go.

And third, if you feel late term abortion is murder, and that's how you define it, then going through with it will make you a murderer by your own definition. Never allow yourself to be made into that.

ck4567 · January 2015

Lurking from May 15.....OP there is a documentary on Netflix, I believe, about raising kids with Down Syndrom. I'm sure it wouldn't be hard to find if you searched for it, but I do not remember the name. It shows the kids when they are already grown, and I think it does a good job of showing the ups and the downs. The main people in the movie with downs actually got married, and they lived with the wife's parents. After watching it, I felt like I had an objective look at what life as a parent of a down syndrom individual would be like because the good and the bad were shown. Just throwing it out there. Thoughts and prayers for you and your family. I know this must be an enormously difficult time, and I wish you all the best.

lirpaloof77 · January 2015

This thread has been bothering me for days. As I posted earlier, my daughter is 12, profoundly deaf, blind in her right eye, and functions at a kindergarten level. I was a single mom with a 6 yr old son when she was born. Was it hard then...yes. Is it hard now...yes. But...she has allowed me to see joy and beauty that I never knew existed.
The thought of terminating someone for not being perfect kills me.
Look at all our 24 weekers clinging to life. You want to consider terminating when our other mamma's are praying for every second with their little babies. The photo of Max with his eyes open...so beautiful...and yet, your beautiful little girl is that far along.
I believe in a woman's right to choose...but that should be no later than 12 weeks when the baby is the size of a pea...not a 24+ week human who will be terminated for not being "perfect". That has nothing to do with the life/health of the mother. That makes me so upset. It was even stated that your other child interacts with your daughter in your tummy. What kind of message would that send to her?? If you're not perfect, your worthless.
I am so glad that other people posted about this. It has been so painful thinking about this. I hoped that it would have been a troll post with all my heart.
Edited: she not he

be888 · January 2015

I highly doubt OP will come back to answer...

mommybelanova · January 2015

I know we're suppost to be letting this thread die, but it has me completely pissed off. And if I violate the TOU so be it. Ban me.

However, I'll keep it short and sweet. You asked for advice, personally I think that the best person for you to get that from, is your daughter. Take a look at how she sees things. By what you've stated already, your daughter already adores and loves her little sister. It's a shame that her parents aren't on the same page with that.

My next piece of advice, which keep in mind, is what you came here looking for, once you do make a decision on what to do with this pregnancy, you and your husband should consider some form of birth control. I hate to burst your bubble, but every pregnancy has the chance of being one of a child with DS, and if that's not something you and your husband think you can handle, perhaps you should reconsider your choice of becoming pregnant again.

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