On a slightly related note: I need to go shower, but don't want to miss anything. Is it bad form to ask for someone to read responses and post in my place?
Thanks @krendel1990 ! That actually helps me make sense of it. The party itself is enjoyable for the mother (friends, cake, etc.) and that's why it is considered a party for her. Gotcha!
@michelle142 Lol. Sorry if I annoyed you with my questions. I just figured this might be the last opportunity to ask on TB as I doubt we'll get any more shower posts. I've been trying to figure this shit out since the stream of shower posts about 2 weeks ago but they escalated in a bizarre and scary way so I didn't ask. (And starting my own shower post was out of the question).
@michelle142 Lol. Sorry if I annoyed you with my questions. I just figured this might be the last opportunity to ask on TB as I doubt we'll get any more shower posts. I've been trying to figure this shit out since the stream of shower posts about 2 weeks ago but they escalated in a bizarre and scary way so I didn't ask. (And starting my own shower post was out of the question).
LOL no annoyance @CogDis - I've just never put that much thought into baby showers before.
I just have issues when people are all I need a shower or I deserve a shower or claim they dont know how they are going to afford stuff for baby without a shower. That's BS. If you want to throw yourself a party that's fine and some people will think it's tacky but whatever, you do you, doesn't bother me. If I was friends with you I'd be thrilled to eat cake and buy you stuff. But take some responsibility and don't claim you "need" this stuff cause that's when my judgy pants get put on.
Beyond the tackiness of throwing yourself a shower.. I'm trying see the side of it from the strictly selfish financial point of view.
The time, money, and effort my parents put into throwing the shower most likely out weighed the number/value of presents I received. However, I am also very grateful for the gifts too. But postage, invites, thank yous, decor, food, venue, etc; it's not like showers are cheap to throw.
Beyond the tackiness of throwing yourself a shower.. I'm trying see the side of it from the strictly selfish financial point of view.
The time, money, and effort my parents put into throwing the shower most likely out weighed the number/value of presents I received. However, I am also very grateful for the gifts too. But postage, invites, thank yous, decor, food, venue, etc; it's not like showers are cheap to throw.
Oh, that's easy. Don't provide food and don't send out thank you cards!
Wow....who lit the fuse on OPs tampon? You know, for a minute I was with Chicken on this one when I read this post this morning, I just hadn't gotten a chance to respond yet. But now, seeing her assbent spastic response to what we all WARNED her would happen? Priceless. If I wasn't so nauseated, this would have been a perfect Monday!
I've sat back and watched you ladies attack others for no reason. You all must be old, bitter ladies and I feel sorry for you. Geez! Lighten up already
I've sat back and watched you ladies attack others for no reason. You all must be old, bitter ladies and I feel sorry for you. Geez! Lighten up already
I've sat back and watched you ladies attack others for no reason. You all must be old, bitter ladies and I feel sorry for you. Geez! Lighten up already
I certainly think there are times that a second shower would be "acceptable". But not to throw yourself one for sure. If someone wants to surprise you if you're having a different gender, then yes maybe.
But on a more rediculous note I have to say my wonderful MIL is currently throwing a baby shower for my DH cousins girlfriend... Can you believe she had to nerve to tell people to bring diapers for me too. "Not gifts just diapers" she says. The nerve of some people! She stood there and stared at me like I was a crazy hormonal pregnant bitch for telling her how rude and unacceptable that is! I'll never understand some people. Sorry had to get that out there. Happy Monday
I certainly think there are times that a second shower would be "acceptable". But not to throw yourself one for sure. If someone wants to surprise you if you're having a different gender, then yes maybe.
But on a more rediculous note I have to say my wonderful MIL is currently throwing a baby shower for my DH cousins girlfriend... Can you believe she had to nerve to tell people to bring diapers for me too. "Not gifts just diapers" she says. The nerve of some people! She stood there and stared at me like I was a crazy hormonal pregnant bitch for telling her how rude and unacceptable that is! I'll never understand some people. Sorry had to get that out there. Happy Monday
I am definitely of the belief that showers after the first kid are a no-no; however, it appears people around me do not. I work at a big high school with 150+ teachers (my DH works there as well). They have showers/parties for every occasion, no matter if it is your 1st or 4th child/marriage/etc. That being said I declined the shower my coworkers offered me since this is my 3rd baby. I actually declined numerous times. One of our sweet matriarchs in the building told me that I could not decline because this will be my DH's first baby, so they threw a superhero party (my DH is a huge nerd) and had the shower basically for him. I did show up but it was definitely a "boy" shower. It was definitely more of a sprinkle and everyone got a kick out of getting us cute outfits.
So the whole purpose of that is I side-eyed this shower and it was technically for me. I appreciated the gesture and understood their thoughts behind it; however, there is no way in hell I would give myself a shower or let my mom or family member give me a shower or anything of that nature. Some circles do different things, but I can't think of a circle where giving your own shower is ever something that is okay.
Oh wow. This drama really does brighten my day. But really? Who wrote the law book on baby showers? I don't understand why everyone is so anal about this.
There is no law book on showers. And I personally don't care either way. I do know that baby shower "etiquette" is quite a big thing on TB. And honestly, a lot of it makes total sense. But thankfully TB is a soundboard for people to share their opinions and it only becomes drama when someone doesn't agree with another and takes offense.
I would just like to point out to those who say they "need stuff" so they have a shower that there are tons of resources to get used (just as good) baby items. Many items are not used for longer than a couple months and are like brand new. I have gone to many "mother markets" and picked up a lot of clothes and other things for very cheap.
So it's a BS thing to say you have no money so therefore you need other people to buy you overpriced items from a baby retail store.
Oh wow. This drama really does brighten my day. But really? Who wrote the law book on baby showers? I don't understand why everyone is so anal about this.
Oh ok, so if your friend came up to you and said hey, I'm having myself a baby shower for my 3rd kid because I can't afford to buy any baby stuff, and you're invited!! You'd be cool with that?
If it was my friend, I'd be supportive however I could. That's just me though. But honestly, if she's not part of your life directly, is it worth all the drama and bullshit towards her? Probably not... But I know that anyone on the Internet will sit here and give her a ration of crap just to entertain themselves.
@MetalMomma666 because she asked this forum for advice so that's what she got. I don't think anyone is losing sleep over anyone's shower etiquette. But if you want people's opinions, then you ask and shall receive!
I would just like to point out to those who say they "need stuff" so they have a shower that there are tons of resources to get used (just as good) baby items. Many items are not used for longer than a couple months and are like brand new. I have gone to many "mother markets" and picked up a lot of clothes and other things for very cheap.
So it's a BS thing to say you have no money so therefore you need other people to buy you overpriced items from a baby retail store.
Yes. This. Thank you. I am DEFINITELY not the wealthiest momma out there. But I have gotten SO many nice things from yard sales, thrift stores, craigslist, and bought some hand me downs from friends.
This is my second child and I just want yall to know I've gotten HASSLE from some of my friends for not throwing myself a second baby shower since my first son is almost 5. (so OBVIOUSLY I don't have anything left from his time as a baby). None of them understand that FIRST I can't afford to throw myself a baby shower I might as well go buy the things I would get from one with the money I would spend on it and second I don't WANT to deal with the stress of a stupid baby shower. I'm freaking tired all the damn time and waddling around some place setting up decorations and planning games and getting food and invitations together is just not some BS I want to have to deal with when I can't figure out if my hair brush is worth picking up off the floor when I drop it.
This has been all I've been hearing about from everyone lately and I'm so past sick of it >.<
I would just like to point out to those who say they "need stuff" so they have a shower that there are tons of resources to get used (just as good) baby items. Many items are not used for longer than a couple months and are like brand new. I have gone to many "mother markets" and picked up a lot of clothes and other things for very cheap.
So it's a BS thing to say you have no money so therefore you need other people to buy you overpriced items from a baby retail store.
Yes. This. Thank you. I am DEFINITELY not the wealthiest momma out there. But I have gotten SO many nice things from yard sales, thrift stores, craigslist, and bought some hand me downs from friends.
This is my second child and I just want yall to know I've gotten HASSLE from some of my friends for not throwing myself a second baby shower since my first son is almost 5. (so OBVIOUSLY I don't have anything left from his time as a baby). None of them understand that FIRST I can't afford to throw myself a baby shower I might as well go buy the things I would get from one with the money I would spend on it and second I don't WANT to deal with the stress of a stupid baby shower. I'm freaking tired all the damn time and waddling around some place setting up decorations and planning games and getting food and invitations together is just not some BS I want to have to deal with when I can't figure out if my hair brush is worth picking up off the floor when I drop it.
This has been all I've been hearing about from everyone lately and I'm so past sick of it >.<
Totally agree!
I have 4 boys already but this is my baby girl... And I'm certainly not having a shower! All the baby gear is still good. The infant car seats are not expired. My pack n play is fine, the swing is good to go... Kind friends and relatives have passed some gently used girl stuff to us. Not really any need for a shower, right? Plus I actually think traditional showers are... Hmm... Let's just say my baby shower with DS1 was in a pub. That worked for me.
I would just like to point out to those who say they "need stuff" so they have a shower that there are tons of resources to get used (just as good) baby items. Many items are not used for longer than a couple months and are like brand new. I have gone to many "mother markets" and picked up a lot of clothes and other things for very cheap.
So it's a BS thing to say you have no money so therefore you need other people to buy you overpriced items from a baby retail store.
Yes. This. Thank you. I am DEFINITELY not the wealthiest momma out there. But I have gotten SO many nice things from yard sales, thrift stores, craigslist, and bought some hand me downs from friends.
This is my second child and I just want yall to know I've gotten HASSLE from some of my friends for not throwing myself a second baby shower since my first son is almost 5. (so OBVIOUSLY I don't have anything left from his time as a baby). None of them understand that FIRST I can't afford to throw myself a baby shower I might as well go buy the things I would get from one with the money I would spend on it and second I don't WANT to deal with the stress of a stupid baby shower. I'm freaking tired all the damn time and waddling around some place setting up decorations and planning games and getting food and invitations together is just not some BS I want to have to deal with when I can't figure out if my hair brush is worth picking up off the floor when I drop it.
This has been all I've been hearing about from everyone lately and I'm so past sick of it >.<
This is my first pregnancy. My sister and her best friend threw the shower for me just after Thanksgiving. I just felt beat afterwards, extremely grateful but exhausted, and I was only 28 weeks pregnant at the time. My MIL was going to throw me one as well at the end of January. She's not really a party person, so she gave me a choice: attend the baby shower or just take the money that she would have spent on a baby shower to spend on what I need. I took the money and ran!!!
Answers
I need to go shower, but don't want to miss anything. Is it bad form to ask for someone to read responses and post in my place?
@michelle142 Lol. Sorry if I annoyed you with my questions. I just figured this might be the last opportunity to ask on TB as I doubt we'll get any more shower posts. I've been trying to figure this shit out since the stream of shower posts about 2 weeks ago but they escalated in a bizarre and scary way so I didn't ask. (And starting my own shower post was out of the question).
Beyond the tackiness of throwing yourself a shower.. I'm trying see the side of it from the strictly selfish financial point of view.
The time, money, and effort my parents put into throwing the shower most likely out weighed the number/value of presents I received. However, I am also very grateful for the gifts too. But postage, invites, thank yous, decor, food, venue, etc; it's not like showers are cheap to throw.
Of course, why didn't I think of that.
Bwa ha ha!!!!!
But on a more rediculous note I have to say my wonderful MIL is currently throwing a baby shower for my DH cousins girlfriend... Can you believe she had to nerve to tell people to bring diapers for me too. "Not gifts just diapers" she says. The nerve of some people! She stood there and stared at me like I was a crazy hormonal pregnant bitch for telling her how rude and unacceptable that is! I'll never understand some people. Sorry had to get that out there. Happy Monday
1/7/2015 Twins born @ 34 weeks
Like I said, I don't care....
____________________________________________________________
TTC 10+ | Stage 4 Endometriosis
3 Laparscopy's
BFP - 06.15.2014
EDD - 02.16.2015
So it's a BS thing to say you have no money so therefore you need other people to buy you overpriced items from a baby retail store.
If it was my friend, I'd be supportive however I could. That's just me though. But honestly, if she's not part of your life directly, is it worth all the drama and bullshit towards her? Probably not... But I know that anyone on the Internet will sit here and give her a ration of crap just to entertain themselves.
This is my second child and I just want yall to know I've gotten HASSLE from some of my friends for not throwing myself a second baby shower since my first son is almost 5. (so OBVIOUSLY I don't have anything left from his time as a baby). None of them understand that FIRST I can't afford to throw myself a baby shower I might as well go buy the things I would get from one with the money I would spend on it and second I don't WANT to deal with the stress of a stupid baby shower. I'm freaking tired all the damn time and waddling around some place setting up decorations and planning games and getting food and invitations together is just not some BS I want to have to deal with when I can't figure out if my hair brush is worth picking up off the floor when I drop it.
This has been all I've been hearing about from everyone lately and I'm so past sick of it >.<
I have 4 boys already but this is my baby girl... And I'm certainly not having a shower! All the baby gear is still good. The infant car seats are not expired. My pack n play is fine, the swing is good to go... Kind friends and relatives have passed some gently used girl stuff to us. Not really any need for a shower, right? Plus I actually think traditional showers are... Hmm... Let's just say my baby shower with DS1 was in a pub. That worked for me.
DS 2/17/15
BFP 6/12/17
EDD 2/18/17