Good friend has same girl name?! Say what?!

Sunshine4020 · December 2014

Hey ladies! I need your input on this weird situation! What should I do and are my pregnancy hormones making this seem worse than it is?

So we found out we are having a little girl and we have her name already picked. In fact, I've had this girl name picked for the better part of the last decade. Her name will be Ruby. It's not a family name or anything, it's just a name I've always liked and I love rubies too (my birthstone). However, anytime anyone asks us about names I just say we haven't really talked about it yet and that we are undecided. The truth is... I don't really feel like discussing it because I don't care to hear anyone's opinions or input.

Anywayyyy, tonight I had dinner with two of my good friends. They of course congratulated me on the baby girl and asked about names. I played my whole normal "oh I don't know really" card. One of the girls just got engaged a week ago and told me they want to get married and try for a baby girl asap. She chimed in, "oh I know exactly what I would name my little girl". So we asked her what it was...

"Ruby"

She effing said Ruby.

Insert record screech here.

So of course I had to speak up and say that Ruby was actually our #1 name! She replied and said that her grandmas name is Ruby and that her mom's middle name is Ruby. Almost to take claim over the name? I said "hmmm well it does seem like you kinda have dibs cause it's a family name.... But I'm the pregnant one so actually I think I have dibs."

It was light hearted and we all moved on quickly, but CRAP. It crushed me! It's bothering me so much now all night! That's been my girl name for years and years! How does she not know this and how have I never heard her family ties to it?

Thoughts? Do I throw out my favorite girl name for her future hypothetical baby? Or are names first come first served (lol)? This is one of my best friends since we were 13, not like a distant acquaintance (we are almost 30 now). I'm sick over it! I thought with a name like Ruby this would never be an issue!

peteresa · December 2014

Name your baby Ruby!!!! Even if she names her daughter Ruby in the future your daughter will be the one to have had it first! Plus she will probably give her daughter a different middle name than the one you give yours so don't get so worked up over it!!!! Good luck and stick to your name choice, you don't want to regret not naming her that in the future for such a silly reason! Plus, what if your friend has a bunch of boys, I'm sure she won't name them RUBY! LOL

MommaMacri · December 2014

Go with what you love! Don't change your mind over a friend having the same name. Odds are she will change her mind or may not even have a girl. Even in families at times you will find people with the same names.

lladymack · December 2014

I'd use the name. But I'd also talk to your friend about it. Explain how you feel and that you'll be ok if she has a little girl one day if she named her Ruby as well.

Unknown · December 2014

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MrsKindy40 · December 2014

This one's a no brainer. You're pregnant with a girl and she could very well have all boys. Use Ruby. You will regret it if they never use it.

marijaa333 · December 2014

Nothing wrong with two Rubys.

kby721 · December 2014

Name your daughter Ruby if that is the name you love!
1) She may never have a daughter and then neither of you will have used the name.
2) If she does some day have a daughter named Ruby the girls will probably love that they have the same name. I remember having a special bond with other Kristen's in elementary school.

She shouldn't give you slack for it but if she does tell her you've had your heart set on that name for a long time. She should understand.

MAdams728 · December 2014

There are no dibs on names, especially if one friend is not even pregnant. Use whatever name you want.

Sunshine4020 · December 2014

Thanks ladies! If she gets pregnant within the next year (like her plan), I am gonna be TEAM BLUE so bad lol.

We will probably stick with Ruby. This just put a damper on it for me

And honestly, I'm wondering if she didn't "take" the name from me at some point. Hmmm

MoxyByProxy · December 2014

My first reaction to these is always... annnnnd then?!

Your due in may.. they havnt even started trying. Name your baby what you want.

Btw.. if it were me, I would have immediately fessed up and said.. well we didn't want to say anything until she's here but that's the name we choose.

Would have at least offered you a chance to talk to her about it. Plusalso I think the idea of a big ruby and little ruby is darling.

And lastly. Say you DONT go with ruby now.. what happens if she has ALL boys?

*edit spelling is hard

lauranicole91 · December 2014

Use the name.
As many people have said, you are pregnant, not her. She may never even have a girl. And who cares if you use the same name? I'm sure the two ruby's would find it awesome to share a name.

Ashtastic515 · December 2014

Sunshine4020 said:

Thanks ladies! If she gets pregnant within the next year (like her plan), I am gonna be TEAM BLUE so bad lol. We will probably stick with Ruby. This just put a damper on it for me And honestly, I'm wondering if she didn't "take" the name from me at some point. Hmmm

This is completely irrational @Sunshine4020 and I'm sure in your heart, you are already aware of that! If this is your BFF since age 13, you should take a few days to gather your shit and let your emotions subside. Then, take her out for a one on one date and have a super candid convo about all of it. I think you should probably apologize for making it seem that you had zero top names then came at her all the sudden that she stole your name! Craziness. If she is truly a BFF, you all will be able to have a great talk about it and come away from it feeling much better! Keep the name or don't keep the name.. Just go talk it out!

LO95 · December 2014

As someone else said, your BFF isn't guaranteed to have a girl...or to even love the name once she has kids. So if you're passionate about the name I'd use it and not say another thing about it.

If she says something to you I'd just apologize casually and say something along the line of, "Yes, but we really had already chosen that name..."

If she makes a big deal over it after that I'd question my friendship with her a little.

brose1117 · December 2014

If you love it, use it. The name is gaining in popularity so it's doubtful she'll be the only Ruby you know. Also, the chances that she'll have a baby soon, and it be a girl are not that high, so the age gap will help with it feeling less like the same.

lgsdesigner · December 2014

It's just a name a friend of yours wants to use. It's not like it's you and your sister fighting over a name. Use it.

MooByrd · December 2014

Use the name!! Just because your BFF loves it doesn't mean that you can't use it for your little girl, especially if you've already had it picked out for a while. Like others said, you're pregnant and she's not.....

smontz · December 2014

Definitely use the name. Since you are actually pregnant with a girl, you have every right to use the name you have always loved. It's not like she mentioned Ruby and you stole it from her (or vice versa). I say definitely go for it.

sarahchrismck · December 2014

Ruby's actually a fairly common name right now, so I don't think it would be terrible for you both to have a Ruby. That being said, you are the one who's pregnant, not her, so you should use the name. Who knows - she may never even have a girl someday!

ETA: I love the name Ruby. It's beautiful!

mhilpisch10 · December 2014

I would definitely call her right away about. Tell her you were so upset about it all night, and can't believe that you both have the same girl name. You have loved this name for years. If you have been friends for so long she will understand and appreciate you confronting her about it instead of just naming your girl "her name" . Good luck! I would definitely stick to your guns.

amiligrace · December 2014

One of my good friends is upset that I'm using "her" baby name. Even though she told me she doesn't want to have children for years. I didn't even know she had names picked out until she asked what I was naming my son. She was upset for a few weeks, then came around and we are good now.

mamadeuce · December 2014

Name the baby Ruby. Which I think is adorbs. My gma is Ruby, my little sister's middle name is Ruby also and if I wanted to use Ruby and a really good friend of mine did too. I'd say we both will have two wonderful girls with the name Ruby. But you're pregnant now so definitely use the name. I would not change that because she isn't expecting you are.

Both my sister and I are pregnant together she thought she was having a girl and I thought I was having a boy. We both ended up wrong and she is having another boy and I'm having another girl. I've had my heart set on naming my son a certain name which she knew. But after we found out I wasn't having a boy she asked me what I felt about using the name. Apparently it really spoke to her and she couldn't get it out of my head. I thought about it at first because of course my first reaction was hell no but lol there is no guarantee I'll ever have a boy. So I told her yes it wouldn't be a problem. I would have another lovely nephew with the name I love. Anyway I hope that long story helps.

Nita2603 · December 2014

Yeah, whatever. Who knows if she ends up with a girl. And even if...

Sunshine4020 · December 2014

Thanks ladies. I think my pregnancy hormones were making it a more of an emotional ordeal than it really is. Ruby it is... and if there are two little girls named Ruby then oh well! For those asking why I think she may have actually gotten the name from me, like I said, this has been my baby name for nearly a decade. I know we've talked about it. I think it likely spoke to her since it's a family name. But whatever.. who's keeping track? (Lol besides obviously me) :P

dj99 · December 2014

I would use it. There can always be two girls with the same name, and chances are that if and when the time comes your friend may decide to go with a different name.

mpiemont · December 2014

Use the name you want to use. Like everyone has said, you have an actual baby girl growing inside you. She "plans" on getting pregnant soon, and even if, it s 50/50 shot of being a girl. Don't change your #1 name choice because of that.

rivers714 · December 2014

One of my close friends had two best friends in college they were known as the Three Courtney's ... It could be cute if they end up close

jesslfar · December 2014

I would use it. She may never have a girl or may change her mind. My BIL who I really like has had 2 girls names he has been reserving for 7 years (maybe longer, I only started having kids 7 years ago) and as much I would love to save them for him, he is over 30 and hasn't had a child yet and maybe he will never. I was kind of miffed when my other BIL used my grandfather's name for their child, but they had one 5 years before me and I still have not had a boy so I wouldn't have used it.

Ballet80 · December 2014

I wouldn't change the name, just go with Ruby. You can both use the same name, it's nothing to stress over and you aren't copying her. My best friend used a name I was going to use, if we ever have a girl I will use the name anyways. She might not ever even have a girl and it won't ever be an issue. Don't worry about it and keep your name, I think Ruby is a great name!

ramcheer55 · December 2014

I would agree with what the others are saying....use the name because it's your child and you are pregnant with a girl right now. Your friend may never have children or if she does, it may be a boy and then you may feel disappointed that you never got to use the name you wanted.

I have a similar situation right now....we find out what we're having on Jan. 19th so we are still brainstorming boy and girl names, but a friend of mine just had a baby on Friday. I was told (through the grapevine) that she was naming her little girl Chloe but when the picture and announcement was sent around to friends on FB, it said her name was Ava. My husband and I have been tossing around names and one name that he keeps coming back to is Ava. Her little girl is Ava Lynne and if we have a girl I would like to do Ava Grace. It definitely made me a little bummed because we just fell in love with that name and it's definitely a front runner choice for us. It might be a little confusing since we share a lot of the same friends who could confuse Baby Ava's, but if we love the name and have a girl, we'll most likely choose that name.

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