Daycare Stress

petrichor14 · December 2014

So it's a cliche for new parents to be shocked and appalled at the cost of daycare, and I knew that when I called the place today to ask about it- but DAMN I was still floored by how expensive it is. $333 a week for infant care. This is not one of the fanciest places in town, but it's a well-regarded local chain with a location 5 miles from our house. (Something downtown on DH's commute was out of the question- they all have multi-year waiting lists.)

Since I'm self-employed and have a flexible schedule, we could get away with part time care- but no one seems to offer it for infants (I guess why would you when the infant spots fill up at the full time rate a year in advance?) I felt silly calling this early, but she said the earliest spots they have open right now are August 2015, so we'd need to make a decision and sign up in the next month or two to get a spot in September/October like I was thinking. What. the. actual. fuck.

I don't like the idea of a home-based daycare unless it was someone we knew- and we don't know anyone who does it. (We live in Baltimore City, I'm not dropping my baby off at some stranger's house.) My FIL watches my SIL's baby three or four days a week and it's possible we could get in on that- but he lives 45 minutes away from us. It doesn't seem realistic to do that multiple days a week. Now I can see why my SIL bought a house 5 minutes from her parents!

So. What are you guys doing about childcare, or do you know yet?

JuneBug0611 · December 2014

Where I am day care is twice that for infants. It's insane. Thank goodness DD is almost kindergarten age. It is impossible to afford two kids in day care here. But she is old enough that she needs to be in a school setting to prep for kindergarten so getting a nanny doesn't really make sense.

jenmitens · December 2014

We have a day care in our neighborhood, I've heard great things about it.......475 a week.....uh.....no. We're planning on looking into home day care. INSANE!

cabinchick · December 2014

This is a major reason why I'm in discussions at work about a possible demotion back to an internal position - work from home as opposed to 50-90% travel I do now. I live in the same genral area as you, and it's crazy expensive here as well, with awful wait lists. We will be moving regardless of my job decision (DH is also switching jobs....YAY STRESS), But regardless of where we end up, we won't know anyone in the area to help/advise on reputable places. Not to mention, we can't commit to a place until we at least know where DH will be working, and preferably not until we buy a house!

My plan is to work from home and try my luck with a nanny coming to the house...at least I will physically be there, so I'll know if something isn't right, and hopefully I'll be able to get away with only part time care, and save some major $$$. I'm starting to really really REALLY regret living so far from any family members

jlbaker08 · December 2014

I did an in home daycare for DD at the beginning (it came recommended from a friend of my mom's) and I didn't like it at all. I blame her for my daughter's head flattening and need for physical therapy, she would leave DD in the car seat for hours on end. The price was more affordable, but at what cost?

Now she's in a 5 star facility that is more expensive ($262 for infants, $197 for her age group now) and they offer a small discount for siblings, I'll be paying $432/week. It hurts to think about it.

slweaver0626 · December 2014

We have always done in-home care. There are only two places in town that are considered facilities and they too have multi-year waiting lists. We pay $120/week and she is a state licensed home. Does your state mandate licensing? If so that might make you more comfortable. Plus I interviewed thuroughly and the good daycares will give you parent references and let you drop in during the day to see how things run.

dancingbelle · December 2014

I have a teacher friend who keeps her baby with at an in home daycare. The woman who watches her baby also watches other children with parents who are teachers in my district. I am hoping to use her or someone similar, because that is less expensive than daycare.

steen9713 · December 2014

I always planned on going back to work, then we found out we are having twins. We have adjusted our finances to eventually be on one income. It's going to be tough but manageable. I may go back part time somewhere after the first year.

ashiscute · December 2014

I SAH now but while I was pregnant with DD I was super stressed about child care. The only way I could find part time infant care is to find another family who needed it too. We were back and forth about me staying home and child care costs and difficulties made the decision easier for us.

If you only need part time care have you considered a nanny? You might be able to find a college student who can work around classes? Good luck with your search!

ahsile10 · December 2014

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Mackalack · December 2014

I wanted to go with an in home for this one for at least the first year, but the gal I was going to go with has now closed her center and works at a school. We're going to put this on on the list at DD's school, and we'll be paying close to $2400 for both of them A MONTH. It's awful, awful. And the amount you can withhold pre-tax for childcare is so low it barely covers two months of that (that being said, I don't know if you can take out $5000 per child, or $5000 period).

To be fair though, DD goes to a Primrose School, and she could be there from 6:30 am - 6:00 pm if needed (same for this one). I just wish there was a cheaper option other than the 10%, multiple child discount.

UTMissy · December 2014

Mackalack said:

I wanted to go with an in home for this one for at least the first year, but the gal I was going to go with has now closed her center and works at a school. We're going to put this on on the list at DD's school, and we'll be paying close to $2400 for both of them A MONTH. It's awful, awful. And the amount you can withhold pre-tax for childcare is so low it barely covers two months of that (that being said, I don't know if you can take out $5000 per child, or $5000 period).

To be fair though, DD goes to a Primrose School, and she could be there from 6:30 am - 6:00 pm if needed (same for this one). I just wish there was a cheaper option other than the 10%, multiple child discount.

It's $5000 per family for FSA and you can claim an additional $1000 on your tax return. I so wish it were more... We had $18k last year for 2 kids (niether being an infant!) but thankfully my oldest is now school age. I still need to find care for the 3-6 month age range for baby. I'll be home for the first 3 months and our private school doesn't accept before 6 months (I'm already on the waiting list for when that time hits though!). So not looking forward to two seperate daycare bills. At least I get a discount when they'll both be at the same school!

blukats · December 2014

I used to own an in home child care, so I'm very comfortable with them and they are a little more affordable. Where I'm from full time infant care is about 150-200 a week. I have my son in an in home pre school right now 2 full time days a week and it cost about 70 which is pretty good and this place is 5 star amazing. However 2 kids in daycare gets pricey quick, wherever you live.

krweil · December 2014

Have you tried any churches in your area? Where we live they seem to be a little more flexible with part time and also less expensive. You could also look into nanny-sharing since you only need part time help:)

WafflesFriendsWork · December 2014

Because of our schedules we only need childcare Monday, Tuesday, and every other Wednesday. My mom has offered to watch the baby (for free! SO THANKFUL) until "we are ready to put the baby in daycare." We plan on doing a nanny share after the baby is a year old and may find a sitter for the every other Wednesday needed before then. If we had to pay more than $2000 a month for childcare, I would likely decide not to work. I work for a nonprofit so my pay isn't great, but it subsidizes my student loans and my benefits are awesome.

We are seriously considering moving to a less expensive area so I can stay at home, but that won't happen for awhile. My entire family is I. This area so it's a big and very difficult decision.

oneblessedmess · December 2014

Ugh I hear ya. I visited three centers we were interested in last week. The most affordable one was $175/week. The most expensive (and of course the one we were most interested in) was $245. I already had an idea of what to expect but DH started to panic a bit. We can do it, it just really sucks to lose so much extra income.

Also I don't think you should knock in-home daycares without even checking them out. Many moms do it, and bad things happen at daycare centers too. If you have other mom friends try and get some referrals. Also, ask for references from any in home daycare you visit. You should also be able to check if they are licensed through the Department of Children and Families website.

catahoulatte · December 2014

We had DS at an in-home daycare for the first two years and then switched to an early learning center. The in-home came highly recommended by several friends/acquaintances who had taken their kids there. I loved it and he loved her. It seemed scary to drop him off at someone's home but it ended up being a great environment. We will do the same with this one.

slweaver0626 · December 2014

@ahsile10 - Wait, you are PAYING your MIL? Like it's mandatory?? I know it's not daycare, but we have not paid any of our friends or family for watching DD. We do it on the trade system. And in the case of my MIL - she would pay us to take DD every day (but that would end poorly so it won't happen).

ahsile10 · December 2014

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JuneBug0611 · December 2014

@ahsile10‌ That is crazy!! She had no business quitting her job on the expectation of pay she had never been offered and that a normal grandmother would never expect to receive, without at least first making it clear to you guys what she was expecting so you could tell her "thanks but no thanks" (if that is what you would have done), consider other options, etc. Ugh!!

I understand why you and your DH felt compelled to give her something at that point but that miscommunication is all on her. That really makes me mad!

ahsile10 · December 2014

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ahsile10 · December 2014

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Gw3nny · December 2014

We live in a pretty rural area and day cares are about $100-120 a week for infants. But I would not ever leave my infant at any of them. I have friends who do, and they seem happy enough... I just think infants need a primary caregiver. And everyone who sends their infant there says they don't nap at all during the day. I'm huge on infant sleep!!

When we got pregnant the first time, we were still really early in our careers, so we made the decision to move back to our hometown and start careers there. His mom keeps them when I work (contract, so it's flexible) and our backup is the sitter my mom used when I was a child so I know her well. Neither caregiver is perfect (I could go on and on and on about some peeves) but I know they are very loved and will never be left to cry it out, which is important to me.

Chasity08 · December 2014

Our biggest problem right now is that not only are there wait lists, but I've been told that the likelihood that 2 spots would open at the same time off the infant waiting list for the twins...is pretty much slim to none. One lady at a center even told me it would be "an act of god" for that to happen. Wow. Soooooo that's discouraging.

At this point our only option is to look in to in-home daycares in the interim. We honestly don't need full time anyways (DH is getting interviewed for a new job right now actually that would almost double his salary and get him in to what he's actually been LOOKING to do instead of retail management, so I'm praying praying praying he gets that. Once that gets settled we'll know exactly how part time we need), and all of the centers around here don't really do part time. They would be considered "drop in care" even though it will be the same schedule each week, and I've done that before with DD, and it was a nightmare. I had a day where they turned me away saying they didn't have the staff and since DD was drop in (because she was part time) they didn't have to take her. I can't have that happen with the twins.

So we will see what we can find for in-home care. If DH does end up getting this new job, I'm going to talk to my job about going part time, otherwise I'm going to leave my job and go back to my old part time job where I worked from home, and then I will just look in to a part time nanny.

Emeraldeyed315 · December 2014

Dc stresses me out!

I began calling around 5 weeks pregnant and got on 3 waiting lists. No guarantee to get into any of them.

We made a budget with dc costs, and a budget with me not working. It's a difference of $125 a month profit (not taking in my retirement.) We are seriously considering me becoming a SAHM. This is what I would prefer 100%, but it's a sacrifice my whole family would have to agree to make. We will see!

slweaver0626 · December 2014

Andindria said:

ahsile10 said:

@slweaver0626
Yep. I know. It is mandatory to her.
She even spoils the shit out of my kid with toys and crap and then writes them all off on her taxes for "business expenses." Her accountant apparently suggested that.

We have actually had some problem behavior from DD also because she rules the world over there. Though it has gotten batter since she started pushing MIL's limits and MIL cracked down, still not quite to our desires though.

Husband refuses to do daycare because, get this, MIL raised both her sons to believe daycare was evil, according to them. Maybe she was setting herself up for future employment. LOL.

I mean, I would have totally offered her money, but that was never even an option. She worked at an elementary school and had an opportunity to take a (VERY EARLY) "retirement" or a lay off the next year because the school was closing. She started telling DH, "oh, this is perfect. I will retire and be able to watch your baby" without any mention of $. DH said he assumed it would be free or whatever we offered her. Then a few weeks before DD was born, she started talking about $, and when DH was shocked, he told me she said, "well I DID quit my job just for this..."

None of my family is close by though, and any daycare that even comes close to meeting his standards would be so much $ that I'd have to quit my job. He still tries to talk me into this, but I just can't.

I'd be asking for an end of the year reciept and be writing off child care on my taxes, if she wants to operate like a business she should already have a tax id and other business numbers so you can get something back.

I second this!! She sounds like a piece of work.

wells2010 · December 2014

We live in Maryland too... Montgomery County. When DD was born a SAHM neighbor watched her. She charged us $50 a week. When DH went to a M-F schedule and the hours increased, we paid her $100 a week. She has since moved away. I miss those days!

Right now we have a nanny that comes to our house. Both DH and I work odd and long hours that aren't compatible with centers, so that's our only real option at this point. We pay her $15/hr and typically pay $200-$500 a week, depending on the hours she works. We are moving next month about 30 minutes away and haven't told our nanny about #2 yet. I'm a little nervous that we will need to either find someone else or pay her more!

I'm hoping when #2 comes we can keep the nanny, have her drop DD off at a pre-K and then she would mainly have to watch just the baby during the day. We will see what happens. I'm a little nervous about leaving a baby with her since she hasn't had any infant experience (DD is almost 2 and is the youngest she's watched).

bosco213 · December 2014

I am working 3-4 days a week and my mom is watching two days, DHs mom will watch the other day or two. We are very lucky. If we had to pay for full time day care we would have to make very major life choices (ie: not saving for retirement, getting rid of a car, etc)

bosco213 · December 2014

slweaver0626 said:

@ahsile10 - Wait, you are PAYING your MIL? Like it's mandatory?? I know it's not daycare, but we have not paid any of our friends or family for watching DD. We do it on the trade system. And in the case of my MIL - she would pay us to take DD every day (but that would end poorly so it won't happen).

I kind of gave this the side eye too. My MIL wouldn't take a dime from me but...to each their own!

lindylogana · December 2014

The cost of daycare is just absolutely crazy. I live in a smaller area but the thought of $190 a week just for an infant is just crazy on top of what I would have to pay for my kids. Luckily I have an excellent in home sitter, who happens to my SILs mom. She's wonderful and a heck of a lot cheaper, added bonus she drives my daughter to preschool and lives in the same elementary school district as me so when my daughter enters kindergarten next year my sitters house will be her bus stop. If I didn't have her I wouldn't be able to afford to have a 3rd child and would probably be a SAHM. I feel for all of you ladies that are shelling out so much money for daycare.

sarahsairsair · December 2014

I live in Australia and pay $96 per day, per child for regular daycare- But if your a resident the govt gives you half back

360blessings · December 2014

We went through 4 in-home centers/people before we finally put our oldest in a licensed center just after he turned 2. Best decision we could have made. While I loved most of the sitters and the personalized care he had before, the lack of reliability/knowing they could change their mind/pickle up their butt/didn't listen to our requests/whatever got to be exhausting. Yes, we pay more at a daycare center, but we don't have to worry about all of that. My kids are secure in where they are going. Background checks on everyone and where we go has cameras in each room we can log in to during the day to see what is going on. Going rates for infants in my area is $275-350 on average per week.

tashala107 · December 2014

This thread prompted me to start searching for daycare centers in my area. X_X Yiiikes! I feel so far behind! Made a list and will start calling down the line.

ahsile10 · December 2014

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BabysMomma4 · December 2014

I work from home. 3 years ago or so i started transitioning to 2 days a week at home and then they moved me full time at home. It's been a HUGE blessing with having to pick up kids for school and activities and whatnot. They were flexible before, but it's been extremely helpful now. I've often thought in the last year about getting a different job because i'm just ready to move on, but i wasn't expecting to get pregnant either. So with that said, I'm thinking I should be able to manage between me and my future MIL by myself. She's only about 5 min. away and retired. The other kids can help in the summer and during the school year it won't be so bad with just the one and the help from the MIL.

I can't imagine having to pay over 2k a month for child care anywhere. I live in the midwest. That's just nuts! If anything, I would hire a nanny to help me while i'm here so i can oversee things. Before i went full time as a computer programmer, I also did part time substitute teaching. I think you can often tell which kids have been primarily raised in a daycare that hasn't been very hands on vs. the ones that have and ones that were raised by their parents.

If you can absolutely afford it on one salary, I'd tell everyone to be home with their babies until preschool. That's what i did with my first 3. I didn't go full time until my 3rd was 4 years old. I know that not everyone can which makes it so hard in having to find someone/somewhere to place them.

Good luck to everyone! Great topic to bring up as a lot of people don't think to check early on this stuff!

Laura8415 · December 2014

Ugh, it is going to cost us over $500/week to have an infant and my 3 year old in DC at the same time. And our center offers part time care, so that will only be for 3 days a week! The cost of daycare is the main reason why we waited an extra year to have another baby. I know I could try to find somewhere else for this new LO, but we really love this center. So we will just not have any extra money for a year or so.

lovlee1999 · December 2014

In upstate NY here and will place baby #2 in same center as our daughter (14 months old) is at. It's $233 a week for infants and drops to $218 for toddlers which daughter should hit right before #2 arrives. The wait list is not as bad, about 10 months.

Debated care at someone else's home but price was comparable to centers here. Not comfortable with someone coming into my home. My MIL would love to watch the kids but she doesn't drive and there are other factors which would stress me out and into the looney bin so we'll be living tight for the next 4 years but it's worth it.

And yes, check into FSA for child care. You can put in up to $5,000 a year per family pre-tax. It was a great thing this year.

kate5all · December 2014

Bringing this thread back up...

I really feel for those of you living in areas with very few options. I think it's going to be a bit of a hunt for us to find someplace with openings (none of the in-home cares I have contacted yet have any openings), but I know we'll find something eventually.

Here's my question:

Are there any merits to sending an infant to an in-home daycare vs. a center (or vice versa?)

I've found a ton of articles comparing the two types of daycare in general, but it seems like there might be different considerations when it comes to infants. For example, are infant rooms at a center better than a familiar face (who's also watching 8-10 toddlers/children) at an in-home daycare?

KatD2011 · December 2014

In my area it's about $1,500/month CAD. I'm so blessed I get a year of mat leave but even with that we need to get on a waiting list asap. I'm looking at other options but it's scary!!

muffyvonmuff · December 2014

Since I only needed part time care I went the care.com route. We hired an in home sitter for $10 an hour. I liked that there was less disruption to their routine and as a baby he had individual care. I will say now as a toddler I think a day care setting would be beneficial for the socialization aspect but it just doesn't suit our budgets or schedules.

JennyJensing · December 2014

DD was in an in-home daycare until 2yo. She's now in a church daycare, which is only $5 more per week than the in-home daycare. When LO is born, we plan to do the in-home daycare until at least 1yo and then will put him/her wherever DD is. When LO is born, we will be paying approx $300/week. This arrangement probably wouldn't make sense though if the in-home daycare wasn't right across the street from our house. We got spoiled-it's an older couple and they don't keep any other children

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