WWYD - To HB or not to HB??

wifeofadam · January 2015

Quick history - I had an epidural with #1, natural birth in the hospital with #2, and homebirths with #3 and #4. I absolutely loved my HB experiences and midwives, but the problem is that my MWs are an hour and a half away and because my last labor happened so quickly, they didn't make it in time. They were on the phone with my best friend (who is also a doula) through the entire delivery and then showed up about 20 minutes after the birth.

That experience freaked DH out and he said he is no longer comfortable with a HB unless I can guarantee him that the midwives would be there when I deliver. I told him I can't guarantee that any more than I can guarantee we would make it to the hospital in time if we choose to go that route (which is a legitimate concern of mine - if we would have been planning a hospital birth last time, I probably would have delivered either in the car on the way there or while walking into the ER).

I am pregnant with #5 and have three options as far as I can see:

1 - Have another HB. There is no guarantee that my labor will be as fast again and I would rather be prepared to have one at home than prepare for a hospital birth and accidentally deliver at home or in the car without supplies on hand. There are no closer MWs who will deliver at home.

2 - Drive 20 miles north to the only hospital in the area with CNMs delivering. My doula friends say that I would love these midwives and probably have a great experience. But.....if I'm scared about quick labors, I'm not sure that driving 20 miles to the hospital on the highway is a good plan.

3 - Deliver at the hospital that is less than five minutes away with an OB. There is only one there that I would even consider letting touch me and I know that even then it would be a fight, as I've heard horror stories from my doula friend.

Options 2 and 3 mean no waterbirth option at all. Also, there are no birth centers close to me at all either.

What would you do?

honkytonk_kid · January 2015

How fast of a labor are you talking? 4 hours? 1 hour? 20 miles is not far enough to be a factor for me.

I would go with #2, that's really the only one that makes sense if your husband is uncomfortable with a home birth.

kbates85 · January 2015

That really sucks. I can kind of relate (I'm not pregnant yet). When I had LJ I was only in active labor for three hours. I delivered at birth center about 30 miles away. I arrived at 9:30a and had a baby in my arms at 12:20p. I was told that was really fast for a first timer and that for the next baby I should RUN, not walk, to the birth center. However, I have other options because I relatively centrally located in a very large city with plenty of birth centers/midwifes. Still it kinda sucks because I loved my MW. All that to say I understand your dilemma to some degree.

Maybe you could make some emergency preparations for a home birth and go with option 2? I say that but I've never experienced a hospital birth so I have no idea what I'm really suggesting.

On the flip side, if anyone would deliver naturally under less then ideal conditions (aka option 3) it's probably you. You've got experience on your side and hopefully another fast labor. My mom delivered my little sister sunny side up and she weighed over 9 lbs (at home with a MW). She said if it hadn't been her 4th kid she never would have made it.

If hospitals would just let people have water births I feel like it would be a much easier decision.

I haven't helped much. Hopefully you can come to some sort of decision that everyone is comfortable with.

kbates85 · January 2015

I just wanted to add that I didn't realize I posted on this board. I lurk here but never post. @wifeofadam is on my BMB so when I saw her post I automatically responded. Sorry for the drive by post!

wifeofadam · January 2015

honkytonk_kid said:

How fast of a labor are you talking? 4 hours? 1 hour? 20 miles is not far enough to be a factor for me.

From first contraction to delivery it was a little less than two hours. I suffer from prodromal labor for weeks leading up to delivery, so it's often hard for me to tell the difference between the fake stuff and the real thing. Last time it took about thirty minutes of contractions for me to realize they were real, so I called my MWs to let them know (they were only 5-7 minutes apart and not intense at that point, so I told them not to rush). Thirty minutes later they went 5 minutes to 2 minutes apart in a matter of seconds, so I called the MWs back and told them to get there now. About twenty minutes later my water broke and my body started spontaneously pushing and ten minutes later she was there.

Now, I was two weeks overdue at that point, so I should have known better and told the MWs to rush at the first call. Now I know.

I called my MWs I used with #3 and #4 today and we're going to schedule an appointment at 12 weeks to discuss all of DH's fears. If by the end of the appointment he still isn't on board, I'm hoping they will advise me on how best to get the experience I want at the hospital and I'll probably go with option 2.

aliska · January 2015

Hopefully your appointment at 12 weeks goes well and alleviates your DH's fears. I would rather deliver at home than on the side of the road. At least this time you'll know not to tell the midwives to wait.

sschwege · January 2015

wifeofadam said:

honkytonk_kid said:

How fast of a labor are you talking? 4 hours? 1 hour? 20 miles is not far enough to be a factor for me.

From first contraction to delivery it was a little less than two hours. I suffer from prodromal labor for weeks leading up to delivery, so it's often hard for me to tell the difference between the fake stuff and the real thing. Last time it took about thirty minutes of contractions for me to realize they were real, so I called my MWs to let them know (they were only 5-7 minutes apart and not intense at that point, so I told them not to rush). Thirty minutes later they went 5 minutes to 2 minutes apart in a matter of seconds, so I called the MWs back and told them to get there now. About twenty minutes later my water broke and my body started spontaneously pushing and ten minutes later she was there.

Now, I was two weeks overdue at that point, so I should have known better and told the MWs to rush at the first call. Now I know.

I called my MWs I used with #3 and #4 today and we're going to schedule an appointment at 12 weeks to discuss all of DH's fears. If by the end of the appointment he still isn't on board, I'm hoping they will advise me on how best to get the experience I want at the hospital and I'll probably go with option 2.

I hope you don't have to decide and get the HB you want. It sounds like your labor was similar to my last, only I didn't experience prodmal. Less than three hours before DS was born, I was just having timeable Braxton Hicks (like 8-10 min apart) could talk/walk through it. Literally tried to convince my parents to proceed with their plan of meeting their friends to go out for dinner and leaving us alone with DD. Same as you, all of a sudden out of no where contractions were 2 min apart! I have a strong suspicion that had my bag broken we wouldn't have even made it to triage, thankfully for me it stayed intact! Anyway, I still plan to deliver at our hospital which is 20 min away with no traffic. I figure this time, I know not to wait. Based on your last labor you still had about an hour where you knew you were in labor, so if labor is similar and now you know how your previous birth went, I think there's still a good chance you would make it on time.

aetg · January 2015

@wifeofadam My son was born in a thirty minute labor start to finish and I've convinced my midwife to break my water once I get past 5-6 cm whether I'm officially in "labor" or not. I also had prodomal labor and could time contractions for over a month.

I'm not in love with the idea of induction, but I really just want to make sure I have some medical professional around and I'm not at home with only my toddler.

soulcupcake · January 2015

aetg said:

@wifeofadam My son was born in a thirty minute labor start to finish and I've convinced my midwife to break my water once I get past 5-6 cm whether I'm officially in "labor" or not. I also had prodomal labor and could time contractions for over a month.

I'm not in love with the idea of induction, but I really just want to make sure I have some medical professional around and I'm not at home with only my toddler.

This was what I wanted to do with my newest LO. My longest labor, my first, was 3 hours. And my shortest, my 4th, was nonexistent. As in, I didn't actually "labor" at all. I started noticing BH-like contractions roughly 15 minutes before his birth. I only noticed a few, and then nothing until seconds before his birth. That's when I knew that was it, and then it was over. I went from 6 cm (my starting point) to birth in about one minute. We planned for a water birth, but since he was born unexpectedly there was no time move to the tub.

My very precipitous labors was one of the reasons my midwife and I induced with my 4th baby. She lived 45 minutes away, and we weren't sure she'd make it in time. Also because I wanted a water birth, and the tub we used took 2 hours to set up and fill. The thinking was that inducing labor once she was there would give us time plan and set things up.

I even brought up inducing labor with my third baby because my midwife lived an hour away and my labor with my second was 47 minutes.

So, yeah, this time I wanted to be prepared. However, being that the midwife I chose lived 5 minutes away we were hopeful that she'd make it in time. This time, to my shock, my membranes released at 38w4d, and after 17 hours of no labor in sight I got the go-ahead to induce labor. I had a heads up, and it worked fast this time, but I was highly skeptical because while I was having contractions, I was never in any real pain.

I just relied on their frequency (every 3 min for 45 min) to determine when to phone my midwife. Had I remained skeptical about whether it was labor and waited until I knew for sure, she wouldn't have made it. I really doubted I was in labor when I contacted her, but I was hopeful. And I knew that if I wanted a water birth that I needed to get things ready once I realized they were regular. I still was not convinced I was in real labor (thinking prodromal) 15 min before his birth. My midwife also encouraged laboring in the water to help slow it down some. So that and the cervical lip helped slow it down to where it was possible to experience the process.

Good luck with whatever you decide!

wifeofadam · January 2015

Well, #2 is no longer an option because I found out the CNMs work with an OB. There are three of them and they work so that whoever is on call ends up delivering you. I'm not comfortable with that.

I think we've pretty much decided to go ahead with the HB again. We'll meet with my MWs at 12 weeks to make sure I'm still a good candidate. It seems like the only option I am comfortable with at this time and I know DH will come around. I compromised with him and told him that if I end up delivering before the midwives make it and they are a long way off, he has my permission to call the paramedics just in case. Seems like a reasonable compromise.

WWYD - To HB or not to HB??

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