Over bearing mother inlaw

gem79moly · January 2015

so this will be mine and my partners first child and his mother is doing my head in. It's got to the stage where I have to lie to my partner that my blood pressure is high just so we don't have to see her! She said she would buy us a pram so we spot one reduced from £700 to £250 and she goes off on one saying we are too quick to spend. Then my partners car packs in and as I'm due in 8 weeks we need a car that is reliable so my partner asks for £6000 from his savings ( she looks after his saving account which has £20,000 in he saves £400 a month) but no he isn't allowed his own money! Now you could be excused for thinking we are a couple of kids, the truth is I'm 35 he is 42 both working professionals on good wages and educated to a high level but the way she goes on you would think we were a couple of kids. She even stopped us buying a house before the baby gets here so now we are stuck in a one bed flat trying to fit a cot etc into not much room. That woman is driving me nuts !!!!

happybabe123 · January 2015

At 35 and 42 how is she stopping you all from anything?!? Time to tell your husband to take control of his own money and set boundaries. This is crazy to me. I just don't get how any of the above is possible.

cmcintos · January 2015

I think that this is an issue that you need to speak with your husband about, ASAP.

It's your money, your life together. You are his wife and the mother of his child. He needs to put his foot down with her and set the boundaries. It's not going to get any better once the baby comes, so he needs to deal with this now. What does he say about it?

marthah05 · January 2015

I agree with everyone! Have your husband/partner grow a pair, and a backbone. Take his own financial affairs over, buy the house you want and have him set some boundaries. If you don't now think about how bad it will be when the baby gets here.

stine28 · January 2015

I would never, ever, in my entire life, have unprotected sex with 42 year old man whose mother manages his money. You should have probably seen this coming a mile away. Just saying.

Bluebell0315 · January 2015

How the hell is she in control of any money? Is it in a mason jar in the backyard with a map to find it? Put that ish in a bank that she can't touch, and tell him to cut the cord!

ngolimento · January 2015

What? Just....what?

cmcintos · January 2015

My MIL is type-A, over protective too....... we first started butting heads at the wedding, so I made sure that I laid out ground rules..... she needed to know that it was OUR wedding, OUR money and OUR choice. She didn't agree with a lot of it, but that's life. I just stopped involving her in it...... if she couldn't play nice.

Then when she found out we were moving to the suburbs close to MY family and not hers, she CRIED in front of my husband and made a scene. How could we possible move 45 MINS away from her?!?! Oh the horror!!!! Well, I was just furious that she'd do that...... try and sway my husbands opinion like that. Well again, I had a talk with my husband to lay out the pros and cons and discuss what was best for US as a family. If she couldn't play nice, then she didn't get consulted/told/invited. And then I had HIM talk to her about our reasons......

You need to stand up to HIM, as it's your relationship and your marriage. If you can't make decisions as a couple, then that's a MAJOR problem. And then he needs to lay the rules down to her. It's his family.

janda426 · January 2015

This sounds like a husband problem, not a MIL problem. He needs to grow the fuck up.

My British theory holds fast...

graciest719 · January 2015

Sounds to me like your MIL is not the problem, it's you and your H. People only act the way you allow them to, and you have allowed her to be overbearing and controlling. She is a monster of your creation.

Whitfry · January 2015

First, let me just get this out of the way: Beep beep!

Second, I don't think the issue is your MIL. The issue is you and your husband and your utter lack of boundaries. Grow up. Take charge of your own lives. You can't change your MIL, she is who she is and she will behave the way she is going to behave. You need to change the way you and your H are reacting and interacting with her. Thats what you can control. It sounds like you both need to learn to take some responsibility for your own lives and set some boundaries. She only has as much control as you allow her to have. So why are you letting her run your life?

chaysefaith · January 2015

gem79moly said:
so this will be mine and my partners first child and his mother is doing my head in. It's got to the stage where I have to lie to my partner that my blood pressure is high just so we don't have to see her! She said she would buy us a pram so we spot one reduced from £700 to £250 and she goes off on one saying we are too quick to spend. Then my partners car packs in and as I'm due in 8 weeks we need a car that is reliable so my partner asks for £6000 from his savings ( she looks after his saving account which has £20,000 in he saves £400 a month) but no he isn't allowed his own money! Now you could be excused for thinking we are a couple of kids, the truth is I'm 35 he is 42 both working professionals on good wages and educated to a high level but the way she goes on you would think we were a couple of kids. She even stopped us buying a house before the baby gets here so now we are stuck in a one bed flat trying to fit a cot etc into not much room. That woman is driving me nuts !!!!

What does the bolded mean?

janda426 · January 2015

@chaysefaith‌ pram is a stroller and I'm assuming by "packs in" she means the car took a shit and needed to be replaced.

urani · January 2015

She said she would buy them a stroller. Their car died.

OP, Ditto what everyone else said.

chaysefaith said:

so this will be mine and my partners first child and his mother is doing my head in. It's got to the stage where I have to lie to my partner that my blood pressure is high just so we don't have to see her! She said she would buy us a pram so we spot one reduced from £700 to £250 and she goes off on one saying we are too quick to spend. Then my partners car packs in and as I'm due in 8 weeks we need a car that is reliable so my partner asks for £6000 from his savings ( she looks after his saving account which has £20,000 in he saves £400 a month) but no he isn't allowed his own money! Now you could be excused for thinking we are a couple of kids, the truth is I'm 35 he is 42 both working professionals on good wages and educated to a high level but the way she goes on you would think we were a couple of kids. She even stopped us buying a house before the baby gets here so now we are stuck in a one bed flat trying to fit a cot etc into not much room. That woman is driving me nuts !!!!
What does the bolded mean?

chaysefaith · January 2015

Heh. I totally thought "packs in" meant he drove one of those itty bitty smart cars.

ngolimento · January 2015

chaysefaith said:
Heh. I totally thought "packs in" meant he drove one of those itty bitty smart cars.

Hey, no reason why it can't be both! "Halp, my smart car has fallen and can't get up!"

janda426 · January 2015

I'm sad she's probably never coming back to enlighten us further

LBeez13 · January 2015

Yes I don't even know how to respond because I can't get over the fact that his mother controls his finances at the age of 42.

drudolph11 · January 2015

happymamax2 said:

chaysefaith said:
Heh. I totally thought "packs in" meant he drove one of those itty bitty smart cars.
Me too

Haha i got the packed it in by the context but i thought a pram a was just another one of those baby things that i had not heard of yet and was about to Google it lol cuz i have had to do that with a bunch of American things haha like o had no effing clue what a co-sleeper was till i looked it up lol

slovenka10 · January 2015

I understand where you are coming from! I have a crazy MIL as well and I try to spend as little time with her as possible. First she tried to stress me out before the wedding after we paid for everything for her!!! We got married in Europe. Then she was upset that we didn't invite HER friends to the reception! Like, excuse me but you are not paying for it and it's my wedding! This just continued with us buying a car a house, moving 4 hours away from her because of our jobs. She does not control our finances but she costs us some money on regular basis because she doesn't work and keeps thinking that she is isabled and deserves money from us and her husband (separated) and of course the government. When I had my first son she almost walked into the delivery room and didn't want to leave our house for a week! She was totally useless and was more work for me than help. She is not even allowed to come and visit until 2 weeks after my second is born. My H didn't like it but this time it's my choise and I am putting my foot down. You just have to set the boundaries before you become completely miserable! But it's up to you! It only gets worse when kids are involved, trust me!

janda426 · January 2015

@slovenka10‌ sounds like you have a husband problem too. Who the fuck cares that she "feels" entitled to your money? It's your fault for giving it to her and enabling her. This is a very simple solution. Stop giving her money, then she will stop costing you money. Bam.

Disneygeek77 · January 2015

Dear Lord, how do men like this even make it to a second date ?

janda426 · January 2015

Disneygeek77 said:
Dear Lord, how do men like this even make it to a second date ?

All I know is I keep feeling more and more thankful for my own husband.

lisap0924 · January 2015

Ditto @janda426‌ !!
My MIL can be a little pushy at times but my H puts her in line when need be.

selena61307 · January 2015

I have serious mil issues. She has been cut out completly she talks to my h maybe 2 times a year now because he had a set of balls. She was given the choice to respect me and our family or hit the fucking bricks. She thought it was joke. It wasn't. I have exactly ZERO sympathy when people complain about mil issues but refuse to do shit. If you let her act like a controlling twat she will and you can blame exactly 2 people you and your h. Set boundaries or stfu.

marthah05 · January 2015

@selena61307‌ I am with you, my husband stopped talking to his mother prior to us getting married because she used to call me the white trash whore. While she was cheating on her husband with one man and in the middle of the night packed her things and moved across the country for another man leaving my husband's younger autistic bother with us. So long story short that was 12 years ago and he couldn't be happier without her in his life.
Karma is a bitch because she lost all of her hair, her teeth are as brown as coffee and she is close to 350lbs and 5'2" tall.

hetispagetti · January 2015

I think you need to be talking to your partner before you even worry about his mother! He needs to grow up and realise he is a grown man then his mother might realise that to!

Over bearing mother inlaw

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