Mother in Laws

KristinaD217 · January 2015

mrsarledge0604 said:
My SIL is the same way. She literally pouted when we got engaged and then when we got pregnant said "great. I'm the oldest and he gets married first and has the first grand babies." It's not a competition!!!!
People are nuts!

I would roll my eyes too. I can't believe your MIL would tell her. People have no filter.

My SIL said "why did you two do that" when we got engaged. And then said really? (In a negative tone) When we told them I was pregnant. She has felt better with the pregnancy than with our relationship, and it ticks me off. My MIL was worried/happy. And we haven't told my mom yet....super scared about that.

ShellyR · January 2015

@emt16, and she may never realize it is an issue...I've given up on my parents on this one. I love them. I grew up with dealing with it though and at this point, not my circus, not my monkey anymore. I'm just worried about my LO putting things in his/her mouth, pulling on the cords everywhere, etc. I will deal with it when they time comes.

ETA: need to switch around words. Content remains the same.

cosplaymom · January 2015

My MIL just gave me her Volvo because she doesn't my '98 Camry is good (safe) enough for her grandchildren.

Only downside is now I have to clean out my Camry and sell it in 30 days before my insurance on it runs out.

KrystalP2286 · January 2015

We told all of our parents first with fun Christmas ornaments. Her first words: "I'm sorry I can't cry. They just increased my crazy medicine. But I really am happy."

The next day, she emails DH and I at work asking when and how we will tell the rest of the family at Christmas (which we hadn't even discussed with her). She used the words MY grand baby a little too much and actually wanted to buy HER grand baby a gift to announce to everyone. I was pretty irritated that she wanted to be in the limelight and announce our first pregnancy. I stopped that immediately.

On Christmas, after doing our own fun announcement, she says: "So, now I can tell everyone?" Then, proceeds to start texting other extended family and friends that we hadn't had the chance to see yet.

I could go on and on about her crazy. She definitely knows it all like other MILs on here!!!

mhaas28 · January 2015

hdenglish said:

My MIL told us if it is a girl she should get to name the baby... She had all boys
Oh my god. This drives me nuts. My MIL is generally quite lovely but her side of the family got very excited and kept saying "oh MIL's name finally got her girl." The whole possessiveness thing faded over time as my MIL started to get what her role is and as she started to remember that babies and toddlers are exhausting. She loves being a grandma. Thank god we're over that.

Hopefully if baby is a girl her possessiveness will fade over time. I don't know how much I will be able to put up with before snapping at her

Of course we find out the sex of the baby right before we are going on a Disney vacation with her... so that should be fun.

mamaZbo · January 2015

I've never met my mil. Dh's family lives on another continent and we don't speak a common language. He is not close to her or his father. I have met his 4 brothers, but not his 2 sisters. Sometimes I wish we had more interaction, but after reading these stories I may be lucky.

Motownthrowdown · January 2015

Good God, you guys are freaking me out.

DH and I have had several conversations about what we think will happen in terms of reactions and general behavior. We have nothing to go on in terms of other kids in the family, except my step-sibling's kid. I think my MIL is going to be better than my mom, just because she has never tried to tell me how to do anything and treats me like a good friend. My own mom is controlling and overbearing, but she means well. We are hoping to have her babysit a few times a week because DH and I need both our incomes and work during the day, but daycare for infants is so expensive... I see us having major control issues over how things are to be done with the baby. I guess we will wait and see.

kcebeling · January 2015

My MIL problems are minuscule compared to most of yours, but they all began over Christmas so I'm still wincing over her words (if I'm being over sensitive, please edit me). First, I've learned the best way to get closer to someone is the share a secret, so I shared what the impact of losing my dad was like when I was 20. Long story short, I watched him die a traumatic death so I had coping problems for many years. It took lots of individual work (with no help from inexperienced university therapists) over many years, but I have since become a stronger, more self-aware individual and I've managed to strongly excel in my career and build a life for myself, even before I married her son. This is where she calls me "a real WACKO." Then she goes on to tell me that I must power through and ignore all of my pregnancy symptoms (about none of which I had complained) and focus on the fact that pregnancy isn't illness, but rather the most significant blessing on the planet. She proceeded to repeat this part of the conversation every time we were alone, upwards of 15 times through the remainder of the weekend. I know it isn't that big of a deal...I'm just really hurt that she judged me.

melsner · January 2015

@kcebeling That is a big deal. You shared something that made you very vulnerable and she shot you down. It's okay to feel hurt over it. I am sorry you lost your dad and that your MIL judged you for it. No one should be judged for their reaction to great grief. Maybe your MIL has never experienced that level of grief and therefore couldn't relate, so she reverted to pregnancy because she feels that's something she knows about.

kcebeling · January 2015

Thanks @melsner‌. She and I have always been really close and this really threw me. Your story though...WOWSER!

melsner · January 2015

@kcebeling It's good you've always been close. Hopefully it was just a temporary lapse. And yea, my MIL is a winner. I get sad about it sometimes. My family doesn't live near us, so we don't really have anyone. I don't think she'll ever change though. We don't have any contact anymore, other than H calling them on their birthdays. That helps. When they were in our lives I was always getting my feelings hurt.

kcebeling · January 2015

@melsner I'm sorry she is such a train wreck, but largely cutting them out means that you're both really smart and healthy! I can't stand it when people work to maintain unhealthy relationships, get hurt consistently, and then complain about it.

vchacker · January 2015

My MIL sucks my husband and I been trying for 6 years now that I'm pregnant she never asks how I'm feeling how's the baby doing it sucks completely I try to keep her involved but I'm tired of it ladies. Not fair at all I don't want to be the only one talking about our first child I wish she could be happy

wildermom · January 2015

We've been basically estranged from my MIL for almost a year. She has never had much to do with my sweet DH. She walked out on his dad and the kids when he was younger, and has hardly gotten to know him as an adult. She's never liked me (NBD). But what kills us is that she doesn't care to know our awesome two year old. I have a great and supportive family and it's so sad to see her chosen absence. Kills DH that "his mom doesn't love him or his son". I'm was so sad and mad and almost finally over it. She doesn't want to be around, that's her loss.

And to be honest, I'd like her to feel it. She pretends to everyone else like she's this great mom and grandmother. It's obnoxious. I can't deal with her even following us on social media because she takes our pictures and pawns them off as her own. As if she's seen my child in the last year. Ugh.

So with this pregnancy, I don't really even want to tell her. She made her choice not to be a true part of our lives, so let her find out like all the other acquaintances we have. Maybe she'll see a pic on FB. I'm sure that'd be embarrassing when other people have to tell her, but hey, isn't that the relationship she chose?
DH thinks I'm being a bit harsh. Obviously he's a little more sensitive to it since it is his mom, however crappy.

Thoughts?

thehurricaine · January 2015

mhaas28 said:

hdenglish said:

mhaas28 said:
My MIL told us if it is a girl she should get to name the baby... She had all boys
Oh my god. This drives me nuts. My MIL is generally quite lovely but her side of the family got very excited and kept saying "oh MIL's name finally got her girl." The whole possessiveness thing faded over time as my MIL started to get what her role is and as she started to remember that babies and toddlers are exhausting. She loves being a grandma. Thank god we're over that.

Hopefully if baby is a girl her possessiveness will fade over time. I don't know how much I will be able to put up with before snapping at her

Of course we find out the sex of the baby right before we are going on a Disney vacation with her... so that should be fun.

Oh god does she know you're finding out? Can you hide it?

mrsarledge0604 · January 2015

Sarah.Wilder said:
We've been basically estranged from my MIL for almost a year. She has never had much to do with my sweet DH. She walked out on his dad and the kids when he was younger, and has hardly gotten to know him as an adult. She's never liked me (NBD). But what kills us is that she doesn't care to know our awesome two year old. I have a great and supportive family and it's so sad to see her chosen absence. Kills DH that "his mom doesn't love him or his son". I'm was so sad and mad and almost finally over it. She doesn't want to be around, that's her loss.

And to be honest, I'd like her to feel it. She pretends to everyone else like she's this great mom and grandmother. It's obnoxious. I can't deal with her even following us on social media because she takes our pictures and pawns them off as her own. As if she's seen my child in the last year. Ugh.

So with this pregnancy, I don't really even want to tell her. She made her choice not to be a true part of our lives, so let her find out like all the other acquaintances we have. Maybe she'll see a pic on FB. I'm sure that'd be embarrassing when other people have to tell her, but hey, isn't that the relationship she chose?
DH thinks I'm being a bit harsh. Obviously he's a little more sensitive to it since it is his mom, however crappy.

Thoughts?

Sarah, I totally understand the way you feel. I would totally want to shut her out too and make her feel stupid when a friend congratulates her on "her new grand baby". I get that you feel that way especially because you feel hurt for your husband! My husband had issues with his mom too and she left them and he was very hurt by it. Also we have a two year old boy and I can't imagine my husband not being able to share pics and news with his parents.
Sadly, it's not our place to shove it in their faces or be horrible. It's really up to your husband whether he wants to tell her. I'm sure he knows your view on it but it is his mom, no matter how horrible she is.

kcebeling · January 2015

Sarah.Wilder said:

We've been basically estranged from my MIL for almost a year. She has never had much to do with my sweet DH. She walked out on his dad and the kids when he was younger, and has hardly gotten to know him as an adult. She's never liked me (NBD). But what kills us is that she doesn't care to know our awesome two year old. I have a great and supportive family and it's so sad to see her chosen absence. Kills DH that "his mom doesn't love him or his son". I'm was so sad and mad and almost finally over it. She doesn't want to be around, that's her loss. And to be honest, I'd like her to feel it. She pretends to everyone else like she's this great mom and grandmother. It's obnoxious. I can't deal with her even following us on social media because she takes our pictures and pawns them off as her own. As if she's seen my child in the last year. Ugh. So with this pregnancy, I don't really even want to tell her. She made her choice not to be a true part of our lives, so let her find out like all the other acquaintances we have. Maybe she'll see a pic on FB. I'm sure that'd be embarrassing when other people have to tell her, but hey, isn't that the relationship she chose? DH thinks I'm being a bit harsh. Obviously he's a little more sensitive to it since it is his mom, however crappy. Thoughts?

Sarah, your husband's situation is very similar to my husband's relationship with his dad. We Facebook blocked him so he would have less ammo for arguments and it's worked out nicely for us. Your husband is really lucky to have you and your perspective on the matter. I'm sure it helps him more than you know.

kc071911 · January 2015

My MIL drives me insane. This will be me & my SO's first baby and she's constantly telling me how bad it hurts giving birth, trying to scare me about it & trying to tell me what to do during my pregnancy. When I question something she says "Oh honey, I've had 4 kids. I know what I'm talking about". Ok, yeah. I'll listen but everyone does things differently. Not everyone is the same. She acts like she's a god because she's raised 4 kids. Annoying.

kc071911 · January 2015

Oh & I forgot to add. She also thinks that because she named all her children with the same initials (KMT) that I should do the same. But neither my SO nor myself have any interest in doing that.

JoMunson · January 2015

In general I notice a pattern of MIL's almost trying to claim our pregnancies as theirs. Like now that I'm pregnant MIL has the chance to have a little girl or do all these things. My mom isn't like that at all but she also mentioned that she "gave everything to being a mom", like she left it all out on the proverbial field. I think because my MIL didn't really want to be a mom when she was one she's hoping 1. For some support from SIL and myself that we don't necessarily love being moms and 2. A chance to do over her own experience.
Thankfully my DH is great and I'll let him know what boundaries I need set so they can come from him instead of me.

lovepink2007 · January 2015

Wow to some of your MILS!

I am very close with mine. I lost my mom to cancer in 2008. MIL and I always had a good relationship but after losing my mom, we became very close. She annoys me sometimes with her mom knows best advice just like my mom did but she means well.

We have our eight week u/s on Friday. A part of me wants to take her to dinner & tell her then another part is afraid she won't be able to keep the secret with DH's siblings. We are planning to tell them next month around 12 weeks.

myfriendscallmemeg · January 2015

@lovepink2007‌ I'm sorry to hear about your mom.

lovepink2007 · January 2015

myfriendscallmemeg said:
@lovepink2007‌ I'm sorry to hear about your mom.

Thank you!

jakesjess · January 2015

My fiancé is terrified to tell his mother. #:-S he is 37 and I am 34, we both have awesome jobs. But a Catholic Mother can be scary in such a situation. We tried to explain last summer that marriage would happen eventually but "we aren't getting younger" and would have a baby whenever.
She hissed at me in November "just get married first, please." Then we got pregnant two weeks later! We are thrilled but ...
Yeah. He keeps putting off saying anything. Interesting predicament.

mhaas28 · January 2015

hdenglish said:

hdenglish said:

My MIL told us if it is a girl she should get to name the baby... She had all boys
Oh my god. This drives me nuts. My MIL is generally quite lovely but her side of the family got very excited and kept saying "oh MIL's name finally got her girl." The whole possessiveness thing faded over time as my MIL started to get what her role is and as she started to remember that babies and toddlers are exhausting. She loves being a grandma. Thank god we're over that.

Hopefully if baby is a girl her possessiveness will fade over time. I don't know how much I will be able to put up with before snapping at her Of course we find out the sex of the baby right before we are going on a Disney vacation with her... so that should be fun.
Oh god does she know you're finding out? Can you hide it?

For my own sanity I am going to try... I usually need wine to deal with her and that is not an option.

thehurricaine · January 2015

mhaas28 said:

hdenglish said:

mhaas28 said:

hdenglish said:

mhaas28 said:
My MIL told us if it is a girl she should get to name the baby... She had all boys
Oh my god. This drives me nuts. My MIL is generally quite lovely but her side of the family got very excited and kept saying "oh MIL's name finally got her girl." The whole possessiveness thing faded over time as my MIL started to get what her role is and as she started to remember that babies and toddlers are exhausting. She loves being a grandma. Thank god we're over that.

Hopefully if baby is a girl her possessiveness will fade over time. I don't know how much I will be able to put up with before snapping at her Of course we find out the sex of the baby right before we are going on a Disney vacation with her... so that should be fun.
Oh god does she know you're finding out? Can you hide it?

For my own sanity I am going to try... I usually need wine to deal with her and that is not an option.

Dude that is so unfortunate. One of the whole reasons we didn't find out was that I didn't want to princess insanity to start anytime before it had to. So your situation(Disneyland plus MIL) is literally what I wanted to avoid.

kelseyrayay · January 2015

My mil is wonderful!:) so is my mom! I got really lucky to have such great inlaws

laurendemi · January 2015

I'm actually really close to my MIL and mom.

My FIL likes to make comments about weight though. I'm average sized, but was very skinny growing up, and he makes jokes a lot. Since I've gotten pregnant, he'll say things like "make sure you don't gain too much weight". Annoys me, but I am ecstatic DH isn't like that, and feel bad for my MIL being married to him while she was pregnant

MouseMama817 · January 2015

My mother-in-law is a sweet woman for the most part. The only thing that very seriously pisses me off is that she's very negative and self-centered. The morning after we announced our pregnancy to her and my F I L, she called my husband crying about how she's worried about my BIL and his recent break up with his girlfriend. Did not ask once how I was feeling or anything about the baby.

She also consistently calls and complains about money. My husband has a very big heart and already has enough stress with us expecting. The last thing he needs is for her to put her problems on him. I cannot imagine acting that way with my children. Every time his cell phone rings I get knots in my stomach because I know it's her calling to whine and complain. Nothing is ever positive with her. She has been begging us for a grandchild for years so we truly thought that our announcement would change her ways. No dice.

PS thank God I have a place to vent like this that my husband will never see! Lol

hardkuormama · January 2015

I'm so glad I figured out how to use the search and found this thread. My mother and father in law are a nightmare. My husband and I have only been married a couple months now and before we got married they told him not to marry me and to call it off..they are very conservative Christians and they have never approved of me. Anyways,NOW that I'm freaking pregnant his mother seems to think that we are best friends and keeps trying to be involved in my pregnancy.. And have a say in everything and buy clothes that are hideous and just stick her nose in everything
. and she hasn't even brought up or apologized about trying to ruin our wedding
Its so frustrating and every interaction feels so uncomfortable and fake. I just wish they would admit they were assholes and stop buying me shit as a pathetic way of "making up". And I don't feel comfortable having them at my birth but my husband is upset by this.. I just don't know what to do. His family is so negative and rude to me.. But I love him,and I want what's best for my baby too.

Packmomma · January 2015

My MIL is very sweet but my FIL is something else. Right before we found out I was pregnant he told me he didn't know how his son ended up with someone like me. When my DH confronted him about it he wrote multiple emails backing up what he said. He went on to say he doesn't respect my upbringing, opinions, or intellect. I want my child to have grandparents (my family lives on the other coast) so I am trying to act as if he apologized (per my father's advice), but IL's suck.

hardkuormama · January 2015

@Packmomma‌ oh my gosh! How frustrating.. My in laws were very similar to me.. I have a rough past.. A drug addict mom and I did my fair share of mistakes. And they know this about me and right before we got married like a week or two before. Decided that"someone like me" wasn't good enough for their son.. Even though I've been clean and sober for almost 5 years now.. And I do believe in god as well.. But I'm not conservative and I never will be.. I am just myself and they have never accepted me.

Its so frustrating and hard to.try and figure out the balance of having personal boundaries and setting a good environment for my soon to be present child, and at the same time wanting them to have family.. I just think his family needs to respect me and who I am, because I feel really uncomfortable with my child being around people who don't respect me as a person.

Its just frustrating! And his mom keeps doing things making me feel like she is trying to be the mom and the wife.. Doing my husbands laundry.. Bringing him food.. I mean really?! Come on.. Just step off... She is always trying to one up me it feels like. Ahhhhh sorry for the rant but she makes me crazy!!!!!!! I can't stand it. And I. Hormonal as crap.

katehenton623 · January 2015

My mil is great now. My grandmother at Christmas said in front of all of my brothers that we all only want girls because girls are better. All the while comparing our babies to her dogs. So she is excited but says things that no agrees with. Little boys are fun! And I still haven't told my bio father and his family because, well, they are a little crazy and won't be a very big part of our life.

Packmomma · January 2015

@hardkuormama‌
I am so sorry that you're having to navigate these muddy waters as well. The best we can hope for sometimes is respect if not compassion or love. My dad tries to stress that I cannot control how someone views me but I can control my boundaries and how I react.

Want a personalized experience?

Mother in Laws

Re: Mother in Laws

Choose Another Board

Search Boards