OMGOMGOMG — The Bump
Parenting after 35

OMGOMGOMG

Someone please calm me down. I got a very unexpected Xmas present and I'm freaking out. I suspected something Xmas Eve then still no af yesterday so I took a test and got a bfp. I was trying to go back on bcp but my ins had just denied my rx. This was not at all planned. Part of me was sad that our daughter wouldn't have a sibling but after everything I went through with her pregnancy/delivery/recovery/breastfeeding I just knew I couldn't go through it again. And now bam. How am I going to do this with a toddler??? I am 100% in panic mode and I don't know how I'm going to tell my husband.
Me:41, DH:41 Positive for MTHFR mutations- one copy C677T, one copy A1298C. One daughter born on Thanksgiving in 2013. Six losses.

Re: OMGOMGOMG

  • 1. Congratulations!
    2. Breathe. Or scream, cry, jump for joy, scream, cry some more, and then breathe. Since a BPF can be such an emotional roller coaster in any circumstances!
    3. Being just a ftm too I don't know from experience yet but from reading here it seems like many women have very different experiences with each pregnancy /baby so maybe you will be lucky and have fewer difficulties this time around. And then maybe you would go for VBAC but if you do a planned csection then that would be very different than the emergency one (and all that preceded it) last time. But in any case you now have the benefit of experience to help you with everything from questions to ask doc or midwife to newborn care. And time to plan for supports you may want like to see a lactation consultant (or a different one) if you want to have another try at breastfeeding.
    4. Breathe. You have been through so much and are strong from it even if it's hiding undrr being tired from it. You can do this! Lotscof virtual hugscand handholding available here (not as useful as someone in real life to help watch your toddler while you sneak in a nap, but still maybe a little helpful!)
    5. Did your husband always want to be one and done or only because you felt you needed to be?
    6. Insurance declining BC prescription?!?! WTF???!!! I know we usually avoid profanity in this group but seriously I think there needs to be an exception for your insurance company. Haven't they pulled other nonsense too?augh!
    Me: 39  DH: 44  together since 2000 married 9/2004 TTC #1 since 2/2012
    BFP #1 6/5/2012  m/c 6/15/2012 about 5w3d   BFP #2 6/?/2013 m/c 7/1/2013 5w 3d
    BFP #3 8/25/2013  EDD 5/7/2014    DD A. born 5/8/2014!!  Love!!!!
    GuennieSamuelismomma NanSee3URMySunshine77
  • OMG OMG OMG is right!!!!   I am very jealous.  I am here to tell you that it will be ok. Now granted I was trying to have my kids close together but I found out I was pregnant with my son when my daughter was 13 months old.  
    My labor and delivery with my son was a breeze, barring having him in the Doctors office lol.  With my daughter I was literally in labor for 3 days.  
    By the time my son came along my daughter didn't need the constant supervision that she did when I first found out I was pregnant.  Granted she couldn't be left unattended for long periods but I could leave the room to make a cup of coffee in the kitchen and wasn't afraid of imminent danger.  They are the best of friends now (she will be 3 in Feb and as you know he just turned 1 in Nov).  He goes over to her and hugs her.  They fight over toys and she can be a bit too rough but all in all they are amazing together.

    Good Luck, I'm here if you need me.  It really will all be ok!!!!!!!  

    Lilypie First Birthday tickers
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    GuennieURMySunshine77
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  • Mine are 21 months apart. We love love love the close spacing. Congrats!!! And seriously, every pregnancy is different. Every birth experience is different. (Btw, I was over 35 both times. Best thing is second time around, no one was worried that I was an aged pregnant woman. Apparently, the medical freak-out only comes with FTMs.)
    GuenniegreenjillyURMySunshine77
  • Thank you guys. I told my husband yesterday, he did not take it well. I honestly don't know if he ever thought about more than one, he really doesn't communicate with me. I do know he is worried about how I would take care of our daughter if I'm so sick like last time. I suspect he was fine with only having the responsibility of one child. And financially it's going to be hard.

    My ins denied the rx because it wasn't generic. They didn't want to pay for it. Ya BCBS has not been my favorite. I liked United Healthcare better.

    Geeps, now I really think we're twins. My daughter is exactly 13 months today.

    I'm trying to come to terms with this and calm down. The stress certainly won't help my body any. And given my history I really won't know anything until I see my dr. It may not even be a viable pregnancy.
    Me:41, DH:41 Positive for MTHFR mutations- one copy C677T, one copy A1298C. One daughter born on Thanksgiving in 2013. Six losses.
  • QOTRQOTR member
    edited December 2014
    Oh Guennie!   I know you're freaking out, but I'm excited for you.  I wish you the best.  Keep us posted on your doctor appointment!

    Edited to add question:   Weren't you on baby aspirin with your last pregnancy?  Still have any on hand?
    Me-41, Hubby-40.
    1st BFP-8/17/12!  Missed Miscarriage discovered @ 8 week US.  D&C.
    2nd BFP-2/13/13!  Blighted Ovum discovered @ 8 week US. Natural miscarriage.
    3rd BFP-5/22/13!  By early June, progesterone plummeting.  Another loss.
    August 2013 - started Donor Egg process, but surprise BFP with my own eggs.
    Dear Son born 5/28/14
    Guennie
  • QOTR said:
    Oh Guennie!   I know you're freaking out, but I'm excited for you.  I wish you the best.  Keep us posted on your doctor appointment!

    Edited to add question:   Weren't you on baby aspirin with your last pregnancy?  Still have any on hand?

    Yes, I've started taking the baby aspirin again as of this morning, along with the extra folate and B-12 and prenatals. I'm trying really hard to jump to acceptance and start doing everything I need to do to take care of myself. I'm waiting for my dr's office to call me back to schedule an appt as they are still out this week. Thanks so much for being excited for me guys. If this is a viable pregnancy I hope I will get there once the shock wears off and it really sinks in. I just have so many fears. I have to believe this was supposed to happen though since I was about to go back on the pill. Life has some ironic timing.
    Me:41, DH:41 Positive for MTHFR mutations- one copy C677T, one copy A1298C. One daughter born on Thanksgiving in 2013. Six losses.
  • Congrats!  Going from 1 to 2 kids is a big change.  But it is awesome at the same time.  My boys are 25 months apart.  They are so cute together.  And each pregnancy and baby can be so different.  As a pp said, its a little easer because you can leave the room to pee or get a drink or make lunch without worrying as much.  You have a little more freedom with the older child.  Plus you are a bit less stressed with a newborn because you have been through this before.  I did not BF either kid but several of my friends had issues BFing their first child but no issues with their second or third kids.  Good luck!

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    GuennieURMySunshine77stever
  • Congrats!
    Mine are almost 16 months apart. They love each other so much.
    The big kid can play alone while I BF the LO.
    My pregnancies were very different.
    With the first boy I was sick in the beginning, in constant discomfort and tired all the time.
    The second boy, I had no symptoms til about 6 months when I felt a kick and started to show. I didn't gain any weight until about 7 months. I had energy, was very comfortable and only tired when DS1 was extremely energetic.
    I also didn't know I was pregnant right away.

    Best of luck, it's tough, but worth it.
    Guennie
  • I also wanted to add that I had freak outs at various times (crying...ok sobbing) because even though I wanted 2 and was trying to get pregnant I was morning the loss of my daughter having to share parents now with another kid.  I will tell you the worry was for nothing.  I still had quality time with my daughter and still do.  Babies do sleep a lot in those first few months so when the baby was sleeping (I had a pack and play set up in the main room of the house where all the toys are so he would snooze) and I could keep an ear and eye on him and still play with my daughter.  

    Also, breastfeeding is great and wonderful and sadly I am still doing it even though I don't want to be and haven't wanted to be since he was 6 months old but that is a whole other story.  Formula is good too.  I know you were killing yourself with pumping last time and had a lot of guilt when you stopped.  You aren't a bad Mom if breastfeeding doesn't work out and you have to use formula.  You may have an easier time with this new baby, you never know.  But if not give it the old college try with BFing and supplement with formula if necessary.  As long as baby is happy and healthy that is all that matters.  And you keep your sanity!!!!

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    GuennieNanSee3URMySunshine77
  • CONGRATS!!!!  Never know - it could be twins!  Stranger things have happened! 

    On all the anxieties - when it comes to BF - just FF or EP or EP/FF supplement!!  If it's a source of stress instead of something that you'd enjoy doing, then the stress is not worth it because it is a ton of work.  I EP for both kiddos and my Ma who I thought would be the most "latch it's the ONLY way!" was actually the one encouraging me to FF instead of dealing with all the undue stress I was putting on myself since I had BIGTIME supply issues.  I EP what I could, but my nickname just isn't Bessy!!  With DS I resolved to say I'd give him what I could but I wasn't going to kill myself in the process and it was so much more enjoyable having lifted that stress off of myself (only to end up with mastitis). 

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    MommyAtty
  • MesmrEwe said:

    CONGRATS!!!!  Never know - it could be twins!  Stranger things have happened! 

    On all the anxieties - when it comes to BF - just FF or EP or EP/FF supplement!!  If it's a source of stress instead of something that you'd enjoy doing, then the stress is not worth it because it is a ton of work.  I EP for both kiddos and my Ma who I thought would be the most "latch it's the ONLY way!" was actually the one encouraging me to FF instead of dealing with all the undue stress I was putting on myself since I had BIGTIME supply issues.  I EP what I could, but my nickname just isn't Bessy!!  With DS I resolved to say I'd give him what I could but I wasn't going to kill myself in the process and it was so much more enjoyable having lifted that stress off of myself (only to end up with mastitis). 

    Are you trying to give me a heart attack??? I'm scared enough about one, I don't even want to think about twins!!!

    I had to EP and supplement with my daughter, it was very very hard. But I am so glad I did it. I got mastitis twice and I was in constant pain because my body didn't react well to pumping. But I hung in there for 9 months. I will never ever regret it. If this does end up being a viable pregnancy I will do all I can to try to breastfeed and if nursing once again doesn't work I will pump again. I will find a way.
    Me:41, DH:41 Positive for MTHFR mutations- one copy C677T, one copy A1298C. One daughter born on Thanksgiving in 2013. Six losses.
    QOTRURMySunshine77
  • I wad wondering how you are doing so peeked over at the preg-over35 board. Glad to hear your dh pulled it together! But boo about the doctor situation. Which seems really backwards - you should be able to choose a provider not have them choose whether or not to take you! And cant your PCP at least order the first beta for you ( could maybe put it in as related to the old plan of going back on bcp) so then when you find a new OB provider you can get a second test to check doubling time. Blah! I wonder if some of the other women on this board might have helpful suggestions. It seems bogus for docs to consider you so high risk - weren't your losses all first tri? (Can't see siggy on mobile) which while still very heartbreaking and not to be trivialized especially in caring for youthese next few weeks, are medically "normal" and shouldn't put you in the same risk category as later losses or threatened losses might. Same with the severe morning sickness and ending up needing a c/s - also not so uncommon. Are there any practices in your area that have both midwives (ideallymore than one - enough that theur model of care sets the tone of the pracice while MDs are still there for when needed)and MDs? I wonder if they might have a more supportive and de-stressing approach.
    Anyway sending good vibes your way!

    Me: 39  DH: 44  together since 2000 married 9/2004 TTC #1 since 2/2012
    BFP #1 6/5/2012  m/c 6/15/2012 about 5w3d   BFP #2 6/?/2013 m/c 7/1/2013 5w 3d
    BFP #3 8/25/2013  EDD 5/7/2014    DD A. born 5/8/2014!!  Love!!!!
  • I wad wondering how you are doing so peeked over at the preg-over35 board. Glad to hear your dh pulled it together! But boo about the doctor situation. Which seems really backwards - you should be able to choose a provider not have them choose whether or not to take you! And cant your PCP at least order the first beta for you ( could maybe put it in as related to the old plan of going back on bcp) so then when you find a new OB provider you can get a second test to check doubling time. Blah! I wonder if some of the other women on this board might have helpful suggestions. It seems bogus for docs to consider you so high risk - weren't your losses all first tri? (Can't see siggy on mobile) which while still very heartbreaking and not to be trivialized especially in caring for youthese next few weeks, are medically "normal" and shouldn't put you in the same risk category as later losses or threatened losses might. Same with the severe morning sickness and ending up needing a c/s - also not so uncommon. Are there any practices in your area that have both midwives (ideallymore than one - enough that theur model of care sets the tone of the pracice while MDs are still there for when needed)and MDs? I wonder if they might have a more supportive and de-stressing approach.
    Anyway sending good vibes your way!

    Thank you. Ya, I've been very upset over this whole situation. It's total bs that I wouldn't be able to do the labs with my regular dr. However, nobody has actually asked her because she was still out of office last week, so I've decided I'm going to call first thing in the morning and ask to come in.

    My losses have all been first tri, yes. And yes it is also very common to have to have an emergency c section when you are induced. I find it hard to swallow that a dr wouldn't want to take you because of AMA. It's just disgusting and disappointing all the way around. I really hope the dr I'm trying to get in with will decide I'm not so scary after reviewing my records.

    I have no idea what's around here, honestly right now I'm just trying to get in with someone so I can be seen and know one way or the other if this is a viable pregnancy, so my emotions can know where to land. This limbo really sucks and it's messing with my head.
    Me:41, DH:41 Positive for MTHFR mutations- one copy C677T, one copy A1298C. One daughter born on Thanksgiving in 2013. Six losses.
  • Creepy Internet hugs. That's awful. I was lucky to have a great OB who had a ton of AMA patients. In fact, when I had my first at 38, and commented early on about being AMA, his attitude was, "You aren't old at all! What are you thinking?" I had seen another OB who was in a tizzy because apparently my uterus was supposed to turn to dust at 35. (I learned later that she had age-related fertility problems and was trying to conceive, so she may have been projecting.) So you just never know what you'll get.
    URMySunshine77
  • Awww man that is stinky.  I never heard of having to get records reviewed before being taken on as a patient.  That blows.  I, wish I could have everyone see my obgyn.  I LOVE her.  She never once made me feel like an old lady having a baby.  I looked in the waiting room when I had appointments and most of the women there that were pregnant were "elderly" like me.  I hope you get some peace of mind soon.  

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  • Wow. Congrats and many deep breaths.

    Guennie
  • Congrats!  Going from 1 to 2 kids is a big change.  But it is awesome at the same time.  My boys are 25 months apart.  They are so cute together.  And each pregnancy and baby can be so different.  As a pp said, its a little easer because you can leave the room to pee or get a drink or make lunch without worrying as much.  You have a little more freedom with the older child.  Plus you are a bit less stressed with a newborn because you have been through this before.  I did not BF either kid but several of my friends had issues BFing their first child but no issues with their second or third kids.  Good luck!

    Yeah, it's easier with subsequent kids if no other reason that you've done it before. And sometimes it's easier because it's easier too, KWIM? DS1 was the world's worst sleeper, the first few months BFing made me want to tear my hair out and he just an all 'round intense little dude.

    DS2 popped out and latched and slept like a champ and was, until recently, the most chilled out baby and toddler ever.

    You just never know who's gonna pop out :)

    QOTRURMySunshine77
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