Throwing food, hitting...lots of questions!!

Re: Throwing food, hitting...lots of questions!!

• KellyMarierockstarwife

  January 2009

  for hitting I would advise against scolding and go with showing her how to be gentle. Appropriate ways to touch, Hi-five, hug whatever. If the hitting is out of anger, let her know that it is ok to be angry but that hitting is not an acceptable way to express her anger. "I understand you're mad, but it is not OK to hit."
  

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• soon2Bkranz member

  January 2009

  KellyMarierockstarwife:

  for hitting I would advise against scolding and go with showing her how to be gentle. Appropriate ways to touch, Hi-five, hug whatever. If the hitting is out of anger, let her know that it is ok to be angry but that hitting is not an acceptable way to express her anger. "I understand you're mad, but it is not OK to hit."
  

  Thanks Kelly...thats pretty much what I meant by scold...thats why I put it in quotes...I think its kinda working...but when she is frustrated she cant let it go and give "loves" or "gentles". When its just more playful hitting she gets it right away...

  I am going to throw in your last line I think because she really really understands so much of what we say...

  
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• 2bearichards

  January 2009

  When Peyton hits, I take his hand, look him in the eye and say "we don't hit, hitting hurts".

   

  When he throws food (which thankfully is a phase and will end!), he gets two warnings and then the food is taken away.  He gets snacks between breakfast and lunch and lunch and dinner so I know he won't go hungry.  Once meal time is over, its over.

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• titantsmama

  January 2009

  I find that Ty tends to hit or pull hair when he's tired or frustrated. Depending on the situation I say "no hit" and go from there. I tried the "we don't hit" but it didn't seem as effective as the short and simple, "no hit." That gets his attention. If he's frustrated, usually if another kid takes his toy, I try to redirect or remove him from the situation again telling him that I know he's frustrated but we don't hit.

  Typically he throws his food if he's not hungry- meaning I didn't time dinner right. I usually call the meal done and try again 20 to 30 minutes later. Like you, we've been having a really tough time lately in the eating department. It's so hard.

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• KellyMarierockstarwife

  January 2009

  in regards to the last line, i feel like even if they dont understand fully, that it is at least a good reminder for ME. its so easy to get frustrated and forget that he has every right to be mad if he wants to. i always try to use a super calm tone, which is helpful to both of us.

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• I<3MYHUSBAND

  January 2009

  You know how D got "nice" finally. Petting a dog. My cousin's wife was showing him "nice" by moving her hand nicely over him, over and over again. He got it, So now if he does hit we say.. "no hitting, you have to be nice." and he will say "niiiicccee" and move his hand nicely over our face and then go on about his business. For the food thing, I have no idea we still struggle with that.

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• danandkelly

  January 2009

  For the hitting I think you are on the right track. 

  For the food throwing, I would stick with pretty much what you are doing but not let her out of the HC to play.  I would tell her that it is still meal time and that since she threw her food she just has to sit in the chair until meal time is over.  So if meals are usually 30 minutes and she throws her food 5 minutes into it, I would take it away wait a couple minutes, offer it back, if she throws it again than I would just make her sit in her HC for the remaining 30 minutes.  I think that by letting her out of the HC to play after she's thrown the food is just reinforcing the bad behavior.  If she is forced to sit there and be unhappy she might rethink the food throwing the next time.

  Good luck

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• sfgiantsjo member

  January 2009

  Hey Libby! Haven't seen you around as much lately, Char and I were just talking about how we missed you!

  Anyhow, one thing to add with the hitting. When children were hitting in my class, I would always respond immediately with a very sad, hurt expression, as opposed to aggression. I figured, I am trying to curb inappropriate agression, so I didn't want to respond with the same. I would show them hitting hurts with my tone and expression. I'd always say something like, "OW! Hitting hurts me and makes me sad." With a very hurt look on my face. I know it's corny sounding, but more often than not, the child would stop hitting and look concerned. Then I would follow up with a "We don't hit, it hurts me/ our friends." type statement.
  

  
  
  

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• SweetieP

  January 2009

  I think you got a lot of great suggestions already.  I don't have much to add in the hitting stage.  Ryan will still do it if he's really mad - although its more about throwing himself on the floor or throwing whatever he's mad at.   We try to do what Kelly suggests.  Sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn't.

  For the food...we went through a LONG stage of food throwing.  The thing that finally worked for us was the little 'cupholder indent' on our highchair.  I started telling Ryan that it wasn't nice to throw his food and if he didn't want it or didn't like it, to put it in that indent.  I'd 'show' him how to do it and he caught on within about 2 days.  And miracuously, the food throwing stopped.   I know that it was probably a fluke, but it worked for us.

   

  Nobody said life would be easy, they just promised it would be worth it.
  
  
  

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• SweetieP

  January 2009

  Oh - and for giving more food...I totally would and did. Ryan has always been a terrible eater....

   

  Nobody said life would be easy, they just promised it would be worth it.
  
  
  

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