When my boyfriend and I met he didn't want anymore kids (he already has 2) but realizing that it was important to me and that he loved me he decided that we should try for a family of our own.
What can I say I was so excited!
Unfortunately I now feel like I'm the only one who is, every time I talk about babies he always brings up how tired we are going to be and how costly a baby is. Basically more neg. comments than + ones.
I feel like I have to scale back my excitement just to accommodate his apprehensions. I'm 3 days late now and thinking about taking a test tomorrow. I'm actually worried about telling him if it's positive because if his reaction doesn't mirror my own it might crush me...
Re: Nervous about daddy's reaction
I think you want someone who doesn't know you to provide you with a way forward or comfort you are doing the right thing.
I think if you are having to ask the Internet things like this maybe you should mature a little to be confident in your choices.
I think your father is right. Babies are expensive. You will be tired beyond belief. Your life will change forever.
I also think you are here to only listen to what you want to hear. I doubt you will listen to anyone telling you anything you do not want to hear.
And finally if you think you are pregnant you should test and move to 1st tri if you get a BFP. If you don't I would recommend lurking.
Long story short- he's into it, just not feeling chatty.
Have an honest conversation with your boyfriend. Communication is never a bad idea anyway
Having said that he has not only agreed to try but is having unprotected sex with you so is fully aware of the possibilities.
I would tell him you are late and going to test so that it is something you can do together. He should not react negatively for a BFP. ACtively TTC with someone while hoping she will not get pregnant is an immature and selfish thing to do.
I guess my suggestion would be go with your gut. If he is acting like he doesn't want a kid, don't push him. It will drive him further away. Talk to him.
Hysteroscopy 10/28/14 - septum removed
HSG 10/31/14 - All Clear!
Knowing DH was nearly 40 and already had a then 9 year old son, I am pretty sure I asked him about the kid issue on our second date - he was great, but if he didn't want kids then it was time to nip that relationship in the bud (luckily, he's possibly more enthusiastic than me). While it might have been possible he'd change his mind, I knew it was not something I could bank on. Your BF told you up front he didn't want kids, and while he may have softened a bit at one point to placate you, you can't expect people to change just because you want them too. You need to have a clear, direct, CALM conversation with him about this. Now, that all being said, I completely agree with PPs that he chose to then have unprotected sex with you - if he truly didn't want kids, he could easily insist on some form of contraception or, if he was really adament, he frankly should have had a vasectomy prior to even meeting you. Many, many stepmoms find themselves with husbands who had vasectomies because they were not wanting more kids after their prior relationship.
Also, yes, as PP said, the details of his particular circumstances (age of his kids, his involvement, his CS obligations, if any, etc.) are very very important to his thoughts on this matter. If he pays a large sum per month on CS, he may feel he can't adequately provide for another baby. This is very common among men in his situation.
Stepfamilies are complicated, especially when you add "ours" kids to the mix, even under the best of circumstances. Previously great relationships with stepkids can deteriorate rapidly when a new baby enters the picture - for them, that is likely the final nail in the coffin of their hope that mom and dad get back together (which is a completely normal and very common desire for kids in that situation). The mom, who was okay with your presence before, may change her tune dramatically if she feels the new baby is a threat to the well-being of her own kids. Your BF may be worried about all those issues as well. I would lurk some/reach out on the Blended Families board - it will provide you with a lot more insight from people who have been there.
Me: 33 DH: 39 Married 5/17/14
TTC #1 - Jan 2015
Formerly known as JennyH81
DH has one son (11) from prior marriage
Baby Girl Pug is my furbaby
Come peek in my ute!
Jan. Siggy Challenge; Exercise Fail
Nice anecdote! However, her situation is not the same as yours. Also, MH hates condoms (I believe this is a worldwide consensus), but that doesn't mean he has always wanted to impregnate me. I agree with PP both people should be 100% invested and prepared when TTC.
Married August 2012. Me: 41 DH: 42
Daughter from previous marriage: 20
BFP 12/19/12: Ectopic discovered at 8 weeks, right tube removed 01/18/13
June 2013 Testing Results: Progesterone: 31.7, LH: 5, FSH: 5, Estradiol: 161
Clomid cycles Nov. 2013 and Jan, Feb, and March 2014
TTC journey over as of the end of October 2014
TTCAL BLOG
All ALers welcome!
Yeah - it's great that her H came around to being happy with his son, but what if he hadn't? The poor child!
Me: 33 DH: 39 Married 5/17/14
TTC #1 - Jan 2015
Formerly known as JennyH81
DH has one son (11) from prior marriage
Baby Girl Pug is my furbaby
Come peek in my ute!
***anticipating quote box fail****
I don't care about the rest of the thread, but I've used the pull out method for 5 years with MH. No BC, no tempting, no condoms. I'm not uneducated about birth control options.
I had to.
Haha well, maybe some tempting.
Fair enough, I just didn't want you to feel sorry for me and think I was uneducated about BC.