Baby Shower/Sprinkle for 2nd Baby Question

iheartsippycups2 · January 2015

I had a baby shower with my first child, and it was great. But let's be honest, you have these types of parties to get gifts, right? Well all of us should be able to relate to the fact that when you struggle with infertility, you HATE receiving baby shower invites during the getting knocked up process. And not for nothing, even before I started trying for my first son, I hated baby showers/bridal showers/wedding showers, whatever shower. With this being my second baby, I do actually need stuff, even though it is another boy. 99% of my kids clothes came from my sister who had 2 boys before me, then I passed them back to her for her 3rd son (I swear her husband looks at her & she gets pregnant, but that's neither here nor there). So being through 4 boys, we donated everything as her 3rd is growing out of them. I gave my infant seat to a friend who could not afford one, and it will be 5 years old (the car seat) therefore it will be "expired" (did you know car seats should not be used more than 5 years?). I do have a crib, pack n play, and baby blankets, but that is really it. Sold the swing & high chair in a garage sale. We really didn't have the storage space, and with the struggle of conceiving, who knew that a second baby would have happened.

ANYWAY- Here is my question/point- is it totally rude to have a virtual baby shower? They exist, really, google it. Most of mine & my husbands family is out of state, to ask my sister to host again with a full time job and 3 kids is insane, and honestly I just want the gifts. I would be thrilled if my friends just sent me a link to their registry & said, look I know we all hate showers, here's my registry, thanks for the gift. That would be amazing!

Thoughts, suggestions?!

Julie21613 · January 2015

I've had friends who had Baby "Sprinkles" thrown for their 2nd child. As much as I'd love one, now that we are having twins, I just don't feel comfortable with it. God knows I will need a LOT of things since DD will only be 20 months old. That's just me.

gsancho · January 2015

Hmm...it's a tough one b/c it's technically against normal etiquette to throw yourself a shower for your 2nd, unless it's been a long break between kids - more-so to organize it yourself and acknowledge you mainly want gifts. Granted, people do all sorts of things nowadays, but I'd feel weird doing an official virtual shower.

I would probably have a registry, and as people ask if they can do anything for you or help, direct them to your registry. I'm sure some close friends and family will want to get little gifts, regardless. But not so much announce to everyone that you have one and ask for gifts. You could also do a sip and see after the baby comes and let one or two good friends know that if anyone really wants to bring something, they can buy from the registry - so it's more of a word of mouth suggestion but not something formally announced or expected.

gsancho · January 2015

A friend of mine did a spa/relaxation day instead of a shower when she was expecting her second. A few people still brought gifts, even though she said not to. So you could have a girls day and if people bring gifts, it's a nice treat. But I wouldn't necessarily expect it.

Steph1673 · January 2015

I think a sprinkle thrown by someone else is fine. In my experience, that's usually a simple meet up tea or dinner and you bring a cute outfit kind of deal, but I would definitely side-eye a full second shower and registry, especially if it came straight from the mom. Unless you had 10+ years btw kids, etc.

I agree with PP. Start an online registry, and if/when people ask what you need direct them to the link. I have an ongoing Amazon wish list that is private. One for me, one for DD and even one for this LO and whenever people ask for birthday or Christmas recs. I send them there.

Done and Done!

iheartsippycups2 · January 2015

If I have a sprinkle, I just want it very simple- no decorations necessary, just maybe a small cake/cupcakes, and like small sandwiches or something- it would be just my close friends, and my mom, sister, since like I said most of family is out of state. My sister would throw it, even with her crazy schedule. I just don't know.

Steph1673 · January 2015

iheartsippycups2 said:

If I have a sprinkle, I just want it very simple- no decorations necessary, just maybe a small cake/cupcakes, and like small sandwiches or something- it would be just my close friends, and my mom, sister, since like I said most of family is out of state. My sister would throw it, even with her crazy schedule. I just don't know.

Make it easy, meet for brunch, lunch or dinner with your small group at a restaurant. No clean-up for your sis at her house!

Lady2010 · January 2015

I think it is fine to do a sprinkle/shower for the 2nd with the idea is to see / spend time with people - but not throw it yourself (hence a sip n see).

This is our first and I did not do a shower (I personally just don't like them / being the center of attn, etc - and there were a lot of logistical issues to consider since neither family lives nearby - nor do our friends - all of whom have kids). I did eventually register on Amazon - mainly for the completion discount. I then gave that info to both moms so they could pass on to family / their close friends that asked. Same with my friends - my closest friends asked for the info so I shared it (and I have gotten stuff for all their kids so I didn't feel as bad).

I did buy a ton of stuff off it the other week as I am nearing my due date - things that I will need day 1, etc but any other stuff that was more for a couple months on, I didn't purchase (DH's family and many friends are Jewish so my MIL doesn't want to pass on the link until after the baby arrives - even though they have sent us stuff)

Good luck whatever you decide!

kmc84 · January 2015

I'll be honest, I side eye second showers. A small sprinkle planned by someone else is better, but I personally don't love the idea.

I think doing an Amazon registry and pointing people that way if/when they ask is much more appropriate.

ETA: have you ever looked at local kids consignment sales? I have been to two that are held twice a year by me and I almost exclusively buy outfits that still have tags on them for less than $5 bucks. You can really make out well at those sales!

(Car seats all have different expirations. Some were as short as 4 years, although those have all expired by now, and some are as long as 10 years. You can find that info in the car seat manual.)

MissEm15 · January 2015

I'm sorry, are you for real? I hope you haven't shared your thoughts above with your friends bc you sound so gift grabby. Just my opinion.

iheartsippycups2 · January 2015

LOL @missem15 - Haven't shared with friends, nor will I. I am just saying what I think here. I will probably end up doing a sprinkle, that my sister will host. The virtual thing started as a joke between me & my sister, then I actually googled it & found out they exist. So I wanted to see if anyone here had heard of them, or what they thought of them. There are actually sites that will host them. They are mainly for people who have friends & family far away. And honestly, I think showers are just for gifts, aren't they (for the most part)? That's mainly why I had my first one- just being honest. I mean you register, you put the info in your invite, and hope that people will buy the stuff so you don't have to. I'm just being honest, I'm sure there are many people who would disagree. I hope I didn't offend anyone or anything...

iheartsippycups2 · January 2015

Sprinkles are pretty common with the people I know. I have been to 5 in the last 2 years! They all registered, mainly for clothes/blankets/bottles, nothing big, unless they needed another car seat. And it didn't matter if second kid was same sex as first. I went to one that it was her 4th kid!

AMShark · January 2015

I don't think letting your sister throw you a sprinkle, or pointing people who are interested to your on-line registry is outrageous. I do think its totally a matter of knowing your audience.

There's always going to be someone who thinks your approach is against etiquette, or "gift grabby" (btw - this is a term that I totally learned on TB - do you think its a colloquialism they don't say in the Northeast, or am I just oblivious?)

Here's an example: I know a couple who've been together for almost 20 years. When same-sex marriage finally became legal in our state, they had a full wedding ceremony and reception. They didn't need anything really, since they'd been together for so long. My friend was anxious over what people would think of a honeymoon registry, and I had to talk her in to doing one.

The overwhelming majority of guests were really happy to have some direction regarding what to get them, and were happy to buy them something they'd never had before. But, of course, there were a few gossipers who whispered that it was tacky. And you know what - none of that whispering did a single thing to ruin their awesome honeymoon that they came back raving about.

You know your friends and family. You should know how they would receive it. If you are close with your sister and you trust her opinion, ask her.

I also like @steph1673 's advice - If your busy sister is throwing a sprinkle, keep it simple, and go to lunch/brunch at a restaurant - or tea, if you have a nice tea room near you, or a bakery that hosts afternoon tea. Heck, I'm from Jersey - meet at a diner and order the Happy Waitress Special or pizza fries.

People who want to bring you gifts will bring you gifts. People from out of town who want to send you gifts will be happy to see that you're registered on Amazon, or where ever.

*** eta - damn you, grammar **

bunnybun4 · January 2015

just being honest- throwing yourself a shower seems really tacky. and I also side-eye showers for second babies...a virtual shower seems extremely gift grabby and tacky to me.

although you get a ton of gifts at showers- that is not the point of them. The ultimate point is for your friends to celebrate you becoming a mom...the gifts are just an awesome bonus.

honestly- i buy gifts for all of my friend's babies...whether it be 1st or 10th child, whether there is a shower or not...i think whoever wants to buy you a gift whether you have a shower or not...I would just register and that be it.

iheartsippycups2 · January 2015

Knowing my friends & family, they would find it funny if I actually had a virtual shower, or just emailed them my registry. I guess It's just my sense of humor, you know?! I'm not going to do that though. I will ask my sister if she even wants to host a sprinkle, and then go from there!

mrs.willie · January 2015

I agree with PPs. If your sister offers to hold a sprinkle, I think that's ok. Personally, my friends keep saying they're holding a shower for me and I've politely let them know that is not necessary. I feel weird having another one. You could also create a registry for some smaller needed items and point people in that direction if they ask.

Whatever you do, don't post this on your BMB (if you post there). I really can't believe some of the users comments I read on them when I check them out. If you don't have anything useful to add, then don't hit reply. Just move on.

Alicia_R1 · January 2015

2 of my best friends from college did virtual showers. I know it's because they are far away from friends and family that would traditionally host a shower. One hosted her own and the other had a friend host the virtual shower. I thought both were pretty tacky. I would have sent something either way, even if it was for a 2nd or 3rd child.

Most good friends will want to send you something regardless, same with family. And they should have no problem asking "hey are you registered anywhere" or "what items do you need for the baby"

If it was me, I wouldn't even ask a family member if they would or wanted to host a shower, this is my first, and especially not a sprinkle for a 2nd. If it was offered, that is one thing, but I'd never ask. I would have a registry and just tell people if they ask.

iheartsippycups2 · January 2015

IFinTN said:

iheartsippycups2 said:

Knowing my friends & family, they would find it funny if I actually had a virtual shower, or just emailed them my registry. I guess It's just my sense of humor, you know?! I'm not going to do that though. I will ask my sister if she even wants to host a sprinkle, and then go from there!

Is there a reason your sister would not offer anyway? I think it's bad form to ask someone to host the sprinkle for you....it's different if they offer unsolicited. But I guess you know your friends/family best and how it will be received....

We have talked about it already, just never decided on if I even was going to have one. She had asked if I wanted one, and said that if I did, she would host it. I would just want to ask her again to be sure she still wants to & has the time.

iheartsippycups2 · January 2015

IFinTN said:

You did not offend me, I was just giving my opinion. However, you might now want to post on the Baby Shower board...they will roast you over it

I just read a few discussions over there- they are funny! Yikes! Who knew baby shower etiquette was taken so seriously...

AMShark · January 2015

Am I the only one who gets anxiety over the idea of a "Sip and See"? My babies aren't even born yet, but I feel like I would go into an over protective mom freak out - making sure the dress code included face masks, and the favors were hand sanitizers, (only in the event, of course, that level III Hazmat suits were not available).

I'm a little crazy, though, and maybe overly paranoid because of the bed rest. I'm thinking about working on a tinfoil helmet after I finish knitting the baby blanket.

bears1011 · January 2015

Haha @amshark! I feel the same way! I've always been a bit of a germ freak, but this winter with being pregnant and the flu and stomach bug going around, I feel like I've crossed into "crazy" territory. There is hand sanitizer in every single room of my house and both of our cars. I worry when baby comes that I'm going to like hide my baby from everyone because I don't want people holding/touching/kissing him/her! At least in the summer people tend not to get sick so maybe that will help.

kmc84 · January 2015

@AMShark‌ I don't think I could ever do a sip and see! Having a new, vulnerable baby is hard work! Especially when they are born during flu season

we didn't allow visitors in the hospital with A, mostly because we wanted our privacy (our parents did come the next day in the hospital). When we got home we only allowed one family at a time, otherwise we would have been overwhelmed! Never feel bad telling sick people to stay away!

gsancho · January 2015

AMShark said:

Am I the only one who gets anxiety over the idea of a "Sip and See"? My babies aren't even born yet, but I feel like I would go into an over protective mom freak out - making sure the dress code included face masks, and the favors were hand sanitizers, (only in the event, of course, that level III Hazmat suits were not available).

I'm a little crazy, though, and maybe overly paranoid because of the bed rest. I'm thinking about working on a tinfoil helmet after I finish knitting the baby blanket.

The ones I've been invited to, the baby was at least 4 months old. At the time I thought it was odd they had it after several months, but now it makes more sense - between germs and picking up around the house, it's a lot! And really, the baby slept 90% of the time at both of them, so we barely interacted with it - I was just there for the drinks.

iheartsippycups2 · January 2015

Instead of a sip & see, I would have a come over & watch the baby while I sleep- is that wrong?! KIDDING!

I was the crazy germ lady when my first was just born, then as he got older, I am way laxed now. I'm still about him washing his hands, using a tissue, clean nails, etc., but not having other peeple disinfect before they get near him. I feel like I'm that lady on the commercial where she is so protective against germs with the first, then the second she is at the mechanic & she hands her baby to the dirty mechanic to hold.

Pintobean39 · January 2015

I'm totally against showers for a second child. I think they are just plain tacky! To me it sounds like you just want to do this because you gave all your stuff away. I just don't feel like it's everyone else's responsibility to purchase all your stuff because you gave it away. People will generally bring gifts when they come visit anyway.

I actually like the sip and see idea. That's kinda what I plan on doing but not really calling it that because I don't want people to feel obligated to bring a gift. Were just going to have a big pool party probably a month after the baby is born. I was never one of those moms that freaked about germs with my boys so I doubt I will be this time either. Which is odd because I'm such a germaphobic.

I have 2 children already, 21 and 16. I have absolutely nothing left from them except a cradle thing their grandfather made. Even if I did none of that stuff is even used anymore, ever thing I used with them is now considered unsafe. I'm doing a registry for completion coupons and to keep track of what I need/want. If anyone ask I'll let them know. I'm sure since it's my husbands first child and the first and only grandchild in his family they may want to know but otherwise I'm not announcing it.

weansworld09 · January 2015

Second showers are not really my bag. We always buy gifts for each baby of close friends and family, but the whole big shower again seems like too much.
My husbands family started the "sprinkle" for 2nd and so on children. I was pretty annoyed with the idea at first, but I was also gearing up for IVF and admit I was jealous they were on their second and we weren't sure we could even have one.
They do a simple lunch out at a cute restaurant, and it only includes closest family.

The whole sip and see things are baffling to me, but maybe that's just bc I've never been to one or been invited to one. They don't seem to be a thing up here in the Midwest/or my home town.

I agree, create a registry for discounts and completion codes. People who want to give you a gift will and if your busy mom sister offers for a sprinkle, have it be very close knit family and/or friends.

iheartsippycups2 · January 2015

Happy_Yahoo_Personaler said:

Once you have a child, you cannot be rewelcomed.

LOL

Lady2010 · January 2015

@AMShark‌ - I totally meant sip n see after 4 or so months! lol! I only am having my parents and DH's parents (who have gotten flu/tdap shots) in first month. Sister is visiting mth 2 but only if her kids are not sick (she isn't bringing them at that visit). I have relatives in the area but going to hold off having them visit until month 2 or 3 - and these are close family members!! I am completely paranoid about germs!

fjamil1 · January 2015

I would say go with sip and see. when the baby is born, everybody wants to see the newborn.

We didn't have a baby shower with DD, but once she was born everybody came to see her. We didn't do a registry, since people in our families like to give money when they come to see the new baby. Instead of gifts we did end up with around a thousand from friends and family. With this one we are having people come see them after they are born.

sailorgal · January 2015

I think all babies should be celebrated. I'm all for sprinkles or pampering that pregnant mom. Lately with friends we have just enjoyed hanging out together and have done things like book sprinkles for the new baby and sit around and gab or out to dinner together and gifting mom with a certificate to a mobile hair person and then maybe a onesie for the baby.

That' said, I wouldn't be overly impressed by a virtual shower and none of the above was with the intention of gift gift gift but just a small celebration.

hopeby2015 · January 2015

I like the idea of a brunch type thing at a restaurant to hang out with friends. As for the registry - my dh has a cousin who just had her 1st and we are havingso much trouble trying to get her a gift! She's out of state and doesn't have a registry. I'd definitely recommend making a registry and giving it out when asked! It'll make life easier for you and the gift giver!

lebradford · January 2015

My son is 12. I am not expecting another shower. I have literally nothing from when he was a baby. If someone offered to throw me a sprinkle, I would consider, but I'd have to really think about it. I do think it depends what is common in your social circle.

I have to be honest though, the virtual shower thing does not sound good. (I did see that you were leaning away from that idea now).

We *do* plan to do a registry so that if someone asks, we can pass along the information, and so that we can get the registry completion coupon.

And of course we'll say we're due about two months earlier than we are so we can get the coupon sooner. ;-)

Ecarabeo217 · January 2015

I don't know....maybe because I'm expecting number one, but I think the shower is to celebrate the baby. I realize that gifts are involved, but how terrible for that child to grow up seeing a big celebration for their older sibling and nothing for them! I had to beg my bff to let me do a "sprinkle" for her second child. She didn't need anything (both boys and she had all her gear) but I argued about the celebratory aspect. We did a really low-key dinner.

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Me 33, DH 37 -- TTC since Jan'12 -- Low AMH (0.78) & endo, SA w/ low motility
IUI's 1-3 = BFN, IVF converted to IUI 4/13 = BFN
IVF 1.2: 8R 6M 4F -- 2 blastocysts frozen, FET 8/15 = BFP!!
Beta #s = 445;1,098; 9,545 -- EDD 5/2 -- Team Pink!

Me 33, DH 37 -- TTC since Jan'12 -- Low AMH (0.78) & endo, SA w/ low motility
IUI's 1-3 = BFN, IVF converted to IUI 4/13 = BFN
IVF 1.2: 8R 6M 4F -- 2 blastocysts frozen, FET 8/15 = BFP!!
Beta #s = 445;1,098; 9,545 -- EDD 5/2 -- Team Pink!

Me 33, DH 37 -- TTC since Jan'12 -- Low AMH (0.78) & endo, SA w/ low motility
IUI's 1-3 = BFN, IVF converted to IUI 4/13 = BFN
IVF 1.2: 8R 6M 4F -- 2 blastocysts frozen, FET 8/15 = BFP!!
Beta #s = 445;1,098; 9,545 -- EDD 5/2 -- Team Pink!

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Baby Shower/Sprinkle for 2nd Baby Question

Re: Baby Shower/Sprinkle for 2nd Baby Question

Me 33, DH 37 -- TTC since Jan'12 -- Low AMH (0.78) & endo, SA w/ low motilityIUI's 1-3 = BFN, IVF converted to IUI 4/13 = BFNIVF 1.2: 8R 6M 4F -- 2 blastocysts frozen, FET 8/15 = BFP!!Beta #s = 445;1,098; 9,545 -- EDD 5/2 -- Team Pink!

Me 33, DH 37 -- TTC since Jan'12 -- Low AMH (0.78) & endo, SA w/ low motilityIUI's 1-3 = BFN, IVF converted to IUI 4/13 = BFNIVF 1.2: 8R 6M 4F -- 2 blastocysts frozen, FET 8/15 = BFP!!Beta #s = 445;1,098; 9,545 -- EDD 5/2 -- Team Pink!

Me 33, DH 37 -- TTC since Jan'12 -- Low AMH (0.78) & endo, SA w/ low motilityIUI's 1-3 = BFN, IVF converted to IUI 4/13 = BFNIVF 1.2: 8R 6M 4F -- 2 blastocysts frozen, FET 8/15 = BFP!!Beta #s = 445;1,098; 9,545 -- EDD 5/2 -- Team Pink!

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Me 33, DH 37 -- TTC since Jan'12 -- Low AMH (0.78) & endo, SA w/ low motility
IUI's 1-3 = BFN, IVF converted to IUI 4/13 = BFN
IVF 1.2: 8R 6M 4F -- 2 blastocysts frozen, FET 8/15 = BFP!!
Beta #s = 445;1,098; 9,545 -- EDD 5/2 -- Team Pink!

Me 33, DH 37 -- TTC since Jan'12 -- Low AMH (0.78) & endo, SA w/ low motility
IUI's 1-3 = BFN, IVF converted to IUI 4/13 = BFN
IVF 1.2: 8R 6M 4F -- 2 blastocysts frozen, FET 8/15 = BFP!!
Beta #s = 445;1,098; 9,545 -- EDD 5/2 -- Team Pink!

Me 33, DH 37 -- TTC since Jan'12 -- Low AMH (0.78) & endo, SA w/ low motility
IUI's 1-3 = BFN, IVF converted to IUI 4/13 = BFN
IVF 1.2: 8R 6M 4F -- 2 blastocysts frozen, FET 8/15 = BFP!!
Beta #s = 445;1,098; 9,545 -- EDD 5/2 -- Team Pink!