Tuesday Vent: "Are you sure there's a baby in there?!"

nicunursetomommy · December 2014

Last week, a coworker said "so when are you going to start looking pregnant? Are you sure your pregnant?"

Today, a coworker said to me "are you sure there's a baby in there?!"

Last week I was already having a bad day and was super emotional and ended up crying at work because of what she said. Dramatic, I know. I blame the hormones. Today, the comment still hurts but I'm trying to look past it. I'm a petite girl to begin with and am definitely showing. This isn't holiday weight. Some people have even noticed that didn't know I was pregnant so i don't know what the deal is. Anyway, rant over. Has anyone had these comments said to you? I just find them really hurtful.

ScarletBegonia79 · December 2014

i am sorry. people are so obnoxious. i don't know what makes them think they can comment on our bodies just because we are pregnant. along those same lines, some of my coworkers were complaining about fat people the other day and how they are a drain on society. it made me wonder at what point it becomes ok to comment on other people's bodies -- i guess people think if you are pregnant or over a certain weight you suddenly become fair game, which makes me mad.

leekee816 · December 2014

I get told my some that I look too pregnant, and from others I don't look pregnant enough. They are comparing us to what they looked like during their pregnancy. They obviously didn't have a supportive app where everyone actually talked to each other about their pregnancies. People will carry differently! Geesh!

EDITED: I should mention that I'm barely 5'1, so I'm petit as well.

MrsS728 · December 2014

I was told before I went on vacation (teacher) that when I come back I will have popped and my students will know that I'm having a baby. Leave me alone.

lakingsfan2015 · December 2014

I am on the opposite side of the spectrum. I get the "wow you are only 18 weeks" even after I say I am carrying twins. DS2 told me I need to make something to help support my belly since it keeps getting bigger.

nicunursetomommy · December 2014

Thank you everyone for all your kind words. It is upsetting that so many people are commenting on our bodies, big or small. We all carry very differently and there is nothing wrong with that!

thisbabysactingfresh · December 2014

@SunshyneShay‌ HA. I like your style.

I have opposite yet similar issues OP. My most commonly received question is 'how many ya got in there?!' and am often told by pregnant strangers, pregnant ladies sisters, friends etc that I am WAY bigger than XYZ who's due before me. I feel like I spend an exorbitant amount of time each day actively trying not to develop a complex. I'm 5 ft tall with a Daddy who's a 6'4" linebacker, where the hell else is this babe supposed to go?!

*retreats back into the sea, where us whales belong...*

VeganOnTuesdays · December 2014

SunshyneShay said:

Exact opposite for me, my Grandma asked if I was upgrading to Moo-Moos next if i outgrow my maternity clothes. I said "No, but thanks for basically calling me fat, I will just ask to borrow your clothes if I outgrow my maternity clothes..."

That shut her up real quick.

So, on the bright side, at least no one is making you feel like a beached whale...

My grandma literally walked into Christmas and said "Well hello FATTY." She then turned to my husband and said "She is getting pretty fat hey?" His response: "Umm NO, she is growing a HUMAN. Not getting fat."

Then when I told everyone we are having a boy she so sweetly responded with "That is why you are so huge."

I have gained 3 pounds mind you. OP, I am sorry that people are commenting on your body. People are rude. Even grandmas who are supposed to be sweet.

hellok2010 · December 2014

Two other teachers at my school are pregnant one is due at the beginning of April and one is due in the middle. Neither of them were obviously showing before break. They took a little longer to show with their first baby's though so they expected it. I know they are sick of being compared to me, because I have the opposite problem.

A friend of the family informed me I was going to be monstrous by the end of my pregnancy given that I already look like I'm carrying three. A coworker likes to tell every time she sees me how much I amaze her. From the back I look so skinny and the bam there is the belly. The first time it was nice being told some part of me is skinny, but it is getting old. I know my belly is big there is no need to remind me.

Lezzie82 · December 2014

Actually yes, I have had these comments and they are very hurtful. You don't know how someone is feeling about their body so you shouldn't comment on it skinny or otherwise unless you TRULY know the person well enough, and even then. Too skinny comments can sting, especially if you are pregnant and have been sick, medical issues, etc....

People just don't think things totally through sometimes. In her mind I'm sure it was meant as a compliment on your petite stature which many women want! Im sure she meant no harm, so just SHAKE IT OFF lol. Sorry, I know, it's too early for that....

CordeliaD87 · December 2014

I was told by a coworker that "I don't look that big to be almost 6mos, but I was big b4 my pregnancy". I wanted to slap the hell out of him! I wasn't a supermodel size but damn! R u trying to make me cry? Why would u think that's okay to say?! (I was overweight but carried my weight well)

mnbando · December 2014

My coworker was staring at me during an office wide meeting and then she yelled "you're finally starting to show!" It was very uncomfortable. I don't know why being pregnant gives permission for people to comment on your appearance

lgsdesigner · December 2014

I'm sorry.

No one has a right to say anything about anyone's body, but they just do. You know you are pregnant, and know there is a baby in there, so just try your best to not let it get to you.

One day, you will be in your late 3rd trimester with a huge bump and then they will say "WOW! You are soooo big! When are you gonna pop that thing out?!" No worries.

Swanky929 · December 2014

I had a friend tell me that my nose and face are getting fat and she didn't show until the 3rd trimester. She didn't get why I am showing at 18 weeks. I wanted to say "Well you also drank and smoked then so maybe that explains it." However I just rolled my eyes and walked away.

SassyPants150 · December 2014

People like to talk out of their asses sometimes. Sorry to all you who have been on the shitty receiving end of comments! I wish I could throat punch them all!

cassietegtmeier · December 2014

So glad my grandma isn't the only one! I walked into my grandmas house for Christmas and she said
"boy you're getting big already."
ALREADY?! I'm 5 months pregnant and 5'2", when would the appropriate time to get big have been?!

rivers714 · December 2014

I love how it's inappropriate to talk about a woman's weight- until she's pregnant... Then it's like game on. I am having such body image issues with this pregnancy that it just all gets to me toi

Lauracox3 · December 2014

I get the same thing. I completely get where you are coming from. Pregnancy has definitely made me develop some thick skin. The worst part was, after all those people telling me I didn't look pregnant, I got bad blood work results back, and had to confront the fact that I could ultimately end up losing the baby. People just don't get what a mind game it is. So, you just keep your head and know you're doing what's best for your baby.

nogitron · December 2014

Last time around I got, "You don't even look pregnant!

" until well into the third trimester. Like, really? You think I ALWAYS looked this big? I think they were trying to be nice . . . but from the other side . . . not so complimentary.

jraeohyeaaa · December 2014

Ugh why are people nosy??? I'm so sorry for you ladies.

my FIL constantly asks me how much food I'm eating and even asked how many pounds I've gained. FIL has no filter and DH is oldest of three boys (he has a sister too but she is significantly younger because his parents adopted her when DH was older). Therefore there is almost no understanding from DH when he is with his family because FIL and brothers all chime in together.

All that to say...I am so tired of people asking me about what I eat!!!

Unknown · December 2014

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Lauracox3 · December 2014

@mbbach‌ that is what I ended up doing too. Every appointment I made sure to ask my doctor, "am I growing enough?" , "am I gaining enough?" As long as she reassured me, I made sure everything else just rolled of my back. I think a lot of FTMs just don't know what to expect, because you go into it seeing all these big bump pictures as the hallmark of what pregnancy looks like.

nurserachel22 · December 2014

Somebody asked me "are you sure you're going to make it til may" I said yeah why... She replies "well you're just big". I'm freaking tiny for 5 months. She's the only one who has said that. I wanted to reply with," no, are you sure YOURE going to make it til May".

jraeohyeaaa · December 2014

@SunshyneShay‌ just have to say I am in awe of you!!! The closest I could get was when FIL asked me how much weight I've gained I looked at DH and back to FIL and said "ummm I don't want to answer that?" You are a strong woman! Haha

lgsdesigner · December 2014

GFJ48 said:

I haven't gotten any comments so I'm afraid I just look like I've enjoyed one too many meals

@GFJ48- For the record-- I LOVE your bump! So cute. :x

Bon2737 · December 2014

What annoyed me in the beginning was when people would touch my stomach all the time just coz they knew I was preggies, before I was even showing.. Felt very weird!

wingardium3 · December 2014

Last night, my coworker was asked by a customer if a was just fat or pregnant. I have Meralgia Paraesthetica going on right now in my upper right thigh, so when it goes completely numb and starts to burn I have to sit for a moment or two, until I get feeling back.
I guess the guy and his wife thought I was just being lazy.

Another customer heard me talking to one of my regular customers about the pregnancy, and she made a comment about how big baby is already and my size. Thankfully my regular told her to fuck off and stay out of other people's conversation.

I'm not a big on crying but it hurt my feelings.

People suck.

rivieramaya · December 2014

CordeliaD87 said:

I was told by a coworker that "I don't look that big to be almost 6mos, but I was big b4 my pregnancy". I wanted to slap the hell out of him! I wasn't a supermodel size but damn! R u trying to make me cry? Why would u think that's okay to say?! (I was overweight but carried my weight well)

That's horrible that someone said that to you. People amaze me.

I am sorry you got your feelings hurt, OP. Just try ignore the comments.

melissak1q · December 2014

Every preg woman should be entitled to an order from their doc that entitles them to use force at their own discretion. We can keep them in our wallets or on a lanyard for easy access.

may9th2015 · December 2014

My husband never really comments on my weight but is QUICK to mention the amount of food I've been eating. He says " Dang killer, going back for another plate!" Or "Didn't you just eat?!" I know he's just joking but mannnn!! :-L I don't think it bothers me as much anymore but once I start to show more I can only imagine the comments he'll say

cosmicav · December 2014

I walked into work a few days ago, and one of my co-workers said, "you are getting SO BIG; it's hilarious." Like, WTF!!! I'm only 5'0, and yeah, you can tell there's a bump growing but... wow... Basically, I felt like a freak show. Also, kind of disturbing how vindictively happy they seemed to be about a totally normal and expected weight gain? Why are people so rude? And why can't people just think before they open their mouths??

lisalisanorgren · December 2014

People are the worst! This reminds me of the day my mom told me, "careful not to get fat." At 19 weeks I've gained 4 pounds.

Luckily, that has been the extent of people commenting on my body, but the belly touches are starting (even though I barely have a belly).

Why do people think it's okay to touch/comment on our bodies?! It drive me crazy. And I can promise you, I'm not going to smile and take it. I will be swatting hands and thinking of something clever to say if people have anything to say. In all honesty, it will probably sound more like, "it's never okay to comment on someone else's body." But if I'm caught on the wrong day...

dj99 · December 2014

It seems like people feel the need to make comments about your body as soon as they know you're pregnant. I keep getting the "wow you're only _ pregnant, you still have a long way to go " or "are you sure you're not having twins?"

I'm 5'2! I don't know what everybody thinks I should look like, but I've only gained weight in my breasts and stomach so far. Definitely getting sick of these comments!

AnitaBerit · December 2014

I had insane morning sickness and lost about 15 pounds in the first 12 weeks. I'm 5'9" and weighed only 132! I finally started gaining weight last week, so now I'm 140 at 18 weeks. For my height though, I definitely don't look pregnant and i get comments every single day. I can't wait for my little man to start showing!

serenesky · December 2014

For the most part people have only said " You don't even look pregnant!" But I had one co-work say " Hey there fatty " but she quickly said she was playing. Considering I'm 19 weeks and still in my normal cloths. I swear this baby is hiding.

Where's my baby bump? I want to be showing already.

Really sorry you've had awful comments made to you.

kaynix21 · December 2014

I get them too.

Usually I just laugh and am like I know right? I'm tiny! But it's starting to get old.

I'm sure it's going to go from are you sure you're pregnant? To omg how many are you having you're huge!

There's no winning.

peacelovemama · December 2014

I work at a hopspital and a Dr. said "you don't even look pregnant, but you have a large frame so that's why you probably can't tell" with a smile. I'm 5"8 and a size 8 jeans.

mpiemont · December 2014

If you're not showing "enough"- comments.
If you're showing "too much"- comments.

People are a holes.

MrsSmith1140 · December 2014

I am a FTM and when people say things to me I just try and think back to when I seen pregnant women. I think being pregnant blows everyone's minds and they honestly don't know how to react or some comments may be taken differently than they mean. If you are of a petite stature then I am assuming that they are just commenting on how small you are and not that you don't look pregnant. I say try to take everything with a grain of salt and not so personally. I know I was once guilty of saying, "OMG you have gotten so big" because really I was blown away at what the body can do and not that it was abnormal or what not.

kgnordman · December 2014

Just today, in a group of coworkers one said "woah. You're big! Might be having twins" and laughed. I just responded "fuck you. Furthermore, you should be happy I didn't punch you in the face." I went on to talk about how that's rude to say and our culture frowns upon talking about a person's body that way. (I doubt she'll ever say that to a pregnant woman again and I don't feel bad for calling her out on her rudeness.)

I mean, I lived in Cambodia for over three years. I had many talk about my body since that's acceptable there. I'm not putting up with that rude bullshit here just because I'm pregnant.

beefinch · December 2014

I feel your frustration!
When I was around 19 weeks everyone was like "you don't even look pregnant"
That used to sting everytime and made me very paraniod about my size of how small I was with him, my Nan was sure it was because I wasn't eating enough and not feeding him properly. I might add I am a FTM.
Now at nearly 21 weeks, I have blossomed out all within a week and everyone is saying "oh you are getting that big that fast because it's a boy"
I'm sorry but you just said 2 weeks ago that you don't even think I'm pregnant!!
Why can't people just butt out of pregnant women's sizes, do they not think they might already be paranoid as it is without your comments.
And in certain clothes you can look 'less' pregnant than others. In my work uniform, I don't even look pregnant at all, as one of my clients pointed out, annoyingly.
And meanwhile with my own clothes I'm struggling to find tops that are comfortable to wear without it riding up past the bump!

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