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Nervous about daddy's reaction

genevievequintingenevievequintin member
in Trying to Get Pregnant
When my boyfriend and I met he didn't want anymore kids (he already has 2) but realizing that it was important to me and that he loved me he decided that we should try for a family of our own.
What can I say I was so excited!
Unfortunately I now feel like I'm the only one who is, every time I talk about babies he always brings up how tired we are going to be and how costly a baby is. Basically more neg. comments than + ones.
I feel like I have to scale back my excitement just to accommodate his apprehensions. I'm 3 days late now and thinking about taking a test tomorrow. I'm actually worried about telling him if it's positive because if his reaction doesn't mirror my own it might crush me...
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Re: Nervous about daddy's reaction

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    genevievequintingenevievequintin member
    What should I do? Is it normal that he is acting this way or am I over reacting?
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    ScatterbugScatterbug member
    Oh and I would also recommend changing your name if it is your real name. The Internet is a creepy place.

    Me 31, DH 29, DD 5
    TTC #2 since August 2014



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    genevievequintingenevievequintin member
    Haha indeed that is the obvious solution. I just need to approach it in a certain way I guess. I guess I will take it from there ;)
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    RoastyToastyRoastyToasty member
    DH is like that sometimes as well. I just sat down with him and asked what he was feeling about TTGP. Turns out he's on board- he is just a realist. Babies cost money, they do wake up often, they are work. He also expressed that he's excited to TFAS, he just gets bored of the same conversation all the time (not saying you're a broken record, I know that I am). It wasn't anything personal or negative, and now that I understand his view of things it doesn't bother me at all.

    Long story short- he's into it, just not feeling chatty.

    Have an honest conversation with your boyfriend. Communication is never a bad idea anyway :)
    Peace, Love, and Glitter Farts
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    CerisrichardCerisrichard member
    I would say that you 2 need to talk about his feelings again.

    Having said that he has not only agreed to try but is having unprotected sex with you so is fully aware of the possibilities.

    I would tell him you are late and going to test so that it is something you can do together. He should not react negatively for a BFP. ACtively TTC with someone while hoping she will not get pregnant is an immature and selfish thing to do.
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    briannaescplanbriannaescplan member
    Sounds somewhat of what I went through (the whole him being negative thing). When we decided to start TTC, we were both so excited. As time went on (about 6 months or so), the excitement on his end dwindled to the point of me crying and us fighting. I took a step back. I stopped pushing baby. I stopped altogether because his concerns were valid. Now that I have stepped back, he is the one mentioning baby and we may start TTC again.

    I guess my suggestion would be go with your gut. If he is acting like he doesn't want a kid, don't push him. It will drive him further away. Talk to him.

    TTC # 1 since 11/2013
    Hysteroscopy 10/28/14 - septum removed
    HSG 10/31/14 - All Clear!
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    JennyH81JennyH81 member

    Knowing DH was nearly 40 and already had a then 9 year old son, I am pretty sure I asked him about the kid issue on our second date - he was great, but if he didn't want kids then it was time to nip that relationship in the bud (luckily, he's possibly more enthusiastic than me).  While it might have been possible he'd change his mind, I knew it was not something I could bank on.  Your BF told you up front he didn't want kids, and while he may have softened a bit at one point to placate you, you can't expect people to change just because you want them too.  You need to have a clear, direct, CALM conversation with him about this.  Now, that all being said, I completely agree with PPs that he chose to then have unprotected sex with you - if he truly didn't want kids, he could easily insist on some form of contraception or, if he was really adament, he frankly should have had a vasectomy prior to even meeting you.  Many, many stepmoms find themselves with husbands who had vasectomies because they were not wanting more kids after their prior relationship.

    Also, yes, as PP said, the details of his particular circumstances (age of his kids, his involvement, his CS obligations, if any, etc.) are very very important to his thoughts on this matter.  If he pays a large sum per month on CS, he may feel he can't adequately provide for another baby.  This is very common among men in his situation.

    Stepfamilies are complicated, especially when you add "ours" kids to the mix, even under the best of circumstances.  Previously great relationships with stepkids can deteriorate rapidly when a new baby enters the picture - for them, that is likely the final nail in the coffin of their hope that mom and dad get back together (which is a completely normal and very common desire for kids in that situation).  The mom, who was okay with your presence before, may change her tune dramatically if she feels the new baby is a threat to the well-being of her own kids.  Your BF may be worried about all those issues as well.  I would lurk some/reach out on the Blended Families board - it will provide you with a lot more insight from people who have been there.

    Me: 33  DH: 39  Married 5/17/14
    TTC #1 - Jan 2015

    Formerly known as JennyH81

    DH has one son (11) from prior marriage
    Baby Girl Pug is my furbaby

     Come peek in my ute!

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    londonlea04londonlea04 member
    RoastyToasty said:
    DH is like that sometimes as well. I just sat down with him and asked what he was feeling about TTGP. Turns out he's on board- he is just a realist. Babies cost money, they do wake up often, they are work. He also expressed that he's excited to TFAS, he just gets bored of the same conversation all the time (not saying you're a broken record, I know that I am). It wasn't anything personal or negative, and now that I understand his view of things it doesn't bother me at all. Long story short- he's into it, just not feeling chatty. Have an honest conversation with your boyfriend. Communication is never a bad idea anyway :)
    We had to have this same conversation. He says that talking about it all the time puts pressure on him. 
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
    TTC #2
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    cabgirlcabgirl member
    You need to talk to your boyfriend about how he's feeling. We really can't tell you. His apparent lack of excitement could mean any number of things. I noticed pretty quickly after we started trying that my H didn't seem particularly excited about it. So I sat down with him and talked to him about it. It turned out that he was just wary of getting himself worked up about something that might possibly not happen, or might take some time to happen. He didn't want to set himself up for disappointment each month I didn't end up pregnant, so he was trying to be low key about it. He also told me that because I do get so worked up, he felt he needed to be strong for me. 

    So, it could be something like that, or something else entirely. He could want this just as much as you do, and just have concerns that he hasn't shared with you. Or it's possible that he just doesn't really want another kid, and he doesn't want to be vocal about it for fear of disappointing or losing you. You really just need to talk it out with him.
    Me: 30  DH: 45
    Married: 7/19/2014
    TTC #1 since 8/2014
    BFP 1/10/15 EDD 9/22/15

    BabyFruit Ticker
    Sept. '15 Siggy Challenge: Happy Dance
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    chipsfordinnerchipsfordinner member
    He doesn't want a baby. You knew that from the get go. You should be with someone who does want a baby or give up wanting to have a baby. Pick one.
    30. Michigan. Married.  TTC #1.
    Jan. Siggy Challenge; Exercise Fail
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    mommyof2plus1makeswemommyof2plus1makeswe member
    What's up with all the negative comments? Don't worry Hun... He obviously knows that you may become pregnant, he's having sex with you and unless he's pulling out then the probability is high. My husband did the same with out second, I kinda pushed it on him and he wasn't quite so enthusiastic, but he is so happy and super close with our second son. Now that we are ready for number 3, he is never actually excited, just kinda okay with it. I think if you just involve him in some aspects and not every feeling of excitement you have, it'll grow on him. Good luck.
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    Brie+may+kBrie+may+k member
    edited January 2015
    futuremrsmcc said:

    What's up with all the negative comments? Don't worry Hun... He obviously knows that you may become pregnant, he's having sex with you and unless he's pulling out then the probability is high. My husband did the same with out second, I kinda pushed it on him and he wasn't quite so enthusiastic, but he is so happy and super close with our second son. Now that we are ready for number 3, he is never actually excited, just kinda okay with it. I think if you just involve him in some aspects and not every feeling of excitement you have, it'll grow on him. Good luck.


    Nice anecdote! However, her situation is not the same as yours. Also, MH hates condoms (I believe this is a worldwide consensus), but that doesn't mean he has always wanted to impregnate me. I agree with PP both people should be 100% invested and prepared when TTC.
    Met 10/2009, Adopted rescue pup 9/2011, Married 6/2013, TTC #1 7/2014

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    JennyH81JennyH81 member
    LindsRockies said:


    futuremrsmcc said:

    My husband did the same with out second, I kinda pushed it on him and he wasn't quite so enthusiastic.

    This type of selfishness astounds me.

    Yeah - it's great that her H came around to being happy with his son, but what if he hadn't? The poor child!

    Me: 33  DH: 39  Married 5/17/14
    TTC #1 - Jan 2015

    Formerly known as JennyH81

    DH has one son (11) from prior marriage
    Baby Girl Pug is my furbaby

     Come peek in my ute!

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    thycapathycapa member
    edited January 2015
    If your test comes out negative, you two should probably sit down and talk to see if you're on the same page. He shouldn't give in to having a baby to make you happy if he isn't into it. Children are a lifelong commitment.
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    mommyof2plus1makeswemommyof2plus1makeswe member
    You ladies sound ridiculous... Having another child isn't selfish; we obviously knew what we were doing while creating him! Ugh stop taking my words and twisting them around! & if every single man was as excited as women were to have babies the world wouldn't be full of men and women, it would be full of women & women! Get a grip people! Talk to your hubby and do what you feels right. Btw: I've been on this community for all of my pregnancies.
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    easilyunamusedeasilyunamused member
    cnf2013 said:


    futuremrsmcc said:

    You ladies sound ridiculous... Having another child isn't selfish; we obviously knew what we were doing while creating him! Ugh stop taking my words and twisting them around! & if every single man was as excited as women were to have babies the world wouldn't be full of men and women, it would be full of women & women! Get a grip people! Talk to your hubby and do what you feels right. Btw: I've been on this community for all of my pregnancies.

    My husband is actually a lot more excited at the prospect of having kids than I am. Sorry pumpkin, myth busted. 

    Also, pulling out is not birth control. It has less than a 25% chance of preventing pregnancy. If that's the method you use than I feel really sorry for how completely uneducated you are about your BC options. 



    ***anticipating quote box fail****

    I don't care about the rest of the thread, but I've used the pull out method for 5 years with MH. No BC, no tempting, no condoms. I'm not uneducated about birth control options.
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    easilyunamusedeasilyunamused member
    risscabobs said:


    easilyunamused said:

    cnf2013 said:

    -SNIP-


    ***anticipating quote box fail****

    I don't care about the rest of the thread, but I've used the pull out method for 5 years with MH. No BC, no tempting, no condoms. I'm not uneducated about birth control options.

    Well, that may be why it's worked. ;)
    I had to.


    Haha well, maybe some tempting.
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    cnf2013cnf2013 member
    easilyunamused said:
    futuremrsmcc said:
    You ladies sound ridiculous... Having another child isn't selfish; we obviously knew what we were doing while creating him! Ugh stop taking my words and twisting them around! & if every single man was as excited as women were to have babies the world wouldn't be full of men and women, it would be full of women & women! Get a grip people! Talk to your hubby and do what you feels right. Btw: I've been on this community for all of my pregnancies.
    My husband is actually a lot more excited at the prospect of having kids than I am. Sorry pumpkin, myth busted. 

    Also, pulling out is not birth control. It has less than a 25% chance of preventing pregnancy. If that's the method you use than I feel really sorry for how completely uneducated you are about your BC options. 
    ***anticipating quote box fail**** I don't care about the rest of the thread, but I've used the pull out method for 5 years with MH. No BC, no tempting, no condoms. I'm not uneducated about birth control options.
    Well, that's your choice. Not a risk I'd ever take though if I didn't want to get pregnant. 

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    easilyunamusedeasilyunamused member
    cnf2013 said:


    easilyunamused said:

    cnf2013 said:


    futuremrsmcc said:

    You ladies sound ridiculous... Having another child isn't selfish; we obviously knew what we were doing while creating him! Ugh stop taking my words and twisting them around! & if every single man was as excited as women were to have babies the world wouldn't be full of men and women, it would be full of women & women! Get a grip people! Talk to your hubby and do what you feels right. Btw: I've been on this community for all of my pregnancies.

    My husband is actually a lot more excited at the prospect of having kids than I am. Sorry pumpkin, myth busted. 

    Also, pulling out is not birth control. It has less than a 25% chance of preventing pregnancy. If that's the method you use than I feel really sorry for how completely uneducated you are about your BC options. 

    ***anticipating quote box fail****

    I don't care about the rest of the thread, but I've used the pull out method for 5 years with MH. No BC, no tempting, no condoms. I'm not uneducated about birth control options.

    Well, that's your choice. Not a risk I'd ever take though if I didn't want to get pregnant. 


    Fair enough, I just didn't want you to feel sorry for me and think I was uneducated about BC.
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