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baby shower with divorced in-laws

karaelaine1991karaelaine1991 member
in Baby Showers
While I was home for Christmas, my mom and I were discussing baby shower plans. My mom definitely plans to throw one, no word yet on if my mother-in-law will - my mom will be contacting her to see if she will be; if not, my mom will be hosting one for everyone. However, my husband's parents are divorced, and my mom and I were wondering: if my MIL does decide to throw a baby shower, what is the etiquette in regards to my father-in-law's side of the family? Is it my MIL's place to invite them to the shower that she would potentially be throwing for my husband and me, or should my mom step up and invite them? I should mention that, if MIL decides to throw a baby shower, my mom does not plan to invite MIL's side of the family, since they would definitely be going to MIL's shower and my mom would prefer to keep the guest list as intimate as possible. 
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Re: baby shower with divorced in-laws

  • thelittlestbeethelittlestbee member
    The quick and easy answer is to just let your mom and your MIL figure it out between themselves. 

    The long answer is that I think this really depends on your MIL and her relationship with your FIL and his family. Does she usually invite them to other events such as holidays, family bbqs, etc? If not, then have your mom invite FIL's family members that you really want to have at the baby shower. Also keep in mind that a shower is not a wedding, so you don't have to include every single family member from each side of the family. 


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  • divinemsbeedivinemsbee member
    Totally dependent on how the in-laws get along. If they do and your MIL throws a shower, she will likely invite her XH's family that are important to your H. If your H, or you, are close to members of his father's family that you would have on an invitation list for a shower, and your MIL tells you that she will not invite them (because one of the few things you should have a little input on is the guest list), then I think it would be a nice gesture for your mom to invite them.

    My parents are divorced, but have a good relationship and relationships with each other's families. Were my mom to throw any sort of party for me, she would make sure that my dad's side got invited. But, not all divorced couples are that good about it.

    I would say that, at least in my experience, mothers and grandmothers are invited to every shower as a sign of closeness and respect.




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  • VORVOR member
    YEs, let the 2 of them discuss it. But also - no one "has" to invite them. Money, space, etc, all play a role in this too. If neither your mom or MIL want/can invite them, someone on your FILs side can - if they want - throw a shower too. Or no one invites them and they simply don't come to a shower.
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  • karaelaine1991karaelaine1991 member
    Thanks for all of the advice, everyone! Unfortunately it was a messy divorce and while my husband is on good terms with everyone, his parents are not. I come from a totally different family situation so I have a difficult time figuring out how to navigate all the bad feelings among his relatives. I really appreciate the input!
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  • VORVOR member
    karaelaine1991 said:
    Thanks for all of the advice, everyone! Unfortunately it was a messy divorce and while my husband is on good terms with everyone, his parents are not. I come from a totally different family situation so I have a difficult time figuring out how to navigate all the bad feelings among his relatives. I really appreciate the input!
    As it's messy and there is drama - I'm going to stress - your mom nor your MIL are responsible to invite them.  Its nice when a shower can be all-inclusive, but it doesn't have to be.  If your mom doesn't feel up to the task of dealing w/ your FILs side of the family- THAT IS FINE.  Again - if its important to his side to attend a shower, they can throw one. 
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  • mamayo26mamayo26 member
    VOR said:
    YEs, let the 2 of them discuss it. But also - no one "has" to invite them. Money, space, etc, all play a role in this too. If neither your mom or MIL want/can invite them, someone on your FILs side can - if they want - throw a shower too.  


    Mine and DH's parents are both divorced (mine since I was 3 and DH's for about 5 years). For DS1, my mom/aunt/step sister hosted 1 of my showers and did invite my Dad/stepmom's side. But I had two others 1 with DH's Mom's side and 1 with DH's Dad's side plus friends thrown by our cousin.

    It was a lot of showers, but the invite list is really up to the hostess (she may consult you, but that is also up to her). Like PP said I would let your mom and MIL discuss it first.

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