Pregnant after a Loss

Significant anger this time around

I've never been an angry person, but lately I see other women who are much further along than me, or overhear worry free pregnancy conversations and I feel randomly furious at them. I don't know where it's coming from, but it's disturbing, and I was wondering if anyone else has experienced this? I feel like a crazy person!
DH + Me:  2013.11.09

BFP #1: Bilateral Renal Agenesis (Potters Sequence), D+E 2014.06.06 @ 20 wks

My Rainbow DS: 2015.08.28

BFP #3:  2016.11.24

Re: Significant anger this time around

  • I felt like that before I got pregnant this time and in the beggining of my pregnancy. I didnt do it on purpose. I didn't want to hate women that had children or were pregnant but I couldn't help it those feeling just crept up on their own. Eventually it stopped though.. I did feel like a crazy bitchy person for it.
    BabyFetus Ticker
  • Yep. I miscarried as my SIL was in her first trimester. It was really hard to be around her and I eventually had to tell her to stop texting me pregnancy updates because it was just too painful. Luckily for me she was more than understanding but sometimes hurt and pain can take the form of anger. I try to remember that they didn't cause my loss and I wouldn't wish that pain on anyone.
    DH: 28 Me: 30~TTC #2 since June 2014
    BabyFruit Ticker
    BFP #1: 8/22/2014~EDD: 5/5/2015~CP: 8/29/2014
    BFP #2: 12/27/2014~EDD: 9/9/2015

    September 2015 Siggy challenge: Happy dance
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  • I definitely have days like that. It comes and goes.I just accept the anger as an emotion I have to go through, understanding I'll likely feel better the next day.
  • I've experienced a lot of jealousy and anger toward people who get/stay pregnant easily and who have totally carefree pregnancies. I think it's normal after experiencing loss and/or infertility.


     

    TTC since July 2012 
    BFP 5/22/13. Lap. to remove ectopic and dx with endo. 6/16/13

    RE consult: June 2014

    DX: FVL, endo, hypothyroidism, blocked left tube

    Oct. 2014: First treatment cycle: Clomid+trigger+IUI=BFN

    November 2014: Clomid+trigger+IUI again=BFP!

    BFP 11/28/14 MC discovered 1/14/15

    Blogging to stay sane

  • The anger I have is directed at people who were pregnant during my loss.  I have a SIL, cousin and coworker who are all due almost the same month as I would have been due.  I just really don't want to talk or even look at them right now.  I'm hoping my avoidance will pass after I'm out of the second trimester and feel a little more confident about this pregnancy.  We'll see though.
                                                                                              BFP #1 3/2/12, T born 11/7/12
                                                                                                 BFP #2  7/2/14, CP 7/6/14
                                 BFP #3 8/28/14, MMC 10/2/14 @ 9wks - misoprostol 10/6/14, D&C 11/3/14 for retained tissue
                                       BFP #4 12/25/14, EDD 9/7/15 - please stick baby, you are so loved and wanted!!!!!                                                                                           
                                                                                                                                                   
                                            image  image                                                                      
  • Thanks for sharing ladies...I'm starting to feel like the wicked witch of Southern California...of course I don't wish my late term loss experience on them but I think I'm just so frustrated that it's so easy and happy for them while I feel so isolated and scared.

    I especially get frustrated reading posts of women advising ignoring the stories of those who lost their pregnancies so late because it was of remote odds. It makes me feel so alone and freakish I guess. Like...so it's only me who deserves to worry about this then? I guess I'm just being selfish, but I really hate this path
    DH + Me:  2013.11.09

    BFP #1: Bilateral Renal Agenesis (Potters Sequence), D+E 2014.06.06 @ 20 wks

    My Rainbow DS: 2015.08.28

    BFP #3:  2016.11.24
  • I have definitely had those feelings. They come and go. You're not a bad person for thinking those things. 
    image
    image
    DX: I'm a Recurrent Loser
    Me (35) + DH (37) - Married Sept. 2007
    BFP #1 - DS born 7/11/11
    BFP#2 11/13/13 - EDD 7/29/14 - M/C at 5w3d
    BFP #3 12/28/13 - EDD 9/7/14 - M/C at 4w6d
    BFP#4 3/27/14 -  EDD 12/5/14 - Girl lost to 45X at 8w6d - D&C 
    BFP#5 10/15/14 - EDD 6/30/15 - M/C at 7w2d
    BFP #6 1/5/15 - EDD 9.16.14 [CLICKY for progress]
    In search of a image


  • BookishMommaBookishMomma member
    edited January 2015
    welly01 said:
    The anger I have is directed at people who were pregnant during my loss.  I have a SIL, cousin and coworker who are all due almost the same month as I would have been due.  I just really don't want to talk or even look at them right now.  I'm hoping my avoidance will pass after I'm out of the second trimester and feel a little more confident about this pregnancy.  We'll see though.
    @welly01 THIS. Some friends of ours had an "oops" baby girl who was born right around the due date of my 3rd loss (also a girl). When I got their Christmas card I threw it in the recycling bin, as I had experienced a 4th loss 2 weeks before their daughter was born. I know it's not their fault. I just had to protect my heart.

    edit - clarity
    image
    image
    DX: I'm a Recurrent Loser
    Me (35) + DH (37) - Married Sept. 2007
    BFP #1 - DS born 7/11/11
    BFP#2 11/13/13 - EDD 7/29/14 - M/C at 5w3d
    BFP #3 12/28/13 - EDD 9/7/14 - M/C at 4w6d
    BFP#4 3/27/14 -  EDD 12/5/14 - Girl lost to 45X at 8w6d - D&C 
    BFP#5 10/15/14 - EDD 6/30/15 - M/C at 7w2d
    BFP #6 1/5/15 - EDD 9.16.14 [CLICKY for progress]
    In search of a image


  • I rather be angry than this big sensitive ball baby I've turned into ! Everything makes me cry . I'm not a cryer...

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    Lilypie Second Birthday tickers

  • I was extremely angry after both of my losses and could barely look at another pregnant women. I hated announcements like "oops we weren't even trying" or "oh my pregnancy is so blessed" it made me crazy. I thought that anger would go away once I was pregnant with a viable pregnancy but here I am 34 weeks and still get a little angry when I hear the announcements or easy pregnancy remarks. I feel embarrassed that I feel this way and try to stay much more positive then negative but the worry and anger creeps in a lot. PGAL is so very hard, you are not alone!

    Me (30) DH (31) Married 5/13, TTC since 2/13
    BFP #1 Blighted Ovum resulting in D&C on 11/1/13
    BFP #2 Ectopic Pg, lap surgery on 3/12/14, R tube removed

    BFP # 3, EDD 2/21/15 * please be our rainbow*
  • ((hugs)) I still feel this way sometimes, especially towards women who get pregnant easily and never miscarry. I have a friend who is just a couple of days ahead of me who has done some significant whining about her pregnancy, and she got pregnant her fourth month trying. Sometimes I just want to smack her. I think some of this anger is normal, but you have to try to focus it in a positive way. I do think it's dissipated somewhat for me as this pregnancy (finally) has progressed.
    **********************siggy/ticker warning**********************

    ***Losses mentioned.*** TTC #1 since May 2012. Me: 37, OH: 41. Ectopic August 2012 => tubal damage. :'(  Stage 1 endo removed June 2013. IVF #1 Oct/Nov 2013: Long Lupron with Gonal-F. 7R, 7M, 7F. 2 txfer@3d. Nothing frozen.  => M/C @ 8 wks. :'( Selected RPL panel all normal. Very hyper and brittle response to stims. IVF #2 (antagonist protocol) Feb 2014 => Converted to IUI (Perfect conditions). BFN. IVF #2.1 w/ new RE June 2014: Antagonist protocol. 33R, 31M, 30F, 19 blasts to test!!! I made it through without crashing!! :) Hats off to Dr. Fancypants!! ET of one 5AB blast. BFN. 13 10 CCS'ed snowflakes! FET #1 PUPO as of 7/29 Betas: 8/7@24, 8/9@97, 8/11@334 (etc.) Two sacs on 8/15, one seen on 8/18 after a bleed. U/s 8/25 (6+3) "perfect": 5.9 mm + HB@120bpm! U/s 9/4 (7+6): 15.9 mm + HB@172 bpm! Please, PLEASE stick this time!!!!
    http://i955.photobucket.com/albums/ae39/catfreeburg/866da40f5178fed79efe23fc8a4e8a_zps4498a9cc.jpgimageimageimageimage
    image
  • You posted this ages ago, but I understand your anger.  I had an early miscarriage after a few months of trying (which I know is NOT long, but we were one of those couples that got pregnant with our first child quickly, so I was surprised that it took us even that long).  My younger sister showed up for Thanksgiving just a week or two later and told me that she was pregnant with her third child (she'll have 3 under 3.5 years) - and not only was she NOT trying to get pregnant, she and her husband were actively trying to AVOID pregnancy.  Apparently her birth control pills stopped being as effective when she stopped nursing.  And the kicker is, she's due 9 days after I would've been due.  I can barely stand to look at all of the pregnancy pictures she posts, and I just flat-out couldn't respond to any of her pregnancy-update texts - I think she's figured that out, because she doesn't send me many anymore.  It hurt too much to get all those reminders of what I'd have been experiencing, or what my baby would've been doing.  I'm 10 weeks pregnant now, after another chemical pregnancy over Valentine's weekend, and I still get angry when I see pictures of my sister's baby belly, or other pregnant women. 
  • That's totally normal. I used to get angry when I'd see someone else with a kid, yelling at him/her in public, too. I still don't like it, but Ii manage not to give them the death stare anymore. You're allowed to feel any way you feel, you've been through a lot. <3
  • When I went through my first loss, my little sister was also pregnant. I didn't speak to her for 3 months. I know, it's mean. It was just way too hard to talk to her. When I got pregnant again 3 months later I started talking to her again. She understood.
  • My best friend called me to announce she was pregnancy the day I miscarried. I completely ignored her pregnancy (would not ask about it, mention the baby) for months. I was really hard also when she started showing. I got over it eventually, but it took time.


    Baby #1: m/c at 5 weeks (2011)
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker 
    Baby #3: missed m/c found at 11.5 weeks (2013)
    Baby #4: missed m/c at 10 weeks (2013)
    Baby #5: m/c at 6 weeks (2014)
    Baby #6: Saw a heartbeat at 7w, baby stopped growing at 7w1d, found at 8w u/s : d&c  (2014)

    image

    Hoping for my lucky #7 (one last try!)
  • I had a really hard time seeing Facebook announcements. I lost my twins at 20 weeks in July 2014 after delivering naturally and all I could think when I saw their happy innocent posts was "you know babies die right? You aren't guaranteed to bring this baby home." I'm 16 weeks now and wish I could enjoy it, be blissfully happy and not know what it's like to hold my twins and not be able to take them home.
  • Lurker over here! Hoping to join your group soon - from the miscarriage/pregnancy loss board.

    When I was in the waiting room of the U/S clinic waiting to confirm my miscarriage there were two women with adorable bumps who were complaining about heartburn and trying to determine if the flutters they felt were the baby or just gas. All I could think was, "Screw you and your stupid heartburn!! I wish I only had heartburn!" lol. I went to a counsellor after I learned of my loss and talked about all the nasty things I think in my head about pregnant people I see. I assured her that I don't say these things out loud to those women, I just think them all the time and her response was, "That's the difference between coping and not coping." That was very reassuring because I thought that this anger and these thoughts were me not coping! haha. 
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