---UO---

MuffinMom14 · January 2015

Saragoeswest said:

Saragoeswest said:

UO: I believe that children can be TOO ATTACHED to their parents. And vice versa. I'm a mom now. I love my daughter. But she is not my entire world. If something were to happen to her, I don't know how I would go on. I feel like I'd rather die than have something happen to her. But. I still have other interests besides just her. I'm not JUST A MOM. And I think if she knows that, she will respect me more later on. And I'll be a better mom. It took half of a work day for me to realize this about myself

Attachment Parenting doesn't have anything to do with not having an identity outside of being a parent.

I didn't say anything about Attachment Parenting. I don't even know much of anything about it, other than it's "a thing."
Okay. I just assumed that's what you were talking about because of the wording.

Seriously, it wasn't even on my radar. I'd tell you if it was, because I'm all about striking matches today. I think I googled Attachment Parenting once, but I forget what it was.

Maybe another UO is I'm tired of hearing about "parenting styles" and maybe we can all just parent our kids the best we know how?

Unknown · January 2015

This content has been removed.

MuffinMom14 · January 2015

Raesofsunshine1 said:

Agreed on the weight threads... My UO is I am ok with sleep training after six months, and depending on your child's temperament. Flame away, but all of my family members have done some form of sleep training starting at six months and they all have healthy, happy kids who are excellent sleepers. Also, sleep training does not have to equal CIO.
I'm okay with cry it out and will be okay starting it when I think LO is ready. I can't stand when people get all judgey about that one!
I've had this quoted since 2:09 due to the Moment of Silence, but when do you consider LO to be "ready"? As far as I'm concerned, when she's a toddler and legitimately crying and throwing a fit for no reason other than being crabby and tired, then I'll let her CIO. But when she's a baby? Absolutely not. She needs something. Whether its food, or just some mom snuggles, babies cry for a reason. So consider me being judgey. My judgey pants are totally on for this one. I may even be wearing my judgey hat and matching shoes.
We started after we tried seemingly every other possible method. We were at our wits end and completely exhausted. I would always offer a bottle and if she didnt want it, go through the other options like dirty diaper or whatever. Most of the time she would fall asleep when we picked her up but would wake up when we put her down. I let her CIO after I tried everything I knew. If she was safe, not hungry and not dirty I didnt know what else to do. I would start in short amount of times. Let her cry 5 minutes and check on her but not pick her up. Just pat her on the back and let her know I was there. CIO doesnt mean letting your kid starve or sit in poop. Most of the time when she would cry I would be in the other room watching her on the monitor. To each their own, but we can check back in a few months when some babies still wont sleep long stretches and you are exhausted. Then we can talk.

My friend's pediatrician suggested doing exactly what you describe. It started with 5-minute stretches. This baby would not sleep and did not sleep through the night until she was around a year old.

I'm not saying it's for me or what I would do, because I don't know. I'm actually thinking it's not within the realm of my personality to use the CIO method, just simply because even if what I'm doing isn't working, I'd have to feel like I'm doing SOMETHING (rocking, cuddling, etc.) to stop it. But, I don't know until I'm there. I'm just saying I actually know the pediatrician, she's also a friend of mine, and I do trust her opinion. So, should I get to that place, I'd consider her approach as well as others.

andrieya · January 2015

Raesofsunshine1 said:

MrsSinner402 said:

andrieya said:

angeltennis3 said:
Agreed on the weight threads...

My UO is I am ok with sleep training after six months, and depending on your child's temperament. Flame away, but all of my family members have done some form of sleep training starting at six months and they all have healthy, happy kids who are excellent sleepers.

Also, sleep training does not have to equal CIO.
I'm okay with cry it out and will be okay starting it when I think LO is ready. I can't stand when people get all judgey about that one!
I've had this quoted since 2:09 due to the Moment of Silence, but when do you consider LO to be "ready"? As far as I'm concerned, when she's a toddler and legitimately crying and throwing a fit for no reason other than being crabby and tired, then I'll let her CIO. But when she's a baby? Absolutely not. She needs something. Whether its food, or just some mom snuggles, babies cry for a reason. So consider me being judgey. My judgey pants are totally on for this one. I may even be wearing my judgey hat and matching shoes.
We started after we tried seemingly every other possible method. We were at our wits end and completely exhausted. I would always offer a bottle and if she didnt want it, go through the other options like dirty diaper or whatever. Most of the time she would fall asleep when we picked her up but would wake up when we put her down.

I let her CIO after I tried everything I knew. If she was safe, not hungry and not dirty I didnt know what else to do. I would start in short amount of times. Let her cry 5 minutes and check on her but not pick her up. Just pat her on the back and let her know I was there.

CIO doesnt mean letting your kid starve or sit in poop. Most of the time when she would cry I would be in the other room watching her on the monitor.

To each their own, but we can check back in a few months when some babies still wont sleep long stretches and you are exhausted. Then we can talk.

This. Different strokes for different folks y'all.

Edited:spelling

pnwlover12 · January 2015

I can be pretty granola when it comes to some things, but I don't think self-soothing is bad for older babies. No, I won't let my 10 week old scream and cry all day (even though he does that even when I'm holding him) but damn, sometimes you just have to put the baby down and know everything is going to be okay. A perfect example is just the other night, no matter what I did, G screamed like a banshee. Finally, I just set him in his rnp so I could get a glass of water and pee. When I got back, he was fast asleep. And don't give me that crap about oh baby must have felt abandoned and gave up in misery. No. Baby was overtired and didn't need to be held.

vrj0522 · January 2015

Nicb13 said:

MrsSinner402 said:

Agreed on the weight threads... My UO is I am ok with sleep training after six months, and depending on your child's temperament. Flame away, but all of my family members have done some form of sleep training starting at six months and they all have healthy, happy kids who are excellent sleepers. Also, sleep training does not have to equal CIO.
I'm okay with cry it out and will be okay starting it when I think LO is ready. I can't stand when people get all judgey about that one!
I've had this quoted since 2:09 due to the Moment of Silence, but when do you consider LO to be "ready"? As far as I'm concerned, when she's a toddler and legitimately crying and throwing a fit for no reason other than being crabby and tired, then I'll let her CIO. But when she's a baby? Absolutely not. She needs something. Whether its food, or just some mom snuggles, babies cry for a reason. So consider me being judgey. My judgey pants are totally on for this one. I may even be wearing my judgey hat and matching shoes.

I'm not trying to change your mind but you haven't been there yet, so you don't know what you'll end up doing. Sure, your LO STTN right now, and luckily mine does too but one day a few months from now they might not. Regressions happen and when your baby is full, has a clean diaper and is just crying from exhaustion and needs to sleep, there are only so many times you can go into their room to soothe them or "cuddle". Yes, I love to cuddle DD and do everything I can for her when she's crying but it's a whole different ball game when they are a bit older, and if you want to soothe them every time they wake and want you, then go for it. You might have a lot of sleepless nights though.
Older babies will wake up in the night and just want mom or dad and if you are down for that multiple times a night then cool. I was not with DS. I like sleep and he's just fine now
To clarify, I don't agree with leaving your baby to cry for 45 minutes or an hour or anything crazy like that but I am not opposed to a little bit of crying because I DON'T think it scars them for life.

All of this. It's great when babies sttn but sometimes they need to be trained on falling asleep when they are tired. I disagree with leaving a kid to CIO for long periods of time but short periods sometimes are needed. There are also different levels of crying... CIO is for when a baby is fussing not full out crying their head off. I've seen so many moms and their babies are a year old or older and they are at their wits' end because they didn't sleep train their babies before. It's a lot harder to train a baby once they start to get older.

lrobi13 · January 2015

pnwlover12 said:

I can be pretty granola when it comes to some things, but I don't think self-soothing is bad for older babies. No, I won't let my 10 week old scream and cry all day (even though he does that even when I'm holding him) but damn, sometimes you just have to put the baby down and know everything is going to be okay. A perfect example is just the other night, no matter what I did, G screamed like a banshee. Finally, I just set him in his rnp so I could get a glass of water and pee. When I got back, he was fast asleep. And don't give me that crap about oh baby must have felt abandoned and gave up in misery. No. Baby was overtired and didn't need to be held.

YESS!! All this cio bullshit gives me the giggles because my kids screams his head off even if I am holding and "soothing" him" .

Bottle - check

Clean butt - check

Gad drops - check

pacifier - check

white noise - check

Sometimes he just cries. He has been examined numerous times by the pedi (always the perfect angel there) and sleeps great and poops plenty.

So I guess letting him cry for five minuets in the swing is ok...

eta...he is not an angle...

AmandaJean12 · January 2015

I feel like Cry It Out gets overused on this board.

When you're at your wits end, and you need a second to walk away, that's smart parenting - not CIO.

When you need to pee, and you leave your baby in a safe spot while you take 2 minutes to do that - not CIO.

When you lay in bed for 30 seconds to decide if your kid is actually awake, or just making noise and falling back to sleep - not CIO.

If you are against your baby crying, ever... ok. Good luck with that. My baby crying for a few seconds does not get me worked up.

Cry It Out means leaving your (hopefully older) baby in their crib to learn to put themselves to sleep. If you were doing that with a newborn, I judge you and you probably deserve to get flamed. If you do it with an older baby, your choice.

MuffinMom14 · January 2015

AmandaJean12 said:

I feel like Cry It Out gets overused on this board.

When you're at your wits end, and you need a second to walk away, that's smart parenting - not CIO.
When you need to pee, and you leave your baby in a safe spot while you take 2 minutes to do that - not CIO.
When you lay in bed for 30 seconds to decide if your kid is actually awake, or just making noise when they role over - not CIO.

If you are against your baby crying, ever... ok. Good luck with that. My baby crying for a few seconds does not get me worked up.

Cry It Out means leaving your (hopefully older) baby in their crib to learn to put themselves to sleep. If you were doing that with a newborn, I judge you and you probably deserve to get flamed. If you do it with an older baby, your choice.

Agreed. And the nurses at the jailspitol actually made damned sure to talk to us about Purple Crying and said TO WALK AWAY from the baby if she was screaming and crying and nothing would fix it and we needed to compose ourselves. They didn't help me with ANYTHING, but they made sure to hammer that home, and I wonder if it's because our area sees a lot of shaken babies.

The closest I came to walking away and letting her cry was when I was holding her, and I just decided to cry with her. She stopped and looked at me like "why are YOU crying, then?" So. That works, if anyone wants to try that. Just hysterically cry and say over and over "I can't do this anymore, I can't do this anymore." I put the fear of being thrown in the garbage can in her heart. "Shit, I better straight my shit up, she can't do this anymore, and she's gonna toss me out the back door."

MrsSinner402 · January 2015

Nicb13 said:

MrsSinner402 said:

andrieya said:

angeltennis3 said:
Agreed on the weight threads...

My UO is I am ok with sleep training after six months, and depending on your child's temperament. Flame away, but all of my family members have done some form of sleep training starting at six months and they all have healthy, happy kids who are excellent sleepers.

Also, sleep training does not have to equal CIO.
I'm okay with cry it out and will be okay starting it when I think LO is ready. I can't stand when people get all judgey about that one!
I've had this quoted since 2:09 due to the Moment of Silence, but when do you consider LO to be "ready"? As far as I'm concerned, when she's a toddler and legitimately crying and throwing a fit for no reason other than being crabby and tired, then I'll let her CIO. But when she's a baby? Absolutely not. She needs something. Whether its food, or just some mom snuggles, babies cry for a reason. So consider me being judgey. My judgey pants are totally on for this one. I may even be wearing my judgey hat and matching shoes.

I'm not trying to change your mind but you haven't been there yet, so you don't know what you'll end up doing. Sure, your LO STTN right now, and luckily mine does too but one day a few months from now they might not. Regressions happen and when your baby is full, has a clean diaper and is just crying from exhaustion and needs to sleep, there are only so many times you can go into their room to soothe them or "cuddle". Yes, I love to cuddle DD and do everything I can for her when she's crying but it's a whole different ball game when they are a bit older, and if you want to soothe them every time they wake and want you, then go for it. You might have a lot of sleepless nights though.

Older babies will wake up in the night and just want mom or dad and if you are down for that multiple times a night then cool. I was not with DS. I like sleep and he's just fine now

To clarify, I don't agree with leaving your baby to cry for 45 minutes or an hour or anything crazy like that but I am not opposed to a little bit of crying because I DON'T think it scars them for life.

----------------------------------
Yes, a little crying is fine when all avenues have been taken. I definitely wont be dropping everything and picking her up after her first sob. But I feel like there's a line there. Like you said the 45 minutes. DD cries when she's tired and sometimes I'll put her in her swing and she will fuss for a minute or two then zonk out. I guess when I hear the term Cry It Out I associate it with DHs parents telling me sometimes they would have to just put the kid in the crib and shut the door and let them cry for a long period of time.. and I've never understood how someone could do that. This article really changed my way of thinking about the method: https://xoxmommy.com/2014/10/16/not-cry-it-out/

So, to each their own. And if by CIO you mean just a few minutes here and there and not just letting your baby scream his head off for a long period of time, (which I may have just assumed, and that's asshole-ish of me), then I'll take of my judgey pants and run around in my undies.

andrieya · January 2015

I don't know that many people with babies in real life. What I do know is that the ones who haven't done "sleep training" still have two year olds who do not sleep through the night (one being my sister). I don't feel the need to use this method now, but when it becomes a problem, I'll try anything.

pnwlover12 · January 2015

Sinner, I could never let either one of my children scream for hours and hours while in their bedroom. That is not cool.

MrsSinner402 · January 2015

vrj0522 said:

Nicb13 said:

MrsSinner402 said:

andrieya said:

angeltennis3 said:
Agreed on the weight threads...

My UO is I am ok with sleep training after six months, and depending on your child's temperament. Flame away, but all of my family members have done some form of sleep training starting at six months and they all have healthy, happy kids who are excellent sleepers.

Also, sleep training does not have to equal CIO.
I'm okay with cry it out and will be okay starting it when I think LO is ready. I can't stand when people get all judgey about that one!
I've had this quoted since 2:09 due to the Moment of Silence, but when do you consider LO to be "ready"? As far as I'm concerned, when she's a toddler and legitimately crying and throwing a fit for no reason other than being crabby and tired, then I'll let her CIO. But when she's a baby? Absolutely not. She needs something. Whether its food, or just some mom snuggles, babies cry for a reason. So consider me being judgey. My judgey pants are totally on for this one. I may even be wearing my judgey hat and matching shoes.

I'm not trying to change your mind but you haven't been there yet, so you don't know what you'll end up doing. Sure, your LO STTN right now, and luckily mine does too but one day a few months from now they might not. Regressions happen and when your baby is full, has a clean diaper and is just crying from exhaustion and needs to sleep, there are only so many times you can go into their room to soothe them or "cuddle". Yes, I love to cuddle DD and do everything I can for her when she's crying but it's a whole different ball game when they are a bit older, and if you want to soothe them every time they wake and want you, then go for it. You might have a lot of sleepless nights though.
Older babies will wake up in the night and just want mom or dad and if you are down for that multiple times a night then cool. I was not with DS. I like sleep and he's just fine now
To clarify, I don't agree with leaving your baby to cry for 45 minutes or an hour or anything crazy like that but I am not opposed to a little bit of crying because I DON'T think it scars them for life.

All of this. It's great when babies sttn but sometimes they need to be trained on falling asleep when they are tired. I disagree with leaving a kid to CIO for long periods of time but short periods sometimes are needed. There are also different levels of crying... CIO is for when a baby is fussing not full out crying their head off. I've seen so many moms and their babies are a year old or older and they are at their wits' end because they didn't sleep train their babies before. It's a lot harder to train a baby once they start to get older.

Yes! See, the bolded is where I've been sort of misinformed due to my ILs talking about it (see my last post). To me, fussing and crying are definitely two totally different levels! Maybe I'll refer to it as the Fuss It Out method instead? FIO.

golfingdarwinfish · January 2015

I still have to read everything, but I started reading @SPurp13 's posts and this was me...

Did you post a

at the end?

windwithfingers · January 2015

@MrsSinner402‌ okay that link made me cry, especially the "see less and less of her" part.

MrsSinner402 · January 2015

SPurp13 said:

AmandaJean12 said:

I feel like Cry It Out gets overused on this board.

When you're at your wits end, and you need a second to walk away, that's smart parenting - not CIO.
When you need to pee, and you leave your baby in a safe spot while you take 2 minutes to do that - not CIO.
When you lay in bed for 30 seconds to decide if your kid is actually awake, or just making noise when they role over - not CIO.

If you are against your baby crying, ever... ok. Good luck with that. My baby crying for a few seconds does not get me worked up.

Cry It Out means leaving your (hopefully older) baby in their crib to learn to put themselves to sleep. If you were doing that with a newborn, I judge you and you probably deserve to get flamed. If you do it with an older baby, your choice.

Agreed. And the nurses at the jailspitol actually made damned sure to talk to us about Purple Crying and said TO WALK AWAY from the baby if she was screaming and crying and nothing would fix it and we needed to compose ourselves. They didn't help me with ANYTHING, but they made sure to hammer that home, and I wonder if it's because our area sees a lot of shaken babies.

The closest I came to walking away and letting her cry was when I was holding her, and I just decided to cry with her. She stopped and looked at me like "why are YOU crying, then?" So. That works, if anyone wants to try that. Just hysterically cry and say over and over "I can't do this anymore, I can't do this anymore." I put the fear of being thrown in the garbage can in her heart. "Shit, I better straight my shit up, she can't do this anymore, and she's gonna toss me out the back door."

Can this be APurp's new nickname?!

andrieya · January 2015

I'm pretty sure than when anyone here talks about CIO though, they're not talking about hours of crying. Heck, I couldn't handle that for my OWN sanity!

MrsSinner402 · January 2015

pnwlover12 said:
Sinner, I could never let either one of my children scream for hours and hours while in their bedroom. That is not cool.

I would never think you would! But apparently "back then", meaning when DH and SIL were babies, they did.. it just baffles me.

Guess I should be more informed before putting on my judgey outfits.

bumpuser10309732 · January 2015

Nicb13 said:

MrsSinner402 said:

andrieya said:

angeltennis3 said:
Agreed on the weight threads...

My UO is I am ok with sleep training after six months, and depending on your child's temperament. Flame away, but all of my family members have done some form of sleep training starting at six months and they all have healthy, happy kids who are excellent sleepers.

Also, sleep training does not have to equal CIO.
I'm okay with cry it out and will be okay starting it when I think LO is ready. I can't stand when people get all judgey about that one!
I've had this quoted since 2:09 due to the Moment of Silence, but when do you consider LO to be "ready"? As far as I'm concerned, when she's a toddler and legitimately crying and throwing a fit for no reason other than being crabby and tired, then I'll let her CIO. But when she's a baby? Absolutely not. She needs something. Whether its food, or just some mom snuggles, babies cry for a reason. So consider me being judgey. My judgey pants are totally on for this one. I may even be wearing my judgey hat and matching shoes.

I'm not trying to change your mind but you haven't been there yet, so you don't know what you'll end up doing. Sure, your LO STTN right now, and luckily mine does too but one day a few months from now they might not. Regressions happen and when your baby is full, has a clean diaper and is just crying from exhaustion and needs to sleep, there are only so many times you can go into their room to soothe them or "cuddle". Yes, I love to cuddle DD and do everything I can for her when she's crying but it's a whole different ball game when they are a bit older, and if you want to soothe them every time they wake and want you, then go for it. You might have a lot of sleepless nights though.

Older babies will wake up in the night and just want mom or dad and if you are down for that multiple times a night then cool. I was not with DS. I like sleep and he's just fine now

To clarify, I don't agree with leaving your baby to cry for 45 minutes or an hour or anything crazy like that but I am not opposed to a little bit of crying because I DON'T think it scars them for life.

Ok to me going in and patting your kid saying I'm here but you're staying in bed makes sense but I guess I dint call that CIO. CIO to me is the person that told me at 830 they shut off the baby monitor and go to bed until morning. Yeah I legit had someone tell me that. X(

golfingdarwinfish · January 2015

Saragoeswest said:

UO: I believe that children can be TOO ATTACHED to their parents. And vice versa. I'm a mom now. I love my daughter. But she is not my entire world. If something were to happen to her, I don't know how I would go on. I feel like I'd rather die than have something happen to her. But. I still have other interests besides just her. I'm not JUST A MOM. And I think if she knows that, she will respect me more later on. And I'll be a better mom. It took half of a work day for me to realize this about myself

Attachment Parenting doesn't have anything to do with not having an identity outside of being a parent.

I'm not sure Purp meant attachment as attachment parenting? I read this as just being attached period, and not the parenting style.

ETA: Sorry, I replied before reading the entire thread!! I see that this was cleared up!

MrsSinner402 · January 2015

windwithfingers said:
@MrsSinner402‌ okay that link made me cry, especially the "see less and less of her" part.

I teared up too.. and it completely changed my view on it!

golfingdarwinfish · January 2015

MonstoMommy said:

golfingdarwinfish said:

Sometimes I am shocked at the things that are not flamed here (or even get a reaction) that would 150% be flamed elsewhere.

Ok, I am sure people are going to jump my ass for this, but here goes: I find it interesting that you would say this because sometimes you say things that I think people would react to and they don't and I am amazed that people just let it slide. Now I know that usually you say really helpful and informative things and people (including me) respect that. And I think that is why they let it slide when you say things that come off as more abrasive than necessary. I agree with Purp, I think it is because with regulars it is easier to just let things go and not make a big deal about it. Generally, that is the position I take. I am not going to start some shit because generally I agree with the things you say. But I do think people let things you say slide a lot.
I should clarify: not really flame worthy opinions, just the way you say things to people.

@monstomommy

I've heard from people professionally that I can very short and to the point which can leave people with a bad taste in their mouth. It's not something I do intentionally, I'm just either short or overly formal, especially if it's electronic correspondence.

It's something I'm working on.

MuffinMom14 · January 2015

MonstoMommy said:

golfingdarwinfish said:

Sometimes I am shocked at the things that are not flamed here (or even get a reaction) that would 150% be flamed elsewhere.

Ok, I am sure people are going to jump my ass for this, but here goes: I find it interesting that you would say this because sometimes you say things that I think people would react to and they don't and I am amazed that people just let it slide. Now I know that usually you say really helpful and informative things and people (including me) respect that. And I think that is why they let it slide when you say things that come off as more abrasive than necessary. I agree with Purp, I think it is because with regulars it is easier to just let things go and not make a big deal about it. Generally, that is the position I take. I am not going to start some shit because generally I agree with the things you say. But I do think people let things you say slide a lot.
I should clarify: not really flame worthy opinions, just the way you say things to people.

I agree with the above.

There is a softer side to GDF that I think gets lost sometimes in the way things are worded. I'm blunt as fuck, too. I get it. But sometimes, I swear, it's like two different people posting. Sometimes everything's super playful, and I enjoy it. But then other times, it's very authoritative and blunt. And there's a need for both. I do get that. But on a board that often fluffs what we say and apologizes for opinions, it sticks out. No one says it. Because reg.

Actually, I think GDF is silly and playful on the FB. It's like night and day. I mean, don't apologize for being authoritative and blunt and smart ever. But I want you to be stupid sometimes. Just say something nonsensical. People get lady boners for Science GDF. I am the opposite.

Maybe my real UO is that sometimes, I'm like "dude, we get it, you're super smart and successful," and I sit on my side of the screen and eat my feelings in gummy bears.

Hey, in a related note, I'm working with my therapist about feelings of inadequacy when comparing myself to others. (How's that for a segue?)

bumpuser10309732 · January 2015

SPurp13 said:

AmandaJean12 said:

I feel like Cry It Out gets overused on this board.

When you're at your wits end, and you need a second to walk away, that's smart parenting - not CIO.
When you need to pee, and you leave your baby in a safe spot while you take 2 minutes to do that - not CIO.
When you lay in bed for 30 seconds to decide if your kid is actually awake, or just making noise when they role over - not CIO.

If you are against your baby crying, ever... ok. Good luck with that. My baby crying for a few seconds does not get me worked up.

Cry It Out means leaving your (hopefully older) baby in their crib to learn to put themselves to sleep. If you were doing that with a newborn, I judge you and you probably deserve to get flamed. If you do it with an older baby, your choice.

Agreed. And the nurses at the jailspitol actually made damned sure to talk to us about Purple Crying and said TO WALK AWAY from the baby if she was screaming and crying and nothing would fix it and we needed to compose ourselves. They didn't help me with ANYTHING, but they made sure to hammer that home, and I wonder if it's because our area sees a lot of shaken babies.

The closest I came to walking away and letting her cry was when I was holding her, and I just decided to cry with her. She stopped and looked at me like "why are YOU crying, then?" So. That works, if anyone wants to try that. Just hysterically cry and say over and over "I can't do this anymore, I can't do this anymore." I put the fear of being thrown in the garbage can in her heart. "Shit, I better straight my shit up, she can't do this anymore, and she's gonna toss me out the back door."

Lmao

MuffinMom14 · January 2015

MrsSinner402 said:

MrsSinner402 said:

Agreed on the weight threads... My UO is I am ok with sleep training after six months, and depending on your child's temperament. Flame away, but all of my family members have done some form of sleep training starting at six months and they all have healthy, happy kids who are excellent sleepers. Also, sleep training does not have to equal CIO.
I'm okay with cry it out and will be okay starting it when I think LO is ready. I can't stand when people get all judgey about that one!
I've had this quoted since 2:09 due to the Moment of Silence, but when do you consider LO to be "ready"? As far as I'm concerned, when she's a toddler and legitimately crying and throwing a fit for no reason other than being crabby and tired, then I'll let her CIO. But when she's a baby? Absolutely not. She needs something. Whether its food, or just some mom snuggles, babies cry for a reason. So consider me being judgey. My judgey pants are totally on for this one. I may even be wearing my judgey hat and matching shoes.

I'm not trying to change your mind but you haven't been there yet, so you don't know what you'll end up doing. Sure, your LO STTN right now, and luckily mine does too but one day a few months from now they might not. Regressions happen and when your baby is full, has a clean diaper and is just crying from exhaustion and needs to sleep, there are only so many times you can go into their room to soothe them or "cuddle". Yes, I love to cuddle DD and do everything I can for her when she's crying but it's a whole different ball game when they are a bit older, and if you want to soothe them every time they wake and want you, then go for it. You might have a lot of sleepless nights though.
Older babies will wake up in the night and just want mom or dad and if you are down for that multiple times a night then cool. I was not with DS. I like sleep and he's just fine now
To clarify, I don't agree with leaving your baby to cry for 45 minutes or an hour or anything crazy like that but I am not opposed to a little bit of crying because I DON'T think it scars them for life.
---------------------------------- Yes, a little crying is fine when all avenues have been taken. I definitely wont be dropping everything and picking her up after her first sob. But I feel like there's a line there. Like you said the 45 minutes. DD cries when she's tired and sometimes I'll put her in her swing and she will fuss for a minute or two then zonk out. I guess when I hear the term Cry It Out I associate it with DHs parents telling me sometimes they would have to just put the kid in the crib and shut the door and let them cry for a long period of time.. and I've never understood how someone could do that. This article really changed my way of thinking about the method: https://xoxmommy.com/2014/10/16/not-cry-it-out/ So, to each their own. And if by CIO you mean just a few minutes here and there and not just letting your baby scream his head off for a long period of time, (which I may have just assumed, and that's asshole-ish of me), then I'll take of my judgey pants and run around in my undies.

Not important or relevant, but I read this as "I'll take off my judgey pants and cry in my undies."

I pictured it and everything.

MuffinMom14 · January 2015

andrieya said:

I'm pretty sure than when anyone here talks about CIO though, they're not talking about hours of crying. Heck, I couldn't handle that for my OWN sanity!

I totally think we use CIO wrong on this board. I kinda think none of us do it. Or, if we do, we wouldn't admit it.

MrsSinner402 · January 2015

MrsBabe614 said:

Nicb13 said:

MrsSinner402 said:

andrieya said:

angeltennis3 said:
Agreed on the weight threads...

My UO is I am ok with sleep training after six months, and depending on your child's temperament. Flame away, but all of my family members have done some form of sleep training starting at six months and they all have healthy, happy kids who are excellent sleepers.

Also, sleep training does not have to equal CIO.
I'm okay with cry it out and will be okay starting it when I think LO is ready. I can't stand when people get all judgey about that one!
I've had this quoted since 2:09 due to the Moment of Silence, but when do you consider LO to be "ready"? As far as I'm concerned, when she's a toddler and legitimately crying and throwing a fit for no reason other than being crabby and tired, then I'll let her CIO. But when she's a baby? Absolutely not. She needs something. Whether its food, or just some mom snuggles, babies cry for a reason. So consider me being judgey. My judgey pants are totally on for this one. I may even be wearing my judgey hat and matching shoes.

I'm not trying to change your mind but you haven't been there yet, so you don't know what you'll end up doing. Sure, your LO STTN right now, and luckily mine does too but one day a few months from now they might not. Regressions happen and when your baby is full, has a clean diaper and is just crying from exhaustion and needs to sleep, there are only so many times you can go into their room to soothe them or "cuddle". Yes, I love to cuddle DD and do everything I can for her when she's crying but it's a whole different ball game when they are a bit older, and if you want to soothe them every time they wake and want you, then go for it. You might have a lot of sleepless nights though.
Older babies will wake up in the night and just want mom or dad and if you are down for that multiple times a night then cool. I was not with DS. I like sleep and he's just fine now
To clarify, I don't agree with leaving your baby to cry for 45 minutes or an hour or anything crazy like that but I am not opposed to a little bit of crying because I DON'T think it scars them for life.

Ok to me going in and patting your kid saying I'm here but you're staying in bed makes sense but I guess I dint call that CIO. CIO to me is the person that told me at 830 they shut off the baby monitor and go to bed until morning. Yeah I legit had someone tell me that. X(

---------------------
Yeah that person can eat a bag of dicks. That makes me ragey.

MuffinMom14 · January 2015

golfingdarwinfish said:

I still have to read everything, but I started reading @SPurp13 's posts and this was me...

Did you post a

at the end?

I've been holding on to SO MUCH while on Maternity leave. I needed a keyboard to let it all goooooo.

Since I'm a mom now and my opinions are all 100% correct, obviously.

golfingdarwinfish · January 2015

SPurp13 said:

MonstoMommy said:

golfingdarwinfish said:

Sometimes I am shocked at the things that are not flamed here (or even get a reaction) that would 150% be flamed elsewhere.

Ok, I am sure people are going to jump my ass for this, but here goes: I find it interesting that you would say this because sometimes you say things that I think people would react to and they don't and I am amazed that people just let it slide. Now I know that usually you say really helpful and informative things and people (including me) respect that. And I think that is why they let it slide when you say things that come off as more abrasive than necessary. I agree with Purp, I think it is because with regulars it is easier to just let things go and not make a big deal about it. Generally, that is the position I take. I am not going to start some shit because generally I agree with the things you say. But I do think people let things you say slide a lot.
I should clarify: not really flame worthy opinions, just the way you say things to people.

I agree with the above.

There is a softer side to GDF that I think gets lost sometimes in the way things are worded. I'm blunt as fuck, too. I get it. But sometimes, I swear, it's like two different people posting. Sometimes everything's super playful, and I enjoy it. But then other times, it's very authoritative and blunt. And there's a need for both. I do get that. But on a board that often fluffs what we say and apologizes for opinions, it sticks out. No one says it. Because reg.

Actually, I think GDF is silly and playful on the FB. It's like night and day. I mean, don't apologize for being authoritative and blunt and smart ever. But I want you to be stupid sometimes. Just say something nonsensical. People get lady boners for Science GDF. I am the opposite.

Maybe my real UO is that sometimes, I'm like "dude, we get it, you're super smart and successful," and I sit on my side of the screen and eat my feelings in gummy bears.

Hey, in a related note, I'm working with my therapist about feelings of inadequacy when comparing myself to others. (How's that for a segue?)

There's a lot of shit I know nothing about. I know a lot about certain topics and absolutely nothing about others. So, I may sound smart about topics related to what I do and what I've studied, but outside of those things, I know nothing. I wouldn't last 5 minutes on jeopardy, I know nothing about grammar, history, literature, art, most maths, physics, the list goes on and on. I just sound "super smart" because some of the topics related to pregnancy (genetics, some areas of medicine) are in my "sweet" spot. And perhaps the bluntness also makes it seem that way - so sort of the perceived cover fits the perceived book?

MuffinMom14 · January 2015

windwithfingers said:

@MrsSinner402‌ okay that link made me cry, especially the "see less and less of her" part.

Nope, not reading, nope not reading, nope not reading.

MuffinMom14 · January 2015

MrsSinner402 said:

AmandaJean12 said:

I feel like Cry It Out gets overused on this board.

When you're at your wits end, and you need a second to walk away, that's smart parenting - not CIO.
When you need to pee, and you leave your baby in a safe spot while you take 2 minutes to do that - not CIO.
When you lay in bed for 30 seconds to decide if your kid is actually awake, or just making noise when they role over - not CIO.

If you are against your baby crying, ever... ok. Good luck with that. My baby crying for a few seconds does not get me worked up.

Cry It Out means leaving your (hopefully older) baby in their crib to learn to put themselves to sleep. If you were doing that with a newborn, I judge you and you probably deserve to get flamed. If you do it with an older baby, your choice.

Agreed. And the nurses at the jailspitol actually made damned sure to talk to us about Purple Crying and said TO WALK AWAY from the baby if she was screaming and crying and nothing would fix it and we needed to compose ourselves. They didn't help me with ANYTHING, but they made sure to hammer that home, and I wonder if it's because our area sees a lot of shaken babies.

The closest I came to walking away and letting her cry was when I was holding her, and I just decided to cry with her. She stopped and looked at me like "why are YOU crying, then?" So. That works, if anyone wants to try that. Just hysterically cry and say over and over "I can't do this anymore, I can't do this anymore." I put the fear of being thrown in the garbage can in her heart. "Shit, I better straight my shit up, she can't do this anymore, and she's gonna toss me out the back door."
Can this be APurp's new nickname?!

We referred to her as The Purplette for a while when I was pregnant.

Fact: My last name means Purple. It's handy to know when she's screaming to hard she actually turns purple.

MrsSinner402 · January 2015

SPurp13 said:

MrsSinner402 said:

MrsSinner402 said:

andrieya said:

angeltennis3 said:
Agreed on the weight threads...

My UO is I am ok with sleep training after six months, and depending on your child's temperament. Flame away, but all of my family members have done some form of sleep training starting at six months and they all have healthy, happy kids who are excellent sleepers.

Also, sleep training does not have to equal CIO.
I'm okay with cry it out and will be okay starting it when I think LO is ready. I can't stand when people get all judgey about that one!
I've had this quoted since 2:09 due to the Moment of Silence, but when do you consider LO to be "ready"? As far as I'm concerned, when she's a toddler and legitimately crying and throwing a fit for no reason other than being crabby and tired, then I'll let her CIO. But when she's a baby? Absolutely not. She needs something. Whether its food, or just some mom snuggles, babies cry for a reason. So consider me being judgey. My judgey pants are totally on for this one. I may even be wearing my judgey hat and matching shoes.

I'm not trying to change your mind but you haven't been there yet, so you don't know what you'll end up doing. Sure, your LO STTN right now, and luckily mine does too but one day a few months from now they might not. Regressions happen and when your baby is full, has a clean diaper and is just crying from exhaustion and needs to sleep, there are only so many times you can go into their room to soothe them or "cuddle". Yes, I love to cuddle DD and do everything I can for her when she's crying but it's a whole different ball game when they are a bit older, and if you want to soothe them every time they wake and want you, then go for it. You might have a lot of sleepless nights though.
Older babies will wake up in the night and just want mom or dad and if you are down for that multiple times a night then cool. I was not with DS. I like sleep and he's just fine now
To clarify, I don't agree with leaving your baby to cry for 45 minutes or an hour or anything crazy like that but I am not opposed to a little bit of crying because I DON'T think it scars them for life.

----------------------------------
Yes, a little crying is fine when all avenues have been taken. I definitely wont be dropping everything and picking her up after her first sob. But I feel like there's a line there. Like you said the 45 minutes. DD cries when she's tired and sometimes I'll put her in her swing and she will fuss for a minute or two then zonk out. I guess when I hear the term Cry It Out I associate it with DHs parents telling me sometimes they would have to just put the kid in the crib and shut the door and let them cry for a long period of time.. and I've never understood how someone could do that. This article really changed my way of thinking about the method: https://xoxmommy.com/2014/10/16/not-cry-it-out/

So, to each their own. And if by CIO you mean just a few minutes here and there and not just letting your baby scream his head off for a long period of time, (which I may have just assumed, and that's asshole-ish of me), then I'll take of my judgey pants and run around in my undies.

Not important or relevant, but I read this as "I'll take off my judgey pants and cry in my undies."

I pictured it and everything.

----------------

You're welcome for the mental image.

MuffinMom14 · January 2015

golfingdarwinfish said:

SPurp13 said:

MonstoMommy said:

golfingdarwinfish said:

Sometimes I am shocked at the things that are not flamed here (or even get a reaction) that would 150% be flamed elsewhere.

Ok, I am sure people are going to jump my ass for this, but here goes: I find it interesting that you would say this because sometimes you say things that I think people would react to and they don't and I am amazed that people just let it slide. Now I know that usually you say really helpful and informative things and people (including me) respect that. And I think that is why they let it slide when you say things that come off as more abrasive than necessary. I agree with Purp, I think it is because with regulars it is easier to just let things go and not make a big deal about it. Generally, that is the position I take. I am not going to start some shit because generally I agree with the things you say. But I do think people let things you say slide a lot.
I should clarify: not really flame worthy opinions, just the way you say things to people.

I agree with the above.

There is a softer side to GDF that I think gets lost sometimes in the way things are worded. I'm blunt as fuck, too. I get it. But sometimes, I swear, it's like two different people posting. Sometimes everything's super playful, and I enjoy it. But then other times, it's very authoritative and blunt. And there's a need for both. I do get that. But on a board that often fluffs what we say and apologizes for opinions, it sticks out. No one says it. Because reg.

Actually, I think GDF is silly and playful on the FB. It's like night and day. I mean, don't apologize for being authoritative and blunt and smart ever. But I want you to be stupid sometimes. Just say something nonsensical. People get lady boners for Science GDF. I am the opposite.

Maybe my real UO is that sometimes, I'm like "dude, we get it, you're super smart and successful," and I sit on my side of the screen and eat my feelings in gummy bears.

Hey, in a related note, I'm working with my therapist about feelings of inadequacy when comparing myself to others. (How's that for a segue?)

There's a lot of shit I know nothing about. I know a lot about certain topics and absolutely nothing about others. So, I may sound smart about topics related to what I do and what I've studied, but outside of those things, I know nothing. I wouldn't last 5 minutes on jeopardy, I know nothing about grammar, history, literature, art, most maths, physics, the list goes on and on. I just sound "super smart" because some of the topics related to pregnancy (genetics, some areas of medicine) are in my "sweet" spot. And perhaps the bluntness also makes it seem that way - so sort of the perceived cover fits the perceived book?

I think the bolded is bullshit. You used the words "perhaps" and "perceived!" In a forum post! You'd win Jeopardy.

Maybe the things you know about are the things related to this board, so that's why. So, basically, if I found a board that was devoted to being a bitch, I'd be like, the GDF over there.

(I want to point out that I am so dumb I spelled Jeopardy wrong, and it almost looked like Jalopy.)

golfingdarwinfish · January 2015

SPurp13 said:

golfingdarwinfish said:

SPurp13 said:

MonstoMommy said:

golfingdarwinfish said:

Sometimes I am shocked at the things that are not flamed here (or even get a reaction) that would 150% be flamed elsewhere.

Ok, I am sure people are going to jump my ass for this, but here goes: I find it interesting that you would say this because sometimes you say things that I think people would react to and they don't and I am amazed that people just let it slide. Now I know that usually you say really helpful and informative things and people (including me) respect that. And I think that is why they let it slide when you say things that come off as more abrasive than necessary. I agree with Purp, I think it is because with regulars it is easier to just let things go and not make a big deal about it. Generally, that is the position I take. I am not going to start some shit because generally I agree with the things you say. But I do think people let things you say slide a lot.
I should clarify: not really flame worthy opinions, just the way you say things to people.

I agree with the above.

There is a softer side to GDF that I think gets lost sometimes in the way things are worded. I'm blunt as fuck, too. I get it. But sometimes, I swear, it's like two different people posting. Sometimes everything's super playful, and I enjoy it. But then other times, it's very authoritative and blunt. And there's a need for both. I do get that. But on a board that often fluffs what we say and apologizes for opinions, it sticks out. No one says it. Because reg.

Actually, I think GDF is silly and playful on the FB. It's like night and day. I mean, don't apologize for being authoritative and blunt and smart ever. But I want you to be stupid sometimes. Just say something nonsensical. People get lady boners for Science GDF. I am the opposite.

Maybe my real UO is that sometimes, I'm like "dude, we get it, you're super smart and successful," and I sit on my side of the screen and eat my feelings in gummy bears.

Hey, in a related note, I'm working with my therapist about feelings of inadequacy when comparing myself to others. (How's that for a segue?)

There's a lot of shit I know nothing about. I know a lot about certain topics and absolutely nothing about others. So, I may sound smart about topics related to what I do and what I've studied, but outside of those things, I know nothing. I wouldn't last 5 minutes on jeopardy, I know nothing about grammar, history, literature, art, most maths, physics, the list goes on and on. I just sound "super smart" because some of the topics related to pregnancy (genetics, some areas of medicine) are in my "sweet" spot. And perhaps the bluntness also makes it seem that way - so sort of the perceived cover fits the perceived book?

I think the bolded is bullshit. You used the words "perhaps" and "perceived!" In a forum post! You'd win Jeopardy.

Maybe the things you know about are the things related to this board, so that's why. So, basically, if I found a board that was devoted to being a bitch, I'd be like, the GDF over there.

(I want to point out that I am so dumb I spelled Jeopardy wrong, and it almost looked like Jalopy.)

@Spurp13

Dude I spelled it wrong and was thankful that the red squiggly line appeared.

Anyway, I don't want to argue about my intelligence - there's a ton of shit I know nothing about. Ask my husband, he would LOVEEEEEEEEEEE to tell all.

golfingdarwinfish · January 2015

sweetadeline31 said:

@golfingdarwinfish‌ re:tone, etc.-my boss expresses herself via email and in meetings very similarly to you (from what I can tell, at least). I used to get bent out of shape and assumed she hated me or thought that my ideas were stupid when she was blunt/direct, which actually resulted in me having to sit down and talk to her about in a couple of years into our working relationship. She confided in me that she has a professional mentor that is helping her to be more approachable and open with colleagues. She is super logical and her mind moves a million miles a minute and she often overlooks social cues when she's in her working mode.we all have things that don't come naturally to us. FWIW, I love your drunk posting most of all, but value your input on this board in general.

@sweetadeline31

I have one for similar reasons! We don't mean to be abrasive...

:-S

MuffinMom14 · January 2015

alfibet said:

@SPurp13‌ on the sleeping in the bed thing, how much did they have the kid compared to the other parent? (Sorry I didn't quote, it's lost in the posts, I'm referring to the step child sleeping in bed with the mom and boyfriend) anyways, we had my step son 50% when he was 2-3 yo and it was very difficult to stop him from sleeping with me and DH because he slept with his mom. It made me uncomfortable. We tried talking to his mom about it, but he didn't (and still doesn't) have his own room or bed at his moms (she lives with her parents). And while that's fine and works for her, it didn't for us. We finally did break him of the habit when I got pregnant because I just couldn't sleep with someone who did flips in his sleep. He's good now, but perhaps with the step parent (even though they're not married) they can't really help it? Maybe it's a habit that's forced on by the other parent as well? Just a thought.

I honestly can't answer that. I don't THINK he sees his dad that often at all. But, we know I greatly dislike my SIL, so I'm not gonna ask her. I'm about 1% away from wishing she'd die in a fire.*

*I don't want anyone to die in a fire. But because this is the UO I thought maybe I'd clarify?

Saragoeswest · January 2015

theresat858 said:
So re:cio, my thing is: it isn't necessary for all babies!! And when dd1 was little it just felt wrong to me and all of dhs friends and colleagues were going on and on about how we had to sleep train her bc she wasn't sttn at 4 months old.
She also wasn't gaining weight very quickly (low end of normal), so clearly cutting out two of her feedings per day didn't seem like a good idea to me. And I was the one dealing with it.
Everyone said that if we didn't st, she wouldn't sttn...ever.

Bullshit.

My UO is that most kids will sttn when they are ready, sleep training or not. It might not be at 6 months. It might not be at 1 year. But it will happen without you having to ignore your screaming child.

Applause!

MuffinMom14 · January 2015

SPurp13 said:

alfibet said:

@SPurp13‌ on the sleeping in the bed thing, how much did they have the kid compared to the other parent? (Sorry I didn't quote, it's lost in the posts, I'm referring to the step child sleeping in bed with the mom and boyfriend) anyways, we had my step son 50% when he was 2-3 yo and it was very difficult to stop him from sleeping with me and DH because he slept with his mom. It made me uncomfortable. We tried talking to his mom about it, but he didn't (and still doesn't) have his own room or bed at his moms (she lives with her parents). And while that's fine and works for her, it didn't for us. We finally did break him of the habit when I got pregnant because I just couldn't sleep with someone who did flips in his sleep. He's good now, but perhaps with the step parent (even though they're not married) they can't really help it? Maybe it's a habit that's forced on by the other parent as well? Just a thought.

I honestly can't answer that. I don't THINK he sees his dad that often at all. But, we know I greatly dislike my SIL, so I'm not gonna ask her. I'm about 1% away from wishing she'd die in a fire.*

*I don't want anyone to die in a fire. But because this is the UO I thought maybe I'd clarify?

I should also add to this that I don't think they are good parents to the poor kid. My BIL says he doesn't want to be alone with his stepson, and the stepson bites people, spits on people, and poops his pants. He's 8 now. To me, this is a problem, and something I'd seek professional help for.

The SIL admits to being a shitty mom, and has an "oh well" attitude. She will openly say that to anyone. He's also last his his class. LOL <-----her, not me.

I genuinely worry about him. And maybe that's why I'm upset that they bought this huge house. I assume they want babies in it, and they aren't taking care of her existing one very well. He will completely go ignored if there's more kids.

golfingdarwinfish · January 2015

I think we all need this...

andrieya · January 2015

Nicb13 said:

theresat858 said:

So re:cio, my thing is: it isn't necessary for all babies!! And when dd1 was little it just felt wrong to me and all of dhs friends and colleagues were going on and on about how we had to sleep train her bc she wasn't sttn at 4 months old.
She also wasn't gaining weight very quickly (low end of normal), so clearly cutting out two of her feedings per day didn't seem like a good idea to me. And I was the one dealing with it.
Everyone said that if we didn't st, she wouldn't sttn...ever.

Bullshit.

My UO is that most kids will sttn when they are ready, sleep training or not. It might not be at 6 months. It might not be at 1 year. But it will happen without you having to ignore your screaming child.

Well call me selfish but I'm not going to wait until my kid feels he/she is "ready" or have a kid that is over a year old and still not STTN. If I can do something to move things along that won't ruin him/her for life then you bet your ass that's what I'm going to do. Letting your LO cry for a few nights to learn to sleep better is not a big deal IMO.

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