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December 2014 Moms
RaeChay
member
Long rant: Mom's loser boyfriend!
RaeChay
member
I want to call my mom's sister and bitch to her about this but H (probably rightly) won't let me as he doesn't want this to unfold into worse family drama than it needs to be. Truth is I will probably tell her anyway but for now I am going to try and be good - and so you guys get to hear it instead 
So idk if any of you read my birth story - but quick recap: kid had to be in the nursery for antibiotics his first 48 hours of life, and soon after had to be under phototherapy for jaundice for several days. My mother saw him in the nursery but didn't get to hold him there, and the second time she came to visit him he was under bili lights and again, she didn't get to hold him. LO is now 14 days old. My mother had a cold and has been "getting over it" the past 2 days per her report.
So mom and her boyfriend came over tonight. Background on mom and her boyfriend - my mom has terrible taste in men. See as follows
1) My father - cheated on her with a 19 year old when I was 5
2) My ex stepdad - alcoholic and drug addict, discovered he had 90% liver cirrhosis from Hep C 8 years into their marriage. Underwent successful treatment, decided he could no longer work as a pharmacist a year after completing treatment & my mom supporting him financially during that year (he quit his job). Told my mom she will need to support him now. Spent all her money, shot guns in the garage (!!!) with me living there while in high school. She finally got the guts up to divorce him when I was 22 and he took half her 401K.
3) Current boyfriend. She picked him up at a seedy redneck bar. He encouraged her to drive home drunk from said bar several times, and on one occasion she was so drunk she divulged to me that she had to pull over to throw up, then got back in to drive home. My mom is not a fucktard (normally) so you know he is bad news. When they met he literally lived in a bus on some property of a friend's. No job, no posessions. My mom is an RN, makes $53/hour. He now lives with her and spends her money. Must be nice.
So they came by tonight. My mom has been complaining about having not yet held my 2 week old (not about me I think, more the situation) and I asked her to please wash her hands. She replies "well I just used hand sanitizer at home before we came here." My reply: "ok, I will still ask you to please wash your hands. No worries, mom - we have more hand sanitizer here." She complies, comes back, and I hand her a mask (we had discussed over the phone that because she just got over a cold I'd be more comfortable with her still wearing a mask while holding LO). She stated she's totally understanding of it.
Mom's boyfriend pipes up (oh I'd like to add here: I've known this guy for 2 years approximately). He says "well I want to get a picture of your mom holding the baby without a mask on." I say that I understand but because of the recent illness, I won't allow it. He says "well no, it's just for a second! Just really quick. She doesn't want a picture of her with a mask on!" I repeat that it's a bummer I know, but it is my call to make and the answer is no. If she holds the baby, it will be with mask on. He says "well I guess because all you ever think about is your own damn self, you can't ever think of others you're so selfish! I'm just gonna take a couple pictures and go out and have a smoke" and some other unintelligible bullshit through his three remaining teeth.
I don't even know how to respond to that but I'm immediately so angry that he should dare to come into my own home and speak thusly to me that I am shaking. But he takes some photos and has his smoke; during which I tell my mom WTF WAS THAT ABOUT and THAT IS NOT OK. And if that is going to be his behavior and attitude towards me he is not welcome in my home (btw H isn't at home) and I add that boyfriend would not have DARED if H was home. She just begs me to forget it.
So I try to make the rest of the visit positive for my mom. I don't even make eye contact with boyfriend because I may burn him with a medusa stare or something. H comes home and I discreetly text that I am going to stab boyfriend, so his guard is up. As mom and boyfriend leave, I say my love you's & goodbyes to mom, and say "Oh, and (___boyfriend___), just one thing. You will NOT speak to me out of anger or frustration in my own home again the way you did earlier this evening. And you will NEVER AGAIN question my own authority in regards to my son, or any future children I may have. I hope we are quite clear on this." He apologizes, makes some lame fucking excuses, and I forgive him.
I am sooooooooooooooooooo angry still however. Here is why: I feel that he clearly does not have the best interest of my own child in mind, and therefore there are future implications. I do not feel comfortable sending LO to be babysat by my mother as there will undoubtedly be times in which she will hand baby off to boyfriend while she cooks or showers or something. He smokes like a motherfucking peat fire on a rainy day in Scotland. They were here for an hour and he went out 3 times to smoke, and that's totally average for him. Add to the fact that I've just never fucking liked the guy, and he sure didn't improve my opinion of him tonight.
I am sad for what this could mean for my relationship with my mother. I do not bend. I will forgive but I do not forget. I need therapy sure, but those are essential facts of who I am, and I have no interest in changing for this leech of a pathetic man (the fact he would speak that way to me b/c H was not at home tells me all about his character I need to know). I will not allow him into my home in the foreseeable future, and for whatever reason, he feels he needs to be attached at the hip to my mom - seriously, wherever she goes, he goes (he is unemployed after all).
This man has spent less than 3 total hours actually speaking to me since he and my mother met, and he dares act like he knows anything about me? Not to mention the ignorance of his original statement - that I don't care about anyone but myself when I am acting in protection of my own son? So that you can have a picture that my mom told me she never said she specifically wanted? Fucker, that doesn't even make logical sense! And I am pissed that my mom would choose to spend her time with someone so classless. I've taken up enough space here, but suffice it to say that he is truly gross guys.
I am so angry I can't even let it go. Thanks for any support. I'm probably just crazy ranting now.
ETA - not that it's all about the Benjamins, except for when it is: homeboy is in his late 60's, and quite literally has no assets and no money - not even social security benefits because he was a "contractor" during his productive life and never paid into the system. So my mom 100% supports his half-cocked monkey's ass, and works full time doing so.
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Re: Long rant: Mom's loser boyfriend!
I can relate. My mom just ended her third marriage in 2014 (second alcoholic husband) and I've seen a slew of shitty boyfriends in between, so I know how it feels to watch your mom waste her time and money and be taken advantage of by someone so not worthy of her. She kicked me out of the house when I was 17 with this last husband and my dad and stepmom explained to me that it was because she was a newlywed and needed to focus more of her time nurturing her relationship and financially supporting her husband.
All I have to say is, you total did the right thing and I give you serious props for remaining assertive about the situation and making it clear that you weren't going to compromise your baby's wellbeing for s stupid picture. It sounds like you're going to stand your ground about not allowing the scumbag in your house. If it's already clear to your mom how you feel about him, that's about all you can do on that end. Now you just have to trust that your mom will get the message that she's going to lose out on a lot of quality time with her daughter and new grandbaby because of her choice of companionship. I'm sure eventually (but hopefully sooner rather than later) she will realize who obviously takes priority.
Try not to get caught up in the drama of it all and just focus on spending all the time with your sweet little one. Good luck and creepy Internet hugs to you.
D14 mama with an O14 baby.
Your mom is a grown woman, and any choices she makes she must deal with the consequences. If she chooses to date an asshol, then she is not going to get to spend much time with her family. That is her choice, not yours. Don't feel guilty that you have normal, healthy boundaries in place for your child. You are giving LO something that you didn't have growing up. I really respect how you handled that whole day. I would have either freaked out or completely caved in. Take care, Mama.