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March 2015 Moms
drudolph11
member
Crib Dilemma (loss mentioned, not me)
drudolph11
member
This will be kinda long:
So we were gifted a brand new crib by my moms boss. And when I say brand new here I mean only that it was actually never used, but not that it is actually new, as in actual age.The story behind the crib is this, and it is just heartbreaking. My moms boss and her husband were pregnant with twins after 7 years of infertility and IVF. At 8 months she started cramping and bleeding at work and when she told her boss that she needed to go to the hospital he basically told her to suck it up until she got off work which is crazy because, while I wont list what company it was, it is a very large, well known company. Well she listened to him and when she finally got to the hospital after work they found out that her placenta had ruptured and filled with blood and after living for a week in the NICU both babies ended up dying. It is absolutely heartbreaking and I cant even imagine. For those of you who are curious, because I would be, they did end up suing and were awarded 4.5 million dollars which I feel is a small solace but nothing could compare to that loss. The did go on and do IVF again and now have a healthy 8 year old son. Anyway, at 8 months they had already bought everything for the babies and after their death were then left with basically 2 of everything. 8+ years later she has not been able to let go of any of the twins things. So the news that she had made the decision to gift me one of the cribs was actually a little overwhelming for me. I cant even imagine the emotions that she went through to come to that decision after holding on to them for so long. So we got the crib yesterday and while it is not set up yet because they forgot to give us a piece I immediately realized a problem. This crib is more than 8 years old and crib safety standards change in 2011, just 3 years ago. One of the major changes was that the side must be stationary and not come down, this one comes down 
I have not even inspected the rest of the crib for any other safety no no's that were changed, just saw that one. The plan with this crib was supposed to be to keep it at my moms for now since she will be our main baby sitter when I return to work and then it will be moved to our house once we are ready to transition the baby from our room to her own. When I saw this and mentioned it to my mom she completely dismissed the idea of it being unsafe because "I used a crib like this for you and you are fine". It breaks my heart to not use this crib but I am so scared something will happen, I mean there has to be a reason that they changed that standard. My SO is actually on board with my mom and thinks that it will be fine to use at her house and then we will just get a new one for ours. Now im stuck The baby wont actually be spending the night at her house much, if at all, but she will prob be putting her in the crib some while babysitting. I know that it is my kid and my decision and if I don't want her to use it then I need to put my foot down but I dunno. I am willing to buy something else for the baby to sleep in at her house. So basically. WWYD? Would you allow her to use the crib at her house or, because of the change in safety standards would you not let her use it at all? Thanks guys
If you made it all the way through this, you deserve a GOLD STAR!
eta: Now while she did hold on to the crib for this long it was not actually kept fully assembled and was most likely put in some kind of storage, but I don't know what or where that was (attic, storage facility, garage) I just don't know. Which is something else that makes me nervous. Like I said, they have an 8 year old which means that they have not had a baby in that long and im sure were not at all aware of these current safety standards.
March 15' January Siggy Callenge: Animals Being Jerks
For @suzyq0525
and all of our other M15 loss moms
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Crib Dilemma (loss mentioned, not me)
Second, is it plastic or metal hardware to put the crib together? The reason drop side cribs were done away with was be
@WAMOM Ok that is great. I was not aware of the possibility of a conversion kit. The crib is beautiful and I would love to be able to use it in my house so this would be a great option
@finallyourturn2 oh I know, it breaks my heart just thinking about what they went through. They are both such wonderful people, I cant even imagine.
I believe the drop side cribs were recalled because of baby/toddler deaths (a quick google search confirmed). I would say get a conversion kit or remedy the drop side in another safe way.
And- I agree, this is a good time to establish with your mom that this is your baby so your rules.
I'd also do the conversion kit if it's available. I feel your pain on the mom issue. My mom wanted to drag out my old crib for DD. She actually started putting it together when I asked what kind of paint was used on it. Lead based of course! That's when I figured out it was time to pull out my handy dandy "This is my kid" card
@Lbeez13 that was exactly what my SO said as well when we talked about it last night, "how do you know that the brand new crib we buy isn't going to end up harming more babies than the drop side crib ever has". And I am pretty laid back too which is why I was even considering just letting it go but as this is my first I feel as though I will be paranoid about EVERYTHING! lol since this is your second, do you find that you have become more relaxed with him and this one than when you first had him?
@finallyourturn2 The hardware is metal. Knowing them (my moms boss and her husband) this crib was most likely "top of the line" at the time and also pretty expensive (I am just assuming because I know them lol). And just knowing her and how she is with their current son, im sure she spent hours and hours researching cribs and crib safety before making the decision. I mean don't get me wrong, I have read reviews and what not but I also know that all cribs now are required to meet current safety standards. That is what is giving me comfort. I know that at the time, this crib met current safety standards and as mentioned above, how do we know that the brand new, off the shelf cribs that we are buying now are not going to be considered unsafe in 5 years. I mean hell, when our kids are 5 and are all safe and sound in their big kids bed we might hear about how horrible and unsafe convertible cribs are, even though our kids had them and they are fine. You just never know. Its a little unsettling actually.
I def need to do some more research into current crib safety, honestly I have only really done a quick google search as to what the standards are and find out the reasons why exactly they were recalled. That way we can get this crib put together and assess what needs to be fixed. Like I said, I feel so honored and humbled that she made this decision, after holding on to crib for this long, to actually give it to me. I mean in 8+ years I am sure she has had some friends have babies and didn't offer the crib to them. So the fact that she offered it to me under the circumstances is just so amazing. I mean, like I said, in all of this time she has not been able to actually let go of anything from the twins so the emotions that she had to go through to make the decision to give it to me must have been overwhelming, I can only imagine
The crib is beautiful and I would be more than happy to have it in my home so I hope we can find a way to remedy the situation. THANKS GUISE!!!!!!!!!!
I am a FTM so I have no advice on the crib, but I just wanted to say that is such a sad story!
they must think you are pretty great if they gave you the crib of their special angel baby
Married the love of my life: 5-17-14
BFP:6-27-14
EDD:3-11-15
Step Mom to Z: 4-11-06
IT'S A BOY!!!!!!