Significant anger this time around

Wilde83 · January 2015

I've never been an angry person, but lately I see other women who are much further along than me, or overhear worry free pregnancy conversations and I feel randomly furious at them. I don't know where it's coming from, but it's disturbing, and I was wondering if anyone else has experienced this? I feel like a crazy person!

tg1993 · January 2015

I felt like that before I got pregnant this time and in the beggining of my pregnancy. I didnt do it on purpose. I didn't want to hate women that had children or were pregnant but I couldn't help it those feeling just crept up on their own. Eventually it stopped though.. I did feel like a crazy bitchy person for it.

sandj918 · January 2015

Yep. I miscarried as my SIL was in her first trimester. It was really hard to be around her and I eventually had to tell her to stop texting me pregnancy updates because it was just too painful. Luckily for me she was more than understanding but sometimes hurt and pain can take the form of anger. I try to remember that they didn't cause my loss and I wouldn't wish that pain on anyone.

Mel&John2013 · January 2015

I definitely have days like that. It comes and goes.I just accept the anger as an emotion I have to go through, understanding I'll likely feel better the next day.

BethKate2 · January 2015

I've experienced a lot of jealousy and anger toward people who get/stay pregnant easily and who have totally carefree pregnancies. I think it's normal after experiencing loss and/or infertility.

welly01 · January 2015

The anger I have is directed at people who were pregnant during my loss. I have a SIL, cousin and coworker who are all due almost the same month as I would have been due. I just really don't want to talk or even look at them right now. I'm hoping my avoidance will pass after I'm out of the second trimester and feel a little more confident about this pregnancy. We'll see though.

Wilde83 · January 2015

Thanks for sharing ladies...I'm starting to feel like the wicked witch of Southern California...of course I don't wish my late term loss experience on them but I think I'm just so frustrated that it's so easy and happy for them while I feel so isolated and scared.

I especially get frustrated reading posts of women advising ignoring the stories of those who lost their pregnancies so late because it was of remote odds. It makes me feel so alone and freakish I guess. Like...so it's only me who deserves to worry about this then? I guess I'm just being selfish, but I really hate this path

BookishMomma · January 2015

I have definitely had those feelings. They come and go. You're not a bad person for thinking those things.

BookishMomma · January 2015

welly01 said:

The anger I have is directed at people who were pregnant during my loss. I have a SIL, cousin and coworker who are all due almost the same month as I would have been due. I just really don't want to talk or even look at them right now. I'm hoping my avoidance will pass after I'm out of the second trimester and feel a little more confident about this pregnancy. We'll see though.

@welly01 THIS. Some friends of ours had an "oops" baby girl who was born right around the due date of my 3rd loss (also a girl). When I got their Christmas card I threw it in the recycling bin, as I had experienced a 4th loss 2 weeks before their daughter was born. I know it's not their fault. I just had to protect my heart.

edit - clarity

MrsSnyder124 · January 2015

I rather be angry than this big sensitive ball baby I've turned into ! Everything makes me cry . I'm not a cryer...

Danielle0311 · January 2015

I was extremely angry after both of my losses and could barely look at another pregnant women. I hated announcements like "oops we weren't even trying" or "oh my pregnancy is so blessed" it made me crazy. I thought that anger would go away once I was pregnant with a viable pregnancy but here I am 34 weeks and still get a little angry when I hear the announcements or easy pregnancy remarks. I feel embarrassed that I feel this way and try to stay much more positive then negative but the worry and anger creeps in a lot. PGAL is so very hard, you are not alone!

pblge · January 2015

((hugs)) I still feel this way sometimes, especially towards women who get pregnant easily and never miscarry. I have a friend who is just a couple of days ahead of me who has done some significant whining about her pregnancy, and she got pregnant her fourth month trying. Sometimes I just want to smack her. I think some of this anger is normal, but you have to try to focus it in a positive way. I do think it's dissipated somewhat for me as this pregnancy (finally) has progressed.

blueskies · June 2015

You posted this ages ago, but I understand your anger. I had an early miscarriage after a few months of trying (which I know is NOT long, but we were one of those couples that got pregnant with our first child quickly, so I was surprised that it took us even that long). My younger sister showed up for Thanksgiving just a week or two later and told me that she was pregnant with her third child (she'll have 3 under 3.5 years) - and not only was she NOT trying to get pregnant, she and her husband were actively trying to AVOID pregnancy. Apparently her birth control pills stopped being as effective when she stopped nursing. And the kicker is, she's due 9 days after I would've been due. I can barely stand to look at all of the pregnancy pictures she posts, and I just flat-out couldn't respond to any of her pregnancy-update texts - I think she's figured that out, because she doesn't send me many anymore. It hurt too much to get all those reminders of what I'd have been experiencing, or what my baby would've been doing. I'm 10 weeks pregnant now, after another chemical pregnancy over Valentine's weekend, and I still get angry when I see pictures of my sister's baby belly, or other pregnant women.

PlainJane8350 · June 2015

That's totally normal. I used to get angry when I'd see someone else with a kid, yelling at him/her in public, too. I still don't like it, but Ii manage not to give them the death stare anymore. You're allowed to feel any way you feel, you've been through a lot.

jacobsone2 · June 2015

When I went through my first loss, my little sister was also pregnant. I didn't speak to her for 3 months. I know, it's mean. It was just way too hard to talk to her. When I got pregnant again 3 months later I started talking to her again. She understood.

caromartin · June 2015

My best friend called me to announce she was pregnancy the day I miscarried. I completely ignored her pregnancy (would not ask about it, mention the baby) for months. I was really hard also when she started showing. I got over it eventually, but it took time.

clrockwell78 · June 2015

I had a really hard time seeing Facebook announcements. I lost my twins at 20 weeks in July 2014 after delivering naturally and all I could think when I saw their happy innocent posts was "you know babies die right? You aren't guaranteed to bring this baby home." I'm 16 weeks now and wish I could enjoy it, be blissfully happy and not know what it's like to hold my twins and not be able to take them home.

candicek15 · June 2015

Lurker over here! Hoping to join your group soon - from the miscarriage/pregnancy loss board.

When I was in the waiting room of the U/S clinic waiting to confirm my miscarriage there were two women with adorable bumps who were complaining about heartburn and trying to determine if the flutters they felt were the baby or just gas. All I could think was, "Screw you and your stupid heartburn!! I wish I only had heartburn!" lol. I went to a counsellor after I learned of my loss and talked about all the nasty things I think in my head about pregnant people I see. I assured her that I don't say these things out loud to those women, I just think them all the time and her response was, "That's the difference between coping and not coping." That was very reassuring because I thought that this anger and these thoughts were me not coping! haha.

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