Moms of 1 or more, lets give the FTMs our favorite little gems of knowledge. Edited*

OfficiallyHollyC · January 2015

I liked to read before my children. I buy magazines, not books now. I can at least from time to time finish an article in one sitting. Thinking of reading a book now is a hilarious dream.

**edit** Oh ouch. I forget my sarcasm doesn't read well over the internet so I guess my attempt at a hilarious non-sense advice post didn't come off in the title. It was suppose to be funny since once you are pregnant you are hounded with advice. I guess maybe the title "Favorite worst advice" would have beeen better but since we are looking for real advice here is my 2 cents take it or leave it:

Your life will not end, it will get 10x better. There is nothing better then getting to meet your LO for the first time. Don't waste every second trying to get pictures, enjoy the moments and create lasting memories. If your house is messy, its not the end of the world as long as you and your LO are happy and healthy. Your LO will grow faster then you can imagine so get on the floor with them and explore, sing (off key if you are anything like me) to them and talk to them. Don't worry about your hair being perfect or any of that shit, just live in the moment because before you know it your baby is walking and talking. And if I may don't get all bitchy with each other when the world is bitchy enough as is. While we don't all have to like each other, its nice to see a sister holding her girls up instead of tearing each other down.

AND for the record I don't read Cosmo FTS I'm a Rachel Ray girl.

elbowpasta · January 2015

Thanks, I guess?

Good to know my dreams are dying.

Trampslikeus · January 2015

Cool story bro?

I have vivid memories of seeing my mom reading, a lot, and frequent trips to the library. I used to love to drop the books in the return chute.

But you stick with your Cosmo. Rock on.

walshbunnie · January 2015

Ignore all of the "you'll never sleep again, get to read, or enjoy anything you used to" nonsense.

When I read the title of this post, I thought more along the lines of things you found really helpful with a new baby. My advice would be that putting a dab of petroleum jelly on every diaper does an amazing job of preventing diaper rash before it starts.

I wanted to smack everyone who told me to rest while I could during my first pregnancy.

missjenniebean · January 2015

My mom read to me all the time. Actually, I was so young when I got my first library card the librarian argued with my mom that I wasn't old enough to read, let alone write my name. We sure showed her! I don't know why I remember that though and I still have that card.

I plan on reading to my baby, my SO does not.

I have also heard the sleep thing as well. Fortunately for me, I have never been able to sleep soundly through the night, unless I am sick.

lwyz · January 2015

Just love when I'm told how my life and everything I love will be over due to baby. It's really helpful. /end sarcasm

blu-eyedwife · January 2015

sensitivesally said:

Is that supposed to be helpful? Because I have plenty of strangers on the street telling me I better get all my sleep in now because I won't get any once the baby comes. Not exactly what I'd call pearls of wisdom.

I hate this one. Honestly, the sleep aspect is probably the least disruptive part of a baby. You adjust to it relative quickly and it doesn't last forever. Plus, since I didn't have anything to do but feed the baby those first few weeks I got plenty of sleep. Sure it was disrupted but I was getting at least 8 hours in total.

missjenniebean · January 2015

walshbunnie said:

Ignore all of the "you'll never sleep again, get to read, or enjoy anything you used to" nonsense. When I read the title of this post, I thought more along the lines of things you found really helpful with a new baby. My advice would be that putting a dab of petroleum jelly on every diaper does an amazing job of preventing diaper rash before it starts. I wanted to smack everyone who told me to rest while I could during my first pregnancy.

^^^

That's the kind of advice all us FTMs want to hear! Helpful hints, not that our little bundle of joys will take everything enjoyable out of our lives.

HMack4742 · January 2015

I have two and am on my 3. I have no issues reading. I joined a book club.
But, what I learned. The first baby you will probably buy everything for thinking you need it. By the second and third, it's much easier to narrow down what you do and do not need and the do not need includes 3/4 of Babies R Us.

neongreen · January 2015

Trampslikeus said:

Cool story bro? I have vivid memories of seeing my mom reading, a lot, and frequent trips to the library. I used to love to drop the books in the return chute. But you stick with your Cosmo. Rock on.

And I have vivid memories of my mother always crocheting and sewing. Also, from as early as I can remember, Wednesday nights were Spaghetti Night with Daddy, because my mother would go out to play tennis with my godmother. I'm not going to lie to myself and pretend that nothing is going to change and there won't be a big adjustment when I have two babies, but my mother's life didn't end when she had me, and I hope to follow her good example.

hazeldublin · January 2015

The sleep thing differs for every baby, my little guy is nearly 7 months and I think I've probably only done 10 night feeds, he slept a good 9-10 hours most nights since I've had him. The past week has not been so easy-damn those teeth.
But because he sleeps at night I find he doesn't during the day so I'm exhausted by bedtime.
But it's so worth it, even if they do wake up at night, it's when you get the best cuddles :x

LadySif · January 2015

Agreed with @walshbunnie. Even offering unsolicited advice that is actually helpful instead of just a statement of "just you wait" doom and gloom doesn't always go over well. Hoping you didn't intend it that way and were just looking for a way to vent about a difficulty you encountered; just know you're ruffling feathers with how you phrased it, whether intentionally or not. Everyone's experience is different.

p.s. I do have time to read.

finchfeeder80 · January 2015

This is along the lines of a UO or FFFC I had a few weeks back. I hate the "just you wait" stuff. I've gotten to where I hate saying anything about my pregnancy because the only thing people ever come back with is the infamous "just you wait" usually followed by something negative and not constructive. I'm sorry you had a bad experience. I may or may not. Please don't assume I will though.

Mama-Bear · January 2015

Use the cheap diaper bag the hospital gives you free, leave it fully stocked in the car, and just carry your purse when your baby's not in daycare. It was rare that I needed to change a diaper while out shopping or anything and I lugged that huge bag around with DS1. We also had a stash of supplies at IL's but we spend/spent a ton of time over there.

CMSullivan326 · January 2015

Mama-Bear said:
Use the cheap diaper bag the hospital gives you free, leave it fully stocked in the car, and just carry your purse when your baby's not in daycare. It was rare that I needed to change a diaper while out shopping or anything and I lugged that huge bag around with DS1. We also had a stash of supplies at IL's but we spend/spent a ton of time over there.

This would be mine. You don't need 500 things in the diaper bag. I see some women with diaper bags PACKED FULL of unnecessary things. I was kind of like that with DS but I learned quickly.

Mama-Bear · January 2015

CMSullivan326 said:

Use the cheap diaper bag the hospital gives you free, leave it fully stocked in the car, and just carry your purse when your baby's not in daycare. It was rare that I needed to change a diaper while out shopping or anything and I lugged that huge bag around with DS1. We also had a stash of supplies at IL's but we spend/spent a ton of time over there.
This would be mine. You don't need 500 things in the diaper bag. I see some women with diaper bags PACKED FULL of unnecessary things. I was kind of like that with DS but I learned quickly.

That was me with DS1. I had blankets, changes of clothes, enough diapers for a week, wipes, diaper rash cream, Tylenol for him, etc. I would google recommended things for the diaper bag and I put just about everything from different sites on there. Know what I used most, burp cloths, and MY stuff (keys, phone, wallet, etc).

lfaithlove · January 2015

I'm not at all trying to be rude to OP, (maybe what she was trying to say was not to bite off more than you can chew? Try to indulge in things that you know you'll have time to enjoy uninterrupted? I don't know.) so this really isn't even directed at OP.

but I'm also one that really hard when people gave me the "just you wait"'s instead of encouragement about becoming a mother.

People are doing it even moreso now as I will have "2 under 2" (DS will turn 2 within two weeks of lo's due date, so I don't even think that's a fair title) and it just really makes me mad and frustrated.

Here's my wisdom to impart: don't let things that you love (like reading, sewing, time for Spiritual growth, exercising, etc.) fall to the wayside or be diminished by your children's arrival into the world. Will there be lots and lots of free hours every day for you to have "me time"? Well, no, but there will be moments that allow for those things, especially if you make them happen. I hope this doesn't get me flamed but I didn't purposefully rearrange my entire life to accommodate DS when he was born. I just rolled with the punches. I took him on coffee dates and didn't stress when he cried or acted crazy. I allowed myself to sleep when he slept (which at first was A LOT so I felt really rested most of the time). I was blessed enough to have family close by so Dh and I still went on dates when we could. I didn't try to force myself into the "mommy mold" where play dates and making organic puréed baby food all day trumped taking the excuse to sit on my butt and watch TLC while DS nursed like a glutton (for maybe longer than I should've let him because gosh it felt good to just sit there!)

I have only had about five days in my entire maternal career (lol) that I felt so overwhelmed and like all those moms you see on TV, and 4 of them happened when my husband was working all nights and I was in my first tri with this baby, feeling like I was going to hurl every five seconds and exhausted out of my mind, all while trying to keep up with a toddler.

Granted, I know it will be more difficult in certain areas to have two kids, but I feel like I've eased my way into motherhood with one and I will take the tough days as they come with baby #2. If I didn't prioritize certain "me things" over my kids, I may end up resenting them or feeling like they stole something from me. They add so much to life, and they don't have to take everything else away!

I know several couples who found out the were expecting their first and the next day they went out and sold their sports cars or moved out of their cool apartment and bemoaning on Facebook how it's time to move into "parenthood mode" with some dumb house in the suburbs that they hate and a janky minivan... I mean, maybe they had their reasons like safety or convenience or money, but I think it's dangerous and a little silly to think that EVERY fun thing in your life has to be stripped away just because you're becoming a mom or dad.

I don't know, that's my two-cents.

lilitaliangirl · January 2015

1. Don't stress about which swing, bouncer, etc is the best....until your peanut is here, you won't know what he/she will like. Or if they even like it at all!
2. Accept help when offered! (My MIL, who normally drives me nuts, offered to come over a couple evenings a week to let DH and I go to sleep about 8:00, because around 11:30-3:00 was party time for DS.
3. A friend gave me this AMAZING tip... keep a small garbage can WITH LID filled 1/2 way with water and a scoop of Oxyclean. Whenever you have messy baby clothes, just toss it in to soak until it's time to wash. Kept stains away like a charm. I changed the water once a week (sometimes twice if there were a lot of messes)

Bednarova · January 2015

I got a kindle soon after ds1 was born bc It was easier to use 1handed while BFing him than a book. I read a TON in those first 4mo of nursing DS.

And about then he started Sttn, (i was so lucky) so I'd get into bed when he did and read.

My advice to FTM is that you need to take some time for yourself everyday. Put the baby down inna safe place- swing/bouncy seat/wherever and shower. Forget about the dishes for 20min and talk to a friend on the phone during naptime. Whatever makes
you happy.

tiffbot1985 · January 2015

To add to @brennazesquire‌ , rubber donuts to sit on with ice packs in the middle!

devyns2nd · January 2015

I'm not sure how OP thought that was good advice for a FTM?!?!

My advice would be not to let people like that ruin this for you. I'm a STM because I couldn't wait to do this again. I tried so hard to get pregnant after DD and it took four Years and three losses. I don't even consider lack of sleep or the amount of books I didn't read because I have a super awesome 4 year old and I am lucky enough to be doing it all over again!!! I say enjoy EVERY moment because they grow so fast it's crazy.

poppyc8 · January 2015

CMSullivan326 said:

Use the cheap diaper bag the hospital gives you free, leave it fully stocked in the car, and just carry your purse when your baby's not in daycare. It was rare that I needed to change a diaper while out shopping or anything and I lugged that huge bag around with DS1. We also had a stash of supplies at IL's but we spend/spent a ton of time over there.
This would be mine. You don't need 500 things in the diaper bag. I see some women with diaper bags PACKED FULL of unnecessary things. I was kind of like that with DS but I learned quickly.

@cmsullivan326 @mama-bear 100% agree!!!

wegrowsheep · January 2015

Never say never. I watched my newborn DD shoot poo 3+ feet during a diaper change and it nailed my husband.
Learn to laugh, because it is a saving grace.
If this is your second, don't forget to take some pictures. If you don't, however, don't feel guilty.
And forgive yourself and your husband/partner for the mistakes you WILL BOTH MAKE. There are no perfect parents. You are a team.

no2due · January 2015

Put a change of clothes for baby in a gallon size Ziploc bag. Then you have a safe place to put the wet/soiled ones without the risk of throwing them away in diaper trash bags. It also keeps the new clothes clean from accidental spills.

thelittlestbee · January 2015

I watched my mom work two jobs and put herself through law school when I was a little girl. When my mom wasn't at work or in class, she was taking care of us and studying. She also managed to take us to baseball games, the library, and on some pretty cool vacations.

I hate when people act like your life is over just because you have a kid. My mom is living proof that you can follow your dreams, have a fun life, and still be a great mom.

thursdaychick · January 2015

sensitivesally said:

Is that supposed to be helpful? Because I have plenty of strangers on the street telling me I better get all my sleep in now because I won't get any once the baby comes. Not exactly what I'd call pearls of wisdom.

To bad I can't sleep now.. Never. So I can't get plenty of sleep before the baby! I guess I am getting my practice!

tiffbot1985 · January 2015

Ya, I don't think the baby has to tie you down to the house. I suppose it depends on the baby and how you are doing/your personality/PPD symptoms (don't get me wrong, I had days where I sat in my house and cried all day...and those were the days it was most important to go out for a walk or visit other mom friends). But DS had been to 4 weddings by the time he was 4 months old as he was born in the summer. It takes a long time to figure things out, and then they change their patterns when you do, but just continue learning every day, know that crying or having a 'fail' day and needing time to yourself is ok and normal. And cheese alert, it's life changing, but mostly in the way you learn to love and appreciate every moment in a way you never did before.

OfficiallyHollyC · January 2015

Oh ouch, this post did not go over well.

GirPipley · January 2015

@Ifaithlove I couldn't agree more with what you said. My first was an extremely flexible baby. I never stopped doing what I wanted to do when she arrived. I am a stay at home mom. If I had plans during her nap time, she napped in the car seat. If I wanted to finish a sewing project while she played, she played in the pack n play. If I needed to take a shower and she was screaming, I put her in her crib and took a shower.

She was walking by 10 months, had about 20 words by 1, knew her colors and animal sounds by 18 months, and was potty trained by 2. I obviously spent time with her one on one, but I also did not spend ALL THE TIME with my energy solely focused on her. I did get side eyed multiple times for being out "during nap time" from other stay at home moms, but whatever. I'd much rather have a kid who can nap anywhere than one who HAS to be in their kid at an exact time everyday or they wont sleep. DD will still (at 4) conk off in the car and let me move her to her bed for a nap, it's awesome, and sometimes the only naps we get out of her now.

We have twins on the way, and our cars are a Honda Pilot and an Audi A4. Sooooo many people have made comments about us selling the Audi for a mini van, because "why do you need a fancy car now?" You know why? Because it makes us happy.... We love that car, we love going on dates in it, we love driving it, and it's only 2 year old...so it's not going anywhere. If anything, we'd sell the Pilot, why would we need a large SUV and a Mini Van? That's silly.

The best advice I was given: When your child is awake and playing, you do the dishes, make the meals, mop the floors, do the laundry. When the child is asleep, you sit yo ass down and read, nap, knit, etc. You are giving your child a gift by teaching them to play independently.

KonaCoffeeBean · January 2015

Thanks but I've hit my limit for unsolicited advice.

lwyz · January 2015

Just read the edit.

haha So good. I personally love advice since I'm the youngest in my extended family and never really babysat soooo my baby experience is super limited! I'm just like WHAT DO BABIES WEAR! Haha

jmkelly18 · January 2015

This is #3 for me and some important things to remember...
Don't forget about your SO try to go on a date just the 2 of you or enjoy something together! Your relationship is important too!
Leave an extra outfit in the car for yourself! You never know when LO will have a diaper explosion or spit up all down your back! (I've fallen victim to both and wished I had something to change into)
As others have said enjoy it...they really do grow up super fast! I can't believe my DD is almost 7 and my DS just turned 4 it feels like just yesterday they were little bittys.

ksimo6 · January 2015

My advice, let your partner take control of certain things re: baby. Especially if you are nursing. My husband gained so much more confidence with our daughter after we decided that baths and bedtime were daddy's. And when it came time to sleep train, he and I read books, decided on an approach and he executed it. I followed his lead. It so important to let them in and give up on trying to supermom. You will be happier and so will your partner!

ksimo6 · January 2015

lwyz said:
Just read the edit. haha So good. I personally love advice since I'm the youngest in my extended family and never really babysat soooo my baby experience is super limited! I'm just like WHAT DO BABIES WEAR! Haha

The rule of thumb I have DH- look at what you have on, and then dress the baby in the same. My daughter wears a lot of camo when she's with daddy. LOL

esampson1983 · January 2015

lfaithlove said:
I'm not at all trying to be rude to OP, (maybe what she was trying to say was not to bite off more than you can chew? Try to indulge in things that you know you'll have time to enjoy uninterrupted? I don't know.) so this really isn't even directed at OP. but I'm also one that really hard when people gave me the "just you wait"'s instead of encouragement about becoming a mother.

People are doing it even moreso now as I will have "2 under 2" (DS will turn 2 within two weeks of lo's due date, so I don't even think that's a fair title) and it just really makes me mad and frustrated.

Here's my wisdom to impart: don't let things that you love (like reading, sewing, time for Spiritual growth, exercising, etc.) fall to the wayside or be diminished by your children's arrival into the world. Will there be lots and lots of free hours every day for you to have "me time"? Well, no, but there will be moments that allow for those things, especially if you make them happen. I hope this doesn't get me flamed but I didn't purposefully rearrange my entire life to accommodate DS when he was born. I just rolled with the punches. I took him on coffee dates and didn't stress when he cried or acted crazy. I allowed myself to sleep when he slept (which at first was A LOT so I felt really rested most of the time). I was blessed enough to have family close by so Dh and I still went on dates when we could. I didn't try to force myself into the "mommy mold" where play dates and making organic puréed baby food all day trumped taking the excuse to sit on my butt and watch TLC while DS nursed like a glutton (for maybe longer than I should've let him because gosh it felt good to just sit there!)

I have only had about five days in my entire maternal career (lol) that I felt so overwhelmed and like all those moms you see on TV, and 4 of them happened when my husband was working all nights and I was in my first tri with this baby, feeling like I was going to hurl every five seconds and exhausted out of my mind, all while trying to keep up with a toddler.

Granted, I know it will be more difficult in certain areas to have two kids, but I feel like I've eased my way into motherhood with one and I will take the tough days as they come with baby #2. If I didn't prioritize certain "me things" over my kids, I may end up resenting them or feeling like they stole something from me. They add so much to life, and they don't have to take everything else away!

I know several couples who found out the were expecting their first and the next day they went out and sold their sports cars or moved out of their cool apartment and bemoaning on Facebook how it's time to move into "parenthood mode" with some dumb house in the suburbs that they hate and a janky minivan... I mean, maybe they had their reasons like safety or convenience or money, but I think it's dangerous and a little silly to think that EVERY fun thing in your life has to be stripped away just because you're becoming a mom or dad.

I don't know, that's my two-cents.

Thank you! I am a FTM. My biggest fear is losing myself to motherhood but it sounds like it will be possible to still be me once I become a mom. Thank you!

porcelaneous · January 2015

Totally agree! I love hearing any advice and want to soak it all up and use what I can. This topic is helpful. Thanks everyone!

nye373 · January 2015

Life does change when you have a baby. The routine/schedule is not as flexible as it once was. BUT... There are so many opportunities to still be you. With DD1, we took her everywhere with us. We traveled, went out to eat, etc. She was very easy going, so we had a long time where she was content to sit in her car seat or stroller and just take in the world. It wasn't until she was crawling and moving about that it became more difficult to go out to eat, etc. But by then, you're ready for it because each day you've grown more accustomed to having a baby.

Watching your baby learn, move, say their first word, heck, even just lift their head during tummy time is pretty AMAZING! I am a very social, people oriented person and I do not feel that my children have taken that away from me. They have only enhanced my life.

My tip is for those of you planning to BF. Stock up on some good books, invest in Netflix, or record some TV shows (like a lot of them) because that will be your saving grace to get you through those first few months. I needed something that I could somewhat look forward to because I didn't love breastfeeding in the beginning. Also, after the first month, it gets easier and after the first 3 months, you'll be a pro, so if you do decide to go that route, stick with it. It gets to a point where breastfeeding becomes easier than making a bottle. It does take time though.

sideboth · January 2015

lfaithlove Such lovely advice. Mine is simple. Be the parent you want to be. There is no right or wrong way to parent (outside of abuse and neglect).

Understand there kids will humble and kick your butt in ways that make you both laugh and also want to cry. Being able to handle those ups and downs with grace will define you as a parent. Don't forget yourself. Being a mother is an aspect of your life but it doesn't 100% define you.

Don't forget your friends (especially the ones that don't have kids) and don't forget to be a wife to your husband.

blu-eyedwife · January 2015

Okay my for real advice for FTMs - Babies can't tell time and they are shit with calendars. So take the pressure off yourself regarding their "schedule" or what they "should" be doing.

They don't know they just ate an hour ago and shouldn't be hungry again.
They don't know they're supposed to be STTN at a certain age.
They don't know that they're supposed to be sitting around 6 months.

Flexibility is key. No matter what your plans and ideas are about motherhood and child rearing, be prepared to adjust to your baby.

GASuzuki · January 2015

1. Do not sleep with your child. They will never get out of your bed. Seriously. I wish I could sue Dr. Sears.

2. Do not give into the iPad for more than an hour a day. It really does affect attention span.

3. Breastfeeding is hard, but really rewarding if you can make it work. If you can't, don't be hard on yourself. There are excellent formulas out there.

4. After the baby is born, try to take care of yourself. It was so hard for me after my DD was born because I was struggling to keep up. My DH had to finally urge me to take some time for myself one day.

5. Do not let your DH think you will do everything. He needs to pull his weight. If you're breastfeeding, he should do diaper duty.

OfficiallyHollyC · January 2015

GASuzuki said:

1. Do not sleep with your child. They will never get out of your bed. Seriously. I wish I could sue Dr. Sears. 2. Do not give into the iPad for more than an hour a day. It really does affect attention span. 3. Breastfeeding is hard, but really rewarding if you can make it work. If you can't, don't be hard on yourself. There are excellent formulas out there. 4. After the baby is born, try to take care of yourself. It was so hard for me after my DD was born because I was struggling to keep up. My DH had to finally urge me to take some time for myself one day. 5. Do not let your DH think you will do everything. He needs to pull his weight. If you're breastfeeding, he should do diaper duty.

Girl, #1 is GOLDEN! #3 is so true too. I breastfeed as long as I could but in the end, both children were fine on formula.

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Moms of 1 or more, lets give the FTMs our favorite little gems of knowledge. Edited*

Re: Moms of 1 or more, lets give the FTMs our favorite little gems of knowledge. Edited*

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